Everybody's Changing
by ISFAN
Summary: Instant Star Season 2: Jude returns from tour to find a much changed G Major and a chaotic life. This fan fic chronicles Jude's life from age 16 and into her 20s. Lots of drama. 33 episodes.
1. Everybody's Changing

**A/N**: I don't own _Instant Star_. Reviews are always welcome.

**Episode 1 - Everybody's Changing**

**Opening**

Jude was finally flying home from her 6 week tour. Away from her two best friends, her sister, her producer, her parents who had called her sometime during the tour to tell her that the divorce was finalized, Shay, Eden, Darius, and Georgia. She had had a lot of time to ruminate over her hectic year. She had come to some big decisions.

**Part 1  
**  
As her plane touched the ground and she made her way from first class, thanks to, Darius, her new manager, she was slightly disappointed and relieved to see a sign with her name on it and a man in a suit waiting with her luggage. She let out her breath she didn't realize she had been holding up to this moment and got into her limo, another gift from Darius. Man was she getting used to this!

She got home to an empty house. Her mom had kept the house and her dad had gotten a small house with Yvette. Thinking of her and her father put her teeth on edge. Her mom had left a note saying how glad she was back, but that she had decided to take a vacation in Europe.

When she dropped her bags in her bedroom and collapsed on the bed there was also a note from Sadie. She had decided it would be best to leave for college early and had said she hoped her tour went well and never mentioned anything that had happened with Tommy while she was on tour.

She walked to her sister's room, which was now empty. A tear fell down her cheek. She was torn between hating her for coming between her and Tommy and missing her sister who had been an annoying presence, but a familiar constant presence in her life.

She hadn't spoken to Jamie since he visited her on tour and she told him that she just wanted to be friends and that when she had kissed him she was still reacting from her confrontation with Tommy. He said he was fine with it, but his eyes gave it away. He was heart broken, but knew someday she would change her mind, he hoped.

She silently made her way out the door and started to throw pebbles at his window. She threw one a little too enthusiastically and a rock crashed through his window. She was so tired; she was running on adrenaline alone at this point. "Hey, Jamie, are you awake?" I whispered loudly. With his glasses lopsided on his face he groggily moaned "Oh man your flight was today? Sorry." Then she heard a loud thump and Kat stumbled towards the window, "Hey bestest best friend! You've got to tell me everything! Let's go to a diner!" Jude felt a tumult of mixed emotions as she saw Kat in Jamie's window. She knew Kat had been in love with Jamie and had been heart broken when Jude had inadvertently gotten in the way of their relationship, short though it had been. She felt happy for them. They were her two best friends, why wouldn't she be happy for them? Probably because she was feeling sorry for herself said a little voice inside her head. No Shay, no Tommy. No she was happy for them.

**Part 2**

They were elated and awed when Jude's limo whisked them away to a cozy diner downtown. Surrounded my ridiculously large mugs of coffee and pancakes the trio were munching happily as Jude gave details about the tour.

"E.J. was intolerable at times, but we actually became friends. And Jamie the band was great, it was like having a bunch of replacement Jamie's to hang out with" I said. All her shows had been sold out; apparently everyone was curious about the girl who had gone out with S-H-A-Y only to be dumped by him because he had hooked up with her nemesis, Eden. She blew the audience away with her singing and only some of the crowd asked her about he-and-she-who-must-not-be-named in a way forcing her to deal with what happened to a bunch of complete strangers was cathartic and helped her to get over what had happened. Pretty soon, her confidence grew with each performance and people stopped asking those questions, and soon her club tours were sold out.

Kat told Jude and Jamie all about her fashion internship in New York, while Jamie told both of them how he had been approached by some bands about managing them. Eventually their reverie was broken when Jude's cell phone rang. The first was Georgia and the second was Darius telling her to get to the studio ASAP to discuss her future.

**Part 3**

When Jude got to G Major everything was completely different. It was like walking into one of Shay's video. And she knew what had happened in one word, Darius. Apparently Darius had taken over G Major, which meant that Darius was everyone's boss, including Georgia's. She walked through the front door to see E.J. whose first words were, "What took you so long?" followed by a withering look. "Did she forget that we against all odds and all laws of nature we became friends during my tour?" Jude thought to herself. When she reached the conference room she was startled to see Darius, Georgia, Tommy, Shay, Eden, and her newly divorced parents all sitting around the table. She tries to make eye contact with Georgia who slightly shakes her head and motions for her to take a seat.

"As you can see a few minor changes have happened while you were on your _little_ club tour," says Darius. Apparently he was still not happy that Jude had decided to forgo the stadium tour with Shay and had opted to go on the smaller club tour. "I've gotta give props to you though. You sold out your tour and got several good reviews on your performances. I've already been contacted by several magazines who want to feature you on the cover, cosmetic companies, and clothing lines that want you to be their "face." You've done what I wanted you to do all along and have become a "franchise." Jude glances at Shay and sees a smile/grimace on Shay's face who knows this story all too well. Georgia, Tommy, and her parents all look proud, a stark contrast to Eden who is giving her an openly hostile glare. Jude had no idea what to say and opted to nervously glance at each one of them trying to figure out what was going to happen next.

Darius broke the awkward silence and started talking about what went on while she had been gone. He talked about how he had taken over G Records. Yes, Georgia was still going to be working there and that everything was going to be the same except that he was the head of G Major. Shay was here because he wanted her to do collaboration with him on his upcoming album. And Eden was there because Darius had signed her from his label to G Major. Jude was gonna have to see this man-stealing Barbie everyday now. And her parents and their lawyers were here because they had been fighting over who would control Jude's career. It was all too much for her to take in at once. She noiselessly pushed her chair from the table, got up, and left much to the shock of most of the people at the table. Georgia muttered under her breath, "Here we go…" But no one heard her in the cacophony of "Where do you think you're going!"

**Part 4**

She waived off her limo driver and was walking aimlessly when she heard a car pull up and stop in front of her. "Jude get in, I'll take you anywhere you want no questions asked" said a voice. Recognition from that voice stirred memories from 3 months ago. "You can't ask me to choose, Jude" he said. "Well, I'm asking you!" she answered back. The memory dissolved and she looked up, her eyes wary, and got in the car. The silence was comfortable, at first, and then grew unbearable. To make up for the lack of conversation Jude started channel surfing and suddenly her song, "Temporary Insanity," was playing and then there was awkwardness, which turned to silence, again. They had somehow made it to a small house in the mountains. "Where are we?" she asked. "While you were away I bought this house and built a small studio to concentrate on music and to start on my solo album," Tommy replied. She couldn't help, but smile. He brought her down to his studio and let her listen to some tracks he had done. Soon it was like old times with the two of them pouring over the lyrics and arguing about a chord. It was nearly dark when Tommy asked carefully, "Jude are you okay?". "Tommy, don't," I said. They looked at each other and everything unspoken between them was reflected in each other's eyes. The tension in the room crackled like electricity, but was broken all too soon when Jude asked Tommy to drive her home.

**Part 5**

After she entered the front door both her parents lying in wait for her in the living room. "Hi" she said weakly before turning tail and making her way up the stairs to the confines of her room. "And where do you think you're going?" "Damn," I said under my breath. I had been ¾ up the stairs before I was forced to make my way back down to the living room. It was odd seeing my parents as a united front after what had happened with the affair, the separation, and finally the divorce. "Where have you been?" they both ask simultaneously. "I went to clear my head," I replied evenly. "And you assumed we didn't deserve a phone call?" Stuart said. "I have been on and off the phone with Darius, Georgia, E.J., Jamie, and Kat all day," Victoria said. "I have no excuses. I went to clear my head and we lost track of time," I said. At the word "we" my parents jumped down my throat about Tommy. "I don't want you at his house, alone with him, without adult supervision. Especially with how he treated your sister after you left," Stuart said. "What happened," I asked in a small voice. "After a few weeks in Italy with Sadie, which we had no idea about by the way he dumps her and leaves and yesterday was the first time we've seen him since that happened," says Victoria. "Oh," I say. My parents go on and on, but I don't hear them. I just keep repeating what they've just told me over and over in my mind, "After a few weeks in Italy with Sadie…" At some point my parents stopped lecturing me when they realized I wasn't listening and let me go to my room. I walked by my sister's empty room feeling both betrayal and guilt that Tommy had gone to Italy with her and then left her. "It's good to be home," I muttered as I fell into bed. I was asleep before my head hit the pillow.


	2. Ask Me How I Am

**A/N**: I don't own _Instant Star_. Reviews are always welcome.

**Episode 2 - Ask Me How I Am**

**Opening**

Strangely enough things had gone back to normal. Well, as normal as could be under the circumstances. I went to school with Jamie and Kat, whose cutesy voices and public make out session were making me a little nauseous to tell you the truth. Worked on my second album with Tommy at the studio and occasionally had run-ins with she who shall not be named. And my parents were constantly bickering about my career. The only upside to all this was the massive endorsement deals I had snagged, which got Darius off my back, although he always seemed to have this smug expression, which I couldn't help but had the constant urge to punch him in the face to knock the smirk he had on his face. Sadie was still MIA. Tommy and I even slid back into the ease of our relationship; our platonic let's hang out, but I secretly love you relationship. My collaboration with Shay hadn't been mentioned again, but was assumed that I was going to do it. Everything was going great, but how long can it really last before everything blows up in my face?

**Part 1**

I had a meeting with Darius first thing the next morning. When I walked into his office and saw him, I half expected him to be stroking a cat a la Doctor Evil. I couldn't help myself and unsuccessfully tried to stifle my giggle. "And what's so amusing this morning," he asked me with one eyebrow raised. Shay had often given me that same look. "Um, nothing, sorry I was distracted," I muttered half-heartedly. I shuffled my feet and looked at the ground expecting a tongue lashing and what came next was totally out of left field. First, he told me how proud he was that I was meeting his expectations as an artist, and at that point I had to take a seat. Then, he went on about how he knew I was having a tough time at home with my parents' divorce and my lack-of relationship with my sister whom I still hadn't spoken to. "So, I wanted to give you something, a home away from home, a sanctuary if you will. This is a key to your new apartment downtown, already furnished with E.J.'s help. I know how you value your independence, so I got you a little something else, too. In fact let's test drive it now", he said nonchalantly. I was still in shock that there was no yelling that I just stupidly nodded my head as he steered me outside. Lo and behold was Tommy's car. Wait, scratch that; it was a viper just like his, but instead of being blue it was red and the license plate said "FRNCHISE". At that point I couldn't help, but groan. "Darius, I can't accept this. I mean what is all of this?" I said. "I told you, Jude, I just wanted to show you some appreciation and besides haven't you ever heard of a "company car", he said as if this was some normal everyday occurrence. At this point I get in the car with E.J., although I'm not sure where and when she came into the picture. She insisted on driving because my jaw was still on the ground at that point. She kept talking and talking and when all she could get out of me were one syllable answers she gave up.

**Part 2**

When we entered the apartment Kat and Jamie were making out on the couch with Jamie on top of Kat. "Um, guys? GUYS!" I say a little louder. "Hey Jude we were just ummm breaking in your new couch!" Jamie says enthusiastically. "Yeah", Kat chimes in breathlessly. "And besides we could always take our show on the road in your brand new guest bedroom, but wait there's more," Jamie pipes in sarcastically. "Yeah, let me give you a grand tour of your diva pad", says E.J. rolling her eyes. What I couldn't stop staring at was a huge frame of my album cover and album, which had gone platinum, twice since its release. Back to the apartment; it was a 2 bedroom apartment complete with living room, kitchen, den, and studio. Its décor was a mix of E.J., Jamie, and Kat. "When did you guys do this? I mean E.J. you never mentioned any of this while we were on tour," I say. "Jamie and I played phone tag for a while, then Kat came home and the three of us have been working on this little project." says E.J. "Jude I didn't forget that against all odds, well actually it was mostly me, we became friends," she replied. I couldn't help, but grin like an idiot and hug each of them much to their embarrassment. We were in the middle of group hug and were just about to start singing "cum bah yah" when Shay and Eden walked in the door, uninvited I might add.

**Part 3**

"This place has really gone downhill if you're living here now," Eden drawls. "I was wondering when Uncle D was going to give you a spot here," Shay said. He went on to elaborate. "Uncle D owns the building and has his up and coming artists stay here. It's a musical playground. I'm your neighbor down the hall and Eden is down the hall the other way," Shay said. "Yeah, so if you ever need a cup of sugar, just holler," Eden says with glee. "You know if you keep your face like that a little longer, it'll freeze that way," Jamie says seriously. At that point me, Kat, and E.J. just lose it. "Whatever," Eden says and drags Shay out the door.

"E.J., please tell me you also live in this funhouse?" I said hopefully. "Please, I have a much bigger, more fabulous apartment a few blocks away," she says nonplussed. "Anyway, I've gotta get back to the studio, see you later" she says before heading out the door. "Bye, E.J.", the three of us chorus. "This is really great guys, thank you!" I say. "No problem Harrison," Jamie says. "Anyway we thought ahead and ordered some pizza. And I brought some videos from Blockbuster," said Kat. We started talking and were about to pop in the video when the doorbell rang. "Finally, the pizza's here. Jamie get the door!" I said. Kat and I were still laughing about something when my parents walked in with Darius.

**Part 4**

"Uh, Jude we're just gonna go," Jamie grabs Kat's hand and bolts out the door. "Thanks for the support guys real…" the words die in my throat as my parents and Darius point to the couch. "You know we really have to stop meeting like this," I say casually. My mom gives me the "now is not the time" look, so I sit and play with my fingers. My dad speaks first, "Jude, tell Darius that you cannot accept this." Darius replies, "This is her decision." I take a deep breath and politely ask Darius if he can wait outside for a few minutes, so I could talk to my parents.

"Jude if your home life so bad with your mother you can always move in with me and Yvette, I mean there's plenty of room," my dad says. At that point my mom and dad start yelling. I let them go at for a few more minutes, and then yell, "Stop it! This is exactly why I'm going to accept Darius' offer. You guys can't go two seconds without fighting. And I'm not going to choose between you two. I love you both, but right now the way things are with you and with Sadie I cannot be there right now. There are just too many bad memories at that house. I have no home." The second the words left my mouth I saw both my parents visually recoil. At that point they left and I was left in my apartment sobbing. Suddenly, I felt someone's arms around me and looked up, but my vision was blurred with tears. When I could finally see again at first I thought it was Tommy, actually I wished it was Tommy, but it was Shay.

**Part 5**

"What are you doing here?" I sniffled. "Uncle D told me you might be in need of a friend, but then we've never been friends. But hold up, I told you that I had a lot of making up to you to do and so if you want I'm um uhhh here for you, or whatever" he said. "Oh man the tin man really does have a heart," I say sarcastically. "You know what, Harisson, I get that you're in a bad place right now, so I'll just let that one slide," Shay said definitely not amused. "I'm sorry you're right," I said ashamed. "C'mon" he says grabbing my hand. "We're going out" he said. "Where?" I asked. "I wanna see if you've been keeping up with your dance moves," he said with a laugh. Just then T-Bone walks in and gives me a bone crushing hug that knocks the wind out me. "Hey, Jude!" he says enthusiastically. "Hi, T-Bone," I say trying to force my lungs to work. "So, Shay we going out tonight, right?" he says. "Yeah and we're bringing Jude along, too," says Shay. "I don't know if I'm really feeling up to going out tonight," I say. "Oh no, Jude, you're coming with us," says Shay. At that point my world has been flipped upside down, literally. "Um, T-bone you can, um, put me down now, I'm getting a little dizzy", I say putting my hand to my head. "He'll put you down once we get to the car," Shay says flashing me one of his million dollar smiles.

**Part 6_  
_**  
"Oh crap what time is it?" I say aloud. I grab my alarm clock and it's fifteen to nine. I rush into the bathroom, brush my teeth, take a quick shower, throw on my clothes, and jump into my viper. I'm on my way to school when I hear sirens. "Damn," I say. The police officer is walking towards me. "Oh man, my parents are going to kill me, plus I'm gonna be late on the first day of school," I groan. I have my head pressed to the steering wheel when the officer starts going into the "license and registration" spiel. When I finally look up and struggle to look for the registration. I hear an exclamation, "Oh my God! It's Jude Harrison, you're Jude Harrison!" "Miss Harrison you really shouldn't be speeding, you know," he says. I smile coyly at the cute young police officer and with my best pout explain to him that I didn't want to be late for my first day of school. I know it was a pretty despicable move on my part, but I really didn't want to have to deal with parents who would no doubt find out about my speeding ticket and insist that Darius take away the car. Anyhow, the officer was kind enough to dismiss the ticket saying with a wink that he would forget about it if I'd give him an autograph and if he could take a picture with me with his camera phone to show the other guys at the station, which I happily obliged. He even offered to escort me to school. I politely and with much effort on my part to stifle my laughter declined. I mean really, how would it look if on my first day of school I drove in with my brand new viper with a police cruiser on my tail announcing to the world of my arrival to school?

**Part 7**

"Do my eyes deceive me? Is Jude Harrison actually skipping in the hallways of school?" Jamie says with a smile. "Shove it Jamie, I could use a little normalcy in my life right now," I say as I playfully punch him on the shoulder. "Hey, only I get to assault Jamie's scrawny a", Kat says with a laugh. "Hey," Jamie says. "It's true Jamie," I say with an apologetic look. "And besides I'm not scrawny, I'm wiry" he said in his defense. "Well whatever you are we're gonna be late for class," I say.

**Part 8**

Jude had been staring at the clock wishing the bell would ring. Each tick of the clock seemed to be mocking her. Plus the fact that she was in her least favorite class, math, didn't help at all. "Miss Harrison, what is your answer to the equation on the board?" "I have no idea what the answer is. I mean, seriously, this normalcy crap I had been spouting earlier is overrated," I thought to myself. "The answer is…" I say. Someone up there must have been smiling down on me because just then the bell rang. I grab my stuff and rush to my locker only to knock over Jamie and Kat. "Hey what's the rush, Harrison?" Jamie says. "Oh sorry guys," I say distractedly. "I'm working on the new album today. I'll see you guys later," I say. I walk out the doors and stop in my tracks. Tommy is standing outside in front of his viper. "Need a lift?" he says casually. Damn, he looks good I think to myself. He's wearing his leather jacket, jeans, some designer tee, and his sunglasses while effortlessly leaning on his car. "I've got my own ride," I retort back. I'm almost floating when I get to my own car. "Nice, a present from Darius?" he asks. "Yeah," I say. "Jude, the license plate?" Tommy says. "Hey, I didn't pick it, alright?" I answer back. I get in my car and turn on the ignition. "Jude, wait" he says. "What? Look Tommy we're gonna be late," I say. "Just follow me; don't you trust me," he says. And with that he smiled at me. It was like the sun came out and all of a sudden there was music in the background. You know those cliché movie moments. I couldn't help myself, but grinned like an idiot and followed him. I mean wouldn't you?

**Part 9**

"Ready, Harrison," he says with a gleam in his eye. "Try not to choke on my dust," I say back. "You wish Harrison," he says. We went over the directions one more time. "Are you sure there won't be any cops," I say not wanting to relive that moment earlier today when I got pulled over. "Relax, I did my homework and scouted the route, which are all back roads and side streets that no one uses. I'll be a gentleman and even give you a head start," he says teasingly. The adrenaline was like a drug and left me breathless. I beat him to the parking lot of G Major by half a car length. "Don't pout Tommy, you lost and I won!" I say as I do a little victory lap around him. "Stop that, I'm not pouting, I'm scowling; there's a difference," he says with a harrumph. Not able to take much more of my victory lap he tackles me to the ground and we're both on the ground laughing. Then he started tickling me. And we started a whole new round of laughter, still on the ground I might add. Coming back from a coffee run Kwest stares at us with one eyebrow raised and dead pans "Um, am I interrupting something!" He winks at me and Tommy and the two of us unceremoniously and with much effort disentangle ourselves. I give Kwest a hug and kiss. "Nice to see you Jude," he says. His eyes widen as he takes in the red viper. "Oh man! Jude do you think I can take it for a spin? I mean I'm best friends with Tommy and he won't even let me ride shotgun," he says. "Yeah, here Kwest," I say and toss him the keys. He runs to the car like a little boy and takes off. "You really shouldn't have done that," Tommy says with a smile. "I'll never hear the end of it and eventually he'll guilt trip me into letting him ride shotgun and maybe even driving my car," he says in an agonized/joking tone. "Thanks a lot, Harrison." He says. He starts pouting again and I quickly take a snapshot with my camera phone. He notices and runs after me. "Hey, I thought your picture needing updating," I say innocently.

**Part 10**

I got home tired, but a good tired. Tommy and I had been close to completing a song. I still hadn't done any of my homework and because I failed to pay attention in class, my math teacher assigned me extra homework. "This is gonna take forever," I whine. Just then Shay walked in and said, "What's gonna take forever?" I tell him about what happened in math class and he offers to help me in exchange for pizza. "God, when it comes to eating you're like a black hole," I say. "That's the nicest compliment anyone has ever said to me about my eating habits!" he says jokingly. "Besides, you once called me a growing boy when you, awkwardly I might add, asked me out," he says laughingly. He explained in a way that made sense. And I found myself actually getting it. Not all the time though, but he was really patient with me, which was surprising. "So then f(x) 2," I say with my forehead creased in concentration. "Right, Harrison. Congrats girl you got it and I am exhausted," he says. I check my watch and to my shock it's four in the morning. "Shay, I'm sorry I didn't think it would take so long to finish that problem" I say. "Don't worry that's what friend's are for. Man, right out of an afternoon special," he says jokingly. "I guess I'm rubbing off on you," I say with a grin. "Anyway, really, thanks for your help," I say as I walk him to the door. When we reach the door he leans over and automatically reacting I duck out of the way. "This is awkward," I say. "Jude I wasn't going in for a kiss, alright. I was just going to give you a friendly hug, that's it," he says hurt. "See ya, Jude," he says. I hear his door close and I sink to the floor. "Nice one, Harrison," I say aloud.

**Part 11  
**  
I was throwing out the pizza boxes down the garbage shoot when I hear a high nasally voice. Eden, in pajamas and pink bunny slippers throws open her door and starts verbally accosting me. "If you think I'll just idly stand by and watch you steal by boyfriend you are seriously deluded, Jude Harrison!" she yells at the top of her lungs while stomping up and down like a little 5-year old. Her hair is a mess and she's got a vein bulging on her forehead and she's pointing her finger at me. I couldn't help myself and just started laughing. She was about to rush me and slap me in the face when Shay grabs Eden's arm and whispers something in her ear. She then squares her shoulders and turns around and slams the door of her apartment. "What did you say," I asked. "I just told her the truth, that I was helping you with some math homework," he says with a shrug. "Listen, Shay about before I'm really sorry," I say apologetically. "Don't worry about it, Harrison, I get that I still need to earn your trust. I really want to make this friends thing work. I mean I've had girlfriends, but I've never actually had a friend that was a girl. And besides, you make life interesting," he says with a wry smile.


	3. Family Portrait

**A/N**: I don't own _Instant Star_. Reviews are always welcome.

**Episode 3 - Family Portrait**

**Part 1**

My tutoring sessions with Shay became a daily occurrence much to the annoyance of Eden. I was getting crazy busy with all the endorsements. Soon it was hard to walk down the street without seeing myself on a billboard or plastered on a bus. Even with all the fame it seemed like the kids at school had 3 attitudes towards me: ignorance, anger, or awe, so basically nothing had changed since I won Instant Star. It was still me, Jamie, and Kat, or "Jat" a la Brangelina as I now call them, against the world. I was getting really far behind in my school work with no free time in sight for the next I don't know rest of my life. So it wasn't that big of a deal when Darius and Shay convinced me to ditch the school scene and get a tutor to help me complete my GED. Jamie and Kat were disappointed, although I saw them more often now that I had my own place than when I saw them at school. "Jude, why do you keep fighting it," Shay says exasperated. "People like you and me are not normal, we're meant for something more," he says. "Take it down a notch Tony Robbins," I say with a laugh attempting to do the single eye brow raise and failing miserably. "Girl, you know you look ridiculous, right?" Shay says with one eye brow raised. "So whose my tutor anyway?" I say. "I am actually," says a voice coming from the door.

**Part 2**

"Hey, aunt Portia," Shay says and gives his aunt a hug. "So you did what you set out to do, huh?" Portia says. "What?" I say. "You made good music and you did it on your own terms," she says with a knowing smile. "Oh that. You know I never got a chance to say thank you for helping me land the cover of Solid magazine," I say. "You earned that Jude," she says. "God, if you girls hug now I'm actually going to lose my lunch right on your floor, Jude," Shay says mockingly. Portia and Jude both glare and Shay and they both start laughing. "Yeah this is getting a little too weird for me, I'll see you both later," Shay says and makes his exit. "So…" we both say at the same time and start laughing again. "You first," I say. "You've really been a good influence on my nephew," she says. "Shay's been a good friend," I say carefully. "Jude, I know you've had a tough time lately, but I'm not some spy sent by my brother, Darius. Let's just set that straight. Plus I get to see Darius and Shay more often now that I'm going to be tutoring you," Portia says. All of a sudden I felt homesick for my father and mother and even for Sadie. Portia saw the look on my face and I could tell she regretted what she just said. "I'm sorry Jude; I know you must miss your family." I couldn't help but break down in front of Portia and tell her everything. Portia just listened and comforted me when Shay walked in and saw the two of us on the floor crying. "Women," he says. He then carried both of us off the floor, dumped us on the couch, brought a tissue box for each of us, and placed 2 unopened containers of ice cream, and set down two spoons. "You two look terrible," he says with a wink. Portia and I just ignore him and start digging into the ice cream.

**Part 3**

As my relationships with my parents continued to deteriorate I found myself confiding more and more with Shay and Portia and felt a growing distance between myself and Jamie and Kat. I just didn't have time for anything other than working on my album and doing interviews and commercials.

After heated debates with my parents about my career and discussion with Shay and Portia about it, I had a sit down with my parents and talked to them about becoming emancipated. "I don't see any other choice. I don't wanna be another reason for you two to fight," I say close to crying. "I've made my decision and I need you to sign the papers," I say with a catch in my voice. My parents signed the papers without even looking at me and just left my apartment. I did the only think I could after they left. I picked up my guitar and just lost myself in the music.

**Part 4**

I wont deny, I faked it  
don't wanna lie, I'm jaded  
I wanna scream, Inside I'm breaking down  
I've left the stone, I was under  
I'm running home, you won't find her  
She walks alone, all through this broken town  
Going the wrong way down a one way street  
Where the feeling is criminal  
Nobody helps me out when I bleed  
(just look, look)  
Looking for someone like me  
Where the feeling is mutual  
Can anybody see what I see  
Cause I don't see me

Georgia, Tommy, and Kwest are so absorbed in my song that they don't realize that I've finished playing. Georgia walks into the booth and she brings me to her office. "Wow, Jude, I don't know what to say," she says with concern. "I had no idea how hard it's been for you these past couple of weeks. You know you can always talk to me, right?" she says. "Thanks Georgia," I say a little embarrassed. Georgia can't help herself and gives me a hug. "I've been getting a lot of these lately," I say with a smile. Georgia hugs me even more after that confession. "Um Georgia, I can't breathe," I say. "Oh sorry Jude" she says. "Thanks for the talk Georgia," I say as I walk out the door. As Jude walks out of the office Georgia starts to regret never having kids, but is grateful to have both Jude and Tommy in her life. "Tommy" she says. She never did get him to tell her what happened over the summer. Actually between Jude and Tommy she couldn't get a single thing out of either of them. And for once in her life E.J. was completely clueless as to what happened as well.


	4. Welcome To My Life

**A/N**: I don't own _Instant Star_. Reviews are always welcome.

**Episode 4 – Welcome To My Life  
**  
**Part 1_  
_**  
The media had a field day when they found out I'd become emancipated from my parents. There were pictures of me in my viper, of me hitting the club with Shay, painting me as if I'd become some rock star diva living it up. Man was it far from what was really going on. How many rock stars do they know that does their own laundry?  
Now if only I could learn how to cook? I can't live off take out forever? Or can I? I was just thinking about what I was gonna order for dinner when the door man buzzed that there was someone here to see me and if I wanted him to let her up. When I opened the door to my shock it was Sadie. Before I could even open my mouth to say something let alone process what was going on she said, "We need to talk" and shut the door. (cue music)

**Part 2**

"Sadie" I say. "Jude" she says. "So, mom tells me you're emancipated now. It's not enough that our parents got divorced. You had to divorce them, too. Mom was, is devastated, Jude. How can you do this to her? And dad he's even worse than mom. How can you be so selfish?" she says with her hands on her hips. I stood there getting angrier and angrier. "Well, what do you have to say for yourself?" she says exasperated. "Both of them tell me you've been freezing them out. Jude, I'm in college now I have my own life where you're not the center of attention now, why should I have to come back here every time you have a fight with mom and dad? It's not fair," she looks expectantly at me to answer. I have to wait a few seconds to stop my shoulders from trembling from anger and slow my breathing, but all I could see was red. "I came home with my parents divorced and my sister thousands of miles away; nice to have to find out from mom and dad that you decided you loved Italy so much that you decided to stay there and go to school. It wasn't enough going to university in the same country as your sister. You had to pack up your bags and flee. My entire family abandoned me and you're yelling at me about divorcing my family. You were the ones who left me all alone. So pardon me if I had to pull you out of your universe and drag you all the way back here to Toronto. Sorry to have wasted your time. You can tell your parents that if they want to talk to me they shouldn't send their lap dog and come talk to me themselves. And you can get out. Get out!" I yell before shoving her out the door and slamming it in her face.

**Part 3**

Sadie is fuming in the hallway. Shay walks by her in the hallway on the way to Jude's apartment. "What the hell are you doing here," she says to Shay. "I live here," Shay says coolly. "You've been gone a while Sadie and you have no idea what's been going on, neither do your parents. None of you have been here for her. So don't even try to lecture me about anything. I'm a different person now because of Jude. We're friends, really, so you can stop giving me that look, too. She forgave me. Can I say the same thing to you?" Shay says with annoyance in his voice. He quickly slips by her and enters Jude's door. As he opens the door something is quickly hurled at his head. He ducks and the vase shatters on the door. "Oh, sorry Shay I was just working some stuff out," I say. "That was a gift I gave you," he says with amusement. "Sorry," I say sheepishly as I put down more ammo. He gives me a look. "No, I don't want to talk about it. I'll see you later," I say. I quickly run out the door. I get in my viper and just drive.

**Part 4**

I couldn't get her words out of my head. I drive by my house and see a 'for sale' sign on it. My world shrinks and I keep driving for hours. Not really knowing where I am or even what time it is I turn off the car and pull my keys out of the ignition. "What the hell am I doing here," I say as I take in the scenery around me. I turn the car back on and am about to pull out of my driveway when I hear someone call my name. "Jude, are you alright? What are you doing here?" his voice full of concern. I had driven to Tommy's house.

**Part 5**

"I'm not really so sure myself," I say with a laugh; however the laughter sounds comes out more like a strangled sob. And then the flood gates open, my chest starts to heave and I'm sobbing. Strong arms wrap around me and I can smell his scent, which causes my knees to buckle, but before I hit the ground he catches me. "Whoa, don't worry Jude I've got you," he whispers in my ear. He picks me up and carries me inside. By that point I've exhausted myself from crying and fall into unconsciousness.

**Part 6**

My eyelids flutter open as I take in my surroundings. There's a strange weight on my hand. When I peak over the covers I see Tommy hunched over on a chair with his head resting on the bed and his hand covering mine protectively. My reverie is broken and Tommy is jarred awake when we hear shouting coming from outside and banging on the front door.

**Part 7**

Jude's parents, Sadie, Shay, Portia, Georgia, E.J., Jamie, and Kat are all standing in the living room all yelling at Tommy. "Hey!" I shout above the noise. It certainly got everyone's attention.

**Part 8**

Then the yelling barrage shifted towards me. An hour later, strangely enough we're all sitting in Tommy's dining room table eating breakfast, which he cooked by the way and was utterly amazing, and surprisingly nothing had been discussed. I'm not sure who suggested this delay tactic, but I was truly grateful. When we finished eating we cleared the table and washed the dishes and then headed back to the living room to go over what happened. Everyone took turns telling me what they thought happened and finally their gazes fell on me forcing me to tell them what actually happened. I told everyone about my confrontation with Sadie, about seeing the 'for sale' sign on the house, and of finding myself on Tommy's doorstep. I told them how he took me in and the next thing I knew everyone showed up at his house this morning. I told them everything; I didn't have anything to hide. At the end of my telling everyone got up and went outside except for my parents and Sadie.

**Part 9**

"Jude, honey, we've really missed you," my parents say in unison, which kind of freaks me out. "I've missed you too sis," Sadie says with a lot of things left unsaid in her eyes. "I've missed you guys, too," I say although it's barely above a whisper. "You've really grown up, Jude," says Jude's dad. "Both of our girls have grown up, Stuart," my mom adds noticing Sadie's forlorn look. "A lot has happened to each of us these past few weeks, these past few months really without any of us in each other's lives. You can't expect me to just welcome you with open arms," I say hurt. "How did we get so far away from each other? When did our family get so broken," I say with tears in my eyes. "Jude, the point is we're all here now and that's what matters," says my dad. "Really, because last time I checked you were living with Yvette, mom was selling the house, and Sadie was in Europe. How long are you gonna be here? Any of you? Or is this gonna be a let's check in on Jude every couple of months sort of thing? When I got back all of you were gone. All I got were your stupid notes. I mean geez I was only gone for 6 weeks imagine if I had been gone for 3 months? Who knows where you'd all be," I said. At that point they all converged on me and hugged me, but I tried to pull away. "Get away from me. Don't touch me!" I yell. A part of me wants them to just leave me alone, but another part of me just wants them to hold me and tell me they were sorry for abandoning me and leaving me to fend for myself.

**Part 10**

A few weeks had passed and it seemed like everyone was still walking around eggshells around me and it was driving me crazy. I couldn't work because my concentration was shot to hell, so I walked into Georgia's office and told her I needed some time off. She agreed without asking any questions and told me she'd tell Darius. Before I made it out the door Darius walked up to me and told me I could use his private jet for however long I wanted and to charge everything on the company card, which he had given me when he gave me the apartment and viper. "Seriously Jude, don't come back until you've cleared up whatever it is that's going on in your life," said Darius seriously. I make a quick run to the apartment, haphazardly pack, and drive to the small airfield where Darius' plane is waiting, and board the plane.

**Part 11**

"You're running away," said a small voice inside my head. "You're taking the easy way out when you can fix what's right in front of you," I say. I quickly unbuckle my seat belt and tell the pilot that I'm not flying anywhere today. I get in my car and drive to my old house. I'm about to knock when my mom opens the door. "Jude honey why didn't you just use your key, this is still your home you know?" she says. "Is it mom, because the sign in the front tells me different?" At my words my mom starts crying. "Oh mom I'm sorry, please don't cry," I say. "Jude, do you think it's easy for me to be in this house. Your father cheated on my, then Sadie went to Europe, and then you went on tour," Victoria says. "But mom, when I got back your note said that you were on vacation in Europe," I say. "I was in Europe helping your sister move in to school. I didn't even know she was going to school in Europe instead of here in Toronto, she just dropped it on my lap when she got back from Europe," she says sobbing. "Oh," I say wishing I could have said anything else. "That's the whole truth Jude," she says with a sigh. "Why didn't you mention any of this when I got back?" I say. "How could I when you were in the studio everyday, and then Darius gives you that apartment and car. How am I supposed to compete with all of that?" she says before starting to cry again. "You're my mom you don't have to compete with any of those things," I say trying to comfort her. "And the emancipation Jude that really hurt me," she says. "You and dad were fighting all the time over me. I thought if I got emancipated you two would stop fighting," I say. "I know part of that is true Jude, but I also know what an independent person you are and I guess it just hurt more so because I didn't want to let you go; I knew I'd have to let you and Sadie go eventually, but I didn't think it was so soon," she says. "You'll never lose me mom," I say tearfully and embrace her. "Jude, you should probably see your father. He's hurting just as much as I am, I was. I'm glad we're talking again, honey," she says. "Me too, mom," I say. Before I left to go to see my dad I made plans with my mom to go apartment hunting with her. I went through the same emotional turmoil with my dad, but I think we're okay again. All that was left was to see Sadie, who by now had already returned to Italy. "I guess I'll be needing that plane after all," I say. I made a quick call and found myself boarding the plane once again.


	5. Leaving On A Jet Plane

**A/N**: I don't own _Instant Star_. Reviews are always welcome.

**Episode 5 - Leaving on a Jet Plane**

**Part 1**

I miraculously make it to Sadie's dorm room after getting lost for a couple of hours without knowing a single word in Italian and after all that effort I was afraid of seeing her. The things we both said to each other. "I'm not turning around," I tell myself and knock on her door. "Jude, what are you doing here?" she says. "I wanted to see you, Sadie," I say. She shushes me and I look at her quizzically. And then I survey her disheveled look. "Sadie Elizabeth Harrison is there a boy in there?" I say trying to catch a peak through the door. "Jude, would you quit it," she said shoving me further down the hallway. Just then a hand reaches through the partly open door and grabs Sadie. "Paolo," Sadie exclaims before sputtering something in Italian. I couldn't help myself and opened the door. I was looking him up and down when Sadie exclaimed, "Jude stop checking out my boyfriend." Then when I got to his face I couldn't help but stare because he closely resembled someone we both knew and was just about to say so, when Sadie said, "Paolo this is my sister Jude and you have to go." He then said something in Italian, kissed Sadie, and left after saying hello to me by kissing me on both cheeks, which of course made me blush' I mean he was gorgeous after all. He closed the door and it was just the two of us.

**Part 2**

"I wanted to fix us Sadie," I say as I embrace her. "I'm sorry about all those things I said to you," I said. "But Jude, I'm not," she says unapologetically. "You were right about some of the things you said," I say earnestly. "But in our entire lives you made everything into a competition. I just wanted to be your sister Sadie," I say. "I have a life here Jude. Where I can just be myself," she says. "And you can't be yourself when you're around me?" I ask. "Not when I'm constantly in your shadow!" she says a little forcefully. "Are you ever coming home?" I ask. "I don't know Jude. I'm happy here. We'll see," she says. I didn't want push anything else, so I ask her about Paolo and his resemblance of someone. "I met him a few weeks after Tommy dumped me and left me in Rome," she says. It was like I'd been punched in the gut and quickly collected myself, so Sadie wouldn't see my reaction. "He's really great Jude," she says. "And he makes me happy," she says. "That's really great for you Sadie. Plus he's gorgeous. And kind of looks like…" I say. "Don't even say his name Jude. He broke my heart," she says. I asked her what happened. "He was always distracted. We'd be spending time together and we'd be laughing and talking and then I don't know once we started to get close he'd just slowly distance himself for me," she said. "Then one morning I find a letter on my pillow and he just vanishes," she says. "What did the letter say?" I ask. "I can't really tell you because I have no idea," she says. "What do you mean?" I say incredulously. "Well, in my current state at that time, I kind of burned it. As well as whatever else he had left behind, so it'll have to remain a mystery. And besides I'm over him," she says. "Sadie are you crazy, Paolo looks exactly like Tommy." "I know, but he's a completely different person than him. Seriously Jude I am completely over Tom Quincy."

**Part 3**

My relationship with Sadie wasn't completely fixed, but you wouldn't know it if you saw us on the street. She decided I needed to go shopping, as well as see every tourist attraction in all of Italy. I hung out with Sadie and Paolo a lot and gave her the thumbs up on him before I told her I really had to get back to the studio and work on the album. That was about 2 weeks ago. As I was heading on the plane, she stopped me and gave me a hug. "We're in a good place now right, Jude," she says. "Yeah, Sadie we are." We hug again and I get on the plane and head home.


	6. Hands Clean

**A/N**: I don't own _Instant Star_. I don't own _Stupid _Girl by Garbage. Reviews are always welcome.

**Episode 6 – Hands Clean**

**Part 1**

Jude walks into Darius' office to say thank you. "Hey, Darius thanks for everything," I say. "You're welcome now get back to work, I don't expect you to have anymore distractions. I'm just kidding Jude, not about the getting back to work part, happy to see you're happy especially since Shay and Portia had been giving me grief about you. You've got some powerful allies. Alright, see you later. And Jude thanks for the wine you got me. It's my favorite. Get tipped off by Quincy, huh. Yeah I'll see you later." "Phew," I say as I leave the office and running right into Tommy. "Tommy thanks for the wine tip," I say. "Oh yeah no problem," he says casually. "So, how is Sadie?" he says. "Well she's pissed and burned your letter and has a really hot new boyfriend," I say as I start heading over the recording booth. "Did you say she burned my letter! Was that before or after she read it?" he says. I shrug my shoulders and then reply, "Neither, she burned it without reading it and whatever else you had lying around. I really don't want to talk about it Quincy, especially with you" I say. "Jude are we ever gonna talk about it?" I immediately put on my earphones. "What Tommy I can't hear you. As if on cue the Kwest plays the background track.

You stupid girl  
You stupid girl  
All you had you wasted  
All you had you wasted

What drives you on  
Can drive you mad  
A million lies to sell yourself  
Is all you ever had

Don't believe in love  
Don't believe in hate  
Don't believe in anything  
That you can't waste

You stupid girl  
You stupid girl  
Can't believe you fake it  
Can't believe you fake it

(cue music)

**Part 2**

I look in my rear view mirror to see Tommy tailing me. I switch lanes and slow down so our cars are right next to each other. "Fancy meeting you here, Jude. Now pull over so we can talk," he says. "Make me," I say challengingly and speed up to put some distance between our cars. I walk through the entrance of my building and tell the door man not to let Tommy in. He leaves his car with the valet and jumps out of his viper. "Jude…" he says. "Sir, Miss Harrison told me not to let you go up," says the doorman "Hey, I've got no problem with you man I just need to talk to Jude now get out of my way!" Tommy says angrily. Just then a big burly bodyguard enters and throws out Tommy. Tommy sits in his car and dials Jude's cell. "Jude I'm not leaving until you let me talk to you. I can sit in my car forever!" he says. I finally answer, "Fine, have fun waiting. And oh yeah there's a forecast of rain," as soon as I said it started to pour. I heard Tommy cursing on the phone frantically trying to put the top on his viper. "Bye Tommy," I say teasingly. Man, I was having a good karma today.

**Part 3**

I watch Tommy drive away. "Man that was easy," I say congratulating myself. "What was easy?" asks Portia. "Oh nothing," I say smugly. "Ok, you keep whatever it is to yourself. Now let's start up on your school work," she says. "Oh" I groan audibly. Unfortunately I was distracted over what had happened with Tommy earlier. "Jude, we can't do any work if you're not all here…Jude?" she says. "Oh, sorry I've got a few things on my mind," I say. "Isn't that the biggest understatement of all time," Portia says. "Why can't we just talk about whatever it is that's bothering you," she says. "I can't." "Why not?" she says. I hesitate before I blurt out "because it's about your ex-husband," I say guiltily.

**Part 4**

"Jude, that was a whole another lifetime for me. Tommy and I were married for a month when it ended in disaster. I think I know him pretty well. We've gotten really close Jude, so trust in our friendship and tell me what happened," she says. Not having anyone else to turn to and needing a fresh set of ears I told her my complicated history with Tommy, Sadie, my birthday, and what happened at my album launch, and what happened earlier today. "You know I gain at least 10 pounds every time we have one of these heart to hearts," she says scooping out more ice cream. "It's not like I'm forcing you to eat it," I say right back. "What do you want to do Jude? You can't avoid him forever, although you've done a pretty good job so far," she says with laughter in her eyes. "You mean you're not mad at me," I say. "Jude the Tommy you just described is completely different from the Tommy I knew and married and divorced four years ago. If I were you, I'd hear him out. Isn't it worse than not knowing?" she says. "I don't think not knowing is as bad as what I think he's going to say?" I say. "Why is that?" she says. "Because getting what you want and figuring out how to react once you've got it is gonna complicate my life a hell of a lot more," I say. "Sometimes I forget you're only 16," she says. "I wish someone else would," I mutter.

**Part 5**

"So Tommy, I heard that you bummed a ride with Kwest this morning?" I say mercilessly all the while Kwest is frantically pantomiming and mouthing "Don't even go there Jude." He takes two steps towards me with a look on his face that actually made me physically flinch and said, "I'm done chasing you, Jude. You don't wanna know the story, fine. I wash my hands of you. And if you wanna know what happened to my car, what do you think happens to leather when it gets cozy with water! I had to have the whole interior replaced because it was ruined? Are you happy?" I gave him the, "Well, no one forced you to wait it out in the parking lot" look, which I know wasn't going to improve the situation at all, and handed him a cup of coffee, and say "Talk to me when you're not so PMSing." Kwest is on the ground clutching his side laughing, "Oh (chuckling) man Quincy, (chuckling) you've been told!" (chuckling), as he gives me a high five. Tommy looks at us with disgust, quickly covers the ground to his office, and slams the door to his office so hard, that a few things on the wall fall off.

**Part 6**

"So how mad was he about the car Kwest," I say. "Girl, you ever seen a grown man cry?" he asks. My eyes widen in horror and to my shame amusement. "I'm just kidding," he says. "Took it like a man, although I've got to admit there was some whimpering, then grumbling, then scowling," he says. "How long is his car in the shop for?" I ask feeling a little remorse. "About a week," he says. "It doesn't matter though because he's going to be away for a week," he says. My eyebrows shoot up, "Where?" "He wouldn't tell me, just said he'd be gone for a week and to have his car delivered to his place," he says.

**Part 7**

Sadie and Paolo were easing their way onto her bed when they hear knocking on the door. "God, the last time we got interrupted was my parents telling me to go home, then it was Jude, this better be good," she says as she whips open the door. "Hi, Sadie," says Tommy.

**Part 8**

Sadie can barely contain her anger as she punches Tommy in the face. "That was for your stupid letter," she says with rage. Then she kneed him in the groin. "And that is for being such a coward and not breaking up with me to my face," she says vehemently. Paolo hears the commotion outside and grabs Sadie before she was able to land another punch or kick. At this point Tommy's got one hand protectively across his head and the other one just a wee a bit lower.

**Part 9**

Paolo leads Sadie into the room and shuts the door. The two of them can hear her destroying everything in her room and screaming. In fact everyone in the entire building and on the street could hear Sadie and poked their heads out of their rooms. Paolo says something in Italian, and they all head back to what they were doing none the wiser. Sadie is still throwing things in her room when Paolo returns ready to confront the guy on the ground that had caused his girlfriend to go catatonic.

**Part 10**

Paolo picks him up and is about to continue where Sadie left off when a little light of recognition goes off in his head.

**Part 11**

When Sadie opened her door (an hour later), after destroying pretty much everything in her room, she was surprised when she saw that the two of them had disappeared.

**Part 12**

When she went downstairs she saw the two of them sitting in the lounge, drinking beer, and laughing about something. When they finally stand up and see her standing there, Sadie is poised to yell at them when she says, "Oh my god, why didn't I see it before."

**Part 13**

"Tommy and I are second cousins. He would visit with my family every summer until he joined Boyz Attack," Paolo said to Sadie. "Sorry to interrupt your little family get together, but are you forgetting what happened upstairs?" she says with a hint of annoyance in her voice. "Tommy and I had a long talk. Now it's time you two should," Paolo says. And with that he got up, kissed Sadie on her forehead and headed back up the stairs to salvage what he could in her room.

**Part 14**

"So about the letter…" Tommy says. "I lied to Jude, Tommy. I read your letter. And it wasn't that hard to figure out. Pulling away when we got too close and making excuses, hiding those music magazines with her in it. You're in love with her aren't you," she stated evenly. "Sadie I just wanted to see how her tour was going, that's all" Tommy says. "It must have killed you knowing she was doing just fine without you," she says. "I mean better even, going double platinum, getting those endorsement deals, now with a place of her own and her own car, she's like the male version of you, when you were her _age_," she said emphasizing age for good measure. "So really you're in love with yourself. Typical, selfish, arrogant, in a word, Tom Quincy," she says barely containing the venom in her voice.

**Part 15**

"It must kill you always being around her, day in and day out…all those late nights," she lets her voice trail. "Sadie, that's enough," Tommy says coolly although I can see the anger in his body, almost like a predator ready to spring. "Don't worry, Tommy. I'm used to coming in second. Your secrets safe with me and it's pretty obvious to anyone who have eyes in their heads. I just can't wait until the shit hits the fan" she says with little sympathy.

**Part 16**

"So I was just another competition between the two of you! What we had didn't mean anything to you, that it wasn't real," Tommy says with a hint of the anger and hurt in his voice. "That's the sad thing Quincy, I really did love you," Sadie says before walking away.


	7. Somewhere In Between

**A/N**: I don't own _Instant Star_. Reviews are always welcome.

**Episode 7 – Somewhere in Between**

**Part 1**

When Tommy returned he was moodier than ever, constantly brooding, but more focused than ever on the music for Jude's new album. He never talked about where he went and frankly nobody wanted to approach him and bother him about it, not even E.J. and that said a lot.

Jude, Tommy, and Kwest were just wrapping up a song they had been working on and were all heading out of G Major towards their three lone cars in the parking lot. Jude gave Kwest a look and he quickly made up some excuse and left. "And then there were two," I said. Tommy had his head down, hands in his pocket, and looked a million miles away, completely oblivious.

Flash back after Sadie left Tommy standing there

He was about to go after her when he felt some pressure on his arm. Paolo just shook his head. "Did you hear all that," Tommy says. "Yeah," Paolo says unamused. "Sometimes you can't help what the heart wants," Paolo says much to the shock of Tommy. "It's complicated," I mutter. "Love always is," he says with a smile. "When you love someone you have to give them your whole heart; if you've given part of it to away to someone else, you're life it becomes unbalanced, your soul wandering, and you will never be whole," he says solemnly. "Sadie's heart is still mending, trying to decide if letting me in will cause it to break into a million pieces, or glue it back together cracks and all, but I will try," Paolo says with determination. Tommy and Paolo stare at each other for a long time, understanding seeping between the two of them, and go on their separate ways.

**Part 2**

"Tommy," I said. I guess he didn't hear me, so I said it a little louder. "Hey, Tommy," I tried again. And when that didn't work I punched him as hard as I could on the arm. That woke him right up. "Ow, what'd you do that for," Tommy exclaimed rubbing his arm. "Tomorrow's headlines: Little Tommy Q beat up by a girl," I said dramatically. "Whatever, Jude, it's late, I'm tired, and I'm going home, see ya," said Tommy. "Ya know what Tommy why don't we go do something fun, you could use it," I said. "What does that mean?" he said. "Tommy you've been moping around, sulking, and scowling, since you've got back, what's up with you anyway?" I ask. "Fine, let's go do something," he said basically ignoring my question.

**Part 3**

"Jude Harrison, closet bowler, who would of thunk?" he said teasingly. "First, of all it's cosmic bowling," I clarify. "Second, I'm gonna kick your but," I say confidently. "Is there a third, Harrison, because seriously I'm dying of suspense," Tommy said airily. "Oh I have a whole slew of things planned out for tonight Tommy, try to keep up," I say.

**Part 4**

True to her word, Jude, wiped Tommy off the floor. "You know it's not really that fun if your opponent doesn't put up much of a fight," I said. "Whatever, what's next," he said. "Don't worry, I'm sure it's something you can handle," I say. "Can't wait," he says.

**Part 5**

"Jude it's nice to see you again," said the ridiculously large bouncer at one of the hottest clubs in Toronto. I proceeded to give the bouncer a hug and a kiss on the cheek to see if I could get any kind of reaction from Tommy; he didn't even bat an eyelid. We were seated at my usual table and I proceeded to leave Tommy at the table and told him to order me a drink while I did my rounds saying hi to people. "Order her drink what am I her slave," Tommy said with disdain.

**Part 6**

The club was almost pitch black, the music was reverberating off the walls, and it was extremely warm. Tommy was nursing his drink when he scanned the dance floor. Jude was dancing with some guy. Her eyes were closed and she was just letting the music take over her; it was almost primal. The music was some techno song, so there were no words, and with each beat of the base Jude's hips were swaying. Tommy's eyes were transfixed. Tommy got up to where Jude was dancing, said a few words to the guy, who quickly left and when Jude opened her eyes she was not surprised to see Tommy in front of her. "God, what took him so long," she thought to herself. Tommy puts his hand in the small of Jude's back and brings her close. And with that they danced until the wee hours of the morning. It was around 6 am when they finally left. Tommy was about to leave when Jude grabbed his hand and said, "Just one more activity; if you're not too tired, you being an old man and all," she said with mocking tone knowing that he would surely take the bait.

**Part 7**

Tommy was sprawled on Jude's couch. "Tommy, are you seriously sleeping," I said. "I'm just resting my eyes," he said. "Uh huh," I said hitting him in the face with a pillow. "Alright, Harrison, I'm up let's go do whatever crazy thing you have planned, your wish is my command," Tommy said with a mock bow. "Finally, the magic words," I said and grabbed his hand.

**Part 8**

Jude and Tommy got out of the elevator where Jude led him to the pool on the roof. He was about to make some comment about being way to tired for a dip when Jude started stripping down in front of him. "What in God's name are you doing, Harrison," he said his eyes literally bulging out of his head. "The last time I checked, skinny dipping didn't involve any clothes," I said with a wink and a mischievous smile on my lips.

**Part 9**

Jude dove off the diving board and smoothly entered the water. When she submerged, Tommy was still standing there with his jaw on the floor. "What're you waiting for Quincy, I know the last time you encountered water didn't end so, well, but come on I know you're as sweaty as I am from dancing at the club," I said. Tommy stood frozen, still replaying Jude's strip tease and dive into the pool. Jude had curves in all the right places, her skin was milky white from lack of sun, and her body left no doubt in his mind that she a woman in every sense of the word. His reverie was broken when Jude splashed him. "Have you been listening to anything I've just said," I say knowing I had finally gotten him to notice me to really notice me.

**Part 10**

It seemed he made up his mind because he quickly stripped down to his broxers and dove in. I tried not to let the disappointment show on my face when he surfaced. "Nice belly flop," I say and hold up my hand for a mock high five. Trying to regain his dignity he made some comment about being glad the pool was heated.

**Part 11**

I swim towards him like a shark getting ready to go in for the kill and completely surprise him when I shove his head under the water as hard as I could. That seemed to break the tension and we made good use of the super soakers floating in the pool.

**Part 12**

He was the perfect gentleman when I got out of the pool and waited for me to finish getting dressed. I misbehaved all the way catcalling as he got out of the pool. After we're both dressed Tommy starts heading for the door when I stop him. "Wait right here for a second, okay," I say with a hopeful look on my face. "Ok," he says. I quickly run back to my apartment grab a blanket and a couple of large throw pillows and head back to the roof. "We've stayed up this late, why don't we catch the sunset?" I say.

**Part 13**

I throw the pillows on the ground and wait for him to get comfortable. I strategically seat place myself directly in front of him resting my back on his chest and lean my elbows on his legs. He wraps the blanket around the two of us. "God she smells really good," Tommy thought. Jude smell was a mix of sweat, perfume, and just a tiny hint of chlorine. It was intoxicating. He buried his head in her hair and took in her scent. They were both completely relaxed by the time the sun peaked over the horizon.


	8. Untitled

**A/N**: I don't own _Instant Star_. Reviews are always welcome.

**Episode 8 – Untitled**

**Part 1**

It was business as usual at G Major and everyone was at the conference room for a meeting. Jude and Tommy were both staring into space recalling their little rendezvous. "She was basically offering herself to me on a silver platter and what do I do, but shuffle her into her room and take off," Tommy thought to himself. Jude was frustrated. "What else can I do besides chain him to the bed, the possibilities," she thought to herself. Meanwhile Darius had been addressing the two of them and was passing out copies of a gossip rag. "Tommy, Jude, you two have anything to say for yourselves about these pictures," Darius said. Tommy and Jude suddenly jerked awake thinking about their encounter in the pool. They both audibly sighed when they saw a couple of pictures of them dancing in the club. "We were just…," I started to say meanwhile Tommy spoke out, "Jude and I…" E.J. jumped and said, "Jude was just initializing the plan we came up with together. Yeah so, we thought since Tommy and Jude were working on their albums it'd be a good idea if the two of them were seen at all the hot spots together to spark some interest on their respective albums." I mouthed thank you to E.J. and proceeded to kick Tommy under the table. "Yeah, D, we also thought it'd be a good idea to work on a duet for Jude's album," Tommy said. "I was also thinking we could do some promotional secret concerts working with conjunction with the radio stations," I added warming up to our little charade. Darius was turning the ideas in his mind and immediately said, "I love it, just keep me informed next time." The meeting continued and I was more than happy when it finally finished that I practically ran out of there.

**Part 2**

Tommy and Kwest were deep in conversation in the recording booth. "So, you and Jude, huh," Kwest says. "We were just blowing off some steam," Tommy said with a shrug. "A picture's worth a thousand words, my friend," Kwest says with a smirk. I walk into the booth, "So, what are you guys talking about?" I ask. "We're trying to figure out what to get you for your birthday," Tommy says. Kwest just looks at him; Tommy gives him another look and says, "Right, what do you get the girl who has everything?" I happily droned on about everything I ever wanted for my birthday since I was 2. "So having a big bash this year Jude?" Kwest asks. "No, I told Georgia I wanted it to be low key this year and to go all out next year for my 18th," I say. "Besides I kind of want to avoid a repeat of last year's festivities," I say.

**Part 3**

The next morning I find myself unceremoniously dragged from my bed and brought to a diner with Jamie and Kat. After a much needed cup of coffee, the three of us were happily munching on pancakes. After breakfast, the three of us went back to my apartment to open presents. Dad and Yvette had gotten me a charm bracelet with a little guitar charm to start me off. Mom, not wanting to be outdone got me a necklace I had been eyeing. Sadie had sent me a black leather jacket from Italy. Kat had designed a Jude-esque dress for me that would look killer with my new jacket. Jamie had gotten me a vinyl I had been searching for to add to my record collection. Everyone at the studio had chipped in to give me my second Gibson, a red one this time. The day was coming to a close and I was trying not to be even more disappointed than I had been most of the day because I hadn't heard from Tommy all day. "Well, I asked for a drama-free birthday and I got it," I said. "He better have a good excuse for ditching me on my birthday," I grumbled to myself. It was 11:59 and I had just put the covers over my head when I heard a faint knock on the door.

**Part 4**

When I opened the door Tommy was standing there holding a cupcake with a single lit candle. H was waiting for me to invite him in and was growing more impatient by the second. I just stood there and put my hand on my hips and mustered a pout with as much indignation as possible given I was standing there wearing a faded ACDC t-shirt and pink Powerpuff girls pajama bottoms. He couldn't take the waiting and thrust the cupcake towards me, "Quick, Harrison, make a wish and blow out the candle before your birthday is officially over," He said. I humored him, waiting to see where all this was headed.

"So you gonna let me in," he asks. "Depends," I say back. "Did you get me a present(s)," I emphasize the last part. He hands me a package, which I rip open with glee. "It's a calendar," I say unable to hide the disappointment in my voice. "And a used one at that," I say with disgust. "For the record, most calendars start with January, Quincy," I say. "And they don't usually end on my birthday of next year," I say. "Okay, he says opening his other hand, "open up your real present." "Thank God, Quincy, because if that had seriously been my real present I would have made your life hell," I teased. I took my time opening this one, it being my real present and all. When I opened it, it contained a smaller box. "This isn't one of those boxes that just contains a smaller box that goes on forever, is it?" I say. "Just open it Harrison, you're impossible," he says. Inside was a ring. My eyes were transfixed on the ring as I slowly turned it in my hands; the ring had two hands clasping a heart surmounted by a crown. "It's a claddagh ring. It symbolizes friendship, loyalty, and love," He says softly. "Worn on your right hand with the heart facing outwards shows the world that your heart has not yet been won. Worn on the right hand with the heart facing inwards and it shows you have friendship and love under consideration. But worn on your left hand with the heart turned inwards it means two loves have joined forever." I looked at the inside and noticed that it was engraved with the numbers 11:59 and the date. "The calendar is basically a countdown to when we can be together," he said. When I frowned he added, "I mean in the biblical sense, Harrison. Besides orange isn't really my color," he said with a smile in his voice. "Come here, jailbait!" I said my voice slightly trembling I tugged on the front of his shirt and kissed him. It was just as I remembered it when he kissed me on my 16th birthday, only it was more. To describe it would be like describing a volcano erupting, waves crashing against the shore, fireworks bursting in the air; it was in a word, amazing. He put his hand on my hips and pulled me closer to him while my arms deftly snaked around his shoulders and made their way to his hair. Before we knew it we were on couch with Tommy on top. When I started to tugging off his shirt he gently took my hands in his. "Jude," he groaned. "Right, sorry," I said breathlessly. When the two of us disengaged and caught our breaths he said, "This is a good couch," as if noticing it for the first time. "So I've been told Quincy, so I've been told," I say mischievously.


	9. If It Makes You Happy

**A/N**: I don't own _Instant Star_. Reviews are always welcome.

**Episode 9 – If It Makes You Happy  
**  
**Part 1**

Three months later…Jude was toying with the ring Tommy had given her, a habit she had picked up when she was bored out of her mind and found herself in a meeting. Tommy had somehow convinced her to wear it on a chain around her neck instead of on her finger of either hand, which he had insisted was for the best to avoid a frenzy amongst the paparazzi, her family, her friends, and everyone at G Major. To the outside world, nothing had changed the dimension of their relationship. They spent long hours working, hitting the clubs to get some airplay for their singles, and covertly had make-out sessions at Jude's apartment or at Tommy's house. Still she hated lying to everyone. They were close to completing their respective albums and were about to embark on their secret concert series. "Jude, are you listening, we've decided to cut your duet with Tommy. It's too gimmicky. We'll come off as trying to hard," said Georgia. "And we've nixed your duet with Shay," said Darius. "You got much better exposure when you two weren't chummy with each other and Eden was lashing out at you in the headlines," he continued. While Jude had enjoyed the fruits of her labor Eden had found herself with dismal record sales and was already named a has-been by most of the who's who in the music industry. One reviewer called her lyrics amateur and her sound irritating. Fortunately Eden found her niche playing a home wrecking diva on a major soap opera. "Your secret concert series is still a go, we've gotten in touch with several radio stations, and you'll also be doing several morning shows and late night appearances," Darius finished. "Alright people time is money, mine specifically," he said with a smile and a chuckle that only he happened to find funny. (cue music)

**Part 2**

(5:30 am)  
DJ: "So Little Tommy Q what made you decide to record a solo album after being MIA for 5 years"  
Tommy: "Actually I just go by Tom now and I wasn't MIA. I've been producing albums these past couple of years, in fact I produced Jude's first album, which if you recall went double platinum. And I produced Shay's 3rd album, which also went double platinum in its first few weeks of release."  
DJ: (clears his throat) Er, sorry Tom. This is awkward. Anyway, Jude Harrison, sophomore effort – how do you propose to avoid the sophomore slump?  
Jude: "Good songwriting and surrounding myself with people who know what they're doing, like Tom."  
DJ: "Right, anyway, I hear you guys are going to be giving a secret concert sometime today? And luckily we've got the scoop of where it's gonna be held, caller 100 will get VIP tickets, right after our commercial break."

Our next two radio shows didn't fare much better. "God, is anyone gonna forget that I was once, once "Little Tommy Q." It's like no matter what I do I can't distance myself far enough," he said in frustration. "Tom Quincy, I didn't realize I was the guest of honor to your pity party. Now I'm going to say this once and I'm not going to repeat myself. Get over your past; that's over now and you can't do anything to change it. People will think what they want until you make them change their minds. Your album is gonna blow people's minds. You need to focus on right now. Let your music speak for itself" I say. "I'm sorry, Jude, I thought I'd gained an ounce of credibility as a producer. It's like people only see me in one dimension and that's it end of story," he says. "You're the real thing. Even better," I say. And he smiled remembering what he told me after I had kissed him much to my embarrassment, had an awesome performance, and then threatened to quit. "You guys are on in 30 seconds," someone yelled into our dressing room.

**Part 3**

For the next month and a half Tommy and I were hitting the radio and TV circuit doing non-stop promotion. We shot commercials, sang the national anthem at a Maple Leaf game, and even got to host a morning show together after impressing the producers of a show. And to top it all off I had been frantically putting in over time studying for my GEDs. Fortunately, Darius gave me a couple days off to prepare for the exam and take them. He knew how it was because Shay had done the same thing last year. I was so tired after I took the exams that I could barely keep my eyes open driving home. I just barely had enough energy to open my door and collapse on the couch; didn't even make it to the bed.

**Part 4**

When I woke up I found myself under the covers snug in my bed. "Jude you know you sleep like a dead person," Tommy says teasingly. "I found you sprawled on the couch, actually more like half on and half on the floor," he said. "I was tired," I say yawning. After brushing my teeth and changing into a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt I went to the kitchen to find something to eat. I had just found the last package of pop-tarts when Tommy came behind me and covered my eyes. "You're a brave man Tommy coming between a girl and her poptarts," I say good-naturedly. When he uncovered my eyes I saw 2 unopened copies of my CD and his CD. "I didn't know they got released today?" I say. "Doesn't come out until tomorrow, but I know a guy," he says. We listened through both our albums four times each and before we knew it was really late by the time we finished our argument about a key change in one of the songs. Tommy was putting on his jacket to leave when I told him to stay.

**Part 5**

"Jude you know I can't stay," he says. "Why not?" I retort back. "You know why?" he says his eyes glancing at my bed. "I have a guest room you know," I say. "Jude you think it would be easy for me knowing that you were sleeping in the next room 10 feet away," he says with anguish. The argument is just over and he leaves. Jude is sitting in her apartment alone. She bites her lip and returns the copy of the key to her apartment that she had made for him knowing that right now he would never accept, at least not another few months when she would turn 18 and she could finally reveal to everyone that they were dating, officially.

**Part 6**

Needless to say my relationship with Tommy cooled off; it was more like the second coming of the ice age. Physical contact was at an absolute minimum and when we did accidentally make contact it was like my skin was on fire. I don't know about Tommy, but the situation was driving me up the walls. And everyone at G Major seemed to notice that both of us were on edge. Everyone presumed it was because we were nervous about our albums debuting and we both smiled and obediently shook our heads in agreement.

So it was bittersweet when Darius announced that I would be heading to Europe to tour while Tommy would be doing a small club tour in North America and then when Tommy was in Europe then I would be in North America. And this time I would be joining Shay on his tour as a co-headliner. Karma's a bitch. Tommy and I even tried to joke about our role reversal and impending separation period. "Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder, Tommy," I joked. "That's hilarious, Harrison," Tommy said. "You know while we're both jet setting on opposite ends of the Earth I'll be turning 18," I mention. "So are you gonna break up with me Quincy; the whole number one rule on the road thing, remember…different girl in every city," I say trying to keep my cool. "I don't wanna hear you make promises you can't keep and I know it hasn't been easy for you in our non-physical mentor/protégé/friends/something more relationship if you can even call it that since we weren't technically dating?" I said unable to hide my hurt and frustration. "Jude…" he says. How is he the one person that can say my name in so many different ways and make my heart feel every emotion at the same time? It was unnerving how he could affect me so much. "You know what, Tommy? Now I get to call the shots. We're going to take a break, starting right now and then we'll see," I say. "We'll see?" he repeated incredulously. "We're both going to be on our own, with a lot of time to think. I tend to lose clarity when you're within a hundred mile radius, if you didn't notice," I say. "I'll see you Tommy," I said and left. You know how in the movies when the guy and the girl have an argument and one of them storms off and you hope against hope that the other one will run after them or the one doing the leaving has a change of heart and turns around and heads back, well this isn't one of those situations; this is life. It's real and it's painful, and you can either embrace the pain and move forward, or let it consume you. And I've always been one of those people that face things head on.


	10. Karma

**A/N**: I don't own _Instant Star_. Reviews are always welcome.

**Episode 10 – Karma**

Shay and I were on our way to London on his private jet while everyone else was meeting us there via commercial airline. "So where's Malibu Barbie, er, Eden," I say batting my eyelids innocently. "We broke up a few weeks ago," he mentions nonchalantly. "Oh yeah, number one rule on the road," I say remembering a time not too long ago when had a conversation about dating and going on tour. "Actually, I broke up with her because she was cheating on me with some soap opera guy," he says. "I should be gloating," I think to myself. "Oh, won't mention it again" I say against my better judgment I restrain myself. "Thanks, I hope this doesn't change anything," he says with his infamous single eyebrow raise.

**Part 1  
**  
"Shay we're friends, plus you're on the rebound, and I think the whole 'friends with benefits' concept is crap," I say. "I almost forgot how honest you are, no sugarcoating," he says with a wry grin on his face. "I'm the only one that can penetrate that ego of yours," I say with a laugh. "Why can't I ever win a war of words with you, Jude," he says. "Do you want me to let you win to make you feel better," I say. "Nah, always give it to me straight," he says.

**Part 2**

Since Jude told Shay how it was going to be between them neither seemed to have minded and they spent all of their time together. Shay and Jude went out every night even after performances. Jude dragged Shay sightseeing. She added normalcy to his life and he brought fun and a bit of craziness into her life. Neither really minded the not making out part of the relationship and it wasn't as if Shay was saying no to all the female attention that was constantly thrown his way. Jude still hadn't heard from Tommy. She was still torn between feeling mad that he hadn't tried contacting her and feeling happy because he had decided to respect her need for space. Her European tour was coming to a close and Tommy's North American tour was also winding down. Both their CDs had done well. Both CDs garnered critical acclaim and Tommy's club tour only admitting those 21+ garnered him credibility as well as peers and fans his own age. His image as a former boybander was finally fading from people's minds much to his relief. The media seemed confused as to how to explain Jude and Shay's relationship. Some painted them as still hating each other and being forced to go on tour, while others romantically linked the two with numerous photographs of them together, but none of the photographs ever captured them holding hands or making-out; both refused to confirm or deny. Jude, Shay, and Tommy would soon be heading back to Canada for a brief respite before continuing their tours with Jude and Shay, a tour in North America and Tommy, a European tour.

**Part 3**

"Shay why did you let me oversleep," I say trying not to wobble with all my bags. "Jude, relax, remember the private jet? We make our own schedule," he says helping me with my bags. "Sorry, I guess I'm just anxious to get back," I say a bit sheepishly. "Oh yeah, big 1-8," he says with a smile. "Uncle D must like you a lot to reschedule your tour dates, so you could have a big p-a-r-t-y at G Major before starting the second leg of our tour," he says a little miffed. "Pouting Shay?" I say teasingly. "He better pull out all the stops for my 21st birthday next year," he says grumbling. "Come on Big Shay, let's head to the plane," I say.

**Part 4**

When our plane touched the ground and we got off there was a huge crowd waiting for us. Everyone who mattered in my life was there except for two people. Sadie couldn't make it, so she had taken me shopping earlier to make it up to me. He wasn't there. I tried not to let the disappointment show. Everyone wanted to know how the tour went, so it was another 2 hours spent at the airport, before I told everyone I was too tired to answer any more questions and hitched a ride with Shay. "So are we gonna talk about it," he asks. "Talk about what?" I say. "Whatever it is that's eating at you," he says. "And don't say nothing, Jude, I know you too well to fall for that," he says. "I don't wanna talk about it," I say. "There are only a handful of things I know you never want to discuss with me, so I guess that leaves him," he says. "Him who" I say. "Come on Jude you know exactly who I'm talking about," he says. "Can we drop it," I say crossly. "Okay, but if you need to talk I'm right down the hall," he says. I guess I had been really distracted during the car ride home because I found myself standing in front of the door of my apartment.

**Part 5**

I had been sleeping as if I were dead when I heard some pounding on the door. I push the hair out of my eyes and make my way stumbling to my door. "Jude you're birthday party is starting in officially a little over an hour and you're still in your pajamas?" said EJ with irritation. "Don't worry I'll have you ready in no time!" she says. And before I could get another yawn out an army of people came in carrying in clothes, jewelry, shoes, make-up. "To all battle stations," I say sarcastically. "Very funny, Jude, but you'll be thanking me when we're done," she says with a look of determination that actually left me a little frightened.

**Part 6**

"Oh my little Jude is a woman!" Mrs. Harrison exclaimed sending E.J. into a fit of hysterics. Just then Shay walked in and whistled and catcalled. "Why Shay Shay I didn't realize you were leading the double life of a construction worker," I say teasingly. "I'm merely showing my admiration, Harrison," he says with a wink. "And I'm officially your date," he says. "Wow, I hadn't realized since you didn't bother asking me," I retort. "You don't look half bad yourself," I say. And with that we made our way to the Four Seasons Hotel which G Major had rented out for my birthday bash.

**Part 7**

Three hours into the party and no Tommy. "God, where is he, I thought. I can't believe he's ditching me on my birthday," I thought to myself. It was time for the father daughter dance. "Jude…" Mr. Harrison was saying. "Dad if you make some comment that I'm a woman, I'm seriously going to leave you on the dance floor partnerless," I say exasperated. Then he started crying. "Um, dad are you okay?" I ask feeling a little bad. "I'm just so proud of you honey and I'm sorry, but I have to say it, my little girl is a woman now," I couldn't help but tear up as well. After the song ended, E.J. grabbed me and dragged me into the bathroom to touch up my make up. At which point she decided it was the right opportunity to start grilling me about a certain somebody. "So you must be pretty bummed that he's not here," she says. "Bummed whose not here," I say nonchalantly. "Come on Jude, I'm not blind. Plus I know you," she says rolling her eyes. "Where is he!" I yell with frustration just a little too loudly. Georgia and my mom rush in to see if everything is okay. "I'm fine guys," I say. "You're not fine," they both say at the same time.

**Part 8**

When Shay knocked on the ladies room door and let himself in he saw all the girls sprawled on the couches with red rimmed eyes clutching Kleenex tissues. He quickly made his exit. I didn't quite understand my own actions, but I recounted everything that happened, well I left some parts out, about me and Tommy. "You really love him," Mrs. Harrison says. "Don't you Jude," said Georgia finishing the sentence. "Of course she does," E.J. cries out her nose redder than others. "What should I do?" I ask in a small voice. "There's only one thing to do" the three of them chime in, which is really starting to freak me out. E.J. grabs my purse off the floor and hands me my keys.

**Part 9**

"I really should talk to him about where to hide his spare key, I mean underneath the flower pot is a little obvious," I thought to myself distracted. I bound up the stair 2 at a time, open his bedroom door, and fling myself at him. We're holding each other and he breathes in my hair. "Tommy I…" and I stop mid-sentence as I notice for the first time his bare skin on me and realize that he's stark naked under those sheets. "So, little Tommy Q sleeps naked," I say with the eye brow raise I perfected while on tour with Shay. This instantly wakes him up and it's a thrashing of limbs and sheets and me being shoved forcibly I might add out the door with the door being locked and Tommy scrambling to put some clothes on.

**Part 10**

My heart is still pounding in my ears loud enough for him to hear when he steers me downstairs to the living room fully dressed much to my disappointment and to his chagrin. The anger suddenly flairs up as he seats himself opposite me and I can't help myself but I lean over and slug him as hard as I can. "How could you miss my birthday," I scream at the top of my lungs. He's clenching and unclenching his jaw to check if I'd broken it and doesn't say anything for a while, but makes it a point to glance at the clock. "It's still your birthday," he says his eyes heading to the clock which said 11:59 and was just about to strike midnight. With me distracted he heads to the kitchen and brings out a small cupcake with a single candle on it.

**Part 11**

I blow out the candle and he hands me a fork. We both eat it in silence. I was about to say something. "I didn't want to ruin your birthday," he says softly pushing back a few strands of red hair that was refusing to stay tucked behind my ears. He's about to take his hand away when place my hand over his on my face. "You did by not being there, Quincy," I say with my lip trembling and a single tear rolling down my cheek. He wiped the tear away and kissed my eyelids and every hurt seemed to just be forgotten. I led him up the stairs to hid bedroom and shut the door. "Jude I don't think we should…" he says stammering. "It's really late and I'm exhausted, and honestly I don't think I can make the drive back," I say. He slides into bed and puts several pillows between us just to be safe that nothing will happen. Of course, I merely throw them off the bed and curl myself against him with my back to him before I found myself fast asleep.

**Part 12**

When Tommy woke up he found an arm across his chest and red hair under his chin. He took a deep breath as if he could breathe her in. He absently started playing with her hair when she opened up one eyelid. "You're not going to slug be again are you, Harrison," he asks jokingly. Jude closes her eyelid, rests herself more comfortably on Tommy, and goes back to sleep. Tommy inevitably falls back asleep. When he wakes back up he reaches his arm across the bed only to find Jude gone. When he walks into the kitchen he sees her nursing a mug of coffee wearing one of his t-shirts and not much else. He was about to say something when he sees her watching him. "Oh my God, did something happen last night," he thinks to himself. Knowing exactly what he was thinking I pipe in, "I was wearing a dress last night, remember Quincy, I didn't exactly bring a change of clothes with me," I say; a sense of relief washing over Tommy.

**Part 13**

I take a seat next to him as he pours me a cup of coffee. Tommy was in the middle of drinking his coffee when I said, "Why was I really that unforgettable?" in which his only response was choking on his coffee and coughing violently. "I'm just kidding Quincy you can get a hold of yourself. Nothing happened. Except for me feeling really well rested. Tell me, were you a pillow in a former life," I say teasingly.

**Part 14**

He's wiping away the coffee that was spilt or spit out really all over the kitchen table when I notice something shiny around his neck. I take out the necklace from under his shirt. I take out the chain with a ring attached. I take the ring off the chain and place it on his left hand on his ring finger with the heart pointing towards me. He then takes the ring off the necklace around my neck and puts the ring on the ring finger of my left hand. "Are you sure this is what you want, Jude," he says tentatively. I answer his question with a kiss. I'm not sure how much time has passed when I find myself and Tommy on top of the kitchen table making out when I hear, "Jude Elizabeth Harrison!"

**Part 15**

Tommy and Jude were both sitting on the couch with their fingers entwined all the while being lectured by both Mrs. Harrison and Georgia. It was a whole hour before either of them got a word in edge wise. I calmly explained, well as calmly as I could, that I had spent the night at Tommy's not with Tommy because I was too tired to drive back and the only reason I was wearing his shirt, was because I had nothing else to wear other than the dress I had been wearing. And the making out part, well I told them Tommy and I were officially dating.

**Part 16**

Georgia decided it was time to have a talk with Tommy, in private. "Tommy do you know what you're doing?" she says with her head cocked to one side. "Georgia, I have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to Jude," he says sincerely. "Honest answer," she says. "Tommy were you and Jude ever involved before she turned 18?" she asked. "Georgia I would never have…" he says pleadingly. "I just had to ask. People are going to start asking questions once this gets out. And I don't just mean Jude's family, friends, or the press" Georgia says with concern. "We never did and we haven't yet," Tommy says evenly. "I believe you," she says with concern.

**Part 17**

Jude and Tommy found themselves sitting across from Darius in his office. "What you two do outside of here is none of my business, but what goes on inside of G Major is my concern. Bottom line, I don't want whatever is going on between you two to affect what were doing here, which is making music. Am I understood?" says Darius. We both nod our heads up and down and as we start to leave his office he calls out, "Both of you have a good tour and I'll see the two of you in a few months." The door shuts. "The tour," we both say with a groan.

**Part 18**

"It's only a few months, Jude," Tommy says half-heartedly trying to convince the two of us. "We'll call each other and before we know it we'll both be back," I say with a half smile. "Will you two hurry it up already," Shay says. I give him an angry glare. "Take all the time you need," he says before making his way onto the jet. We stare at each other for a few seconds trying to etch the memory in our minds and I lean on my tip toes to kiss him. "Wow is he a good kisser," I accidentally say out loud while sitting deliriously happy in my chair. "Jude, you make me wanna hurl," Shay says playfully of which I answer back by throwing a pillow at his face. He then proceeds to bat his eyelids at me and make googily eyes making me erupt in laughter.


	11. Daylight

**A/N**: I don't own _Instant Star_. I don't own _When I See You _Smile by Bad English. Reviews are always welcome.

**Episode 11 - Daylight**

(6 months later) My North American tour whizzed by in a blur. I mean it wasn't as glamorous as the last tour, we still go to stay at the best hotels, but we had to travel via bus, albeit really really nice buses, but you tend to go a little crazy in enclosed spaces, especially without a lot of girls around. I mean really how much testosterone can one girl stand? Shay took me out even more than he took me out in Europe. He let me mope for as long as his patience would allow and being Shay his patience lasted as long as a child taking Ritalin for ADD. I mean the best part of touring was the pranks that went on between me and the boys. But other than that, it was business as usual and a countdown until I got to see my boyfriend, God it's good to say that, again. But as my luck would have it everyone and their mom was crossing the border back into Canada and I was getting really annoyed and annoying to those around me. "I swear to God, Jude, if I hear one more are we there yet, border officers be damned I'll pick you up my damned self and run you across the border!" Shay said well more like yelled. I decided it'd be beneficial for everyone if I just piped down. And I decided to distract myself by trying to call Tommy who was flying back, lucky bastard, back to Toronto. It went straight to voicemail. A good 3 hours have passed and instead of getting to go home I was brought straight to Darius' office for a meeting. Darius congratulated Shay, me, and Tommy for our successful tours. Then he went on and on and my ears didn't pick up until he said the words 'vacation' and 'contract up.' 'What were you saying Darius, sorry I wasn't paying attention?" I say. "I said you've earned yourself a couple of weeks of R & R. And your contract will be up as well as a few other people. Georgia and E.J. already mentioned that they will be leaving G Records for other pursuits. Tommy you were only contracted to work with Jude, now that you have a bonafide solo career you might wanna think about your options as well. If you wanna discuss something with me you'll have to leave me voicemail because I'll be out of the office as well. I've got a clothing line I'm developing as well as producing some movies. Anyway that's everything," said Darius. And with that we were all dismissed.

**Part 1**

When I got home I just wanted to collapse on my bed, but I noticed that I had some voicemail. It was Tommy. He left some cryptic message telling me to pack a bag because he was taking me somewhere as a surprise. I basically dumped out everything in the bags I already had and went to my closet. Being famous has a few perks like free clothes! I couldn't even afford half the clothes that were given to me for free if I had to buy it on my own. Anyway after about 45 minutes I was starving. I was in the middle of calling for take-out when Tommy knocked on the door carrying dinner, handed me dinner, and told me to eat it in the car. I thought he had completely lost his mind. I mean it was tough enough getting allowed to go near the viper, but when I got outside with my heavy bag I made him lug down to the familiar blue vehicle, which was nowhere to be seen. Instead out front was a pick up truck. He nonchalantly threw my bag into the back, opened the door for me since I was carrying dinner, and got in the car and turned it on.

**Part 2**

"Hey, is the car in the shop?" I ask in between bites sesame chicken and steamed dumplings. "The car's fine, but this is really better suited for where we're headed," he said. "And where exactly are we going, Quincy?" I ask. "Good things come to those who wait," he says. "God that's what my parents say," I say groaning and nearly choking on my food. "Just enjoy the scenery, Harrison," he says. "Tommy, I was on a bus for 6 months with nothing to do, but enjoy the scenery," I say as I tear into my fortune cookies. "Here make yourself useful," he says handing me a map "You don't know where you're going," I say with disbelief. "If we get lost it's all on you, you've got the map," he says with a grin. "Um Harrison," he says. "Hmmm," I answer. "You're holding the map upside down," he says. "Oh, hee hee," I say weakly. "Alright, you can be in charge of the music he says and drops his iPod on my lap," he says.

**Part 3**

After a few minutes Tommy tells me to hurry up. "Relax," I say before pressing play. As soon as he hears the opening beats he groans. And I start to sing.

Sometimes I wonder  
How I'd ever make it through,  
Through this world without having you  
I just wouldn't have a clue

'Cause sometimes it seems  
Like this world's closing in on me,  
And there's no way of breaking free  
And then I see you reach for me

Sometimes I wanna give up  
I wanna give in,  
I wanna quit the fight  
And then I see you, baby  
And everything's alright,  
everything's alright

When I see you smile  
I can face the world, oh oh,  
you know I can do anything  
When I see you smile  
I see a ray of light, oh oh,  
I see it shining right through the rain  
When I see you smile  
Oh yeah, baby when I see you smile at me

Baby there's nothing in this world  
that could ever do  
What a touch of your hand can do  
It's like nothing that I ever knew

And when the rain is falling  
I don't feel it,  
'cause you're here with me now  
And one look at you baby  
Is all I'll ever need,  
you're all I'll ever need

Chorus

Sometimes I wanna give up  
I wanna give in,  
I wanna quit the fight  
And then I see you baby  
And everything's alright,  
everything's alright

After the song ends Tommy can't help, but smile as I tease him mercilessly. "I can't believe you've got that song on your iPod. "It's a classic," he says. "God was I even born yet," I say. The conversation was starting to head down a path neither of us wanted to discuss just yet, so I just put on something safe that both of us enjoyed, and the awkward moment was soon forgotten. We stopped for dinner at some side of the road diner and then continued on our way. It was already dark when we drove down a number of dirt roads and pulled up to a house. Tommy had to gently shake my shoulder to wake me up. "Jude, we're here," he says. He decides he gave me enough warning and opens my door, which I had been leaning on and I nearly fall out and hit the ground before I'm able to right myself. "Thanks a lot I say," trying to get my hair out of my eyes. He just shrugs and starts bringing stuff into the house. This is my grandfather's house where I summered every year until I joined Boyz Attack. He left it to me as part of his will. "Oh," I say. "Sorry," I say. "He would have liked you," he says before grabbing another arm load of stuff. "Why are there so many grocery bags," I ask. "Jude we're in the middle of nowhere, and I doubt you have proficient hunting skills," he says. "Real, funny, Quincy" I say. "Jude Harrison, hunter gatherer," I say dramatically. "Just get the rest of the bags, Harrison," he says. After trying to carry in 5 grocery bags, which pretty much weighed as much as I did I collapsed unceremoniously in the entrance. "Actually Jude you should probably bring that stuff to the pantry," he says. "Actually I was planning on just lying here until the morning," I say. "I'm just taking a break Quincy, relax" I say. He took 3 more trips to the truck before I picked myself up again and carried the bags to the pantry 2 at a time.

**Part 4**

"I'll put the rest of the stuff away," he called from in the kitchen. "Anyway, I left your heavy bags in the bedroom upstairs. I wandered the living room and marveled at the pictures of Tommy with his grandfather. I then made my way to the couch where there were a number of musty looking photo albums. I had just gone through Tommy's grandfather's pictures of his childhood, his wedding, his family, and was on Tommy's childhood photos when he came into the room. "Ready for a tour," he says. "Sure," I say. He showed me the dining room, the finished basement, I'd already seen the kitchen, the bathrooms, and we were making our way upstairs. "This is your room and mine is right down the hall. Every bedroom has a bathroom and a walk in closet, so you'll have plenty of room to unpack. Anyway, I'll leave you to get settled," I was just about to say something when he walked out of the room and went down the hall to his room.

**Part 5**

I decided to follow him to his room. "Tommy you're like 5 bedrooms away from me," I say. "Yeah, I know. I thought I'd give you some space," he says. I start to slowly walk towards him and I swear it looks like he's frantically looking for the nearest exit. I decided to be the aggressor and made the first move by kissing him. Kissing him always made me weak in the knees and a little light-headed to say the least so I gently pushed him on the bed and made myself comfortable against him. All my senses seemed heightened when I was near him. I could feel his breath against my skin and smell his scent. And I swear somewhere in the distance I could hear some drums, but I'm sure that was all in my head. And then the clothing tugging war began and he stopped me. "Jude…" he says out of breath. "You know every time you say that something bad happens, so just shut up Tommy," I say and start kissing him again. When I start tugging on his clothes again he gets up. "Did I do something wrong," I ask with a little hurt in my voice. "Tommy, I'm 18," I say defensively. "It's not that," he says. "What you don't want me," I say with my voice a little agitated. "It's not that," he says. "Then what is it Tommy!" I yell and start pacing the room. "I thought this is what you wanted," I say exasperated. "It is," he says. "But I don't want to pressure you into sleeping with me," he says. A moment or two passes. "I don't want to rush into things," he says. "Especially, if you're not ready," he says. "We're going to be here for a few weeks, Jude. Why don't we spend that time getting to know each other?" he says. I don't know if it was the full moon or all the frustration I felt, but I was still seeing red and made my way out the door, down the hallway, and to my room where as soon as I got there slammed the door as hard as I could so that a picture frame on the wall jumped right off and fell the ground. I heard the frame break and threw myself on the bed for all I was worth.

**Part 6**

Sunlight was streaming through my blinds. One of my pillows was on the ground as well as my blanket and I was freezing and I hadn't gotten much sleep after the little tiff we had had the night before. I was debating whether or not to just lie there or to get up and get my blanket off the floor. My reverie was soon broken when the door opened slightly. Tommy was waiving around a white handkerchief and had 2 cups of coffee he was trying to balance with the other hand; it was quite comical. He came in, picked up the blanket and pillow off the floor and threw it casually back on the bed as I sat there with my arms across my chest. "I come in peace," he says. I grab the coffee and don't say anything until I drain the entire mug. He starts rambling on about what we could do the rest of the day when I rudely interrupt him and say, "You know you must be an expert at avoiding things you don't want to talk about." "Do you want to talk about last night," he asks tentatively. "No," I say truthfully much to my surprise. "Okay then, get up and get dressed we're going on a little adventure" he says. He walks out of the room.

**Part 7_  
_**  
After a nice and long luxurious shower I made my way downstairs. "Where are we going," I ask as I grab a piece of toast and put butter and jam on it before we head out the door. "It's not far," he says. I start to make my way towards the passenger side when Tommy tells me it's within walking distance. Actually it was within 20 minutes walking distance and was part of the property. He walks into the barn where he introduces me to Brownie the 3rd. "I loved my first horse as a kid and when he died my grandfather got me another horse that I named Brownie 2nd, and then I bought her last year" he explained. I was nervous at first, but then Tommy gave me a couple of sugar cubes and carrots and we became fast friends. He took her out of the barn as well as another horse and saddled both. I was still admiring Brownie when I found myself boosted into the saddle by Tommy. Having never been on a horse before or any other creature I started to panic, making the horse panic. "Jude just calm down," he says. "Tommy, I'm gonna fall off I know it," I say frantically clutching at anything I could put my hands on. Tommy gets of his horse and gives me an hour lesson on how to stay on the horse and not fall off. It was mid-afternoon by then and I had made some small triumphs. "I'm hungry," I say. "You must have worked up a real appetite trying to not fall off that horse," he teases. When I dismounted I nearly collapsed because of how sore I was. Luckily Tommy was there to catch me before I made a bigger fool of myself if that's humanly possible. This time he put his hands over my eyes and led me to a picnic lunch set up under the shade of a tree. "Voila mademoiselle," he says theatrically. Before me was a couple of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with the crust taken off, some chips, cookies, and a couple of bottles of water. "It was either this or tuna and I know you're not a fan of tuna fish," he says as he dug into his sandwich. We finished our meal and decided to take a nap. Tommy leaned against the tree and I leaned on him. He had even brought a blanket.

**Part 8**

I was walking to the front door when I heard the ignition of the truck. Apparently our adventure was not over yet. After a few minutes we pulled up to a drive-in movie theater that looked abandoned. Well it wasn't really abandoned, there were the people that worked at the concession stand and that sold tickets, but other than that it was empty. Tommy parked his car in reverse, so that we could sit in the back of the pick up. We ended up watching a black and white movie from before either of our times. It was very dramatic and a bit sappy. "Tommy are you crying," I said at one point as I myself was sobbing. We were watching 'An Affair to Remember'; everyone who has ever seen that movie has cried, so I decided not to tease him. After the movie, he drove me to a look out point and took out a telescope. God the whole day was so cheesy, but I loved every minute of it. When we got back to the house, Tommy escorted me to my door, said good night like a gentleman, and went to his room alone. I was so tired and happy after the day I had with Tommy that I didn't even protest and promptly fell asleep.

**Part 9**

Tommy and I are experts about not talking about things that happened it seems. I mean everything went back to normal, which is to say it seemed like there was a giant elephant trailing us whenever we went. We hung out, he taught me to cook, well sort of; I can proudly say that I can boil water and not much else really. "I mean it's not really over cooked is it, it's well done," I say as I fork a charred piece of chicken and bring it deathly close to my mouth. "Jude, pizza's on the way," Tommy says laughingly. "Thank, God," I say as I slide all the contents of my plate into the garbage. "Anyway it'll be some time before it arrives, so why don't we play scrabble" he says. We had already gone through most of the board games he had when he was a kid and tonight scrabble was it. We sit Indian style on the floor and Tommy begins to hand out the letters. "I could use this to my advantage to tell him how I feel," I thought to myself. "God scrabble, Tom Quincy, Jude must think I'm the lamest person on Earth," Tommy thought with a groan that was a little more audible than he had hoped. Jude raised her eyebrow. It was funny, they knew what each was thinking and now had pinned it down to a science of giving each other glances that spoke volumes. "My letters are terrible, Quincy" I say. He just shrugs. The next 45 minutes were spent with a lot of whining, mostly by me, and gloating mostly by him. And I was starting to get a slight headache from hunger. Then after I didn't think I could take any more scrabble or lack of nourishment, we get a call. The pizza guy got lost and our choices 2 choices are either to cancel it or wait it out. We decided to cancel it and just eat cereal, which was dry by the way because we desperately needed to go food shopping. After "dinner" we decided to play some more scrabble, but we decided to make the score 0 to 0, so it was sudden death. I put down the letters, 'f', 'r', 'u', 's', 't' to make a word with 'ate', which was already there. Tommy, put down the word 'food' then looked up at me. I shook my head. I then decided to just go for it and put down the letters 's', 'e', 'x'. And almost comically, well kind of embarrassing really, the game ended on that note. Tommy started putting the board away and he just looked tense, I on the other hand looked like a predator coiled up and waiting to pounce on its unsuspecting prey. Did I mention that Tommy had instated an unspoken rule of me not being allowed in his bedroom and vice versa? I mean I swear I saw him make a mad dash past my door, to block any kind of interaction. Anyway, I decided on following him as he put the board game back inside the closet in his old room he used to spend his summers in and I tried to quietly lock the door. As luck would have it he heard me and freezed. "Jude, what are you doing?" he asks. And I swear to God he looks like he's mentally checking where all the exits are. "Tommy, don't make me handcuff you to the bed," I say exasperated. He makes a guy face, then quickly shakes his head to peal him from whatever fantasy he was having and said "What?" like he was the innocent virgin. "Tommy, I. Want. To. Have. Sex. With. You. Period." I said. He immediately sat on the bed. "Jude…"

**Part 10**

I would not be denied. I basically threw myself at him. I mean I know I've been wearing him down. Hell, I've been wearing myself out running after him. "Oh my God, this is finally happening," I thought to myself and then starting to mentally freak out. He had just rolled us over, so he was on top, when I put both my hands on his chest. We were both breathing heavily. "I'll be right back," I stammered and ran into the bathroom and shut the door. I was sitting on top of the toilet with my knees to my chest, when Tommy knocked and asked if everything was okay. "Tommy this is my first time…I mean obviously you know that and...you know I've never been naked in front of anyone except when I was like a baby and…" At that point I think I started hyperventilating and didn't really notice when he put his arms around me and I calmed down and just felt completely and utterly safe. "Jude, I will always protect you," he murmured into my hair. We were both a little surprised by the force of his words. And I just knew that he was telling the truth. A small pressure had lifted off my shoulders and I could feel tightness in my belly. I mean I was nervous as hell. He led me from the bathroom and he sat me on the bed and remained standing. "We don't have to do anything," he said. "That's not what we have is about," he says. "Besides I have plenty of girls on the side," he says with a straight face before breaking out into a grin. I decided that it was a good time to tackle him and tickle him mercilessly when I found myself straddling him and bam the giant elephant was back in the room. I took a deep breath and now was as good a time as any and tentatively took off my shirt. He sat up and I stood in front of him half naked, well technically I still had my bra on. I was so nervous as he stared at me. His eyes were drinking me in and I could feel a slight blush spreading on my cheeks. He put one of his hands on the small of my back and placed the other one on my arm and started moving it down my arm and I admit I was feeling slightly okay more than slightly light headed, but only for a second because he enveloped me in a kiss. Then he took his shirt off and wow. He was patient with me as I stared unabashedly and then when I started to trace the contours of his body with my hands. He led me to the bed and I lay down propped up on my elbows. "Jude if you want to stop at any time, just tell me, okay," he asks. I nod my head and pull him towards me for a kiss. Colors seemed brighter; I could feel his heart beat, and our breathing quickened. And we weren't even naked yet. God, and when he kissed my collar bone I felt like I had turned into jello. I couldn't even think straight at that point. Anyway, I was thinking how amazing it felt being kissed there when he stopped and grabbed something from the bed side table. "Tommy why are you stopping," I murmur as I playfully nip his ear. "Jude don't tell me you never had sex ed," he says with a condom in his hand. "Tommy, I know that kids don't come from storks, so just relax," I say a little miffed. "You're awfully cute when you're annoyed with me," he says with a grin and kisses me on the forehead. We're both sitting at the edge of the bed now. He turns to me with a serious expression on his face, "Jude are you sure this is what you want?" "I'm sure," I say. "I want you," I say and reach for him.

**Part 11**

Red hair was pooled on his chest and her arm was resting across his chest. "I could get used to this," he accidentally said aloud. Jude's sleep seemed unperturbed with only the slightest disruption from her REM session snuggling closer to him. Jude looked so peaceful while she slept. He watched her sleep for a little longer before falling back asleep. A few hours later he reached over to her side of the bed and found it empty. He wrapped himself with the blanket and made his way downstairs. He found her sitting on the front steps wrapped in a bed sheet and she was shivering. He just shook his head and sat down behind her and wrapped the blanket around both of them. "Better?" he asks. She responds with a "hmmmm" sound almost like a cat purring. "I could get used to this, too" I say with a teasing smile on my face. The next couple of minutes pass with the two of them sitting in silence, wrapped together in the blanket, and watching the sun rise.


	12. Brand New

**A/N**: I don't own _Instant Star_. Reviews are always welcome.

**Episode 12 – Brand New**

(A month later) Jude and Tommy were finally heading back. They were about an hour out of Toronto and decided to make a pit stop at a grocery store for reinforcements. Tommy was in the fruit section while Jude was casually making her way down the chips/cookies aisle and was grabbing everything in sight. She met him at the fruit section a few minutes later. She dropped everything in the cart. "Jude you can't seriously be thinking about eating all of that, do you?" he asks. "Why you think I didn't grab enough," I say teasingly. "No I mean with that much sugar in your system I don't think the seatbelt is going to be enough to hold you down," he says breaking out into a grin. "So, funny Quincy," she says and playfully punches him on the shoulder. An older woman in her late 60s has been watching them for the past few minutes and politely says, "Oh how long have you two been married? You two remind me of my granddaughter and her husband who have been married for about 2 years now." Tommy and Jude both look at each other and turn slightly red. "Oh we're not," they both say at the same time. "Are you sure dears, you two seem like newlyweds to me," she says with a grin. "You two have a nice day," she says before pushing her cart along to the vegetable aisle. They quickly paid for their items and got into the car. "That was…" I say. "Odd," he says finishing my sentence. About thirty minutes of silence pass before I break the ice. "Have you ever though about it," I ask. "What," he says casually. "You know, the whole married with kids and a white picket fence," I venture. "Jude, I got married at 18 and was divorced within the first month," he says. "So that's it then, right," I say a little annoyed. "Jude…" he says letting silence fill the air before continue. "Whatever I'm gonna say you're either going to take the wrong way and be pissed or freak out," he says. "Try me," I say. Tommy takes a deep breath and exhales, "Jude, I love you. I've loved you since the first day you walked into the studio called me a boyband has-been and less than useless producer, and to top it all off you called me Little Tommy Q. My love for you, it's as certain as the sun rising and setting, but marriage is a whole new complicated, thing. You're only 18. You have your whole life ahead of you. What if you realize one day that I'm not the one for you? That I can't give you everything you want and need. I don't ever want to let you down. Because you're it for me. I don't want anyone else. Ever." They drive the rest of the way in silence. Both of them casually glancing at each other about to say something, but then don't. Tommy drops Jude off, she doesn't invite him up, so he drives off. (cue music)

**Part 1**

Jude sees her machine blinking and presses the button before collapsing on the couch. Her first message is from Georgia. "Hi Jude, this is Georgia. Hope you had a restful vacation. Anyway I wanted to remind you that your contract is up and Darius wants to see you first thing tomorrow. And just wanted to say that it's been a pleasure working with you, but I'm going to be leaving G Major as is E.J. Anyway, really glad your back." Her second message is from Kat going on and on about how much she loves going to school in New York and how her internship is going with some snooty designer who basically treats her like crap. Her third message was from Jaime who is also going to school in New York and he's totally stressed out between managing some bands and school work. But he said not to worry, that's he's happy, just stressed, and that both of them will be seeing her when they get back for winter break. The next couple of messages were from her mom and dad pretty much pleading to set up having dinner with her and spending time with her. Jude groans aloud. "Hey shorty, what's wrong," asks Shay strolling in.

**Part 2**

Shay and Jude were eating pizza and she obviously didn't want to talk about anything. Shay decided she needed to talk. "So, you going to sign with G Major and Uncle D?" he asks. "I don't know. I was kind of thinking about doing my own thing, you know," I say. "I've got more money than I can think of and I was kinda thinking about starting my own label and maybe trying to produce and sign some talent," I say. "This is really gonna piss off Uncle D" he says grinning from ear to ear. "Jude, I'd like to be your first client," he says and playfully shakes my hand. "We should both start looking for a fallout shelter," I joke. "Oh yeah, and you should probably finalize your will," he says with a smirk.

**Part 3**

The headline the next day, with a little help from Shay's contacts in the media read, "Jude Harrison stages coup at G Major and leaves with key staff members, including R &B crooner Shay, to form her own record label, and shocks the music industry." She was on her third cup of coffee, having been on the phone all last night and this morning talking to Georgia, E.J., Kwest about her decision, when Tommy strolled in with a copy of the paper in his hand. "I see you've been productive since I dropped you off, yesterday," he says putting down a cup of her favorite coffee. "Here for an interview, Tom" I say. "Are you serious," he says. I gaze at him unflinching. "Okay, fire away then," he says indignantly. "What are your credentials," I ask. "Jude we both know I produced both your albums and Shay's and they both went multi-platinum," he says. "Jude, why didn't you tell me any of this was going on inside your head," he asks. "It was just an idea I had, I didn't really have any intention of going forward with it" I say truthfully. "What changed," he says. "Georgia left me a voicemail telling me that she and E.J. were leaving," I say. "The two of them had done so much for me and I just didn't want them to walk away," I say. "I know totally selfish," I say. "Darius was changing the label and making it his. He was turning it into something I didn't want to be a part of anymore," I say truthfully. "If it's that important to you Jude, then I want to help. I want to be your partner," he says. "Okay, but my name goes first on the sign," I say. "Harrison-Quincy Records" I say triumphantly. "What's with the slash?" he asks. "Oh, no reason, I just thought it sounded better." I say innocently.

**Part 4**

The whole setting up your own record company didn't go as badly as I thought. Tommy came in as a producer and of course I had Shay who had tons of friends who were producers that he brought in. I told Georgia and E.J. that they had the same duties as they had at G Major and told them in no way did I think that I was their boss; I mean I was just footing the bill, so I thought I didn't really have to be involved, boy was I wrong. I had to sit through all the meetings. Everyone wanted my input on exactly everything. It was crazy, but a good crazy I guess. I talked to Jaime and Kat every week and kept reminding them that they had a job waiting for them here, even tried convincing them to drop out of school, so they could hang out with me, I mean work with me, but their parents said no, so it was no dice. I was just hiding out in, get this, my office and just savoring the silence when I heard a knock on my door and low and behold it was Darius.

**Part 5**

I had been hoping that I wouldn't have any sort of confrontation with Darius and was surprised to find myself sitting across from him with a role reversal. "Jude you can stop looking like I'm gonna attack you or something," he says. "I actually came here to tell you that I respect you and am proud of you," he says. "Huh," I say totally confused. "I gave you wings and it was time for you to fly on your own, I get it," he says. "In some ways I pushed you in the direction to do this," he says. "Yeah, you did," I say. "God he's making this all about him, typical," I think to myself. "So, no hard feelings?" I say. "Consider me your mentor," he says getting up and getting ready to leave. "Of course, Darius, thanks for stopping by," I say as cheerily as I can. As soon as he leaves, I slump against the door wondering what the hell had just happened.

**Part 6**

I knock on the door of Studio C where Shay is producing a song for a new artist we had signed. "Come in," he says. "Take 5," he says into the microphone. He gets up and gives me a hug. "You looked like you needed it," he says before sitting back down. "So I had a visitor today," I say. I see him visibly stiffen. "Still not talking to your Uncle?" I venture. "Nahhh" he says casually, although I know it's been eating away at him, which is why I'm reluctant to bring up what happened. I've stopped talking and he's zoned out. "If you want to leave here I won't take it personal. You should patch things up with your uncle," I say guiltily. "And give up what I've got here. I'm free here, Jude. I can do what I want without having to worry about what he thinks and knowing he'll disapprove of everything. I can make the albums I want. I'm producing. You've let me be myself. Besides, he sees what I did as a betrayal. I've already tried to apologize. I'm done with reasoning with him. If he's got a beef with me he should come talk to me. I'm done running after him. Are we done here," he says a little too harshly. "Yeah, sorry" I say biting my lip.

**Part 7**

"God Jude great job! Way to make things worse," I say. "You know crazy people start out talking to themselves," Tommy says teasingly before enveloping me in a hug. I barely notice that we've moved into my office and are lying comfortably on my couch. "Worrying about whatever's bothering you is gonna give you wrinkles, girl" he says. "Yeah, you'd know," I say. "Hey," he says. "Sorry," I say. "It's just Darius came and saw me and said we were cool, but things obviously aren't improving between Shay and him" I say. "Can you talk to him," I ask. "Who, Shay?" he asks. "No, with Darius," I say. "Yeah and when they're fishing my body out of the lake you'll have yourself to thank," he says. "Please," I say making puppy dog eyes. "Alright, but you owe me," he says with mock seriousness. You can start making it up to me right now," he says kissing me.

**Part 8**

Darius and Tommy are sitting in Darius office. "Hey D. Listen about Shay, it's time to forgive him and cut him loose," I say. "You never were one to sugar coat anything, were you Quincy," he says. "He turned his back on me and left," he retorts. "Can you really blame him, you were a dictator. You mapped out everything for him and you made him ask permission for every little thing in his life. I'm surprised he didn't do this earlier. It's time for him to stand on his own. But he needs to know that if he falters, that you'll be there for him. He's your blood, Darius. And if I haven't convinced you, listen to a few tracks he's been working on," he says and with that Tommy got up and left leaving Darius alone with his thoughts.

**Part 9**

"Hey Jude you have any idea where those tracks I've been working on went," Shay says. "No idea," I say guiltily. "You're a horrible liar by the way, J," he says. Just then his phone started vibrating in his pocket. "I need to take this, but seriously I want to know where my tracks are," he says quickly stepping into one of the empty studios. Fifteen minutes later he emerges stone faced out of the studio. "Darius wants to see me," he says.

**Part 10**

A few hours later Jude is still in the studio going over some paper work or other but she can barely see straight and her lids are getting heavier and heavier when Shay comes in. "Hey," I say with a huge yawn. "How'd things go," I say. "Went well," he says and slides his CD towards me. "He told me he wouldn't be needing this anymore," he says. 'Oh, um how did he get that," I say. "Seriously Jude you're like the worst liar I've ever met" he says with a genuine laugh. "It's nice to hear you laugh," I say. "Thanks," he says in a serious tone. "Me and Uncle D are cool," he says. "That's great Shay," I say and jump up to hug him. The hug lasted a little longer than normal when Tommy came in. "Hey Jude ready to…." he stopped mid-sentence. "How'd things go with Darius," Tommy asks. "Good, he told me about your lecture" Shay says. "I just told him the truth," he says. "So you guys done here. We should probably get going Jude," Tommy says.

**Part 11**

"Tommy nothing's going on with me and Shay," I said in a panic. "Did I say anything," he asks lacing his fingers with my own. A few minutes pass when I notice that I have no idea where we're headed. "Tommy, uh, are you lost," I say. "No, and don't say are we there yet" he says. We pull up to a house with a for sale sign on the front. "Tommy I didn't know you were into breaking and entering," I say whispering. "Jude, relax, I got this for us," he says handing me a key.

**Part 12**

I race around the empty house for about 30 minutes marveling at everything when I reach the master bedroom. "Funny, Quincy, how this is the only room with furniture," I say staring at the bedroom with a 4 poster bed. "I thought, I'd get the essentials," he says before planting a kiss and pinning me to the bed.

**Part 13**

It's still dark out when Tommy and I head downstairs wrapped in sheets and into the kitchen. I open the fridge, which is empty. And start rifling through the cupboards. "I thought you said you got the essentials," I say. And lo and behold he opens the pantry door, which is stuffed with all my favorite junk food and he starts making us coffee. I'm happily munching away on my poptart when he throws one of his t-shirts and boxers to me, tells me to get dressed, and grabs my hand.

**Part 14**

"Where are you taking me," I say indignantly with his hands wrapped around my eyes. "You'll see, Harrison, just relax," he says. He puts my hand out to touch something and uncovers my eyes.

**Part 15**

"It's my horse from your grandfather's place!" I exclaim as I give the horse some carrots. "Did you bring yours too," I ask. "Yeah, he's just a few stalls down," he says. "So do you want to take a look at the property", he asks. It was about the same size as his grandfather's, which meant a couple of acres where we had plenty of space to go riding. The house was amazing complete with a studio in the finished basement. "What about your other house," I ask. "I sold it," he says with a shrug. "So we're really doing it, huh," I say. "Doing what, Harrison," he says. "We're moving in together," I say.

**Part 16_  
_**  
"You're not happy," he says matter-o-factly. "It's just that the last serious conversation we had together didn't exactly end on a fuzzy feelings note," I say. "Jude, could you get something I left on the bed for me," he says. "Why can't you get it," I say. He rolls his eyes at me. "Alright, whatever," I say. I bound up the stairs and stop in my tracks. I follow the rose petals to the bedroom door where there's candles lit and flowers everywhere, in vases, on the floor, on the bed. And when I reached the bed there was a small box, which I slowly picked up. I hadn't even noticed that I was sitting on the bed. "Are you going to open it," he asks nervously. He covers my hands with his and helps me open the box. "Jude, I…" he says. "Yes", I scream and tackle him planting his face with kisses. "I didn't even ask you yet," he says. "Okay, go ahead," I say breathlessly. "Jude, will you marry me?" he asks. "Yes, of course I'll marry you," I say with tears in my eyes.

**Part 17**

E.J. helped me throw together a wedding in record time. I can hardly even remember the ceremony or the reception, but all the magazines had covered it. We were just getting back from our honeymoon from Hawaii. "Jude we left with 3 suitcases and you do realize now we've got about 8," he says putting them all down in the living room. "I had to get presents for everyone" I say without sympathy. "We seriously need to get furniture," I say. "Your wish is my command" he says. "Really," I say with an arched eyebrow before leading him to our bedroom where are sole piece of furniture was residing.

**Part 18**

(Next day at the studio) "What's up married girl," Shay says without looking up from his coffee. "Hey yourself," I say. "What no tan," he says. "Pale people don't tan, Shay, they burn." I say. "You got a little color" he says. "Yeah, red, and then pink, and then pale once the new skin grew back," I say. "So how're things," I say. "Good," he says. "You?" he asks. "Good," I say. Things were definitely weird with us.


	13. Collide

**A/N**: I don't own _Instant Star_. I don't own _I Will Follow You In The Dark _by Death Cab For Cutie. Reviews are always welcome.

**Episode 13 - Collide**

Ever since our weird exchange, Shay started partying hard and was seen with another model, actress, or whatever every night according to the tabloid fodder. When I asked Darius about it he just said that was normal behavior. I didn't ask Tommy about it; he'd probably get all suspicious. So, against my better judgment I decided to try to bump into him at one of the many clubs he frequented and told Tommy I was going to be hanging out with Kat and Jamie who were visiting for the weekend. So, I had ulterior motives, I really did want to hang out with them, though. God, was I a total idiot. (cue music)

**Part 1**

Kat and I were getting ready at Jamie's house and Jamie was complaining as usual. "You know you guys don't have to make yourselves beautiful for little ol me," Jamie said from downstairs. "Shut it Andrews and be prepared to pick your jaw off from the floor," said Kat sauntering down the stairs. "Uh, ummm" he stuttered. "That's what I thought," Kat said. Kat had brought home one of her projects for Jude to wear and of course she would be getting free exposure, so it was a win win situation for everyone. "Very nice Jude" Jamie said before hurriedly opening the door to their stretch hummer limo. Kat gave him a murderous look. "I meant the limo my little pint size bundle of love," he said quickly. "Nice recovery Andrews, I give it a 4.5 for the wobbly landing," I said.

**Part 2**

Pretty soon we were being seated at the VIP area where Shay was with two anorexic looking models and an empty bottle of Jack. He pushed the two off of him and made his way over the table, not without knocking over a waiter who was bringing drinks to another table. "Hey Shay," I said. "Jude, must be my lucky night for you to grace my presence," he said smoothly. "Jude, you said you come here all the time," Jamie said. Kat immediately kicked him in the shin under the table. "Wanna dance, shorty?" he said with smile. Before waiting for an answer he scooped me up and starting dancing. "So this is Jude hanging out with us," said Jamie. "Shut up Jamie and ask your girlfriend to dance," Kat said. "Uh sure," he said and both made their way onto the crowded dance floor.

**Part 3**

"Didn't realize Shay was quite the Patrick Swayze," Jamie said. "You've seen Dirty Dancing" Kat said with a smirk. "No…" he said. "Funny how I don't believe you, Andrews" Kat said. Shay was all over Jude who was trying her best to pry his hands every time they slid to an inappropriate spot. "Shay how much have you been drinking," I ask concerned. "Today, or in general," he said laughingly and pulling me closer. "Come on Jude you gotta loosen up," Shay said while nuzzling her neck. "Well, obviously you've had enough tonight," I said trying to get some breathing room. "Why don't we go somewhere and talk," I say. "Thought you'd never ask, girl," he said.

**Part 4**

I try to find Jamie and Kat, but it's impossible with the crowd on the floor. I'll leave 'em a message later and hope they forgive me. Shay took his keys out of his pocket. "Why don't you let me drive Shay," I say. "Alright, I'm in a generous mood," he said. He threw up once before we got in. Not pretty at all. I had hoped that some fresh air would do him some good. "Jude I love you," Shay said and started laughing. "Shay you've had way too much to drink to profess your love to anyone," I say. "I LOVE YOU JUDE," he said while trying to stand up on his seat. "Shay what the hell are you doing! Sit down," I say. "Not until you say it back," he says. "What!" I say. "Fine whatever, Shay I love you too, happy" I say while he clambers back down and puts on his seat back. I thought it was over, but then he grabbed my face and started kissing me while I was driving. For that split second I lost control of the wheel and the world was spinning.

**Part 5**

"Jude…" I could hear a voice calling, but every time I got closer to it the further it sounded away. I remember being in the car with Shay and then nothing. I just knew that I was feeling really sleepy, but somehow I knew I had to stay awake. But it was just too hard and fell asleep. Shay was pacing the waiting room. Jamie and Kat had just arrived. "What happened," Kat asked. "I don't remember," Shay said. "I must have blacked out," He said. "Yeah probably at the time that the car hit the telephone poll," Jamie said unsympathetically. "Listen, I was drunk okay everything is a little fuzzy. "Did you even bother calling everyone else?" Kat asked. "No, I hadn't gotten that far" Shay said. "Jamie call her parents, sister, Georgia, E.J., and Kwest," Kat said. "And what are you going to do my little honey bunny," Jamie asks. "I'm going to bring Shay to Tommy, so he can tell him face to face what happened to his wife," Kat yelled angrily. "Okay, so you two play nice," Jamie said before going outside to make the calls.

**Part 6**

Shay and Kat found Tommy still at the studio working. "Hey Kat, where's Jude," Tommy said. Then he noticed Shay for the first time who had his arm in a sling and a couple cuts and bruises on his face. Kat quickly left the room.

**Part 7**

She heard Shay talking, then yelling, then definitely furniture breaking, and then Tommy ripped open the door and was at a dead run to the parking lot. Shay, meanwhile, was on the floor unconscious. Since, he was too heavy for me to move, I called Jamie and we brought him to the hospital for the new cuts and bruises that he got courtesy a la Tommy.

**Part 8**

We all found ourselves sitting in the waiting room, again. Tommy and Shay were both pacing the floor. They wouldn't even look at each other, I'm not quite sure how Tommy was able to restrain himself from beating the living crap out of him, but he did. We were soon joined by Jude's family, Georgia, E.J., Kwest, and Darius. The surgeon came through the doors. We all waited with baited breath for him to tell us how the surgery went. "The first surgery went well; she was pretty bad when she came in. She had a punctured lung, a concussion, her arm was broken, her knee and ankle were both sprained, and she had lost a lot of blood, and she's not able to breathe at her own. She is still in critical condition. Now all we can do is wait. I will keep you updated as soon as we find out anything else," the doctor said and left. Then the nurse came in. "You folks can stay here as long as you want, but you can only visit her one at a time, and family members only. Sorry, hospital policy" she said.

**Part 9**

Jude's parents saw her first and came back looking pale and exhausted. Tommy was about to go in when the nurse stopped him. "I'm her husband" he said and she let him pass. Tommy pulled up a chair close to her bed and sat down. He was so afraid to touch her because of all the wires and what not she was hooked up to and didn't know what to do. The nurse heard him sobbing and came in. "You know, you might not think she can hear you, but they can," she said. "It's okay to hold her hand, you know," she said. He was about to thank her when he looked around and she was gone. So he picked up her hand and started talking.

**Part 10**

He must have dozed off because he was jolted awake by one of the machines. Then the nurses and doctors came in and he was taken out of the room. "What's happening?" he asked. But no one answered any questions and he was once again pacing the waiting room. An hour later the doctor came back out. "We lost her for a few minutes," he said. "But luckily we were able to get her back and her condition is still the same as before," he said.

**Part 11**

(a few hours later)  
Jude's parents were asleep on the couch. Darius and Shay had both left. Kat told him that Shay had checked himself into a rehab facility and Darius was helping him get settled. Jamie and Kat had to fly back to New York, but made Tommy promise to call them if Jude's condition changed even the slightest. Tommy put a blanket over Jude's parents and sat down with his head in his hands.

**Part 12**

(Jude's condition had worsened. She lapsed into a coma and has been that way for a little over 3 years)

Tommy was holding Jude's hand and was telling her about his day, as usual. He went through the same ritual he had done the day she had been brought to the hospital. Most of the hospital staff knew him by name and would ask about Jude. No one minded if he stayed past visiting hours. He was particularly tired today and the bags under his eyes didn't do much to deny it. He was making himself more comfortable when Jude opened her eyes. "You look like hell, Quincy" I say with a croak. "God is that God awful noise coming from me," I ask. Tommy still in shock quickly poured me a glass of water and brought it to my lips. I spluttered most of it and barely got a few drops. "God, say something Tommy you're starting to freak me out here," I say. Instead he gathered me in his arms and started crying. I held onto him with as much strength as I could muster until he was able to compose himself. "Tommy what is it? I've only been out for like a day or two right?" I say. Tommy wiped his eyes on his sleeves. "Jude, you've been in a coma for a little over 3 years." At that moment we were interrupted by the nurse who was doing her early morning rounds who immediately brought in all my doctors and Tommy was ushered out of the room leaving me all alone.

**Part 13**

After a night and day of observation the doctors let me check out of the hospital with a miraculously clean bill of health. We had finally arrived home and everything seemed so familiar yet different all at the same time. Tommy cooked us dinner and we were lounging on the couch. "Jude…" he said. "Hmmm" I said comfortably nestled against his chest. "I wanna play you something," he said. "Okay, but you're totally making me lose my comfy spot," I say. He just rolled his eyes at me. He took a calming breath and started strumming his guitar. (This song is called "_I will fallow you into the dark_" by the band Death Cab for Cutie off their 2005 album Plans)

I Will Follow You Into The Dark

Love of mine some day you will die  
But I'll be close behind  
I'll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white  
Just our hands clasped so tight  
Waiting for the hint of a spark  
If heaven and hell decide  
That they both are satisfied  
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you  
When your soul embarks  
Then I'll follow you into the dark

In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule  
I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black  
And I held my tongue as she told me  
"Son fear is the heart of love"  
So I never went back

If heaven and hell decide  
That they both are satisfied  
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you  
When your soul embarks  
Then I'll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see  
From Bangkok to Calgary  
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down  
The time for sleep is now  
It's nothing to cry about  
Cause we'll hold each other soon  
The blackest of rooms

If heaven and hell decide  
That they both are satisfied  
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you  
When your soul embarks  
Then I'll follow you into the dark  
Then I'll follow you into the dark

I had tears in my eyes. "Oh, Tommy it must have been so hard for you. Why didn't you give up? Move on with your life?" I ask. He brushes the tears away and kisses my forehead. "Jude, you're my soul mate. I would have followed you anywhere, whether in this life or the next." I buried my head in his shoulders and held on to him never wanting to let go. I started kissing his neck and navigated my way to his lips. "Jude, are you sure you're ready to…" he said. I kissed him to shush him and said, "Tommy you were there in the room with me when the doctor announced my clean bill of health, right?" I said. "No, I know it's just that I haven't….um…for three years and…" he stammered. I held his hand and brought it to my lips. "Tommy I'm just as nervous as you are," I said. And with that we both walked upstairs to our bedroom with butterflies dancing in our stomachs and closed the bedroom door.


	14. Oblivion

**A/N**: I don't own _Instant Star_. Reviews are always welcome.

**Episode 14 - Oblivion**

After making several stops to see her mom, who had apparently met a brain surgeon and had gotten married, her dad who had his first child with Yvette, and several phone calls to Kat who was in Europe preparing for her first fashion show and Jamie who was with her, and to Sadie who was now living with Paolo, Jude made her way to Harrison-Quincy Records.

**Part 1**

Tommy had let her sleep in and was already hard at work, so it was already mid-afternoon by the time Jude pulled into the lot. It was strange walking in; she felt like an outsider getting a glimpse through a window. There were so many new faces there. Everyone knew her name and politely said hello, but she had no idea who anyone was. She saw Kwest in the kitchen making coffee and tapped him on the shoulder. "Hey, Jude," he said while giving her a warm embrace. "You look really good, considering…" he said. "I was in a coma for 3 years?" I say innocently. "God, I'm sorry Jude I didn't mean to…" he said. "Relax, Kwest, I'm just teasing, you don't need to walk eggshells around me," I say before embracing him again. We were catching up when I heard E.J. on the phone yelling at some poor soul. She angrily shut the cell phone closed and saw me. "Hey Jude, I just got off the phone with some ass who wanted to do a VH1 Behind the Music story on you," she said annoyed. "Just because you fell of the face of the Earth for 3 years after a night of clubbing and drinking doesn't give them the right to…" she stopped talking and really looked at me. "E.J. are you okay, usually you're the one complaining about my ADD" I said. She started sobbing then and embraced me. I just patted her back and made soothing noises. "I can't believe you're actually here," she said. "I can she's too stubborn to let anything like a coma stop her," said Georgia. "Jude, it's good to see you," she said before embracing me. "How are you Jude" she said. "Oh you know, so so," I said with a twinkle in my eye.

**Part 2**

"So Jude, what are you plans," Georgia said taking a seat behind her much cluttered desk. "I have no idea," I said truthfully. "Well no one expects you to jump right into anything, so take your time" she said. "You know Shay left after he got out of rehab and no one's heard anything from him, even Darius. But what am I doing that's none of your concern. No one would blame you if you even hated him a little for that stunt he pulled what it cost everyone," she said.

**Part 3**

I spent the rest of the afternoon walking around Toronto lost in my thoughts. I was just leaving Starbucks after drinking about 3 cups of coffee when a car pulled up to me and T-bone jumped out and gave me a crushing hug. All the air seemed to whoosh out of my lungs and body all at once. "I knew it was you, Jude, oh wait until Shay hears about this," he says gleefully. "You've heard from Shay, I thought he was MIA," I said after taking in some needed lungful of air. "I've been taking care of my boy," he said. "He hasn't really been fit for company since you well you know," he said barely able to meet my eyes. "Bring me to him" I said. "What, I don't think that's a…" he said. "Come on T-bone," I said buckling my seat belt while he was still standing there with a 'what just happened' look on his face.

**Part 4**

He pulled up to a huge mansion and opened my door to let me out. "Shay's not gonna like this," he said mournfully. We made our way up the stairs to the bedroom. When he opened the door the stench of stale alcohol and molding food hit me as soon as he cracked open the door. Shay was wearing a silk bathroom and had a near empty bottle in his hand. He looked terrible and smelled even worse. He didn't even look up when T-bone came in the room. When he finally got around to looking who had barged into his room he dropped the bottle and stared at me. T-bone decided it was as good a time as any to scamper out of the room; and for the record for a big man he could high-tail it like the best of them. Neither of us said anything for a few minutes. I decided I couldn't talk to him or stand to smell him in his current state and grabbed a towel, turned on the water, and shoved him into the bathroom. He was really drunk as far as I could tell and I had to call T-bone to help him in the bathroom. When I heard yelling in the bathroom, I gather that Shay didn't appreciate the help I had sent in, I came in myself and did my best to avert my eyes. "Shay stop being a baby and take a God damn shower!" I said. "I'm not leaving the bathroom until you do," I said. "I think it was his pride more than anything that forced him to do what I said without T-bone's help. We started cleaning up the room. T-bone was grabbing the empty bottles on the ground and I was picking up take out boxes from under the bed. "Gross," I said as I dumped a moldy slice of pizza into the almost overflowing garbage bag. T-bone was making his way down the stairs with the garbage bags in tow when Shay came out of the bathroom. I glanced around the now pristine room and noticed a bottle of pills by the bed.

**Part 5**

I didn't mention anything as we sat at his kitchen table and I made him several bowls of cereal with soy milk. I washed the dishes and still neither of us had spoken. T-bone had left after dumping the garbage citing that he had a bunch of errands to do. He walked out of the kitchen and returned with a CD in his hand. "I want you to listen to this before we talk," he said. His songs were filled with sadness, desperation, and wishfullness of how life should have been could have been and the stark reality. I knew he was sorry and wished he could have taken everything back if he could. The CD also discussed his battle with alcoholism and pain killers, which as evidence earlier he still hadn't been able to kick. His CD was dark, but his lyrics were truthful and moving and it was utterly fantastic. When I finished listening to it there were tears streaming down his cheeks. And I couldn't help it, but I walked over to him and gave him a hug.

**Part 6_  
_**  
I wasn't really sure where to go from there. I was feeling angry, but a little part of me wanted to forgive him and once again regain the brotherly friend I once had. "It's been really hard," he said. I don't know if it was the words themselves or the way he said them, but either way they set me off. "Hard for you, what about me Shay. You took 3 years of my life," I yelled. "I was in the hospital in a coma while you walked around pissing your life away," I said. "I mean you really cashed in after the accident with that record, right? It sold millions of copies and you had the sympathy of the world," I said. "You had everything and I had nothing," I said. "Jude you think drinking yourself into a stupor every night and alienating everyone in your life is everything," he said. "My life has been miserable," he said. "I have nightmares of that night every night and wake up in a cold sweat wishing it were me and not you that had gone in a coma," he said. "I mean right before you came in I was thinking of ending it all," he said. "And why didn't you," I said angry. "I don't know quite honestly, I have nothing to live for, I don't even deserve to live" he said with bitterness. I couldn't help it, but I slapped him across the face as hard as I could. "If my coma taught me anything, it's that life is a precious gift that you shouldn't callously throw away," I said. "I'm ashamed of you, Shay, look at who you've become; I don't even recognize you," I said. "Jude, I'm so sorry," he said looking at his hands. He was about to say will you ever forgive me, but I stopped him. "Don't ask me to forgive you because I don't know that I can, but know this, if you ever think about killing yourself you're an even bigger coward than I thought" I said. Just then T-bone came in and was putting the groceries on the table. "T-bone can you drive me to the studio," I said. "I thought the three of us could…" he said before noticing how rigid Shay was standing and the look in my eyes. "Sure okay, just let me get the rest of the stuff out of the car, or then again let's just go," he said as I headed out the door.

**Part 7**

Tommy and Kwest were still working when T-bone dropped me off. And just for a second it felt like old times. "Hey Jude, where have you been?" Kwest asked. "Around" I said and gave Tommy a hug. "Are you okay," he said his voice full of concern. I gave him a shrug. "Jude why don't you lie on the couch in my office Kwest and I should be done pretty soon," Tommy said.

**Part 8**

I was lying on the couch bone tired. The whole world seemed to have moved on without me, although I'll have to admit it was kind of nice walking around the street and going to Starbucks and not be recognized. My world had seemed to go on fine without me. The record company was business as usual; mom, dad, Sadie, Kat, & Jamie were all doing fine, great even. And I was feeling lonely and upset and disappointment over the whole Shay everything and I hadn't dealt with anything since my remarkable rise from the grave and it all hit me all of a sudden. I was sobbing and angry and destroying everything in sight in Tommy's office when he came in.

I continued to break everything in sight until I was too tired to move and found myself slumped on the floor. Tommy and Kwest were standing by the door looking at me with a mixture of concern and fear. I heard Kwest and Tommy talking softly by the door. "Don't worry Tommy, I'll take care of the office and you should probably get her home," Kwest said.

**Part 9**

I didn't say a word as Tommy carried me to the car or when he put on my seat belt and drove us home. When we got to our room he helped me slip into pajamas and lay down next to me. He held me close for a few hours with the two of us unable to sleep. "Everything's going to be okay, Jude" he said. "Is it, Tommy? How do you know?" I said. "Because" he said. "You're lying next to me," he said.


	15. Picture Perfect

**A/N**: I don't own _Instant Star_. Reviews are always welcome.

**Episode 15 – Picture Perfect**

**Part 1**

Jude had been making regular visits to Shay while he was in rehab unbeknownst to Tommy or anyone else for that matter. She didn't think Tommy would understand; she didn't understand herself. What pained her the most was having to lie to Tommy about it and the guilt. She couldn't explain it, but he was the only one she could talk to about the car accident and the nightmares she was having.

"Hey, shorty," Shay said embracing Jude. "You keep this up and I'll be forced to think you've forgiven me" he said with a hopeful air. "Not even close, Shay" I said. "Well, you can't fault a guy for trying," he said. "How's the ball and chain?" he asked knowing perfectly well that my relationship with Tommy was everything I had hoped it would be. "Perfect" I said. "How's the whole not drinking, thing" I asked. "Going better now that I have your visits to look forward to," he says smiling. "How can you say that when I was the reason you drank so much," I said. Shay recoiled from my words and sat down. "It's true isn't it?" I asked. "You were never one to let a guy easy" he said. "Jude, when you got married it was like all my hopes and dreams of what we could have had died" he said quietly. I guess drinking just numbed it a little, but the pain was always there" he said. "Shay you know I love you like a…" I said. "Don't even say it Jude," he said. "It was my fault to begin with cheating on you and then spending all that time together during the tour you make it hard not to fall in love with you" he said. "Shay, maybe it's not a good idea for me to continue visiting if that's how you feel," I said. "No, seeing you reminds me of that person I became and I never want to be him again," he said. "Okay, then I'll see you next week same time same place," I said giving him a hug.

**Part 2**

Portia always made it a point of waiting twenty minutes after Jude's visit to see Shay. "Hey, aunt Portia," Shay says. "Hey Shay Shay," she said. "I can't keep lying to Jude," he said. "It's killing me," he went on. "Shay you promised me you wouldn't say anything," she said. "If Jude ever found out she would be devastated," she said. "You've got to tell her, though, you're her friend" he said. "Even friendships have their limits on forgiveness and I don't think ours would survive this" she said. Jude and Portia had grown closer since she came out of her coma and her family had moved on without her. Next to E.J. and Georgia who were getting more and more busy and were unable to spend as much time with her as they would have liked, Portia had become like an older sister and confidant. They had lunches and dinners together and would go shopping every so often.

**Part 3**

Jude made her way to the studio and was looking for Tommy. "Hey, girl," he said. "Hey yourself," I said giving him a kiss. "Wow, would you two get a room," Kwest said. "Fine, then" we said and made our way to the office. "God, I missed you," he said leaning into me for another kiss. "Tommy, I saw you two hours ago," I said teasingly. "I'm going through withdrawal" he said pathetically planting another kiss on me. "Jude, I've got to get back to work, but I'll see you later okay," he said before another quick peck as he headed out the door.

**Part 4**

(A few days later) "Hey Jude I think your guitar case is gathering dust," Tommy said jokingly. "I haven't seen you pick it up once, since you got back," he said. "Is everything alright," he said. "Oh yeah, I'm just still getting settled and everything" I said lying. "Jude you're the worst liar," he said. "Jude you know you can talk to me about anything, no judgments" he said. "Yeah, but you've got nothing to worry about," I said with a fake smile. "Okay" he said giving me a much needed hug.

**Part 5**

I sat a few feet from my guitar and couldn't bring myself to pick it up. "What is up with me," I thought. Then the nagging doubts started creeping in. "What if what I had before the accident is gone," I thought mournfully. "3 years is a long time, what if I've forgotten how," I thought. These thoughts kept buzzing around in my head when I decided to up and leave the studio citing a headache and missing my visit with Shay.

**Part 6**

"Hey, I didn't see Jude," Portia said to Shay. "That makes two of us," he said glumly. "Do you think she suspects anything," she asked. "I've kept my promise, so you can relax," he said. "You've got dinner with her and Tom this week why don't you tell her then I mean it's not like you and Tommy made an agree to keep this in the dl, right?" Shay said. Portia's silence only admitted the truth. "It was his idea wasn't it; Quincy always keeping secrets with Jude," he said with disgust. "It was my idea, Shay" Portia said. "Yeah, but he agreed" Shay said. "Jude's had her share of betrayals she doesn't need any more in her life," Shay said. "You've got to tell her," he said. "And what will that accomplish, but heart ache and a huge mess," she said. "Then, you'd better find a way to clean up your mess" he said. "Don't see me until you do," he said. "Shay you're not…" she said. "I am" he said. "I won't do this to Jude, anymore" he said.

**Part 7**

Jude, Portia, and Tommy were sitting in the dining room finishing dinner when Portia went into the kitchen to help Tommy bring out dessert. "I'm telling her tonight," she said in a whisper. "What" he said. "Tommy it's been long enough," she said as she made her way back in to the dining room. Jude was enthusiastically eating her tiramisu when she noticed Portia and Tommy playing with their food with their fork. "Are you too alright, you both look like someone ran over your dog," I said jokingly. When neither responded I asked Portia, "Seriously guys what's up?" "Jude, while you were in a coma the doctor told me that there wasn't much hope for you ever coming out of it," Tommy said. "And Shay had just checked himself out of rehab early for the second time and disappeared," continued Portia. "I came over here to see Tommy who was on his second bottle of wine" Portia said. "We finished the second bottle and opened up a third and then a fourth," Tommy said. "And we slept together," Portia said guiltily. I didn't realize how hard I was gripping my wine glass when its shattering broke the silence. "Jude, you're hurt," Tommy said grabbing a napkin and pressing it to my hand. "Jude, I'm so sorry," Portia said. I slapped her across the face as hard as I could and saw that her lip was bleeding. "I guess I deserved that," she said. "I'll just go, then," she said. "Don't bother" I said running out of the kitchen and into my car.

**Part 8**

I got out of my car and the people at the rehab place let me in even though it was after hours because I was a regular visitor. I ran to Shay's room and buried my head in his chest. "Hey, shorty what's wrong," he said wiping away a tear from my face. So I told him about dinner. And he didn't seem shocked. I slowly backed away from him. "You knew about this didn't you" I said accusingly. "Tell me you didn't know," I said with tears streaming down my face. "I saw you every week and you kept this from me," I said in a small voice. I didn't hold back and punched Shay in the face as hard as I could and got out of there as fast as I could.

**Part 9**

I wanted to disappear, so I did. I bought a one-way bus ticket from Toronto to New York. I checked into a small hotel by Times Square and had just finished taking a shower. I wiped the steam off the mirror looking at my newly blonde locks. I put on some jeans and an old Ramones t-shirt and headed out the door.


	16. Living Is Simple

**A/N**: I don't own _Instant Star_. Reviews are always welcome.

**Episode 16 – Living is Simple**

**Part 1**

The next day I wandered around the village and made my way to a pawn shop where I saw an acoustic hanging in the display. I holed up in my hotel and wrote and wrote and wrote only leaving for bathroom and coffee breaks. After the cash I had ran out I played in the park or on the sidewalk to earn some cash. I knew that if I used my credit card I could be found and I wasn't ready. I was walking past a place called the Bitter End and saw that they were having auditions for tonight's performance slot. I waited until my turn came up and started playing.

**Part 2_  
_**  
After a month of being a regular I was approached after my set. He was attractive; a little over six feet tall with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. I thought he was hitting on me so I didn't pay much attention as I was finishing off my drink. "So I was wondering if you wanted to do a showcase for the record company" he was saying. I couldn't help it and started laughing. "What's so funny?" he asked with a quizzical look on his face. "Look" he said a little annoyed I'm about to give you your big break, your one shot at making music for real," he said. "This isn't real enough for you," I said pointing to my surroundings. "What you perform here a couple times a month and you're satisfied," he said. "I've heard you a couple of times and you're amazing, you shouldn't hide that from the rest of the world," he said seriously. "Anyways, here's my card if you change your mind," he said.

**Part 3_  
_**  
I threw his business card in my guitar case where I had about a handful. It was time to find another secluded little spot to perform at and be anonymous. It was another month before I saw the young record studio guy who was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. I'll give him one thing, he was persistent. "Hey, long time no see," he said casually. I didn't say anything. "You know you're pretty hard to track down" he says. I continued to ignore him. "Okay, then," he said. I finished my drink and was about to leave when the band on the stage started playing and I heard his voice.

**Part 4_  
_**  
I sat there transfixed. The emotion in his voice was overwhelming. Someone had seriously stomped on his heart. The next couple of songs were just as dark, but with a hint of humor or bitterness you take your pick. He finished the set with an upbeat song if you can call it that based on the songs he sang in the earlier set. "Hey, still here I see," he said taking a big gulp from the beer mug and wiping his mouth with his sleeve.

**Part 5**

"So, record exec by day and closet rocket by night," I said. "I'm not a record executive" he said. "I'm interning at the record label, so I can use their equipment at night free of charge, although if anyone ever saw me even touching the equipment I'll probably be fired" he said. "So the business card you gave me," I asked. "It's my bosses," he said with a sardonic grin. "I thought it'd be a good way to meet girls," he said with a wink. "But seriously you're really talented and I think my boss would sign you if he ever heard your songs," he said. "I'm Jake by the way," he said extending his hand. "I'm, umm Sadie," I said biting my lip. "What you forget your name," he said. "Must be my charm, haven't gotten any complaints from the ladies," he said. The bartender just scoffed at him. "Alright, Jackson, that's enough from the peanut gallery," he said. "You two know each other," I ask. "Yeah, he's my roommate," said Jake. "Someone's got to pay the bills," said Jackson.

**Part 6**

Meanwhile back in Toronto there was an unlikely group of allies sitting around the conference table. "Any word on Jude," said Georgia. "I found a note from her," said Tommy. "Tommy it's dated the day she disappeared" said Mrs. Harrison. "I know," he said. Jude's note stated she was fine, but didn't want to be found. "That's something at least" said E.J. with a frown on her face. "We should respect her wishes," said Tommy. "You're just giving up, then" said Georgia. "I'm giving her what she wants," said Tommy as he headed out the door.

**Part 7**

Tommy had rewritten the letter and forged Jude's signature. If he had actually produced the original letter she had left for him he would have been exiled; he deserved though, and he knew it. He played with the wedding ring on his finger and wondered if Jude was still wearing her ring wherever she was.

**Part 8**

(A few months had passed) Jake, Jackson, and Jude were sitting on the couch in Jackson's living room, since technically he was the only one paying rent and Jake was the friend crashing at his place who would never leave. There had been a Behind the Music marathon and a brand new episode was about to start. Jude went in to the kitchen to get a drink when she heard one of her songs coming from the TV. She sat fidgeting during the episode hoping that neither of them would resemble her uncanny resemblance minus the red hair. It was around 10 o'clock when she got up and said she was going. Jackson walked her out the door. They were both standing in the hallway and Jude was trying to quickly make her way to the elevator. It was closing when Jackson put his hand out to stop it and stepped in. "I'm not as dense as I look, Sadie, or should I say Jude" he said.

**Part 9**

We were sitting in a coffee house around the corner of his apartment. He was the first to speak. "I guess it would be an understatement to call you guarded to say the least," he said with a smile on his face. "I mean it took a while to even get you to hang out with us and for you to acknowledge us as your friends," he said. "So you ran away from your past" he said. "Big deal," he said. "So you won't tell him, then" I said. "He'll figure it out eventually," I said. "You give him way too much credit" he said.

**Part 10_  
_**  
(A few days later) "I can't get over how much you look like that chick from that Behind the Music episode," Jake said munching on his bagel. "Yeah weird," said Jackson giving me a look. "What are we doing today guys," said Jake oblivious to the two of us. "I know why don't we got by MTV studios and make fun of whoever is the guest band today," he said. "You just wish that were you, admit it," said Jackson. "Can you imagine getting paid to do what you love, make music that the entire world can appreciate?" he says. "Sadie's passionate about music, but she likes to keep her music private," Jake says rolling his eyes. "Hey to each her own," Jackson says. "Always coming to the ladies defense," Jake says. "Someone has to with you constantly insulting me," I say punching him the shoulder. The three of us hopped on the N train to Times Square and started walking to the small island that was filled with about 100 people and one naked cowboy.

**Part 11_  
_**  
As luck would have it Spiederman's band was on TRL that day being interviewed; they were the opening act for Fall Out Boy. Spiederman was outside fielding questions from the fans outside and made eye contact with me. "Crap," I muttered aloud. "Jude, hey" said Spiederman giving me a hug. "Hey" I said. Jackson made an excuse and dragged Jake along with him. I told him I was on vacation. "Jude, I heard from Jamie and everyone's really worried about you," he said. "I'm fine," I said. "Jude, you've been MIA for months and you're blonde for pete's sake" he said gesturing. "You look like you're incognito to me," he said. "If you hear from Jamie, tell him I'm fine, but don't tell him you saw me, okay" I said pleadingly. "Of course, I owe you if it weren't for you my band would have still been playing in my dad's garage," he said. "Just do me a favor and take care of yourself, okay" he said and gave me a hug. "I'll see you around Jude," he said.

**Part 12**

We were sitting in Jackson's apartment munching pizza when Jake exclaimed, "Oh my God you're that chick from that Behind the Music episode, aren't' you?" Jackson and I exchanged looks. "What like you knew Jackson," he said. "Yeah he did," I said. "And neither of you said anything to me?" he said. "I can't believe you're Jude Harrison," he said. "You were huge a couple years ago before your whole coma thing" he said. "Real sensitive, you idiot" said Jackson. "You had two multi-platinum albums, you were on every magazine, billboard, you name it. You own that record company Harrison-Quincy." he said a million miles a minute. "And you're married, why haven't you been wearing your wedding ring all this time?" he asked. All the memories I had been forcing myself to forget came flooding back and I had to get out of there. I found myself in Times Square and let myself get lost in the crowd and letting the sound of traffic numb my thoughts.

**Part 13**

It was well passed midnight when I made my way to my apartment. The great thing about the city is that it really is the city that never sleeps. There were still tons of people roaming the streets making their way to another bar or club. When I got there I saw Jackson and Jake sitting in my living room watching TV. "How did you two get in here" I asked. "Oh you know the whole credit card trick," said Jake. "Why didn't you ever invite us over to your place," said Jake. "I mean it's way nicer than Jackson's hole in the wall," said Jake. "I'm letting you stay in my hole in the wall for free, so I wouldn't be giving me crap if I were you," said Jackson. "Sensitive, geez" said Jake. "Wanna talk about it," said Jackson always the more sensitive of the two. "No really," I said. "That's cool," said Jake. "Are you sure," said Jackson. "Yeah" I said. "I'm going to sleep," I said and make my way to my bedroom. "That's cool we'll just hang out here," said Jake. "Actually we'll see you at breakfast," said Jackson pulling Jake off the couch. "Come on she has cable," Jake whined. "See you tomorrow guys," I said. "Alright, I can walk perfectly fine without your help" said Jake. "Okay, then" said Jackson shoving him out the door as I slid the bolt home.

**Part 14**

(next morning)  
"I have to go back," I said. "Tired of our company, already" said Jake. Jackson just gave him a look. "Why don't you guys come with me?" I said. "I've got nothing better to do," said Jake. "Jackson, are you in?" I asked. "What the hell, I can get another bartending gig" he said.


	17. Ammunition

**A/N**: I don't own _Instant Star_. Reviews are always welcome.

**Episode 17 - Ammunition**

**Part 1_  
_**  
"Jude, this place is huge," said Jake with his mouth agape. "I don't think my bartending salary is gonna even cover the rent for the bathroom," he said. "Don't worry about it guys" I said. "Living with two guys your husband is gonna freak!" said Jake. "Have you ever thought about thinking before opening your big mouth" said Jackson angrily. "It's okay Jackson he can't help being himself," I said. "Should I feel insulted?" he asked. "If you have to ask then you probably aren't as offended as you should be," said Jackson. "Tres drole Jackson," said Jake. "Impressed by the French I picked up, Jude, aren't you" Jake said. "Yeah that's a vast improvement from French toast and French fry" I said rolling my eyes. "The ladies have no chance," said Jake happily. "And neither do you" muttered Jackson under his breath. I couldn't help but snicker. "I heard that" said Jake.

**Part 2**

I brought the two of them to Harrison-Quincy Records. People stopped and stared openly as I walked in. "Hey Kwest, I want you to meet Jake and Jackson," I said. "Wanna help me work on something," I said. Kwest was still in shock. "Jake's a musician and I know he's just dying to record and this is Jackson, his manager," I said. Jake didn't hear the last part as he was jumping up and down hugging me. Just then Tommy walked in. Jude never noticed him as she made her way to one of the empty recording studios.

**Part 3**

Jake was fondly caressing his hands across the equipment with a peaceful look on his face. "Jake you're really freaking out me and Jude, man" Jackson said. "Pick up the guitar and play something man" said Kwest with an amused impression on his face. "Did I ever look like that Kwest?" I asked laughing. "For the first couple of months after you won Instant Star" he said.

**Part 4**

Tommy was pacing his office. Just then Georgia and E.J. walked into his office. "Did you see that blonde working with Kwest? She kind of looks like Jude," said Georgia. "Forget about the blonde, did you see those two hot guys?" said E.J. "What two guys?" said Tommy who stopped pacing.

**Part 5**

Kwest and Jude were mixing Jake's track in the booth while Jake and Jackson were talking on the other side of the glass. "Don't wanna talk about it Kwest," I said. "Um, sure Jude," he said. "You're pretty good at this," said Kwest. "I had some free time on my hands," I said. "So I take it you've got some new stuff," Kwest said. "I'm not sure the world is ready to hear it," I said. "The whole world, or one person in particular" he said. I didn't answer, but we both knew who I was referring to.

**Part 6**

I said brief hellos to Georgia and E.J. and squared my shoulders as I went through Tommy's office. "Jude…" he said. I had to steel my courage as he said my name. "Tommy sign this for me would you," I said shoving an envelope into his hands. "That's all you have to say," he said. "I think the papers speak for themselves," I said and left. Tommy quickly ripped open the envelope torn between running after me and looking at what she had left. Tommy's legs collapsed from under him and he sat on the floor in shock. Jude had given him annulment papers, which she had already signed and dated the same day she found out about him cheating on her and left for New York.

**Part 7**

Jake insisted that the three of them go out and celebrate his triumph. We were on our second round of drinks when a visitor came to our table. "Hey shorty," said Shay. I quickly surveyed the drink he was holding. "It's just sparkling water" he said. "I've been clean for a couple months now" he said. Jackson and Jake were just about to get up and send Shay away when Shay said he was leaving. Jake seeing I wasn't in the mood for celebrating said he'd be cool with it if I wanted to leave. I felt bad, but I had to get out of there.

**Part 8**

We had just made it back to our apartment and were sitting on the couch when Jackson suggested we play poker. Jake wanting to make it interesting decided we play strip poker, I agreed seeing as how I was a pro with the countless games I had played with E.J. and Speiderman's band on my first tour. Forty-five minutes into it we heard a knock on the door. Jake, who was at this point almost naked except for one sock decided to answer the door. Tommy had a look of shock on his face. "Sorry, wrong place," Tommy said. Jake then closed the door. Tommy looked at the chicken scratch that E.J. had written on the piece of paper and went back to the door. This time Jackson opened the door; he at least was still wearing his broxers. "Um, does Jude live here," Tommy asks a little red in the face. "Jude, your husband's at the door" said Jake who was now standing next to Jackson. "Want us to get rid of him?" said Jackson. Jude was wearing a t-shirt. Tommy's eyes took in every detail of her body and made her blush much to her annoyance. "I see you're busy," said Tommy. "Hi, I'm Jake, Jude's producing my album, so we'll be seeing each other from now on," he said offering his hand to Tommy who didn't shake it. "Jude can I talk to you alone for a second," said Tommy. "No," I said. "What do you mean," Tommy said shocked. "You heard what she said," said Jackson. "And who the hell are you" said Tommy sizing him up. "Someone who cares about her," said Jackson. "Oh yeah, me too" said Jake. "Tommy just sign the papers and leave," I said. "Jude…" Tommy said. I was close to tears and everyone in the room knew it. "Just do it man" said Jake. "Please Jude…" Tommy said. Jackson and Jake looked like they were both about to pummel Tommy or throw him out of the apartment. The tension in the air was electric. "Fine, if this is what you really want, but this sure is hell isn't what I want," Tommy said furiously scribbling his name on the paper and slamming the door behind him.


	18. You Don't Mean Anything

**A/N**: I don't own _Instant Star_. Reviews are always welcome.

**Episode 18 – You Don't Mean Anything**

**Part 1**

After walking past the post office and numerous mailboxes for about a month, Jude walked into the post office. She was debating whether to get off the line when the little light went off. "Hi can I help you," said the postal worker. "Yeah, I'd like to mail this," I said. She applied the stamp and waited for me to fish the money out of my wallet. She was waiting for me to give her the envelope. I slowly handed it to her and couldn't make myself let go. "Is everything alright, miss?" she asked concerned. "Yes, of course," I said. I forced myself to let go of the envelope I had been clutching for dear life for several minutes before finally relinquishing it. I got out of the post office and sat slumped against the steps. It was finally over, but it didn't feel like it. I could still feel the sharp pain in my chest even now as I walked away from and got in my car. It was hard to forget Tommy.

**Part 2**

Jude and Jake working together in the studio became a constant fixture. They were working together at all hours of the day, heads close together pouring over some lyrics or chords. "Jude as much as I love spending time with you I have a favor to ask you," Jake said al serious. "Sure," I said. "Can you maybe ask E.J. out for me?" he asks. "I was wondering when you were going to ask?" I said. "What do you mean, I thought I'd been playing it pretty cool?" he asked. "Oh right, pretend that I haven't heard you practice conversations with her with Jackson," I said. "Oh you overheard those," he says. "Just ask her out," I say encouragingly. "I can't speak two words in front of her without looking like an idiot" he says. "What, are you shy!" I teased. "Please," he said. "Alright, I'll put in a good word for you," I said. Little did he know that E.J. had been impatiently waiting for weeks for him to ask her out and was thrilled when I told her the news.

**Part 3**

Somehow Jake had suckered both me and Jackson to go on his date with E.J. E.J. pulled me into the bathroom after we got seated to a table. E.J. had an annoyed look on her face and was about to say something when I spoke up, "He really likes you and he's nervous, so he thought it would be a good idea if we accompanied you guys as back up." Our presence didn't help as much as he'd hope though seeing as how he spilled wine all over her and Jackson and I were the only ones laughing at his really lame jokes. I mean really lame jokes. We barely made it out of there alive. Jackson and I were sitting on the couch of our apartment waiting for Jake's return as he chivalrously offered to see E.J. to her door. "God that was awful," I said to Jackson. "I thought you two were practicing," I said to him. "Oh, so you know about that," he said. "You're E.J. voice is pretty good have you ever thought about bringing that on the road," I said. "Real funny Jude" he said. Jake came in and sat slumped on the couch. "Guess it didn't go well," Jackson said. "Yeah, sorry Jake" I said. Just then he had the biggest smile on his face. "Actually she kissed me good night and then told me next time not to bring you two" he said as he walked into his room humming. "Wow" Jackson said. "I guess anything's possible" I said.

**Part 4**

It was impossible not to run into Tommy while at the studio. Our run-ins were awkward and involved both of us looking for the nearest exit. "It's not healthy you know" said Kwest. "What" I said. "You two running out of the room anytime both of you are in it at the same time," he said. "I don't…" I said. "Come on Jude" he said. "Fine, I admit it" I say. "Kwest can you give him these for me," handing him a small pouch. He opened it up and two rings dropped on his palm. "Jude I'm not giving the man back your wedding ring or this other one," he said. "I'm sorry," he said putting the rings back in the pouch and handing it to me. "I understand Kwest," I said.

**Part 5**

Against my better judgment I decided to ask Jackson to do it. I was in the middle of working with Jake on a new song he had penned for E.J. when I heard a commotion outside and saw Tommy and Jackson pummeling each other in Tommy's office. Tommy's desk was in pieces and the two of them were kicking and punching each other until the two of them were separated by several staff members. Tommy's nose was bleeding and Jackson's right eye was starting to turn purple. "Next time don't send your boyfriend to do your dirty work," Tommy said angrily. "And you can have these back. I. DON'T. WANT. THEM," he said hurling the pouch towards me. Everyone started clearing the office until it was just me and Tommy. "I. DON'T. WANT. THEM. EITHER," I said hurling it back towards him. "And even if I was going out with Jackson, it's none of your business. Not anymore," I said. "So you two aren't…" he said before getting up and kissing me unexpectedly. I couldn't help myself and kissed him with all the longing and pain I felt before realizing what was happening and pushed him hard away from me. "What the hell was that," I said angrily pushing him harder until he was sprawled on the floor. "We're over." I said my voice trembling. "Are you sure Jude?" he said. "Look me in the eye and say it again," he said. I looked up and said, "It's over, Quincy." "Then why did you kiss me back?" he said. I didn't want to hear anything else he had to say and ran out of the studio with tears blurring my vision.

**Part 6**

Kwest was picking up the pieces of Tommy's broken desk. "Jude asked me to give you the rings, man. I said no. Maybe I should have said yes," said Kwest. "Tommy are you even listening to me," Kwest said. Tommy was in world far far away reliving every moment, every detail of his kiss with Jude. "She kissed me back, Kwest" Tommy said. "She still loves me," Tommy said. "That may be true, but it might not be enough," Kwest said. "I mean first her dad cheats on her mom, and then Shay cheated on her, and then you cheated on her twice, being with Sadie and then with Portia. She fled the country for God's sake and disappeared off the face of the Earth" Kwest said. "I haven't forgotten Kwest," Tommy said. "Neither has she," said Kwest in a serious tone. "You seriously broke that girl's heart," Kwest said. "Maybe you should stay away from her, Tommy" Kwest said. "Kwest I love her. And she loves me" said Tommy. "Tommy I'm asking you to stay away from her," said Kwest. "What are you gonna make me Kwest?" Tommy said in a mocking tone. "Tommy we've been friends a long time man. I'm asking you as your friend to leave Jude alone. She needs to recover. Her heart was pretty fragile when she left, a little less broken when she came back, and now you've obliterated it again with your little stunt today. Just let her be, man." The words were starting to sink into Tommy. "I don't know if I can do that. I can't let her go." said Tommy who was slumped in his chair. "Sometimes you have to let them go for them to come back," said Kwest.


	19. Because Of You

**A/N**: I don't own _Instant Star_. I don't own _Because Of You _by Kelly Clarkson, _Anything But Down, My Favorite Mistake, Strong Enough, Difficult Kind, _and _The First Cut Is The Deepest_ by Sheryl Crow, Reviews are always welcome.

**Episode 19 – Because of You**

**Part 1**

"So, Miss Harrison. It's been a while since the last time you were on Under the Mic," said the vee-jay. He made some more chit chat before introducing the song. "Jude Harrison, everybody, performing for the first time in 3 years on live television with a never before heard song that you are going to hear exclusively on Under the Mic: 'Because of You.' (This is Kelly Clarkson's song; I don't claim any ownership. I thought it would be appropriate for the episode)

I will not make the same mistakes that you did  
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery  
I will not break the way you did  
You fell so hard  
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you  
I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you  
I learned to play on the safe side  
So I don't get hurt  
Because of you  
I find it hard to trust  
Not only me, but everyone around me  
Because of you  
I am afraid

I lose my way  
And it's not too long before you point it out  
I cannot cry  
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes  
I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh  
Every day of my life  
My heart can't possibly break  
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you  
I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you  
I learned to play on the safe side  
So I don't get hurt  
Because of you  
I find it hard to trust  
Not only me, but everyone around me  
Because of you  
I am afraid

I watched you die  
I heard you cry  
Every night in your sleep  
I was so young  
You should have known better than to lean on me  
You never thought of anyone else  
You just saw your pain  
And now I cry  
In the middle of the night  
For the same damn thing

Because of you  
I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you  
I learned to play on the safe side  
So I don't get hurt  
Because of you  
I tried my hardest just to forget everything  
Because of you  
I don't know how to let anyone else in  
Because of you  
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty  
Because of you  
I am afraid

Because of you  
Because of you

Jude was crying by the end of the song and she didn't care who saw her. "Always, a powerful performance, Miss Harrison" said the vee-jay. "We'll be back after a commercial break," said the vee-jay. He immediately ripped up the note cards filled with questions he was going to ask her about her relationship with Tom Quincy and the annulment that the media had somehow gotten wind of.

Tommy couldn't tear his eyes off the screen. He knew the song was about him and he hated himself. He grabbed his jacket and was going to go look for her when he opened the door and saw her on his doorstep. Her face was tear streaked and her hair was disheveled. "Jude…" he said.

**Part 2**

Tommy woke up and put his arm on the other side of the bed where Jude had been a few hours ago to find it empty. Instead he found a note. "Last night was a mistake. I'm sorry. – Jude."

**Part 3**

A week later at Harrison-Quincy Records Jude went about her day as usual working non-stop with Kwest and Jake on his record. It was near 5 o'clock when an intern politely knocked on the studio they were working in to tell them that there was an impromptu meeting going on in the conference room. Jude looked at Kwest who shrugged. Everyone who worked at the studio was tightly squeezed into the fairly large conference room. Georgia quickly surveyed the room. "Okay, guys we're meeting to announce Tommy Quincy's departure. He's already signed papers absolving his partnership and all ties to the studio. I just want to say what a good job he's done and wish him well on his future endeavors." He was presented with a gift and gave some speech, but all I could hear was the pounding in my head. I didn't even notice when Kwest helped me into a chair. It was a little while later when I found myself sitting alone in the conference room.

**Part 4**

I numbly walked to his office where I found him packing his few belongings. Everything was neatly in two cardboard boxes. He was sitting in his chair staring at a picture frame. "So, you're leaving?" I said half question half statement. "There's nothing keeping me here," he said looking up at me. "There's no use keeping up the charade as if everything is okay between us. You said it yourself, it's over. I have to accept it." "Frankly, it's killing me even being in the same room as you" but the thoughts never left his lips. I saw he was no longer wearing his rings anymore. "It's really over," I said aloud in a small voice.

**Part 5**

In the end he decided I should keep the picture frame. It was a picture of the two of while we were on our honeymoon. It was the last happy memory we had together. I was clutching it to my chest and had fallen asleep when the light was turned on and I was startled out of the chair. The custodial person quickly apologized and helped me up. He offered to walk me to my car, but I insisted I was fine on my own. When I went to my office to get my purse I saw a note on my desk and a set of keys. "Jude, the house is yours. Everything is as we left it except for my things, which I have put up in storage. – Tommy." I drove home to my apartment to find Jackson and Jake sitting on the couch eating pizza and watching some kung-fu movie on. I quickly walked to my room and collapsed on the bed. It would be a long time coming before I was able to fall asleep.

**Part 6**

Jude told Jake and Jackson that she'd be gone for a couple of days. "Jude are you bringing your passport by any chance?" said Jackson. "What would she need a passport for?" said Jake. "Ohhh…" said Jake. "Jude are you feeling the need to dye your hair and/or thinking about possibly changing your name?" said Jake. "You guys, I'm fine I just need to get out of here and clear my head." I said. "Okay," they both said in unison. "Just be safe," said Jackson giving her a hug. "I'll just work on my album, alone, by myself" said Jake. "You'll be fine' I said to him and giving him a hug. "Besides, you'll have Kwest to bother," I said.

**Part 7 **

I pulled up to our house. The only reason I was here was to lock myself in the studio and work. At least that's what I told myself. The truth was I didn't want to have to face anyone at the studio. And I wanted to be alone, but the simple truth was I missed him. I opened the front door and wandered around the house. I had forgotten that Tommy mentioned he had put all his stuff in storage. It felt emptier than it had been. I felt like a stranger in my house. I put these thoughts in the back of my mind and grabbed my guitar and headed for the studio. I wrote and played and wrote and played and barely stopped for coffee and bathroom breaks. If I slept I don't remember. When I finished 2 weeks later it was if I had written the soundtrack to my life with Tommy – past, present, and future.

Track 1 – Anything But Down (Sheryl Crow – Globe Sessions - 1998)

I light your cigarettes  
I bring you apples from the vine  
How quickly you forget  
I run the bath and pour the wine  
I bring you everything that floats into your mind

But you don't bring me anything but down  
You don't bring me anything but down  
You don't bring me anything but down  
When you come 'round

You are a raging sea  
I pull myself out everyday  
I plea insanity  
Cause I can't leave but I can't stay  
You say, won't you come find me and yes is what I say

You don't bring me anything but down  
You don't bring me anything but down  
Everything is crashing to the ground

Maybe I'm not your perfect kind  
Maybe I'm not what you had in mind  
Maybe we're just killing time

You with your silky words  
And your eyes of green and blue  
You with your steel beliefs  
That don't match anything you do  
It was so much easier before you became you

You don't bring me anything but down  
You don't bring me anything but down  
Everything just crashes to the ground  
When you come around  
When you come around

No more playing seek and hide  
No more long and wasted nights  
Can't you make it easy on yourself

I know you wish you were strong  
You wish you were never wrong  
Well, I got some wishes of my own

Track 2 – My Favorite Mistake (Sheryl Crow – The Very Best of Sheryl Crow - 2003)

I woke up and called this morning  
The tone of your voice was a warning  
That you don't care for me anymore

I made up the bed we sleep in  
I looked at the clock when you creep in  
It's 6 a.m. and I'm alone

Chorus:  
Did you know when you go  
It's the perfect ending  
To the bad day I was just beginning  
When you go all I know is  
You're my favorite mistake

Your friends are sorry for me  
They watch you pretend to adore me  
But I'm no fool to this game

Now here comes your secret lover  
She'd be unlike any other  
Until your guilt goes up in flames

Chorus

You're my favorite mistake

Well maybe nothin' lasts forever  
Even when you stay together  
I don't need forever after  
It's your laughter won't let me go  
So I'm holding on this way

Did you know, could you tell  
You were the only one  
That I ever loved  
Now everything's so wrong

Did you see me walking by?  
Did it ever make you cry?

You're my favorite mistake  
You're my favorite mistake  
You're my favorite mistake

Track 3 – Strong Enough (Sheryl Crow – The Very Best of Sheryl Crow - 2003)

God, I feel like hell tonight  
Tears of rage I cannot fight  
I'd be the last to help you understand  
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Nothing's true and nothing's right  
So let me be alone tonight  
Cause you can't change the way I am  
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Lie to me  
I promise I'll believe  
Lie to me  
But please don't leave

I have a face I cannot show  
I make the rules up as I go  
It's try and love me if you can  
Are you strong enough to be my man?

When I've shown you that I just don't care  
When I'm throwing punches in the air  
When I'm broken down and I can't stand  
Will you be strong enough to be my man?

Lie to me  
I promise I'll believe  
Lie to me  
But please don't leave

Track 4 – The Difficult Kind (Sheryl Crow – The Very Best of Sheryl Crow - 2003)

I think I was wrong  
I think you were right  
All my angry words  
Will keep me up at night  
Through the old screen door  
I still hear you say  
Honey won't you stop  
Treating me that way

If you could only see  
What love has made of me  
Then I'd no longer be in your mind  
The difficult kind  
Cause babe I've changed

Tell it to me slow  
Tell me with your eyes  
If anyone should know  
How to let it slide  
I swear I can see you  
Coming up the drive  
There ain't nothing like regret  
To remind you you're alive

If you could only see  
What love has made of me  
Then I'd no longer be in your mind  
The difficult kind  
Cause babe I've changed

I crossed the canyon a thousand times  
But never noticed what was mine  
What you'll remember of me tonight  
Well, it almost makes me cry  
Yeah, it almost makes me cry

Oh ballbreaking moon and ridiculing stars  
The older I get, the closer you are  
Don't you have somewhere that you need to be  
Instead of hanging here making a fool of me

If you could only see  
What love has made of me  
Then I'd no longer be in your mind  
The difficult kind  
But you won't see the change in me  
If you could only see  
What love has made of me  
But I'll forever be in your mind  
The difficult kind  
But you won't see, no you won't see  
The good in me  
But babe I've changed  
Cause babe I've changed

Track 5 – The First Cut Is the Deepest (Sheryl Crow – The Very Best of Sheryl Crow - 2003)

I would have given you all of my heart  
but there's someone who's torn it apart  
and she's taking almost all that I've got  
but if you want, I'll try to love again  
baby I'll try to love again but I know

The first cut is the deepest, baby I know  
The first cut is the deepest  
'cause when it comes to being lucky she's cursed  
when it comes to lovin' me she's worst  
but when it comes to being loved she's first  
that's how I know

The first cut is the deepest, baby I know  
The first cut is the deepest

I still want you by my side  
just to help me dry the tears that I've cried  
cause I'm sure gonna give you a try  
and if you want, I'll try to love again  
but baby, I'll try to love again, but I know

The first cut is the deepest, baby I know  
The first cut is the deepest

'Cause when it comes to being lucky she's cursed  
when it comes to lovin' me she's worst  
but when it comes to being loved she's first  
that's how I know

The first cut is the deepest, baby I know  
The first cut is the deepest

Track 6 – I Shall Believe (Sheryl Crow – The Very Best of Sheryl Crow - 2003)

Come to me now  
And lay your hands over me  
Even if it's a lie  
Say it will be alright  
And I shall believe

I'm broken in two  
And I know you're on to me  
That I only come home  
When I'm so all alone  
But I do believe

That not everything is gonna be the way  
You think it ought to be  
It seems like every time I try to make it right  
It all comes down on me  
Please say honestly you won't give up on me  
And I shall believe  
And I shall believe

Open the door  
And show me your face tonight  
I know it's true  
No one heals me like you  
And you hold the key

Never again  
Would I turn away from you  
I'm so heavy tonight  
But your love is alright  
And I do believe

That not everything is gonna be the way  
You think it ought to be  
It seems like every time I try to make it right  
It all comes down on me  
Please say honestly  
You won't give up on me  
And I shall believe  
I shall believe  
And I shall believe

**Part 8**

Georgia was of course thrilled with the CD and had it packaged, shipped, and in stores in record time. Instead of doing the media blitz I found on tour. It was about the three months into it and I found myself with the afternoon off. I was lazily walking up and down the beach enjoying the feel of sand between my toes. Georgia had insisted that the Hawaii part of the tour get cancelled, but I told her I was fine with it. My lying must have improved because not only did she believe it, but I was starting to, too.

**Part 9**

Jude tried Tommy's cell phone for old time's sake and heard the recording telling her the line had been disconnected. Tommy's eyes stared up at her from the picture she had listed next to his phone number. "Why can't I let you go" she said desperately wiping away the tears. "I've got to pull myself together I've got a show to do," she said with determination. She thought the songs she had written would help her get it out of her system, but it only made her angrier and sadder every time she performed, but in a way she like the pain; it reminded her she was alive, but she felt like she was hanging by the thread of her sanity. It was like she lost a part of herself when he left and nothing mattered. "Jude, you're on" called E.J. who insisted she just had to go to Hawaii with her and while her boyfriend Jake stayed in Toronto working on his album.

**Part 10**

(A few songs into it) She had mixed it up playing songs from her previous albums and had just finished playing "Favorite Mistake." She was chatting it up with the crowd when someone yelled "God, I'd hate to be the guy who pissed you off!" The crowd immediately started laughing. Then a couple of guys started yelling "Go out with me Jude" or "Marry me Jude" and everyone thought it was hilarious. Jude politely said 'thanks' and went into her next song, "Strong Enough." The girls in the crowd of course belted out the song and were a little teary eyed. When Jude started singing "I Shall Believe" there was not a dry eye in sight. Girls, guys, moms, grandmothers, there were quite a few tissues going around. Jude felt it especially hard; the hotel where they had spent their honeymoon was within walking distance. After the song; it seemed the crowd wasn't really up for an encore. Jude was exhausted, but spent the next 2 hours signing autographs and taking pictures with her fans. It was almost midnight and Jude was walking along the beach bear foot. She sat down on the sand and looked out over the ocean. Her watch read 11:59. "Happy anniversary" she said aloud to the silence.


	20. Wreck Of The Day

**A/N**: I don't own _Instant Star_. Reviews are always welcome.

**Episode 20 – Wreck of the Day**

**Part 1**

Tommy's car was the only one left at the parking lot of the concert venue. He unwrapped the cupcake from its plastic wrapper, stuck a candle in it, and lit it with a match. He waited for the clock to turn. "11:59, happy anniversary" he said before blowing it out.

He pulled out of the lot and was turning at the intersection as two teenagers were drag racing and didn't see the car turning until it was too late. The first car hit the tail of the viper causing it to spin while the other car clipped the front of the car causing it to flip several times before it landed upside down.

**Part 2**

Jude had been tossing and turning and had just found a comfy spot on the bed when her cell phone started ringing frantically. "Aw hell" she said and put her pillow over her head. It rang several more times and then started beeping to indicate voicemail. It had been an hour and she finally yanked the covers off the bed and picked up her cell phone. The first message had been left after the show from E.J. who was wondering why Jude had bailed on her when she said she was going to take her out for her birthday after the show. The next couple of calls were from her parents, Sadie, Jamie and Kat wishing her happy birthday. Georgia had also called to wish her birthday greetings as well. The last message she had to replay several times. "Hi, Miss Harrison this is St. Vincent's Hospital in Honolulu and wanted to inform you that you were listed as an emergency contact for a Mr. Quincy. He was in a car accident tonight and you should come to the hospital as soon as possible." Jude listened to the envelope information for the message, "11:59."

**Part 3**

Tommy felt far away from his body but when he looked down and wiggled his foot he it responded. He saw a diner close by and entered. There was one person working behind the counter and an old woman sitting in a booth by the corner. She smiled at him as he sat down and asked him if he wanted to join her. He took a seat as the waitress came by and offered him a menu, but he just asked for coffee. She had a cupcake in front of her with a lit candle. "Are you going to blow it out" he said. "In a minute, you young people are so impatient," she said with a laugh. After she blew it out she offered him a fork. "What's the occasion," he asked with a mouthful of cupcake. "It's my 50th wedding anniversary," she said. "Where's your husband I'm not eating his half am I" said Tommy putting the fork down and guiltily swallowing the remnants of the cupcake in his mouth. "Don't worry my Thomas passed quite a while back" she said. "Anyways, he wouldn't want his half of the cupcake to go to waste" she said smiling. "You finish it," she said pushing the rest of her portion towards him. She asked him if he had anyone special in his life. He was reluctant at first, but he decided to tell her about Jude.

**Part 4**

"She sounds a bit like my Thomas," she said. "He was quite fiery; passionate about everything and living each day as if there were no tomorrow. He was quite the daredevil, but he always promised he'd come home to me. We had only been married for five years when I was told he got in a car accident; it was the big thing back then to drag race" she said. Tommy couldn't shake the feeling of déjà vu. "You never got remarried," he said. "Thomas was my one true love. It wouldn't have been fair to whoever came after him knowing that I would always love him and wouldn't be able to give my whole heart to them. There were quite a few offers," she said with a wink. "So why aren't you fighting to win her back," she said.

**Part 5**

Meanwhile in a hospital room; "He's flat lining," said the nurse. The doctor grabbed the defribulator, charged it, and pressed it to Tommy's chest.

**Part 6**

Tommy grabbed his chest. "Young man, are you quite, alright" the old woman said with concern. "Sorry, yeah I'm fine," said Tommy. "You're looking a little pale," she said. "Miss could you bring this young man a glass of water," she said. Tommy drained the glass and wiped his mouth. "Feeling better," she asked. Tommy lied and said yes. "You know it's not nice to lie to little old ladies," she said admonishing him. "I'm fine it just hurt for a second," he said. "Broken hearts always do," she said.

**Part 7**

"It's no good, try a higher voltage" said the doctor to the nurse.

**Part 8**

"So why don't the two of us think of a plan to get this girl of your back" she said. "She won't take me back" he said. "Have you tried" she said. "If your Thomas did half the things that I did to Jude would you take him back" he said with emotion. "I did or I was going to if he had come home that night" she said. "His passion for everything in life drew a lot of people to him. I had seen him kiss a girl and we had an argument that night. He was going to out that night, but said that he wouldn't so we could talk about what happened that night and I told him I didn't want to see him again. He insisted that he didn't want us to part angry, but I wouldn't listen to him and forcibly threw him out. As you can see from my size it took quite the effort" she said. He left and later that night a policeman knocked on my door and told me what had happened" she said. "My last words to him were said in anger," she said softly crying. "I'm sure he knew you loved him," said Tommy taking her fragile hands in his.

**Part 9**

Jude was sitting impatiently in the waiting room for the nurse, doctor; anyone to tell her what was going on. She started pacing, sat, stood; anything to keep her mind distracted from what was going on down the hall.

**Part 10**

"Why don't you pretend I'm Thomas and tell me what you would have told him had he not left that night," I said wiping away her tears. She sat there for a few minutes without saying a word. "I'm sorry I said those awful things to you, Thomas. I should have believed you when you said that it didn't mean anything and that you loved me and always and forever. I forgive you, Thomas. And I'll always love you." she said. Suddenly a sharp pain seared through Tommy's chest.

**Part 11**

"Okay people we've got a heartbeat," said the doctor. "Now comes the hard part," he said.

**Part 12**

"Thomas you have two choices," said the old lady. "You can either continue on your way or you can go back," she said. "What," said Tommy. "I know everything about you," she said with compassion in her eyes. "Who are you," said Tommy. "It's not important, what's important is the choice you need to make," she said. "Your body is in bad shape and it's going to take months full of pain and frustration to start recovering," she said. Suddenly fuzzy memories that had been on the periphery came back to him all at once. "Neither choice will be easy," she said squeezing my hand. "Are you prepared to let her go? Or are you ready to fight." "That's what I thought," she said. "How did you know what I was going to choose," he said. "Oh no, Thomas, the decision was completely yours to make. Free will, you know," she said. Tommy was about to say something else when everything faded to black

**Part 13**

"Miss Harrison," said the doctor shaking her shoulder gently. "We lost him for a few minutes, but he made it through the surgery and he's in critical, but stable condition" he said. He caught Jude as she fell and helped her to the couch. "Thank you" she said before letting go of the doctor's hand.


	21. Reinventing The Wheel To Run Myself Over

**A/N**: I don't own _Instant Star_. I don't own _Home To Me_ by Josh Kelley. Reviews are always welcome.

**Episode 21 – Reinventing the wheel to run myself over**

**Part 1**

(A few months later) It became a running joke for people in the hospital who passed by his room to ask Tommy what bone he didn't break. Tommy meanwhile was just so grateful to be alive that he seemed to take it all with a smile. And he had a big reason to smile he thought to himself surveying the blonde figure asleep in a chair next to his hospital bed with her legs tucked to her chest and a blanket hung loosely around her. As soon as his condition had improved he was flown to a hospital in Toronto which he had now been calling home. Today was a big day for Tommy; he was finally getting the casts off his legs. His dislocated shoulder and broken ribs were the first to heal. Jude shifted in her chair and Tommy immediately closed his eyes and feigned sleep. She stretched out her arms above her head and yawned. She walked over to Tommy and put her hand on his chest above his heart to feel his heart beat as if to check to make sure that he was really alive in front of her and it wasn't just a dream. She kissed his forehead and headed out the door for her ritual morning coffee and said 'hi' to the nurse on her way out.

**Part 2**

"You don't have to pretend with me Tom Quincy, I know you're awake" said the nurse chuckling to herself. Tommy opened his eyes and smiled sheepishly. "Now eat your breakfast, you've got a big day ahead of you" she said as she slid the tray in front of him.

**Part 3**

Tommy stared down at his pale legs. "We're gonna concentrate on strengthening your legs to regain the muscle you had" said the physical therapist. "You're going to re-learn how to walk, so we're gonna take it real slow" he said. "Don't worry I'm not expecting to run in the marathon or anything" Tommy drawled. "You're funny, good. You're gonna need that humor to keep you going when you wanna scream and tear your hair out from frustration" he said. "Truth is a lot harder to swallow then hand holding," the physical therapist said. "You learn real quick what your body can and can't do," he continued. Tommy looked at him with a surprised and bemused expression on his face as if to say bring it on. Jude saw the exchange from the doorway she was leaning against and muttered the word 'men.' "Who is this" said the physical therapist. "This is Jude, she's my uhhhh…." Tommy trailed. "Jude Harrison," she said shaking his hand. Tommy couldn't help noticing the physical therapist checking her out and felt the urge to get up and punch him. Jude saw the look on Tommy's face and smiled to herself.

**Part 4**

Tommy was exhausted by the time he returned to his room as well as angry and frustrated and Jude seemed to be the only target around. It seemed to happen a lot lately. "Tommy it's only been a couple of weeks of physical therapy you can't expect to be running circles around me do you?" I said. Tommy was moodily staring at his legs at their betrayal. "Jude I don't want you coming to see me anymore" Tommy said in a low voice. "Tommy what are you talking about?" Jude said. "I. DON'T. WANT. YOU. TO. SEE. ME. LIKE. THIS." he yelled angrily as the nurse helped him out of the wheelchair and into his bed. "Like what?" Jude said. The nurse quickly exited the room and closed the door gently behind her. "Like this!" he said gesturing to his surroundings. "I can't take care of myself. I can't shower on my own or go to the bathroom on my own" he said with disgust. "You're cooped up in the hospital all day; I know you haven't been working on your music or been to the studio in months. I don't want to be a burden on you anymore; I appreciate more than you know that you've stuck by me since the accident, but I don't want your pity" he said his words hit me like a blow. I was so shocked I didn't know how to react, so until my anger got the better of me. "I didn't realize I needed an invitation to your pity party" I spat as I gathered my things and slammed the door behind me.

**Part 5**

"Where's your pretty girlfriend," said the nurse to Tommy as she carried in his breakfast. "She's not my girlfriend; she's not my anything…" Tommy said staring sullenly out the window. "And she's not coming back," he said. "I'm sure you'll make up after the fight you had yesterday," the nurse said. "How did you know we had a fight" Tommy said. "Son, your room isn't soundproof," she said with a laugh as she took last night's dinner tray with her as she left. Tommy hoped what the nurse said was true, but Jude didn't return the next day or the one after that.

**Part 6**

At Georgia's insistence, Jude hopped on a plane to continue the rest of her tour. She hoped that the break would give Jude a chance to reevaluate everything that had gone on over the last yeah and a half with Tommy. Georgia had contacted the hospital to inform him, but it seemed he had checked himself out. She was just about to ask Kwest if he had heard from him when the man himself entered her office.

**Part 7**

"Hey Tom," she said. "How are things?" she said. "Couldn't be better," he said sarcastically. "Sorry, Georgia" Tommy said berating himself. "So Jude's finishing the tour," Tommy stated matter of factly. "If your mad, blame me I insisted she go," Georgia said. "You confuse the hell out her you know that?" she said. Tommy rolled the words around his mind. When Tommy didn't answer she continued. "So what are your plans? I distinctly remember someone signing away his half of the record studio. We're currently looking for producers" she said. "You're old office is still empty by the way," she said. "And Tommy I expect you to be on your feet by the time Jude returns," she said.

**Part 8**

(a month later) Kwest drove Tommy to physical therapy everyday. "Let's go old man," Kwest said jokingly handing Tommy his walker. "Ha ha Kwest," he said. "Just pick me up in two hours, would ya," he said. "Sure thing, old man River" said Kwest. Tommy sarcastically waved to him and slowly made his way to the automatic doors.

**Part 9**

Jude kept replaying their last conversation in her head over and over. E.J. heard Jude crying softly and didn't say anything. She knew the last thing she needed was someone to bring up Tommy. E.J. debated whether to share the news Georgia had told her earlier that Tommy was working as a producer at the studio and progress reports from Kwest about how his physical therapy was going. E.J. looked over at the clock. It was late and they both desperately needed sleep. E.J. glanced at Jude who was a mess. Mascara was running down her cheeks and her eyes were puffy. She desperately wanted to tell her, but then thought better of it. Jude had been in a fragile state ever since they went back on the road. She didn't know how she would handle the news. Plus she didn't know where Tommy and Jude were in terms of their relationship. Were they together, friends, not speaking? Everything was unresolved and had been for a long time now. E.J. looked over again and saw that Jude had finally fallen asleep and looked over at the clock and groaned. She had three hours left to sleep before having to get up and get on the bus to head to the next city and do the whole thing over again.

**Part 10**

It was Jude's last show on the tour. She was in New York City and it felt like she had come full circle. Her show was being broadcasted live on CTV. It was her last song of the night. She sat on her stool and took a drink from her bottle of water. "Thank you guys you've been a really great audience. This is my last song of the night and I'd like to dedicate it to someone special" I said. "I just want to say that just because I'm not beside you doesn't mean that I haven't been thinking about you. You've been foremost in my thoughts, always." I said. I closed my eyes and started strumming on my guitar.

(These lyrics are "Home To Me" By Josh Kelley from his album "For the Ride Home")

Isn't it funny how the roads just pass us by  
Isn't it crazy how we never get it right  
Time is wasted on money and money wasted on lust.  
Treat her like a lady and she'll never get enough

chorus  
Cause' its you that I'm runnin to baby  
Its you that I'm feelin for lately and  
Its like a pain that never goes away  
And it always starts today

Cause you are home to me, Cause you are home to me  
Cause you are home to me, Cause you are home to me

Isn't it perfect how the memories feel the same  
Isn't it amazing how the song remains unchanged  
Time is wasted on money and money wasted on lust  
Treat her like a lady and She'll never get enough

Cause' its you that I'm runnin to baby  
Its you that I'm feelin for lately and  
Its like a pain that never goes away  
And it always starts today

Cause you are home to me, Cause you are home to me  
Cause you are home to me, Cause you are home to me

**Part 11**

(Meanwhile in an apartment in Toronto) Tommy got up off the couch as the phone rang. "Hey man did you catch Jude's concert, tonight?" said Kwest. "No, man I'm not ready to see her," said Tommy. "Tommy let me explain something to you, alright. She's on the TV; she's not actually in the same room with you, man. There's no actual direct contact. No interaction, at all!" said Kwest exasperated over the phone. "What's the big deal, man" said Tommy. "What's the big deal! Nothing, man. Forget I mentioned it. Bye" said Kwest annoyed. Tommy put down the phone and walked back to the couch. He laid down and continued to stare at the ceiling. Tommy wasn't ready to face Jude even if she was a thousand miles away.

**Part 12**

Jude had butterflies in her stomach as she got off the private jet. When she was on solid ground again she scanned her surroundings and saw a familiar figure leaning against a blue viper. They made eye contact and he ran towards her. When they came together he embraced her and showered her with kisses. "I love you, Jude." "Jude, wake up we just landed," said E.J. "Just a dream" I said disappointed. When Jude and E.J. got off the plane there was no blue viper and no Tommy. She got home to an empty house. Nothing had changed.

**Part 13**

When Jude got to the studio the next day she was immediately rushed into the conference room. Georgia was sitting at the head with E.J., Kwest, and Tommy filling in the rest of the seats. Jude glanced at Tommy before sitting down. "Jude I took the liberty of giving Tommy his old producing job, back. If that's okay with you, you're still the boss" said Georgia. "What? No that's fine with me" I said staring at my fingers. "Glad you're back, Jude. Well that's it everyone," Georgia said getting up and leaving the conference room. I was left along with Tommy. "Jude thanks for the job" he said before getting up to leave. "That's all you have to say. Thanks for the job" I said in disbelief. "What do you want me to say, Jude? I'm really glad you left me at the hospital. Say welcome back and give you a hug?" he said sarcastically. I was close to tears when Kwest came in. "Jude don't listen to Tommy, he doesn't know what he's talking about" said Kwest. "Kwest man what are you going on about?" Tommy said. "Jude, Tommy and I need to talk for a second," Kwest said before hauling Tommy out of his chair and dragging him into his office where he had a TV set up with his TiVo hooked up to it. "Tommy, shut up, sit down, and watch.

**Part 14_  
_**  
Tommy waited impatiently as Kwest did a search and pressed play. He saw Jude sitting on a stool and had just taken a sip of water.

"Thank you guys you've been a really great audience. This is my last song of the night and I'd like to dedicate it to someone special" I said. "I just want to say that just because I'm not beside you doesn't mean that I haven't been thinking about you. You've been foremost in my thoughts, always." I said. I closed my eyes and started strumming on my guitar.

(These lyrics are "Home To Me" By Josh Kelley from his album "For the Ride Home")

Isn't it funny how the roads just pass us by  
Isn't it crazy how we never get it right  
Time is wasted on money and money wasted on lust.  
Treat her like a lady and she'll never get enough

chorus  
Cause' its you that I'm runnin to baby  
Its you that I'm feelin for lately and  
Its like a pain that never goes away  
And it always starts today

Cause you are home to me, Cause you are home to me  
Cause you are home to me, Cause you are home to me

Isn't it perfect how the memories feel the same  
Isn't it amazing how the song remains unchanged  
Time is wasted on money and money wasted on lust  
Treat her like a lady and She'll never get enough

Cause' its you that I'm runnin to baby  
Its you that I'm feelin for lately and  
Its like a pain that never goes away  
And it always starts today

Cause you are home to me, Cause you are home to me  
Cause you are home to me, Cause you are home to me

Tommy sat there in stunned silence. "I'm such an idiot," he said. "Idiot, that's a little too kind, wouldn't you say," said Kwest. Tommy sat there shaking his head. "What are you waiting for, man. Go after her!" said Kwest. "What am I going to…" he said. "It doesn't matter," said Kwest. "Just go find her," he said.

**Part 15**

Jude was still sitting in the conference room feeling utterly confused. Tommy came in and pulled up next to her and took her hands his. "Jude, I'm so sorry. I had no idea. I hadn't seen your show" he said. "I'm sorry," he said as a few of Jude's tears sploshed down on his hands. He didn't know what else to say, so he held her as his shirt became soaked with her tears.

**Part 16_  
_**  
Both Tommy and Jude were so emotionally and physically drained that they both fell asleep lost in each other's embrace. Georgia, peeked inside the conference room and wasn't sure whether to laugh or to cry. She put a blanket over the two of them and put a 'do not disturb' sign on the door.


	22. Carve Your Heart

**A/N**: I don't own _Instant Star_. Reviews are always welcome.

**Episode 22 – Carve Your Heart**

**Part 1**

(Early the next morning) Tommy shifted in his chair shifting Jude who accidentally elbowed Tommy in the eye. "Ow!" he yelled instantly waking Jude who was now a tangled heap of limbs and blanket on the ground. Jude sat there stunned while Tommy rubbed his eye and both started laughing at the ridiculousness of their situation. Tommy was stretching his limbs and yawning as Jude got up to go to the door and was about turn the handle.

**Part 2**

"Tommy, the door's locked," I said. He immediately made a move to the door and forcibly tried to open it. After a few moments of indignant puffing he gave up. "No one comes to work on a Saturday anymore?" he said. "Tommy you forget how lax it is here; I mean come on I'm the boss, remember?" I said. "What are we going to do?" I said with a hint of panic in my voice. "You make it sound like I'm the last person you'd want to be locked in a room with" he said in a hurt tone. "Tommy we have so many issues and our history; it's complicated" I said. Tommy walked over to the far side of the conference table and sat down. "Fine, I'll sit here on the complicated side of the room and you can stay over there where it's nice and uncomplicated" he said sarcastically while crossing his arms and burning a hole in the wall with his gaze.

**Part 3**

Georgia sat in her kitchen nursing a mug of coffee. "Was it really a good idea to lock the two of them up in the conference room," she thought to herself. "I only see three possible outcomes…" said the person sitting across from her. "Yeah, they'll either a) kill each other and we'll find their mangled bodies, b) they'll realize it's over and be done with it, or c) work it out" said the other person at the kitchen table. "Well I for one am pulling for the last one" said Georgia to Kwest and E.J.

**Part 4**

"You're seriously going to sit there and ignore me for the rest of the day!" I said incredulously. Tommy ignored me in answer. I was so frustrated and the coffee withdrawal I was feeling was starting to get to me that I grabbed one of the chairs and hurled it at the glass windows as hard as I could in desperation. Not even a scratch on them. "While you were on your pleasure trip to the big apple, Georgia had the old windows replaced with shatter and sound proof glass; apparently our constant bickering was a distraction to the rest of the people here" he said smirking. "Besides, don't you think I would have thought of that" he said. "God I wanted to wipe the grin off his face with a burning passion" I thought to myself. "But violence is such a male concept and I had a much better way of getting back at him" I thought. "I don't know Tommy, I seem to recall that you not thinking is the reason that we're in this precarious situation right now." I said in my calmest voice. "What the hell is that supposed to mean!" he said. I could see his shoulders stiffening and saw a vein starting to bulge. If it was a cartoon I would have sworn smoke was emanating from his ears and he was turning bright red. "Take it any way you want" I said uncaring. "FINE. LET'S TALK!" he said angrily slamming his fists on the table.

**Part 5**

"That night I was with Portia…" Tommy said. A look of pain ran fleetingly across Jude's face before she was able to mask it with indifference, but Tommy noticed and it was difficult for him to continue. "The doctor told me it was a long shot for you to ever wake up. He started talking about whether or not you had made arrangements about what to do if you were unable to make a decision about…Jude he was asking me if you had made plans about pulling the plug. I was so enraged I almost slugged him. All I could do was get out of there and drove home as fast as I could. When I got home Portia was there and she was upset because Shay had left rehab early again without telling anyone his whereabouts or whether or not he was even okay. We were both in so much pain, but what happened next there was no comfort. It was done in an act of perfect despair. In the end the two of us were even worse off than before. We had both betrayed you. She was like a sister to you, a mentor. She was the one that didn't want to tell anyone, although I take the blame that I agreed to keep it between the two of us; she knew what it would do to you if you ever came out of it. All I can do is apologize to you everyday for the rest of my life if I have to. If I could I would take it back in a heart beat" he said in frustration. "But I can't. I know that" he said agonized. "Jude if you can't forgive me, then there's no point to anything…" he said in a pained voice. Jude sat there trying to take in everything he had said and didn't say.

**Part 6**

Tommy couldn't hold back his tears anymore and they came out in a great flood. Great heaving breaths were coming from his chest while he cradled his head in his hands. I looked up at him and slowly walked over towards him. I hugged his head towards my chest and he wrapped his arms around my waist. "Jude I'm so sorry, I'm sorry" he kept repeating between sobs. "I know Tommy, I know" I said.

**Part 7**

Georgia released Tommy and Jude from their jail time. Neither seemed to listen to the well thought out excuse it had taken she, Kwest, & E.J. hours to come up with. Tommy and Jude looked like they had both been run over by a truck albeit an emotional one. Jude didn't want to return to the house, so she drove back to the apartment she shared with the boys. Tommy called Kwest to pick him up; he still hadn't gone around to buying a new car or finding a new place to live in since he had left Jude the house. Tommy was sitting on the curb when Kwest pulled up. "Hey man why weren't you answering your phone?" Kwest said. "Battery died" Tommy said. Kwest was about to say 'you look like hell', but decided against it. Tommy pulled open the door, got in, and they drove on in silence.

**Part 8**

"Tommy's apology wasn't what I expected," I thought to herself. "I'm not really sure what I expected, but it wasn't that" I said. After Tommy's cry both didn't really know what to say to each other. It was awkward to say the least. But they were both spared the pain of breaking the silence when Georgia found them in the conference room. I didn't quite remember why she said she was there, but was grateful for the interruption. "He said he was sorry. I acknowledged that I knew he was sorry. He didn't ask for forgiveness. And I didn't give it. Knowing why it happened doesn't make me feel better nor change the fact that it happened. Had anything really changed besides having to relive what happened that night? Can I trust him? Can I forgive him? Where do we go from here?" she groaned as she pulled up to the apartment.

**Part 9**

Georgia didn't know what to make of Tommy and Jude. They were polite and cordial to one another. Things were definitely off kilter. She desperately waned to find out what happened in the conference room. Both seemed like they had given up. Kwest and E.J. were dumbfounded as well. "Guess our intervention didn't help much," said E.J. "At least I don't have to play referee anymore," Kwest said. "You miss it don't you," said E.J. chewing on her lip. "Yeah" Kwest said. "Me too" said E.J.


	23. No Right Angles

**A/N**: I don't own _Instant Star_. Reviews are always welcome.

**Episode 23 – No Right Angles  
**  
**Part 1**

Jake was all over the place, but you couldn't really blame the guy since his release party was tonight. "I look like a penguin," he said trying to loosen his bow tie. "So you're bringing the mystery girl tonight," said Jake. "Yup," said Jackson. "I can't wait to meet her," I said as I walked out of her room. "Me too," said Jake. "I'm his best friend and I've never even met her; Jude you're like his sister, so it's no wonder you haven't met her for fear of your disapproval" said Jake dramatically. Jackson and I just laughed good naturedly. "It was true" I thought to myself. "Jake's right" I said. "What can you repeat that, did you say I was right?" said Jake who had temporarily stopped fidgeting with the bow tie. "Jackson I guess I've thought of you like an older brother since NYC. You've been my rock. Someone I can depend on. I mean who else would have been crazy to enough to agree to give my wedding ring back to my husband. And Jake, I guess that makes you like the annoying little brother" I said. "Stop you're making me blush" said Jake sarcastically. "I really hope you like her Jude; it's important to me" said Jake. "I'm sure I'll love her" I said.

**Part 2**

Tommy and I had agreed to be each other's dates, well friends who were going together. "You look great" he said surveying me and offering me his arm. "You too," I said. The party was going great and Jake was making out with E.J. on one side of the room. I scanned the other side of the room to catch a glimpse of Jackson and his date, but no luck. "Who are you looking for" said Tommy. "Jackson said I'd finally get to meet his girlfriend," I said. Just then I felt someone tapping my shoulder.

**Part 3_  
_**  
Tommy and I looked up in shock. "I had no idea she was coming, Jude" Tommy said under his breath so only I could hear. "Jude, I'd like you to meet my girlfriend, Portia," he said with a huge smile on his face. "Hi Jude" she said. I just looked at her coldly and didn't say anything. "We've met," said Portia. "You've got some nerve showing up like this," said Tommy. All of a sudden the music stopped playing and all eyes seemed to be turned on us. Jake and E.J. came running over to us.

**Part 4**

"What's going on guys," said Jake. Portia looked over at Tommy and Jude. "You know Tommy, I was wondering why everyone was so happy when you came back as producer, here" said Portia. "Did you even tell anyone about the letter I left you" I said icily. "Jude, I did. I just left some parts out" Tommy said. "Yeah the parts that clearly saved your ass and let you continue working here when Jude went AWOL" said Jackson. "I wouldn't talk if I were you. I mean obviously you didn't know what Jude wrote in the letter either seeing as how you brought her" Tommy said pointing to Portia. Jackson looked confused as did everyone else who was entranced with the scene unfolding before them. "No I didn't read the letter, but all I know is that you broke her heart and she came to NYC" said Jackson. "Well your girlfriend is the reasons she did" Tommy said. Jackson looked over at Portia who wasn't denying it and then over at Jude. "Is this true," he said looked at the two of them.

**Part 5**

Jackson's face was stony as were quite a few others. "Portia, you lied to me. It's over. Jude let's go" Jackson said as he took my hand and started walking towards the door.  
Everyone at the party was stunned. People started leaving and about an hour later mostly everyone was gone.

**Part 6**

Jackson and Jude were sprawled on the couch each going over what had just transpired for about an hour now. It was so quiet in the apartment all you could hear was the drip drip of the kitchen faucet. "So, she knew that I was your roommate?" I said. "No" said Jackson. "So then she didn't lie to you" I said. "Why are you defending her?" he said angrily looking up. "She was the reason your marriage ended," he said exasperated. "Because you've just been so damned happy," I said. "It doesn't matter anymore," he said gloomily. "I want you to go find her and work it out," I said. "Jude no way, how can I do that? What about you?" he said. "I just want you to be happy" I said. He looked at me with hint of hope in his eyes, "Are you really sure." "Yeah, go find her," I said. Jackson picked himself up off the couch, gave me a kiss on the forehead, and ran out the door. "One of us should be happy," I said.

**Part 7**

"I honestly don't know what to say to you, man" said Kwest as he watched Tommy packing up his stuff. "Why didn't you tell me, I'm your best friend" Kwest said hurt. Tommy continued to pack. "Don't you mean ex-best friend?" said Tommy. "No, I mean current as in still best friend," said Kwest. "Look I know how you feel about Jude" Tommy said. "Yeah I love her like a sister and I love you like a brother," he said. "So you don't hate me then," Tommy said looking up. "I may not agree with your actions, but I'll never hate you man, you're my boy" said Kwest. "Thanks man," I said. "You don't have to leave man, you're welcome to stay here," Kwest said. "Plus Georgia didn't say you were fired," Kwest said.

**Part 8**

Georgia and E.J. were sitting in her office. "I don't know what to say," said E.J. "Well there's a first for everything," said Georgia. E.J. just rolled her eyes. "So are you gonna fire Tommy," said E.J. "It's not my decision" said Georgia. "Tommy and Jude are adults, they need to settle this on their own; an intervention from us isn't going to help this time not like it did the last time," she said fondly remembering when they had locked the two of them up in the conference room.

**Part 9_  
_**  
Jude felt a sense of calm wash over her as she got under the covers of her bed, which was odd considering her world was crashing all around her. It had gone from Tommy and Jude to just Jude. She leaned over to turn off the lamp and shut her eyes.

"And the winner of this year's first ever Instant Star: Tom Quincy." Flash forward an hour later.

Jude leaned over the railing to get a better look at Tom Quincy. The Instant Star winner and her next project. She couldn't stop staring at his gorgeous blue eyes or his well chiseled features when she was shaken from her reverie from his words. "Did I stutter. I. Said. I. Refuse. To. Work. With. some Britney, Jessica, Mariah, whatever the hell her name" he said with contempt. "Oh boy" said E.J. who moments earlier had been walking towards Georgia, but was now backtracking in another direction. "First I'm here cause Georgia is a friend. I could care less about you or your whacked contest. Second, the name's Jude Harrison. Don't you ever call me Britney, again," Jude said.

**Part 10**

Jude sat in the booth with Georgia with E.J. standing in the back as Tom Quincy strummed on his guitar and sang. After a few seconds into it Jude interrupted him, "You wanna stop cause you're hurting my ears." She took off her headphones and made her way towards Tommy taking the guitar from him. "You won a contest with that. You're singing it like it's a funeral dirge. It's boring. You've got t o pick up the temp. Straight quarters at the bottom" she said. Tom couldn't wrap his head around how arrogant this 15-year old red head was. He was patient as she showed him how to play his song; she wasn't even born when he started playing his first guitar. But the clincher was when she told him to change his lyrics. He stormed out of the studio before anyone could stop him.

**Part 11**

Jude found Tommy at the local record store. He was listening to her CDs, well actually her group's CDs, and he was broadcasting his commentary to any and all shoppers who happened to be at the store. He was in the middle of lambasting the lyrics when he saw Jude who took off his headset and dragged him out of the store. "That was great by the way, loved your insightfulness" she said with a glare. "I booked you at the Vinyl Palace. We have two days to work on your song" Jude said. "Where are we going" said Tom. "Somewhere you won't walk out on me this time," Jude said. "Whoa, this is what you drive," Tom said as he caressed the blue viper. "Are you even old enough," he said with a dubious look. She rolled her eyes at him and said, "I'm almost 16. Besides you've head at least 4 years driving experience. Given your age," she said. "Ouch Jude, low blow" he said while clutching his stomach dramatically. "Just shut up and get in Tommy" she said. "Actually it's Tom," he said. "Yeah if you were like 50 years old" she said. He gave her another look. "Fine I'll call you Quincy, happy" she said. "Whatever, Harrison" he said as he buckled his seat belt and held on for dear life as she pealed out of the parking spot.

**Part 12**

Jude was getting impatient with Tom Quincy. "That's your tenth chord variation but you still haven't touched the lyrics. You wanna get it right or you want to get it right now?" she said. When he gave her an annoyed look she continued, "You do everything in such a hurry?" He glanced up from his guitar. "I'm on a timeline. Curt Cobain made NeverMind when he was 23" he said as he looked back down at his fingering. That leaves me with just a year then," he said. "Well I've got 8 years to work on my masterpiece" said Jude. "Thanks that really helps, Jude" he said.

**Part 13**

It was the night of his performance and Tom Quincy was breaking out in a sweat. Jude did her best to calm him down. "If you ever need to talk. Anytime. About anything. I'm here for you, okay? Part of the job" she said and gave him a warm smile. She lightly put her hand on his arm as she said this when all of a sudden she felt his lips on hers. It was hard to tell who was more in shock when they broke apart. "Jude, you're 15…" he said to himself. "How can I even begin to like someone like you? You're everything I hate about music," he said. "Easy" Jude said. "You made me change my song" he said. "Don't give me that because your song is a thousand times better since we worked on it. And you know it." Suddenly Georgia voice came from the hallway, "Tom, we need you." "Okay," he said as he grabbed his guitar and headed out the door. Tom Quincy's performance was everything she had expected out of him. What she didn't expect was afterwards when he told her that he quit.

**Part 14**

She found him the next morning at the record store only this time he wasn't lambasting her CD, but was listening to Kurt Cobain's NeverMind. He saw her approach and took the headphones off. "I come in peace" she said while waving an imaginary white flag. They both took a seat on the couch. "If I led you on…" she said. "Let's skip this," he said. "Cool" Jude said. "Cool" said Quincy. "Look, working on a song. It's like falling in love. At first it's a rush, but then it gets painful. And sometimes you come out of it with something beautiful. Like that song. I mean change can be good, Tom. You want proof? Just listen. Don't quit because you're it. You're the real thing. You're even better" she said. "Call me Tommy," he said and offered her his hand. "9:00. Monday. Be at the studio" she said before getting up and getting in her car. He watched her drive off knowing that since meeting her, his life had changed forever.

**Part 15**

Tommy woke up from a cold sweat. "That was weird," he said as he sat up in bed and rubbed his eyes. Meanwhile across town Jude woke up as well. "I can't escape him even in dreams," she said to herself. She dragged herself to the bathroom and splashed her face with cold water. "You don't want to," said a small voice in her head, which she tried to squelch. "Admit it, you still love him after everything he's done, everything he's put you through," she said to the reflection in the mirror. She sat on the cover of the toilet and rested her chin on her knees which she had hugged towards her chest. "I still love him" she said as a single tear fell towards the bathroom floor.


	24. Meaning

**A/N**: I don't own _Instant Star_. Reviews are always welcome.

**Episode 24 - Meaning **

**Part 1**

Jackson and Jake were sad when Jude told them she was moving out permanently and moving back into her house, but Jackson understood. Jude didn't want to see Portia, end of story. She had just finished carrying the rest of her stuff inside the house when she saw Kwest's car pull up to the driveway.

**Part 2_  
_**  
"Hi, Jude. I didn't think I'd be seeing you here" said Tommy. "Finally wore out your welcome, I see" I said to Kwest who was quietly trying to put Tommy's stuff back in his trunk. Kwest noisily dropped Tommy's stuff back in the trunk and gave me a hug. "How've you been?" he asked before glancing over at Tommy. I knew the question would be asked eventually, I just didn't think Tommy would be there to witness it. Kwest saved me from answering, "Sorry. Dumb question" he said. And then I did something that not only surprised the two of them, but myself as well. "Tommy, you can stay. There's enough room for the both of us," I said.

**Part 3**

"You want me to stay?" Tommy said incredulously. "I didn't say I want you to stay. I said you can stay; there's a difference" I said. Both of them were standing like statues, so to emphasize my point I walked over the car and started lugging Tommy's stuff into the house.

**Part 4**

Kwest, Tommy, and Jude were sitting in the living room when Kwest jumped off the couch and insisted he had to be going. "You remember Tommy about the thing I told you that I had to do later. Well now it's later" he said nervously glancing at his watch. Jude smiled. She walked Kwest to his car and gave him a hug. "Try not to kill each other," said Kwest as he let go of Jude.

**Part 5**

Jude was absentmindedly telling Tommy where the extra pillows and what not when Tommy reminded her that he used to live there once upon a time. "Sorry" I said. "Good night" I said. Tommy continued to watch the stairs long after Jude had gone up to their bedroom and shut the door. He sighed and made his way to the guest bedroom.

**Part 6**

Jude tossed and turned in bed for the next few hours before she threw the covers off and made her way downstairs. She made her way to the kitchen and turned on the light. Jude saw Tommy with the refrigerator door open drinking milk straight from the container. He started blinking his eyes rapidly trying to get them to adjust to the light and was spluttering milk onto the floor. I casually threw the dish rag at him and hopped onto the island and let my feet dangle. "Couldn't sleep" he asked after using his arm as a substitute napkin. I just gave him a duh look. I forgot that Tommy slept with not much on. Tommy watched Jude stare at him unbeknownst to her. "See anything you like" he said with a smirk. I ignored his comment and started making a pot of coffee. His eyes were burning a hole into my back. "I could ask you the same thing" I said. "That's my t-shirt by the way" he said as I felt him come up right behind me. I was trapped.

**Part 7**

He put his hands on my shoulders and slid them down to my waist. His touch still made me shiver. I turned around. Tommy saw this as a signal and he began to lean in for a kiss when I put my hand out to his chest and lightly pushed him away from me.

**Part 8**

"Tommy this isn't why I let you stay" I said. "Then why did you" he said hurt. "I didn't want you living on the streets" I said sarcastically. "So what we're just going to be roommates?" he said. I could see the pain in his eyes. "I don't know Tommy. I don't know what we are" I said. I could feel the tears and fought them off. "Are we friends?" he asked in a strained voice. "Tommy we both know we were never friends" I said as the silence crept up. "Let's sleep on it" I said. The two of us walked out of the kitchen before we separated at the stairs. I don't think either of us slept much that night.

**Part 9**

I walked into the kitchen looking like hell. Tommy had dark circles under his eyes and his eyes were bloodshot. I sat down as he slid a plate towards me. Tommy had made a feast. There were omelets, French toast, pancakes, waffles, fresh fruit, juice, and of course coffee. "I appreciate you letting me stay, Jude" Tommy said before joining me at the table. "This is your house, too" I said as I started sipping my coffee. It was perfect. "When did you do this?" I asked. "I couldn't really sleep" he said as he dug into an omelet.

**Part 10**

Tommy and I could hardly push ourselves from the table we were so stuffed. "I have an idea," I said as I grabbed his hand. "Come on hop in" I said as I made room for him. It took him 3 tries to get in with the first with me ending up on the ground. Tommy spread the blanket over the two of us. He nervously inched his way away from me. "Tommy if you move any further away you're going to knock the two of us off this thing" I said. "We're just sleeping" I said with a yawn. "Besides you look like you could use it more than me" I said with a mischievous look. Tommy rolled his eyes as I expected and he carefully inched his way back towards me. Once he settled on a spot I could feel him relax. We spent the rest of the afternoon taking a nap on the hammock.

**Part 11**

Tommy was deeply asleep and had his arm draped protectively around me. He looked too peaceful for me to wake him up and ask him to remove it, so I didn't. I could feel his breath on my neck and felt the warmth from his body. I could feel my eyes getting heavy and soon our breathing was in unison and we were both fast asleep.

**Part 12**

When Jude woke up Tommy was gone. She gingerly got out of the hammock and stretched. When she got back to the house she saw Tommy's stuff by the door. "Tommy?" I said loudly and looking around. "Jude…I'm" Tommy said. "Leaving?" I finished. "Jude I can't…I just…it's too hard to be with you and not be with you" he said. "I'm confused…" he said. "This morning you pushed me away…and then this afternoon we slept together...you know what I mean" He said in frustration. "Tommy, we were just sleeping it was completely innocent" I said. "How can you say that" he said. "Because it's true" I said. "Jude you know how I feel about you…it has never changed" he said. "If you even feel an ounce of what I feel…" he said as he was interrupted by the beeping of the taxi outside. "if you don't…I won't bother you, again" he said as his heart was breaking. I could feel the finality in his words. The taxi beeped several more times. I stood frozen. "Jude…" he said. I saw the anguish in his eyes as he turned around and went swiftly to the door. His hand was on the doorknob…

**Part 13**

The door was open a few inches when I put my hand over his hand and shut the door. We heard the taxi beep a few more times before it drove off and we were alone. I turned him around. I stood on my tip toes and kissed him first on the forehead, then on both eyelids, before finding his mouth. He circled his arms around me and pulled me towards him.

**Part 14**

We lay entwined on the bed. "Jude I'm sorry…" he said as he pulled my face towards him and looked deep in my eyes. "You always hand out apologies so often…" I said teasingly. "Jude I mean it…" he said in a more serious tone. "For everything I put you through…" he said. "I love you so much it hurts…" he said as he held me closer to him. "Can you ever begin to forgive me…" he asked. "Do you even have to ask…" I said as I pulled him into a kiss. "I forgive you…" I whispered in his ear before kissing him on the forehead.


	25. Not Myself

**A/N**: I don't own _Instant Star_. I don't own_ Missing You_ by Jem. Reviews are always welcome.

**Episode 25 – Not Myself  
**  
**Part 1**

Jude's head lay atop Tommy's chest while Tommy's hand lay on her stomach. "I wish we could bottle up this moment and keep it forever" I said. "Me, too, girl" Tommy said as his hand caressed her waist. "You know what the best part of our fights is?" He said. "Oh you mean besides the emotional turmoil and often times life altering events?" I said with a straight face. "Definitely the make up sex" he said in his best Barry Manilow voice. "How many more times do you plan on screwing up, little Tommy Q? No pun intended" I said. He didn't answer, but instead started tickling me. "No fair, I asked you a question" I said amidst the giggle fit. "I wish I could promise that I never will…" he said as his grip tightened around me. "But I can't" he said. I laced my fingers with his and marveled how it fit perfectly in his. "I promise I'll never give up on you" I said as I stared deeply into his eyes and fell into them. "Sounds like make up sex is in our future!" he said and threw up his hand in a high five. "You did not just high five me, Quincy!" I said in annoyance. He gently got out from under me and walked over to his leather jacket. I couldn't help, but cat call. "Nice Harrison," he said with a smirk; he loved it, but would never openly admit it. "Pick a hand" he said as he offered me two closed fists. "That one" I said pointing to his right. "Try, again" he said as he put both hands behind his back and shuffled what he was hiding. "That one" I said pointing to the right. "Nope" he said. "Come on Tommy just show me what it is" I said. "Come on Jude, you'll get it eventually" he said as I closed in and kissed him. After about a minute I grabbed his hands. "Hey, no fair" he said. I didn't answer I was so caught up in what was in the palm of my hand. "I thought it was lost forever…" I said as I felt a lump in my throat. "Where did you find that?" I asked. "I can't take all the credit Kwest found it after our fight and gave it to me…after several unsuccessful attempts because I told him I never wanted to see it again" he said with chagrin. He took the ring from my palm and placed in on my left hand. "Where's yours" I asked. "Kwest couldn't find it" he said with a frown. "Jude. where are you going?" Tommy said as I grabbed a sheet and went down the hallway. "Hold your horses, Quincy" I said as I lugged my guitar case in the room. "How is your guitar gonna help us find the ring, genius?" he said. I opened the guitar case, lifted out the guitar, and held up the chain with the ring on it. "I wanted to hold on to a part of you…letting you go wasn't something I was ready to do; it's not something I will ever be prepared to do" I said with emotion. I took the ring off the chain and slid it onto his finger. "Jude let's start over" Tommy said in a serious tone. I thought about how easy it would be to do that to wash away all the emotional scars and wounds that I'd accumulated having Tommy in my life. "You want me to forget everything that's happened, all the tears and the pain, and the joy and the laughter we've shared these last years?" I said. "It's a part of us Tommy; I can't forget it and I won't" I said. "Being with you has changed me and made me who I am" I said. "I don't want to forget anything we've shared and neither should you" I said. "Jude you're right. I'd never want to forget, either" he said as his forehead touched mine.

**Part 2**

Tommy and Jude casually strolled into Harrison-Quincy Records hand in hand. Georgia stopped mid-sentence while E.J. had her mouth hanging open. Kwest walked over the E.J. and gently closed her mouth. E.J. instantly dug her 4 inch heels into Kwest's foot. He immediately started yelping like a little girl. It hardly mattered; the two were so oblivious with eyes only for each other. Jake saw Jude and nearly tackled her to the ground. "Happy to see you, too" I said. "Jake has anyone ever told you you're like a giant golden retriever puppy?" said Tommy facetiously. "It's one of his charms" said E.J. "Ugh don't encourage him," said Jackson. "Hi Jude" he said as he gave me a hug. "Everything, alright" he said before glancing over at Tommy. "Couldn't be better" I said and slid my hand into Tommy's.

**Part 3**

No one got any work done at the studio. Everyone was just so happy that Tommy and I were back together that we just flitted the day away chatting and catching up with everyone's drama free lives. "You guys are better than cable" said Jake. E.J. hit him in the back of the head. "Ouch, what'd you do that for!" Jake said rubbing the back of his head. "Better her than me" said Jackson with a laugh.

**Part 4**

It was getting late and everyone started going their separate ways. Tommy and I had decided to go rent some movies from Blockbuster. We were paying at the register when we both realized we had left our wallets in the car. "Tommy, I'll be right back" I said as I ran out of the store. The guy behind the counter snickered as he rang up the movies. "I heard the Notebook was supposed to be pretty good" said Tommy in his defense. "Did I say something, man?" said the cashier in an innocent tone. Meanwhile Jude was in the middle of unlocking the car when an arm grabbed her around the waist and was conked extremely hard on the head. She instinctively put her hand to her head and came back with sticky fingers before she was hit again and fell limply to the ground.

**Part 5**

"Hold this for me I'll be right back," said Tommy. "Attention everyone I am holding in my possession the thirtieth out of a gazillion copies of the Notebook, any takers" said the cashier. "Was that really necessary?" said Tommy. "Dude, I do it all the time. You know how many chicks drag their boyfriends here to rent that thing" said the cashier. "I'll be right back" said Tommy. "Don't worry man, I'll keep it safe" the cashier said as he hugged it protectively. "Whatever man" said Tommy as he headed out of the store not realizing how long Jude had been gone. He didn't see her by the car and tried calling her cell phone. Jude's cell phone was ringing in her purse inside the car. "Jude….Jude" he called out futilely to the darkness.

**Part 6**

The mugger dumped Jude in the back of his truck like a sack of potatotes. When she hadn't woken up after two hours he panicked and dumped her in front of a run down house in the middle of the nowhere outside of Toronto.

**Part 7**

Tommy called up everyone he knew and asked if they had seen Jude. He was at the police department and was yelling angrily at the woman behind the desk. "Sir calm down. I need you to give me a recent photograph of her as well as a description. Do you remember what she had on the last time you saw her?" she asked. Tommy's chest was hurting and he could hear a roaring in his ears. "Whoa there Tommy" said Kwest as he helped him into a chair. "I can't lose her" Tommy said as he broke down. "We'll find her, man" said Kwest trying his best to comfort Tommy.

**Part 8**

Eli wiped his paint stained hands on his jeans before he headed out his front door to clear his mind after a painting session. He nearly tripped over Jude before he saw her body sprawled on the ground. He checked to see if she was breathing and gently picked her up off the ground and put her on the couch. He ran to his bathroom for the first aid kit. He got some soap and water and gently washed the wound to head, which had stopped bleeding. When he applied the gauze with alcohol over the wound she yelled out and grabbed the front of his shirt before passing out. In that moment she had stared into his eyes he was irrevocably caught; he felt an overwhelming need to protect her from whomever or whatever had brought her to his doorstep. He didn't know why he did it, but he kissed her forehead before gently closing the door and heading downstairs to the couch.

**Part 9_  
_**  
Kwest brought Tommy to his place knowing that his friend couldn't be alone. He almost felt bad when Tommy finally fell asleep since he had slipped a sleeping pill into his coffee. "He'll forgive me in the morning" said Kwest with a yawn.

**Part 10**

Eli was too worried to sleep and watched Jude sleep instead while he constantly monitored her condition. "I need to get a phone" he thought to himself. "I'm certainly no Doogie Howser" he said. As he watched Jude sleep he got inspired and went to his work room.

**Part 11**

(A few hours later) He was furiously painting and didn't notice that he wasn't alone. When he finally put down the paint brush Jude couldn't help, but gasp aloud. "Wow, that's beautiful" I said as I walked to the canvas. It was a fairly large canvas and there were swirls of color everywhere. What drew her eye was the fallen angel on the ground surround by a pool of tears. Jude took in the fiery red hair and the sadness in the angel's expression as reached out towards its torn wing that lay a few feet from it. As Jude stared at the painting she didn't notice his stare. "No you're beautiful" he said in a low voice, which Jude didn't notice. "What can I say you inspire me," he said. He reached out his hand, "I'm Eli by the way. And you are?" For the life of her Jude couldn't remember her name or anything for that matter and she was starting to panic. "Are you okay? Do you want to sit down" he said as he closed the distance between them. "Sit here and I'll make you some coffee. You'll feel better" he said as he dashed out of the room.

**Part 12**

"Better?" he asked with his head cocked to the side. Jude hugged her knees to her chest and tried to remember something, anything. "I can't remember anything?" she said in a small voice. "Don't worry about it" he said with concern and instinctively covered her hand with hers. "Everything will be fine" he said. Jude snatched her hand back and felt embarrassed. "I'm sorry" she said. "I know you've obviously taken care of me, but I don't know you" I said. "No. It's fine. I would be worried if you trusted a complete stranger, too" he said. "So, what do you want to know?" he said.

**Part 13**

We spent the rest of the day talking and getting to know each other although it was one sided since I couldn't remember anything. Eli was 23 and had dropped out of art school. He had inherited the house when his parents had died in a car accident, but he didn't go into too much detail. He spent mostly of his days painting. He had no phone, no TV, and no car. He walked everywhere. He had no pictures anywhere in the house, which I thought was a bit odd, but I didn't press. "So now you know everything about me" he said with a grin.

**Part 14**

To say that Tom Quincy was distraught was an understatement. He constantly stopped by the police department to check if there was any news. He put up missing persons flyers all over the city. He even put out an ad on TV asking if anyone had seen a woman matching Jude's description. Everyone at Harrison-Quincy took tabs on Tommy. He was a mess and everyone was worried about him.

**Part 15**

I was bored watching Eli paint all afternoon so I decided to amuse myself by wandering around the house. I made my rounds around the living room and dining room, but with no picture frames or albums I kept wandering around the house until I found myself in front of the door leading to the attic. I slowly opened the door to the attic. It gave a loud squeak. "No that's not creepy at all!" I said with a nervous laugh to reassure myself. I turned on the lights and was halfway across the room when the lights flickered off. I my embarrassment I screamed like a little girl and had ran all the way to Eli's work room. I was holding my side and trying to catch my breath. "Do you (breathing heavy) have a (breathing in) flashlight (breathing out), Eli?" I gasped. He was staring intently at the canvas that I didn't think he heard me, but to my surprise he told me there was one in the kitchen drawer. I guess he was really zoned into what he was doing because he didn't even bother asking me what I needed it for. So my second attempt was in the works. I opened the squeaky door with a little more confidence and turned on the flashlight. "This isn't so scary" I said in a whisper. "Why am I whispering?" I said. "Uh probably because I'm upstairs in a creepy attic with nothing, but a tiny flashlight as a safeguard" I said. "God I'm talking to myself like a crazy person" I said. "I wonder if in my old life there was a family history of mental illness?" I chuckled to myself. "Actually, that's not funny at all" I said. "God stop talking to yourself" I berated myself. The floorboards creaked worse than the door and I constantly found myself glancing over my shoulder waiting for someone or something to jump out at me.

**Part 16**

Two hours passed and all I had found was some old records minus a record player and some musty old books. I was about to turn in the towel when I noticed the moonlight through the window shining on something. I threw the miscellaneous items covering it onto the floor and wiped the dust off a guitar case. I picked it up and went downstairs into my room and locked the door. I hadn't even noticed that I had left the flashlight in the attic.

**Part 17**

I opened it up and plucked a string just to test it out. I cradled it into my arms and before I knew it I was strumming chords out of the guitar. "Huh, I can play the guitar" I said to myself. "Well, that's a start" I said to myself. "Nameless, but I can play the guitar, that's great" I said to myself sarcastically.

**Part 18**

I had progressed from strumming to strumming and humming when I heard some angry banging on the door. I opened the door and saw Eli and he was really angry. Before I could open my mouth he saw the guitar on the ground and picked it up off the ground. "Where did you get this" he yelled. I stupidly pointed up. "Who said you could go there!" he yelled before slamming the door behind him. I stood stock still for the next couple of minutes wondering what I had awoken.

**Part 19**

Kwest knocked on the guest room door to find Tommy pacing. "Hey, I brought you something to eat" he said resting the pizzas on the bed. "I'm not hungry" he said moodily. "You're looking a little thin, T" he said with concern. Tommy stopped pacing, grabbed a slice, and sat on the bed. "Oh and I got you this, too" Kwest said dropping something on Tommy's lap. "What are these for" Tommy said with his mouth full. "I thought you could keep a journal for Jude. To tell her what's going on with you, with everything…" Kwest said as he let his sentence trail. "It's not good keeping everything buried, man…it's tearing you apart" Kwest said. "Just write to her like she was in this room talking to you" Kwest said. "But she's not" Tommy said as he dropped the half eaten slice on the lid of the box.

**Part 20_  
_**  
When Jude woke up the next day she found the guitar resting on her door. She carefully put it back in its case and went to look for Eli who was working on a new painting. In the painting was a girl who had his features, but looked a few years younger; she was holding a guitar, the very same one that she had plucked from the attic. "Who is…" I said. "Her name was Alice" said Eli who was wiping a tear off his cheek. "She was my baby sister" he said. "Was?" I asked. He didn't say anything, but continued to broodily stare at the canvas. "Do you want me to put the guitar back where I found it" I asked finding my voice. "No, keep it. She'd want it that way" he said. After another 15 minutes of unbearable silence I silently padded up the stairs back into my room where the guitar lay on the bed.

**Part 21**

Tommy had ripped up 10 pieces of paper in his first attempt to write Jude's letters. "Any luck man" Kwest said. "What do you thing?" Tommy said. Kwest ignored the comment and dropped 5 more journals onto the desk. "Just in case" Kwest said before he left Tommy alone with his thoughts and empty pages.

**Part 22**

If Eli noticed Jude constantly playing the guitar he didn't say anything nor did she mention the incident with the guitar or the painting with Alice. It was driving her crazy thought, so she decided to take a walk to the library to see if there were ever an article or an obituary in the paper. She had just arrived at the library when she realized she had no idea what Eli's last name was.

**Part 23**

She spent the next couple of hours looking at microfilm. When it was close to closing the librarian informed her it was shortly closing and asked her if she needed any help. So, she asked the woman if she knew anything about the young man living up at the house in the woods all alone and his sister Alice. The librarian gave her a grief-stricken look and handed her a canister of microfilm. "He was never the same afterwards the poor boy, and such a nice family, a real tragedy" the librarian said allowed as she walked away. Jude's hands were shaking as she put the film in and pressed the on button. She kept scrolling until she found the article. "Van Houton family perishes in fatal car accident. Jim Morris, truck driver, fell asleep at the wheel. The 16-wheeler crossed the median and hit the SUV, 16-year old son is lone survivor. It showed two pictures, a family portrait, and a picture of the mangled car at the scene of the accident." When she turned it off she felt sick to her stomach. The librarian was watching her all the while. "What's your interest on the Van Houton boy" she asked. "Interested in the family fortune?" she said unkindly. "What, no, I'm a friend of his" I said defensively. "I didn't know he had any?" she said. "What's it to you?" I said a little more than miffed. "I used to watch him and his sister when they were younger. I've tried to watch out for him over the years. He was never the same after the accident. Shut himself up in that house. Went out with a girl once, 2-3 years after the accident, but he ended it when he found out she had heard about his family's money and that he was the sole heir. So if you're here on that account you might as well pack up and leave" she said. "I'm not" I said. She nodded her head and asked me how he was. "Paints all day, there's an aurora of sadness that hangs about him, I just wanted to know what it was. He never once mentioned the accident, but he painted a picture of Alice" I said. "Never saw two people closer than those two" she said. I thanked the librarian for her help and left so she could lock up.

**Part 24**

Jude felt inspired as she picked up the guitar and began to furiously write her lyrics and she strummed the guitar like a woman possessed. She had just finished the song and was utterly exhausted. She came downstairs with the guitar in hand and saw Eli staring at the painting he had done of his sister. She noticed the mangled car in the background being licked by the flames. An angel knelt by his sister. An angel with familiar red hair and striking blue eyes. I stepped into the room, breathed in and started strumming the guitar.

Missing You (Jem – Finally Woken)

I wish this could be  
a happy song  
But my happiness disappeared  
the moment you were gone  
Don't think I ever believed that  
this day would come  
Now all I'm feeling  
is lost and numb

And ohhh I know I promised  
Mmmm that I would try

But I, yes I, miss you  
and it's killing inside

I'll always be thankful  
for the time we had  
We were blessed  
I should celebrate  
but I feel too sad  
All the wonderful memories  
just make me fall apart  
And it feels like somebody's  
stabbed me in my heart

And ohhh I know I promised  
Mmmm that I wouldn't cry

But I, yes I, miss you  
and it's killing inside  
Ooh well I, yes I, miss you  
want you by my side

Walking, holding hands  
Talking, making plans  
Touching my heart my soul

I wish this could be  
a happy song  
But my happiness disappeared  
the moment you were gone  
Tell me it's not happening  
Say it's not as it seems  
Tell me that I'm gonna wake up  
It's just a bad dream  
Please tell me that it's fiction  
Tell me it's just a lie  
Whatever you choose to tell me  
Please say he didn't die

And I, yes I, miss you  
and it's killing inside  
Ooh well I, yes I, miss you  
want you by my side  
Ooh well I, miss you  
want you by my side  
Back here by my side  
Here by my side

When I finished playing the two of us were both crying. I cried for a lot of reasons. I cried for the loss of his family, I cried for his sister's life being cut short, and lastly for the loss of my own life of the life I had and the person who I used to be. "Thank you" he said as he wiped away a tear from my cheek. "For what" I asked. "For expressing what I never could aloud" he said. "But you do" I said. "Every time you pick up a paint brush and in everything you do; I'm sure she knows you miss her" I said. All of a sudden a light seemed to have turned inside him and he began to tell me about his sister and all the time they had spent together, of their plans for the future. He was leaving for school in the fall and they had already made strategic plans when she would visit her big brother. What his parents didn't know and what they were arguing about during the night of the accident was his attending art school. His father had insisted that he go to school to become a doctor just like him, but how do you explain to your father that your dreams involved a paintbrush and a canvas instead of stethoscopes? His parents were threatening to cut him off and he had said he would accept it gladly and that he told them he would be leaving his parents house in the morning. Then his parents told him not to bother coming back and that he'd never see his sister again. That's when more yelling ensued. His father had turned around to yell at him when the truck crossed the median and hit their SUV. I held him until he was all cried out. I slept sitting on the couch while his head lay cradled in my lap.

**Part 25**

Tommy wrote to Jude before going to bed and the minute he woke up. He stopped counting the number of days she had been gone and instead focused on her return. He checked with the cops, made sure the flyers were up, and continued the TV ads. He refused to forsake her and kept the thoughts of her return with him always.

**Part 26**

The sky was still pink when Jude carefully put a pillow under his head and tip toed outside. She wearily took a seat on the steps and stared out into the horizon. As the minutes passed she had a flashback of sitting on the front steps of another house and being enveloped in a pair of arms. She could feel the heat coming from his bare skin and felt warm and safe and loved. In her flashback she was just about to turn around when she felt a light tapping on her shoulder and the memory vanished.

**Part 27**

"Hey" said Eli as he handed her a cup of coffee. "I didn't know how you took your coffee so it's just black" he said before whipping out a tray of milk, creamer, and a small container of sugar. "Thanks" I said with a little disappointment. "Is there something wrong…was it about earlier?" he said rubbing the back of his neck. "No, I thought I remembered something and then…" I said. "And then I showed up, sorry" he said as his face flushed. "It's okay" I said as I casually rested my hand on his arm. "I want to do something for you" he said with a look of determination. "What can you do for me that you haven't already done?" I asked. "Well for starters we can buy you some new clothes?" he said with a laugh knowing how uncomfortable I felt wearing his sister's preppy clothes. "What this isn't me?" I said with a laugh. "We'll spend the week in Toronto. It's about time I went back home" he said as his eyes darkened. "And maybe we'll find some clues as to who you are?" he said a little more cheerily.

**Part 28_  
_**  
"Hey Tommy any luck with those…" Kwest was saying before Tommy cut him off. "Those are done" Tommy said pointing to a neat pile of journals by the bed. "Imagine that" said Kwest with a laugh. Kwest had hoped that writing to Jude in the journals would keep Tommy going, to not lose faith that Jude was still out there. He didn't want Tommy to feel as powerless as everyone else felt; it's always good to have a little hope even if it was just a tiny spark in the darkness. Kwest noticed that Tommy had put up more framed pictures of Jude and Tommy, Jude with Kat and Jamie, Jude and her family, Jude and her family at G Major. "Tommy you've built like a Jude shrine" Kwest said with a laugh. "A little creepy, right?" said Tommy. "No man I'd always known you were a practitioner of Jude-iasm, you know the worship of all things Jude Harrison" Kwest said. Tommy couldn't help, but laugh. "It's good to hear you laugh again man" said Kwest. "Yeah, I almost thought I'd forgotten how" said Tommy.

**Part 29_  
_**  
A driver came by later that morning and helped us put out bags in the car. When he started calling Eli 'Master Eli' I couldn't help, but laugh. "He's been with the family since I was little" Eli said. When we reached his family's pent house apartment we were greeted by a small army of maids, butlers, chefs, laundresses you name it who all referred to Eli as 'Master Eli' and who all welcomed him back to open arms. "They basically helped my mom raise me and my sister; my dad wasn't around much. He was always at the hospital or some conference somewhere or at some awards gala" Eli said. He gave me a tour of the house and when we walked into the parlor there was a large family portrait that had been taken a long time ago of the family. I noticed that no one in the picture was smiling. "That pretty much sums up my entire childhood" Eli said with a bitter laugh. "If it weren't for Alice I would have gone completely crazy and left home a long time ago" he said. "It doesn't hurt so much to be here" he said as he took my hand in his. "With you here" he said and immediately dropped my hand when he noticed what he had done unconsciously and turned a shade of red.

**Part 30_  
_**  
We decided to ditch the chauffer and walk around. Eli told me I could buy whatever I wanted; it was all on him; besides I didn't exactly have my wallet with me. I bought a couple pairs of converse in various shades, boots, a ton of jeans, and some vintage t-shirts, tank tops, a jean jacket. We passed by a music shop and he bought me a Gibson, speakers, and couple of guitar picks. Of course, I promised I'd pay him back someday. "Forget about it, I like seeing you happy" he said shyly.

**Part 31**

Eli went back to the apartment to recover from carrying all my bags. He was the one who insisted on ditching the car, so I didn't feel bad at all and besides he wouldn't let me carry any of my bags. Besides, I had an idea of how to pay him back. I hope my instincts weren't wrong I thought to myself as I walked into the art gallery with a painting of Eli's.

**Part 32**

He was still passed out on the couch surrounded by my shopping bags. I gently nudged his shoulder. "Hey, what time is it?" he yawned. "I have a surprise for you" I said. I then told him about my meeting at the gallery. "They loved it and wanted to talk to you about maybe showing some of your stuff as part of their upcoming artists series they do once a month. "Wow….um" he said. "It was a stupid idea, I shouldn't have done it" I said and chewed on my lower lip. "It's just that I haven't shown my work to anyone before except for you" he said and signed audibly. "You know what, no, it was really sweet of you. Maybe it's time I show my paintings of Alice and all the ones I did after the accident. I'm tired of hiding, her memories, my memories, my family, everything. It's just been so long you know having it constantly weighing on my shoulders" he said. "You're not going to forget her, forget them; they'll always be a part of you" I said. And the moment we both knew had been building finally came. He cupped my face in his hands and leaned down.

**Part 33**

(We had gone back so Eli could put together what paintings he wanted to bring for his upcoming show and a few weeks had passed) Things with Eli were nice. He was like a knight in shining armor in a white horse who had swooped down and rescued me. We kissed and held hands, but that was it. I was starting to think there was something wrong with me. Talking about it would have just been awkward so I grabbed his hand and brought him to his room. I sat him on the bed put my hands over his so he couldn't get up and kissed him. He was flat on his back on the bed and I was straddling his stomach. "Wait…" he said a little breathlessly. "There's something I have to tell you" he said. "What" I said planting small kisses on his neck. "I'm a virgin" he said.

**Part 34**

"After that incident with that girl a few years ago I kind of swore of the entire female population and have been all alone here in the woods. Wow, that didn't sound creepy at all. I mean even the rabbits have gotten more action than me" he said with a shaky laugh. "I just don't want to disappoint you" he said as he brushed a few strands of hair from my face. I walked to the door and closed it before walking back to the bed and silencing him with my lips.

**Part 35**

The weekend of his show finally came and I was sitting on the couch in the apartment while he nervously paced. "You're gonna wear out the floor that way" I said as glanced up from the TV. He stopped pacing and leaned in for a kiss. "Much better" he said before continuing to pace. I couldn't help, but laugh.

**Part 36_  
_**  
"Tommy why are you dragging me to this art show? I didn't even know you liked art?" said Kwest. "I like art" said Tommy grumbling. "Tommy are you still obsessing over the picture in the article of the painting with an angel that has a resemblance to someone we both know" said Kwest. "It looks exactly like her; you can't deny it" Tommy said vehemently. "It's a just a painting man" said Kwest. "There's just something about it, man. I just have a gut feeling that I have to be there tonight" Tommy said. "You have a feeling" Kwest says. "Yeah" Tommy said. "In your gut" Kwest said. "Will you just stop giving me a hard time? Besides we're gonna be late" Tommy said before grabbing his leather jacket from the closet.

**Part 37_  
_**  
"I'm sorry sir but that painting is not for sale" said the gallery owner. "What?" said Tommy exasperated. "There are plenty of other paintings" said the owner. Tommy felt Kwest's hand on his shoulder. "Tommy man maybe we can talk to the artists and convince him to sell it to you. Alright? Alright, Tommy?" Kwest said trying his best to calm down his friend who was glaring hostilely at the owner. "Fine where is he?" said Tommy putting thrusting his hands in his pockets. "He just went outside" said the owner who was backing away from Tommy.

**Part 38**

"This has been a dream come true. And I have you to thank" Eli said as he gazed lovingly into my eyes. "God really sent me an angel that night" he said as he brushed his lips against mine. "Hey, how much for that painting with the angel holding the broken wing?" Tommy asked. "I'm keeping that for you it was supposed to be a surprise" Eli whispered in her ear. "Hey, are you deaf!" said Tommy angrily. "I'm sorry about my friend he's a little…Oh my God" said Kwest when Jude turned around to see what the commotion was about. "Hey what's your problem? It's not for sale" said Jude with her eyes flashing. "Why are you two looking at me like that?" she said. "Jude…" Tommy said with wide eyes. "I'm sorry do I know you?" she said and walked a few steps where Kwest and Tommy were standing.

**Part 39**

Tommy stood there frozen taking in every detail of Jude. She repeated her question. Kwest finally snapped out of it and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper and thrust it into her hands. She unfolded it and smoothed it as best she could before she started reading it. It was a missing person's poster. Suddenly the world was reeling. As Jude collapsed both Eli and Tommy caught her before glaring at each other. "Don't be stupid" Kwest said to both men before he took Jude.

**Part 40**

Kwest drove Jude to the hospital while Tommy and Eli sat with Jude in the back of the car. Each held one of her hands and was glaring at the other. Kwest took a peak in the rear view mirror every couple of seconds to check on his passengers. When they got to the hospital he was the one to carry her still form into the emergency room because the two of them were arguing about who got to do it. The three of them were sitting in the waiting room waiting for any news from the doctor. Finally he emerged from the double doors. "She's fine. Just some shock. The head wounds she suffered, several months back I would guess, has healed cleanly. There will be minimal if no scarring. That doctor did a good job" said the doctor. Eli glanced down at his hands and thought of his father. He jammed his hands in his pockets and waited for the doctor to finish. "She's getting an MRI just to make sure there wasn't any internal damage" he said. It'll probably be another hour or two" he said. Kwest got up and shook the doctor's hand and thanked him.

**Part 41**

Jude was released from the hospital with a clean bill of health. The four of them were awkwardly sitting in Kwest's kitchen. All three pairs of eyes bore down at her. "Is it all right if I go take a walk?" I asked. Tommy and Eli both got up ready to go with her. "Alone." I said. As she headed for the door Kwest got up and handed her a backpack. "Ugh, what's this?" I said barely able to support its weight. "A little light reading?" he said. "Trust me" said Kwest with a smile. "It's weird. Somehow I do" she said before returning his smile and heading out the door. As soon as the door closed Tommy exploded. "What'd you do that for man? Did I tell you to do that! What if I wasn't ready?" Tommy said. "Cause I knew you'd chicken out. Besides, she's here. She's really here. Don't you think she'd want to know how she's been?" Kwest asked. "She doesn't remember anything. Zip. Squat." Said Tommy. "Maybe it'll help?" said Kwest. Eli sat uncomfortably at the table while the two men argued.

**Part 42_  
_**  
Jude wandered around aimlessly until she found herself in front of Starbucks. "Coffee, yum" I said to herself as I pushed open the door. When she got to the counter the barrister saw her and immediately prepared her drink before she could open her mouth. "Just the way you like it" she said and handed her the coffee. When Jude was about to pay the girl laughed and said that her coffees were always on the house. Jude found an isolated seat in the corner, took a sip of her coffee, and opened the backpack. The journals spilled out of the backpack and onto the floor.

**Part 43_  
_**  
I was in the middle of opening the cover when she heard a scream. "Oh my God!" said the person and rushed over the where I was sitting. She launched herself at me and was sobbing. When she finally let me out of the hug I didn't know what to make of her. She was Asian, around my height, probably 6-7 years older than me, and was very well dressed. I was still staring at her bewildered when she shoved the journals into the backpack, grabbed my wrist, and dragged me to her car. I was still dumbly holding my coffee when she looked at me. "Jude are you okay, you're looking a little pale," she said as she put her right hand on my forehead and steered with her left. "Do I know you?" I asked in a serious tone. "Jude, stop joking around. Georgia's gonna flip out when I bring you into her office" E.J. said. "Who is Georgia?" I said dumbly. "That's a good one Jude. You almost had me there." she said with a wink. I was seriously considering jumping out of a moving vehicle when she turned into a parking lot and was dragging me into a building that looked awfully familiar.

**Part 44**

"So, how'd you two meet" asked Tommy as he folded his arms across his chest and leaned back into his chair. "You'll have to excuse my friend he's been watching a lot of Law and Order lately" said Kwest. Eli looked from one to the other. "No seriously, how'd you two meet?" asked Kwest in a serious tone. "I found her on my steps" Eli said. "What do you mean you found her on your steps" said Tommy getting up and walking around Eli. "What are you the bad cop and he's the good cop?" Eli said nervously. Both of them didn't laugh as he'd hoped. "Look, I found her sprawled on the front steps of my house and I brought her inside. She had a nasty wound to the head so I cleaned it and bandaged it." Eli said. "What are you some kind of boy scout?" said Tommy. "I was going to be a doctor once, but that was another lifetime ago…" Eli said. "Did you see anyone or a car drive off after you found her body?" asked Kwest. "No I didn't see anyone around, I swear. She didn't have any kind of identification on her" Eli said. "You didn't read anything in the paper or see the ad on TV about her being missing?" asked Tommy. "I don't have a TV or get the paper. I don't even have a phone" said Eli. "I don't need any of those things when I'm just painting. Besides my house is in the middle of the woods away from what you two would call civilization." Eli said. "Your house is in the middle of the woods?" Tommy asked. "Like I don't know, the Unabomber" Kwest said. "How do we know what you're telling us isn't complete bullshit and you're the guy that took her that night?" Tommy said. Eli angrily pushed his chair from the table. "I would never hurt her. From the moment I saw her all I wanted to do was take care of her and protect her from whatever forces brought her to my doorstep. I love her." he said. Both men stared at him trying to gage his words.

**Part 45**

"Fine, say we believe you. You say you love her, but you don't even know her." said Tommy. "I may not know, Jude. But the person I've spent every waking moment with from the time I go to sleep to the time we wake up next to each other in the person is the person I love. I can't imagine my life without her in it" he said. Tommy stood stock still upon hearing those words.

**Part 46**

When I arrived at Georgia's office she immediately hung up the phone and embraced me. She then sat me down and pulled a chair up to me so she could sit down. E.J. was still standing there. "I honestly don't know who you two are?" I said. Georgia looked at E.J. "Don't worry Georgia she tried pulling this one over on me in the car!" E.J. said laughing. I looked at Georgia with a blank look as Georgia continued to stare at me. "I don't think she's kidding, E.J." said Georgia with concern.

**Part 48**

Jude and Eli sat there, miles apart, listening to Jude and Tommy's story. When the two speakers finished both Eli and Jude sat there lost in their own thoughts.

**Part 49_  
_**  
Eli then turned to Kwest and told him about him and Jude. (an hour or two passes) Kwest sat there without speaking. "I'm gonna let her go" said Eli. "What?" said Kwest. "If you love someone sometimes you have to let them go. She had a life here. There are a lot of people here that care about her. I don't want to complicate her life. She needs to figure out who she was, who she is, and everything with Tommy. I don't want to get in their way. It's not fair to either of them." Eli said getting up. "You really love her don't you?" Kwest asked feeling a kinship of his loyalty and love for Jude. Eli didn't answer him. "What are you gonna do now?" said Kwest. "I always wanted to study the great artists in Europe, but I was hoping to ask Jude to come with me. I see now that that's impossible" he said as he pulled two airline tickets from his jacket pocket. He took hers and ripped it into a million pieces. "I'll be leaving in a few minutes" Eli said. "Shouldn't you wait until Jude gets back?" Kwest asked. "It's better this way. I don't think I could handle goodbye" said Eli. "That's the worst thing you could do, man" Kwest said. "I know, but if I stayed I'd never want to leave," Eli said. Eli asked Kwest for a pen and paper and quickly wrote her a letter. "Would you give this to her?" Eli asked. A few minutes later the cab arrived. "Take care of her for me will you?" Eli said to Kwest. "You don't even have to ask" said Kwest.

**Part 50_  
_**  
"God tell me I haven't lost her" said Tommy as he continued to aimlessly drive. Just thinking of Jude with someone else drove him crazy. He pulled over on the shoulder and got out of his car and walked around trying his best to clear his head from his thoughts and visions of Jude with Eli. "I'm not gonna lose her" Tommy said as he angrily got back in his car and drove back.

**Part 51**

I closed the last journal and took a deep breath. I opened the office door and saw Georgia and E.J. quietly talking at the couch. "I'm gonna head out" I said. "E.J. would you mind driving me to Kwest's?" I asked. "Of course, Jude" she said. Georgia gave me a parting embrace before we silently drove back to Kwest's apartment.

**Part 52**

I arrived first to Kwest's apartment. "Hey, Jude, Eli asked me to give you this" Kwest said handing her the letter. She quickly scanned the letter and became very upset. Just then Tommy came in. "Jude, what's wrong" said Tommy. "I know I have no right to ask you, but can you please drive me to the airport" I asked glancing at him with my tear streaked face. "Girl, I would do anything for you" he said before they headed out to the car. When they reached the airport they were told by the man in the counter that the plane had lifted off about 20 minutes ago.

**Part 53**

Tommy and Jude drove silently back to Kwest's. They had just entered the room when Kwest looked up from the TV. "Jude you better sit down for this," Kwest said as he turned up the volume of the TV. "Breaking news. Flight 10569 headed for Paris exploded in the air after taking off only an hour ago. No survivors have been reported to be found. Police are at the scene trying to make sense of what went wrong. I'm Julie Chang reporting from CTV back to you in the studios" said the reporter.

**Part 54**

Jude mutely walked into Kwest's room and locked the door before collapsing against the door. Tommy rushed over to the door and was just about to knock when Kwest put a hand on his shoulder. "Just let her be, man" said Kwest who was shaking his head.

**Part 55**

The next morning Jude woke up early and asked a still groggy Kwest if he could drive her to the studio. "Okay Jude we're all set" said Kwest as he made some final adjustments on the sound board. Kwest had left a short note for Tommy. As Jude began strumming her guitar he stumbled into the booth. As he sat down he handed Kwest a cup of coffee and started sipping his when Jude began to sing.

Missing You (Jem – Finally Woken)

I wish this could be  
a happy song  
But my happiness disappeared  
the moment you were gone  
Don't think I ever believed that  
this day would come  
Now all I'm feeling  
is lost and numb

And ohhh I know I promised  
Mmmm that I would try

But I, yes I, miss you  
and it's killing inside

I'll always be thankful  
for the time we had  
We were blessed  
I should celebrate  
but I feel too sad  
All the wonderful memories  
just make me fall apart  
And it feels like somebody's  
stabbed me in my heart

And ohhh I know I promised  
Mmmm that I wouldn't cry

But I, yes I, miss you  
and it's killing inside  
Ooh well I, yes I, miss you  
want you by my side

Walking, holding hands  
Talking, making plans  
Touching my heart my soul

I wish this could be  
a happy song  
But my happiness disappeared  
the moment you were gone  
Tell me it's not happening  
Say it's not as it seems  
Tell me that I'm gonna wake up  
It's just a bad dream  
Please tell me that it's fiction  
Tell me it's just a lie  
Whatever you choose to tell me  
Please say he didn't die

And I, yes I, miss you  
and it's killing inside  
Ooh well I, yes I, miss you  
want you by my side  
Ooh well I, miss you  
want you by my side  
Back here by my side  
Here by my side

When Kwest drove Jude back to his place she walked back into his bedroom locked the door and collapsed on the bed. It was late when she unlocked the door and emerged from the room. Kwest and Tommy were both asleep on the couch. She grabbed Kwest's keys and turned on the car and left. She left without direction and somehow found herself in front of the art gallery where Eli had his show. She went in through the side door and didn't even care when the alarm started to sound. She just needed to feel his presence again even it was through one of his paintings. "Why did you leave me all alone" she said in the darkness. Jude curled up on the floor and cried herself to sleep.

**Part 56**

When the cops arrived asking her what she was doing there Jude couldn't bring herself to answer. When the owner saw her and said a few words to the cops who promptly left. He took a few steps over to Jude. "I won't be pressing any charges. And I'm very sorry for your loss. Take all the time you need" he said with understanding. When Jude didn't respond he asked her if there were anyone he could call.

**Part 57**

Tommy and Kwest were out of breath from running all the way to the gallery. "Jude, thank god you're safe" said Tommy.

**Part 58  
**  
The gallery owner took Kwest and Tommy to the side. "I found her sleeping on the floor" he said. Kwest and Tommy both looked at each other. "Don't worry I won't be pressing any charges. She hasn't spoken a word since I found her. I think you should bring her home right away.

**Part 59  
**  
(a few weeks later) "Jude hasn't spoken in weeks. She's not eating. She's not sleeping. All she does is sit there staring into space. We need to get her some help" said Kwest. "Tommy if we don't do something we're going to lose her" said Kwest. "Tell me what to do…" said Tommy.

**Part 60  
**  
Tommy and Kwest were surprised when Jude came out of the room and joined them for dinner. She had large circles under her eyes and was looking very pale and thin. She even tried to join in conversation. When dinner was over she asked Kwest if he could get her some sleeping pills because she had trouble sleeping. When Kwest and Tommy returned Tommy knocked on the door and gave her the pills. She went into the kitchen and got herself a glass of water before going back into the bedroom and locking the door.

**Part 61  
**  
Jude sat on the bed. She read the warning label. She carefully pried open the lid and swallowed a handful of pills before sliding under the sheets.

Part 62

They say when you die your life flashes before your eyes. And in this case it's true. Jude was brought back to her childhood on the day she first got her acoustic guitar. In another flashback was when she first met Jamie and Kat. Another flashback was when she first won instant star and met Little Tommy Q. Then it all became one huge blur: her dad cheating on her mom, shay cheating on her, when Tommy gave her the ring, getting into the car accident with Shay, running away to NYC and the annulment, Tommy getting into the car accident, her nursing him back to health, and then it all stopped.

**Part 63  
**  
"Did you think that Jude was acting a little weird during dinner?" said Tommy. "Considering we've never seen her leave the room, nor eat anything, nor has she spoken in I dunno weeks. I'd warrant that dinner a little weird." said Kwest. Kwest and Tommy sat there thinking about dinner. "Are we being paranoid?" said Kwest. "Let's just check on her" said Tommy. "Couldn't hurt, right?" said Kwest. "Hey, Jude, is everything alright" said Tommy. Tommy tried opening the door, but it was locked. "Kwest did you see Jude take the pills" said Tommy. "Yeah man I was standing in the kitchen when she got a glass of water" said Kwest. "I know, but did you actually see her take them." said Tommy. "Oh come on Tommy, Jude would never…" said Kwest. Kwest never finished his sentence because Tommy dropped his shoulder and barreled into the door. They saw the bottle of sleeping pills on the floor with half its contents on the ground. Tommy shook Jude. "Jude, wake up. Jude…" said Tommy. Kwest ran into the room to see Tommy distraught over Jude's lifeless body. "I don't think she's breathing, man" said Tommy. Kwest walked over to the bed and checked her pulse. "It's weak" said Kwest. "I'll call 911" said Kwest and ran out the room.

**Part 64  
**  
"You're dying, Jude" said a voice startling Jude. "Look" said the voice. Jude looked down into the room. She saw Tommy who was hunched over her body as he cradled her head in his lap crying. He saw Kwest frantically trying to cal 911. She could hear her heartbeat as it grew dimmer and dimmer.

**Part 65  
**  
"There's been a pile up and it's gonna be awhile before the EMS gets here," said Kwest staring at the phone. "We need to get her in the bathroom," said Tommy. He picked up Jude and put her in the bathtub and ran some hot water hoping it would somehow revive Jude from her unconsciousness. "It's not working" said Tommy. "We need to get the pills out of her system," said Kwest as he started opening cabinets and drawers for anything that would induce vomiting.

**Part 66**

"I've been watching you, Jude" said the girl who looked a little younger than Jude. "You look familiar," I said. "Do I?" she said with a twinkle in her eyes. "You're Alice aren't you?" said Jude.

**Part 67**

"I am. And I wanted to thank you" she said. "For what?" I said. "For taking care of my brother, for letting him experience what it feels like to love and to be loved in return, and for accepting him; something my parents were never able to do" she said. "Can I see him" I asked. "That's not allowed. You know the whole conflict of interest, thing" she said. "What about you talking to me isn't that a whole conflict of interest thing, too" I asked. "I don't always follow the rules up here; drives them crazy you know, but I happen to think I add spice up here to an otherwise perfectly perfect experience" she said. "Just give me a second" she said mischievously. And in a heartbeat he was standing right next to her. I ran over to give him a hug, but I passed right through him. "Sorry about that he's still undergoing a transitional period" Alice said apologetically. "Alice can I be alone with Jude" he asked earnestly. "Alright, big brother, but you so owe me for this I could get into a lot of trouble for this" she said with a smile. "Never stopped you before" he said returning her grin. "Rules are meant to be broken" she said before disappearing into thin air.

**Part 68  
**  
He looked at Jude with a worried expression on his face. "You shouldn't have done that, Jude" he said putting his hand to her face nearly touching it. "I should have been on that plane with you?" I said as a tear fell. "Don't say that Jude" he said. "I should have died with you and I never would be feeling the way I do. I would never be so alone" I cried out. "Jude there are so many people out there who care about you, who love you" he said. "I've been watching you since it happened. And it's like you're a shadow of yourself. You haven't been taking care of yourself. And you've been ignoring everyone whose been trying to help you, especially those that love you. I may have spent a short time on Earth, but I do know that there's so much more to life. There are so many things that I am never going to experience. But there was one experience that I'll never forget. And that is the day I met you and all the days we spent together. You showed me what it was like to live. You were my first and only love. You helped me get passed the accident and what happened with my family. And you reunited me with my sister. Don't give up on your life, Jude. One shot is all you get" he said. "Look at him, Jude, he loves you so much and it's killing him that he can't help you" he said. "I'm just so tired of everything Eli. You're gone now and everyone looks at me expecting me to just remember everything, poof" I said. "But I don't remember anything" I said. "I've tried" I said desperately. "Their Jude is dead and I'm all they've got" I said. "Jude, they don't care about that; they love you and their just glad that you're safe and your home with them" he said trying to reason with them. "It's just too hard; I'm not strong enough" she said. "Life is hard, Jude. That's what makes it worth living" he said with understanding. "You may think you're not strong enough, but I do and so does everyone else in your life. Are you willing to throw it all away? To just give up. You may not remember, but in your old life you practically bitch slapped Shay for even thinking about ending it all" he said. "Who is Shay" I asked. Just then Alice returned. "Okay somehow someone upstairs got wind of my little intervention with you, Jude, and then bringing Eli to see you. And they're none too happy. So, you gotta go" said Alice. "Go where I thought I was dead?" I said confused. "Weren't you listening when I said intervention? Well, the DL from upstairs is that it's not your time, so I've been ordered to send you back. I'm not gonna lie, it's gonna suck and when you wake up you're gonna be vomiting, a lot. So make your goodbyes to each other quick, alright?" she said. "Okay, so I'll just leave you two to it. Be back in a flash" she said as she disappeared. "So this is really goodbye, huh?" I said. "I'm going to give you something before you go" he said. I put out my hand. "It's not that kind of present" he said with a laugh. "Close your eyes?" he said. I gave him a look. "Trust me okay?" he said. "I always have" I said. I closed my eyes and I felt his lips on mine and they felt solid and real and just as I opened my eyes….

**Part 69**

"I think she's finally coming to" said the doctor. Jude was lying in a hospital bed with various wires and IVs attached to her. Miss Harrison, can you tell me what happened? Can you remember anything?" he said. "Yes, I remember everything" I said.


	26. La Tortura

**A/N**: I don't own _Instant Star_. I don't own _Bitter Pill, Brilliant Dance, and Screaming Infidelities _by Dashboard Confessional. Reviews are always welcome.

**Episode 26 – La Tortura**

**Part 1**  
(seconds following the end of Episode 25)  
When Jude opened her eyes she saw Kwest staring intently at her. "What happened?" I said groggily. "Well after your whole "I remember everything" you kind of passed out. Drama queen." he said teasingly. When Jude started laughing it hurt a lot. "Here I'll get you some water" Kwest said as he got up and went outside to talk to one of the nurses. Kwest had to hold the cup and give her a little at a time because she was so weak. She barely got any of it down. "Where's Tommy?" she said.

**Part 2**

"Well minutes before your whole revelation Tommy left" Kwest said. "Why" I said while trying to have a second go at the water. "Jude you died" said Kwest. "Huh?" I said. "I mean you were flat lined, the doctors announced your time of death, the whole deal, and Tommy, well you know, Tommy, he completely lost it and ran out of the room" said Kwest. "And then a few minutes later your body started convulsing and then there was a heart beat on the monitor. Freakiest thing I've ever seen! I mean seriously it was a miracle, right out of a movie!" said Kwest. Jude didn't look amused. "Kwest, please call his cell phone right now" said Jude with a horrible feeling rising from her gut.

**Part 3**

(On the hospital roof) Tommy threw his cell phone off the roof and watched its descent. He didn't bother trying to wipe the tears anymore. He cried out like a wounded animal and fell on his knees while slamming his fists into the ground until they grew bloody. "I shouldn't have given her the pills! Why did I give them to her! I should have watched her take them. She's gone and it's all my fault" he said dejectedly. "She's gone" he said. The finality of his words shook him to the core. He sat for a few minutes to watch the sun make its way above the horizon. And then he closed his eyes and rifled through his memories of him and Jude. He smiled as he remembered there first meeting, to when she said 'I do', and when she first opened her eyes after being in a coma for 3 long years: "Oh, Tommy it must have been so hard for you. Why didn't you give up? Move on with your life?" I ask. He brushes the tears away and kisses my forehead. "Jude, you're my soul mate. I would have followed you anywhere, whether in this life or the next." I buried my head in his shoulders and held on to him never wanting to let go." He knew there was only one thing left to do. He picked himself off the ground and started making his way to the edge.

**Part 4  
**  
"Jude it went straight to voicemail. The battery probably just died or something. I'm sure he'll be here in a few minutes, probably just went to get coffee" said Kwest. "Kwest if he thinks I died he's going to try to kill himself." I said. "Jude do you know how completely insane that sounds. I mean given that you just tried to kill yourself and everything that's happened I'm sure you're in a fragile state of mind" he said. With all the strength I had I put myself in a sitting position and grabbed the front of his shirt. "Kwest, this is not a joke. I want you to get to the roof right this second and do whatever it takes to bring him back to me" I said in a deadly voice.

**Part 5**

Kwest thought Jude was an intense person, but the Jude he left was terrifying. There was no way he was gonna come back to the room Tommy-less no matter if he thought she had completely lost her mind. He took the stairs 3 at a time and was starting to get a little winded when he burst through the door. "I'm just gonna take a quick peak and then I'm gonna call Tommy and drag him back into her room. Everything's gonna be fine. As he quickly scanned the roof he saw Tommy take a step towards the edge. "Everything is not fine.." he said as he sprinted the distance to Tommy.

**Part 6**

Tommy's eyes were closed. He spread his arms wide and took a step and felt the air rush out to meet him.

**Part 7  
**  
After Kwest left Jude alone she couldn't get thoughts of Tommy off her mind of and the gnawing feeling she felt. She couldn't help herself from thinking thoughts of Tommy leaving her forever as she had a flashback of their conversation the last time she was in the hospital: He brushes the tears away and kisses my forehead. "Jude, you're my soul mate. I would have followed you anywhere, whether in this life or the next." Not giving it else that much thought she ripped the IVs and cords off her arm quickly and tried not to wince at the pain. She just hoped the nurse on duty didn't notice that her vitals were no longer blipping on the machine. She sat up and put her feet towards the ground and instantly felt a shock from the coldness. She slowly took a peak in the hallway, saw it was clear, and made a run for it. She had made it to the elevator and had just pressed roof when she saw a nurse run to her room as she frantically pressed the close button. "Please don't let me be to late…" she thought to herself.

**Part 8**

Kwest knew he would never reach Tommy in time, so he yelled out in desperation if only to distract him for a second. "Tommy, stop Jude is alive!" he yelled out. Tommy's eyes shot open and his foot wavered in the air. When he heard Jude's name he felt a painful jolt to his system and all he could remember was the nurse throwing the sheet over Jude's body and the announcement of the time of death. He couldn't hear the rest of what Kwest said. All could feel was the return of the tightness in his chest knowing that the love of his life was gone and it was all his fault. This time he wouldn't be distracted. All he knew was he would soon be with Jude. He kept his eyes open this time and concentrated on her face as he took another step away from this life.

**Part 9**

The few seconds Tommy was distracted gave Kwest enough time to get to the edge of the roof and grab Tommy's forearm with both hands and hold on for dear life. Tommy felt something in his shoulder snap and felt pure agony whether it was from his shoulder or not being with Jude; it didn't matter, all he knew was that he was angry and Kwest was there.

**Part 10  
**  
"You don't know what you're doing man!" said Kwest as he unsuccessfully tried to pull Tommy. "Let go, Kwest" Tommy said in a dangerous voice. "I've got nothing left in this world. Don't take this from me" he said in a strained voice. "Maybe you should check with Jude before you're so quick to leave" Kwest said. "Jude's gone, Kwest. There's nothing that's going to bring her back" he said as the tears started to fall. He angrily wiped them with his free arm, which caused Kwest's grip to falter. "Just let go Kwest, it's better this way" he said.

**Part 11**

As Jude ran through the doors leading to the roof she saw Kwest on the ground lying dangerously close to the edge. I kneeled down next to Kwest and put out her hand. "Take my hand" she said.

**Part 12**

Tommy tentatively looked up as he heard her voice. "Jude…" he said. "I said give me your hand Quincy, now!" I said. Kwest and I heaved and grunted as we got Tommy over the edge and safely back on to the roof. The three were lying on the ground breathing hard when Tommy eased his jacket off carefully and draped it over Jude who was only wearing a hospital gown. She crushed him in a hug and he cried out. "Tommy you're hurt" I said as I glanced at his shoulder. I took his good hand and led him through the doors and into the elevator. We never took our eyes off each other as we made our way back down.

**Part 13**

"Oh don't thank me. It was nothing. Honestly, part of the job. I'm perfectly capable of making my way back down, but thank you for the concern" Kwest muttered to himself. He put his hand on the door handle and pulled, but the door wouldn't budge. "I'm fine. Just don't panic" he said as he started pounding his fist on the door. "Guys? Are you still there?" he said.

**Part 14**

Tommy ended up needing to have immediate surgery to repair his rotator cuff. The doctors wanted to keep me over night for observation, but I sweet talked him into letting me go home. Cute girls have astonishing powers, what can I say? I was in the waiting room minus the icky hospital gown and in my own clothes reading a magazine when I suddenly remembered something. "Crap!" I said as I threw the magazine on the table and knocked my chair over. I quickly apologized for my outburst and told everyone in the waiting room that I was perfectly fine, but needed to see about a friend. The elevator was taking too damn long so I ran up the stairs two at a time. When I was back on the roof I burst out laughing.

**Part 15**

"Jude, finally….No…." he said as the door slammed shut behind me. I was laughing so hard tears started falling from my eyes. Kwest remembered why she was laughing and tried his best to cover himself. "Where (ha ha ha) are (ha ha ha) your (ha ha ha) clothes?" I could barely say the words my stomach was hurting so much. "Well, after you and Tommy ditched me and I was heading back downstairs there seemed to be a slight problem with the door" he said calmly. "What was the problem with the door that required membership to a nudist colony?" I said trying to catch my breath. "The problem with the door is that it's locked and we're both stuck here" he said. "Now let me borrow your sweater I'm freezing" he said. "Fine, it'll look so much better on you anyway" I said as I peeled it off my body. "You so owe me another one" I said as I handed it over. "Now about your clothes?" I asked with my head slightly cocked. "It's a long story" he said as he shrugged on the girly sweater. "Well, we've got however long it's gonna take for someone to come up on the roof, so I'm all ears. And let me just say that that color really brings out the color of your eyes" I said as I burst out laughing once more.

**Part 16**

"So my clothes…" Kwest said tugging on the sweater to cover the rest of his torso, but it was futile so he gave up. "Well, at first I tried yelling to attract some attention, but after 20 minutes my voice was hoarse and no one even looked up. I tried banging on the door for about an hour, but not even a peep downstairs. So I had a genius plan to throw onto the sidewalk pieces of my clothes hoping to attract someone's attention" he said. "So what was your fatal flaw, genius?" I said. "The homeless man that made off with all of my clothes. At least someone's better off" he said with a shrug. "So that was your long story?" I said with a laugh. "What can I say I'm an attention whore" said Kwest with a wink. That set me off once more.

**Part 17**

"You know, Kwest, you're pretty hot" I said as I admired the view. "Um, thanks" he said while trying his best to cover up his exposed skin and blushing. "Kwest why don't you sit closer to me?" I said. "Oh no, I've been watching animal planet and it's about at this point when the female preying mantis eats her mate and the way you've been acting since your miraculous rise from the dead I'm having flashbacks right now as we speak of you swallowing me whole!" he said as he inched further away from me. "First of all you're the one acting like a crazy person and secondly if you watched animal planet then you should know that by sitting closer together that our combined body heat will keep the two of us warmer. Besides can't a girl admire a something without buying the product? I mean guys do it all the time. And it was just a compliment. Don't let it get to your head. Tommy's is big enough for the both of you" I said. "You would know, of course" he said slyly playing into the double innuendo and making me blush. "You know since your disappearance Tommy's been a monk, so you don't have to worry about that or anything" said Kwest taking the conversation down a serious path. "So is that your white flag. It's just me, you know. Normal Jude. Not return of the evil dead Jude or even preying mantis Jude" I said. "You've never been normal, you know" he said. "So, I've been told" I said with my teeth clattering from the cold. "So seriously, Kwest, come closer. I promise I won't bite. And it's not just for your benefit either. I'm seriously freezing my butte off over here" I said. "Fine, but you come over here" he said crossing his arms against his chest. I reluctantly got up and nearly fell over since both my legs had fallen asleep. "If you can get over here in one piece" he said laughing. I gave him a withering look, but finally made my way over to where he was sitting. I got into a seated position Indian style and leaned my back into his chest and put his arms around me and placed my hands in his and rubbing ours both together to try to generate some warmth. "No funny business Jude. I mean it. Try to restrain yourself from making out with me" he said with a chuckle. I decided not to let the comment go and "accidentally" stuck my elbow out into his rib cage. "Ow" he yelped. "That's the last compliment you're gonna get from me if this is how you're gonna act" I said laughing.

**Part 18**

One minute Jude was laughing at Kwest and the next minute they were being questioned by a news reporter. "So we got an anonymous tip from a homeless man that we should check out the hospital roof. He says thanks for the clothes. I'm assuming they're yours since you barely have anything on" said the reporter chuckling. Kwest immediately moved Jude directly in front of him. "So do you, sir, have anything you'd like to say to our audience? We're live by the way" she said. "Tommy, first of all this isn't what it looks like and secondly…" Kwest said before being interrupted by the news reporter who was staring intently at Jude. "You look awfully familiar" said the reporter. "Oh my God, you're that girl from the missing poster, which would make Tommy, Tom Quincy from Boyzattack" the reporter said with glee. "So, were you really missing or did you run away with Tom Quincy's best friend? And what are you two doing at the hospital on the roof for that matter? Did Tom Quincy discover you two? Were you in some sort of love pack of death? Is Tom Quincy here in the vicinity?" said the reporter. "No comment" they both said and groaned aloud. Kwest and Jude were saved from any more asinine questions when a hospital staff member opened the door to the roof and motioned them to come with her before Jude angrily slammed the door on the reporters face.

**Part 19**

"So are you Tommy's nurse?" I asked. "No. just someone that got stuck on that roof once or twice?" she said ruefully. "I'm been meaning to ask someone to get that door fixed. I was just on my lunch break and watching TV and you two looked like you needed some rescuing. I'm a big fan of your music by the way" she said to Jude. "Thanks" said Jude. When the elevator opened she told Jude and Kwest that she had to get back to work and left them to find their way. The two of them got some odd looks as they made their way to the nurse's station. "Hi, is Tom Quincy out of surgery? And if he is what room is he in?" I said. After getting the information Kwest and I headed down the hall as peals of laughter drifted down from where we just left. "So Kwest, you always have this effect on women?" I said teasing.

**Part 20**

When Kwest and I walked into Tommy's room he had his eyes riveted to the television. He turned off the TV and stared intensely at me and Kwest. After some uncomfortable silence Kwest said "I'll just borrow these" as he grabbed Tommy's clothes and locked himself in the bathroom not before giving me a thumb's up sign. Tommy and I just continued to stare at each other both unsure where to begin. Before long Kwest emerged from the bathroom. "So I'll see you two later" he said before quickly exiting the room. "Jude…" Tommy said. I felt my heart leap down into my stomach and a sense of dread seemed to creep onto my shoulders as I walked over to the bed and sat down. "We need to talk…" he finished.

**Part 21**

Tommy may have initiated the conversation, but Jude took over as she put her fingers to his lips. "Let me go first" I said. "Don't interrupt Tommy" as he started to object. "Just here me out" I said. I took a deep breath and began my story to that night at blockbuster. During my telling I had to get up a few times for water, but other than that Tommy didn't once interrupt me. His eyebrows were furrowed and at some point he was holding my hand. His eyes turned a dangerous color; however when I discussed the deflowering and my intimate relationship with Eli. I didn't want to hold anything back; secrets were what always almost came close to destroying our relationship. I was hurt when he dropped my hand, but I continued on as my voice faltered. "That night with the pills; I did try to kill myself…when I woke up I remembered everything and now here we are…" I said.

**Part 22**

My palms started to sweat as Tommy continued to stare at the wall. "Tommy…say something…anything" I pleaded desperately. "I don't think I can do this anymore" he said. "Do what?" I said as my heart began to break. "Us" he said. "How can you even says that? After everything we went through you just want to give up?" I said as tears began to fall. "It's because of everything we've gone through. Don't you get it Jude? Every time we're together there's always something in the way that keeps us apart. "That may be true, but we always find our way back to each other, again" I said. "We're a disaster, Jude. Maybe we're not meant to be together." he said. "Please don't do this, Tommy" I said. "I can't be without you!" I said as I held his hand to my face. "You seemed to have done fine without me" he said as the words hit me like a slap to the face. "So this has everything to do with Eli?" I asked as the anger creeped into my words. "Part of it does. You moved on, Jude, with him. For God's sakes, Jude, you tried to kill yourself because of him" he said bitterly. "What, are you jealous? Don't you get it? I didn't remember anything. I would have never consciously cheated on you. That's more you're style" I said with frustration and anger. "Why do you have to bring up the past?" he said growing agitated. "I apologized for that" he said. "So I forgive you for that and you can't forgive me for Eli?" I said. "Jude, I can forgive you for that if you tell me that you didn't love him" Tommy said. I stared at the ground. "You can't, can you" he said. "If he were still here would you choose him over me?" he said. "I once asked you to choose? Remember, Quincy" I said. "Jude would you choose him over me?" he asked again. "What does it matter if you've already decided we're through?" I said as I walked out the door.

**Part 23**

"This isn't what was supposed to happen" I said sobbing into my arms as I sat on the curb outside the hospital. I heard steps approach me. "Hey Jude is everything…is definitely not okay" said Kwest as he looked down at my tear streaked face. "Come on Jude let's get you out of here. I know just the place" he said as he carefully took my hand.

**Part 24**

I found myself sitting in the studio with a guitar in my hand. And so I started playing:

This Bitter Pill (Dashboard Confessional – The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most)

Walking away.  
It's not the same as running.  
Is it to you know that  
You've run in this ground.  
And you say take this.  
This medicine is  
Just what you deserve.  
Swallow, choke, and die.

And this bitter pill  
Is leaving you  
With such an angry mouth.  
One that's void  
Of all discretion  
Such an awful  
Tearing sound.  
With it's measure only equal  
By the power of my stare  
Glaring over you and over  
You this feeling of despair  
Is never wearing out.

It's wearing off  
And it's leaving you  
With such a heavy heart  
And a head to match.  
The bottle is waiting  
The cap is twisted begging to be Used  
And so are you

This Brilliant Dance (Dashboard Confessional – The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most)

So this is odd,  
The painful realization  
That has all gone wrong.  
And nobody cares at all,  
And nobody cares at all.

So you buried  
All your lover's clothes  
And burned the letters lover wrote,  
But it doesn't make it any better.  
Does it make it any better?  
And the plaster dented from your fist  
In the hall where you had your first Kiss  
Reminds you that the memories will Fade.

So this is strange,  
Our sidestepping has  
Come to be a brilliant dance  
Where nobody leads at all,  
Where nobody leads at all.

And the picture frames are facing down  
and the ringing from this empty sound  
Is deafening and keeping you from sleep.  
And breathing is a foreign task  
and thinking is just too much to ask  
And you're measuring your  
Minutes by a clock that's blinking Eights.

This is incredible.  
Starving, insatiable,  
yes, this is love for the first time.  
Well you'd like to think  
That you were invincible.  
Yeah, well weren't we all once Before  
We felt loss for the first time?  
Well this is the last time.

Screaming Infidelities (Dashboard Confessional – The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most)

I'm missing your bed,  
I never sleep  
Avoiding the spots  
where we'd have to speak  
And this bottle of  
beast is taking me home.  
I'm cuddling close  
to blankets and sheets  
You're not alone  
and you're not discreet.  
You make sure I know,  
who's taking you home.  
I'm reading your  
note over again.  
There is not a word  
that I comprehend,  
except when you signed it  
"I will love you always  
and forever"

As for now I'm gonna  
hear the saddest songs,  
and sit alone and wonder  
how you're making out  
But as for me I wish that I was anywhere  
With anyone  
making out

I'm missing your laugh,  
how did it break?  
And when did your eyes  
begin to look fake?  
I hope you're as happy  
as your pretending.  
I'm missing your bed,  
I never sleep.  
Avoiding the spots  
where we'd have to sleep.  
And this bottle of  
Beast is taking me home.

Your hair  
It's everywhere  
Screaming infidelities  
Taking it's wear

"Damn girl" Kwest said as I entered the sound booth. "Wanna talk about it?" he said. "Not really" I said as I curled up in the chair hugging my knees to my chin.

**Part 25**

"If there's anything I can do name it" said Kwest. "Let's go out. I wanna forget about him" I said. "Jude are you sure that's a…" Kwest said. I gave him a look. "Okay, not scary Jude again, please" he said. "Let's go" he said as he grabbed his jacket. Kwest took Jude to a club. Jude let her inhibitions go. It was pretty easy after a few drinks. Jude was commanding the attention of about every guy in the room as she lost herself in the music. Kwest saw several guys get a little too friendly with Jude for his taste. So he plowed through the crowd and brought her back to the table. If she noticed she'd didn't bother saying anything seeing as how she was downing her third straight shot. "Jude you've had enough I'm cutting you off" said Kwest. Jude started pouting. "Look I let you blow off some steam and we're going home" Kwest said. Jude didn't put up much of a fight after she started puking when they got out the back door. Kwest held her hair back. He sighed as he put her sleeping form in the passenger seat. When he brought her back to his place he debated whether or not to call Tommy.

**Part 26**

"Hey Tommy are you still at the hospital? No? You're home? I think you should stop by at my place. Why? It's Jude" Kwest said.

**Part 27**

Tommy arrived at Kwests. "What happened? Is Jude, okay? Where is she?" Tommy said as he ran his fingers through his hair. So Kwest told him what happened after he found her sitting on the curb in front of the hospital. "How could you let her get like this?" Tommy said as he stroked Jude's hair. "This is your handy work. Don't try to pin this on me!" said Kwest. "Me?" said Tommy. "Jude didn't tell me anything, but I'm not an idiot. What happened after I left you two?" said Kwest. "I broke it off with Jude." said Tommy. "Man, why the hell would you do that" said Kwest incredulously. "I can't handle it. After everything. I'm just done, man" Tommy said. "If you walk away from her you'll regret it for the rest of your life" said Kwest. When that didn't get a reaction from Tommy Kwest continued. "Tommy we searched for her for months and now that she's right in front of you you're gonna just walk away? Don't be an idiot!" said Kwest loudly rousing Jude from her slumber. Kwest and Tommy took their argument out into the living room. "Is this about Eli?" said Kwest and knew that struck a nerve when he saw his friend's eyes turn a cloudy gray. "Get over it, man. She forgave you when you went off with Sadie and with Portia" Kwest said as he folded his arms across his chest. "That was different. I wasn't in love with either of them" Tommy said. "I asked her if Eli were still alive if she'd choose him over me…" said Tommy. "You're not serious man" said Kwest with disbelief. "That girl would walk through fire for you" said Kwest. "She loves you despite everything" said Kwest. "Take a good look at that girl in there. Go ahead take a look" said Kwest motioning to Tommy. "Tell me you don't love her" said Kwest. Kwest had him in a corner and he knew it, so he did the only thing he could do. He walked out.

**Part 28**

Kwest felt guilty leaving Jude at his place by himself, but he told himself he wouldn't work late and would go straight home afterwards. He had left a big glass of water and left out 2 aspirins minus the bottle just to be safe. He even put on a fresh pot of coffee. "No working late" he thought to himself as the clock struck 5pm. "Hey Jude I'm…" said Kwest as he carefully peered through the apartment to his door which was slightly ajar. He found Jude sitting on the couch with a pile of empty bottles. Jude got up to greet Kwest and to his embarrassment she was only wearing one of his t-shirts and not much else. Kwest who was trying very hard to avert his eyes caused Jude to burst out into laughter. "I thought you learned about the evils of alcohol last night" said Kwest. "What can I say? I'm a masochist." I said as I opened up a beer can whose foam dripped all over the floor. "Sorry I'll clean that up" I said and leaned over to wipe it up. "Oh my God!" said Kwest covering his eyes. "I couldn't find any boxers? Have you ever heard of I don't know, laundry. You see they have these machines that fill with water and soap then you put the clothes in…" said Jude said. Kwest quickly ran into his room. She heard a bunch of drawers being slammed opened and rummaged through when Kwest finally returned still covering his eyes with one hand and dangling a pair of boxers in the other. "I'm going to hell!" Kwest said. Just then the door slowly opened to reveal a much shocked and angry Tommy. "Correction Tommy's going to kill you and then you're going to hell!" I said with a straight face.

**Part 29  
**  
Jude couldn't decide whose facial expression was funnier, Kwest's or Tommy's. Both their eyes were bulging and while Tommy's face was an angry red, Kwest looked pale with a slight shade of green. Jude reached out and grabbed the boxers and put them on. "Anyone care for a beer? No. Whatever, more for me then. " I said as I started sipping the can on the table. Kwest gave me a "this isn't helping" look, but I merely shrugged. Tommy gave an exasperated grumble and walked out the door, again. Twice in two days.

**Part 32**

Surprisingly Jude was up before Kwest. As he sleepily made his way to the kitchen and sat down, Jude poured him a cup of coffee, which he quickly downed. "I'm coming to the studio with you, so hurry up and get ready" I said as I tugged him from the chair. "Okay okay I'm going" Kwest said as Jude thrust a towel in his face.

**Part 33**

Kwest had been in the shower for at least 30 minutes. "God what is he doing in there" Jude said as she tapped her foot impatiently. "I really have to pee" she said as she made the decision right then and there and entered the bathroom.

**Part 34**

(15 minutes ago) As much as Kwest tried to deny it he was a little too happily thinking about the scene that took place last night as he came home with Jude in nothing, but a t-shirt. "Yup, going to straight to hell" Kwest said as he turned the water from hot to cold.

**Part 35**

"Jude what the hell are you doing in here? I'm taking a shower for God's sakes!" said Kwest covering himself. "God, I'm not looking and you are taking forever. A girl's gotta pee. Now turn around" I said. I was washing my hands when I noticed the lack of steam on the bathroom mirror. "Were you taking a cold shower?" I said. "Forget it, I don't wanna know" I said as I exited the bathroom.

**Part 36**

"Oh look here comes the happy couple" Tommy said coldly as Kwest and I entered the studio. "Tommy, look man there's nothing going on with me and Jude, okay" said Kwest desperately. "So that incident in the shower this morning meant nothing to you" Jude said trying to keep a straight face. Tommy looked like he was going to explode. "She's kidding Tommy" said Kwest. "You know what I don't care we're not together anymore I don't need any explanations! I don't care what you do or who you're with a-n-y-m-o-r-e" said Tommy angrily. I couldn't stand the way Tommy was trying to brush this whole thing off when he clearly cared. "Fine, if that's true than you won't mind if I do this" I said as I grabbed Kwest and planted a kiss on him. I smiled triumphantly as I stepped away from a confused and smiling Kwest. That was about the same time when Tommy went berserk and tackled Kwest to the ground. It took several people to pull Tommy off of Kwest. When the commotion was cleared I looked up and made eye contact with Georiga. "So, Jude, I see you're back" she said as she motioned me into her office.

**Part 37**

"So you and Kwest" she said with an upturned eyebrow. "No, just collateral damage" I said. "I know, I've got a lot of explaining to do; you may want to sit for this" I said as I began my telling. When I finished I noticed E.J. had pulled up a chair and was sitting next to Georgia. "How did you? Georgia you should really instate a policy to make E.J. wear bells or something" I said with a laugh. "You're really back" E.J said as she threw her arms around me in a crushing hug. "Not for long if you don't let go" I said gasping for breath. "Oh sorry" she said as she hugged me again and then apologized again.

**Part 38**

"Jude, honey, do I need to put you and Tommy on suicide watch? Therapy? Rehab?" said Georgia. "No, I'm fine. Well, I'm not fine, but I'm good" I said as I sank into my chair exhausted with the telling. "Alright, but E.J. and I are gonna keep an eye on you" said Georgia as E.J. vigorously nodded her head. "It's good to be back" I said as I enveloped Georgia and E.J. in a hug. "Damage control, Jude?" said E.J. as she stared out at Tommy and Kwest getting ice packs and bandages from our in-house doctor. "Don't remind me" I groaned as I slowly made my way to the door.

**Part 39**

Tommy and Kwest were sitting on opposite sides of the room like a bunch of little kids. The doctor had just finished applying a band-aid over Kwest's eyebrow and was making his way over to Kwest. I walked over to Kwest first with a small smile on my face because I could see that the wheels in Tommy's head were turning to determine if my coming over to Kwest was at all significant and I could tell he was seething inside. He was so distracted that he didn't notice the doctor honing in with gauze he had drenched with alcohol until impact and he yelled out loud. I ignored him and continued on my way to Kwest and leaned in close to whisper in his ear as I casually laid my hand on his arm. "I'm sorry I got you in the middle of all this, Kwest. I really am." I said as I gave him a kiss on the cheek. Then I walked out the door without a backwards glance. I was nearly to the entrance when I heard a commotion and saw Tommy walking quickly towards me.

**Part 40**

"What'd you whisper in Kwest's ear?" Tommy said. I just gave him a look. "You have nothing to say to me?" he said. "Oh I'm sorry I didn't realize that congratulations were in order. Congratulations, Tommy, for beating up your best friend. Stupid me I seemed to have forgot your medal at home." I said and walked away. I was halfway out the door when he pulled me back in and closed the door. "You kissed Kwest" he said. "So what? It's pretty clear in your eyes how we stand and I quote I don't care what you do or who you're with a-n-y-m-o-r-e unquote. Have you suddenly changed your mind?" I said sarcastically. When he couldn't meet my eyes I got even angrier. "So you don't want to be with me, but you don't want me kissing anyone else. What do you want me to do join a convent?" I said. "Jude…" he said with his hands spread. "Save it Tommy" I said and pushed through the double doors with resounding force.


	27. A Long December

**A/N**: I don't own _Instant Star_. I don't own Cigarette by Yellowcard. Reviews are always welcome.

**Episode 27 – A Long December**

**Part 1  
**  
When Kwest returned to his apartment he saw Jude jumping on top of her suitcase trying to get it to shut. "Hey, need a hand" said Kwest. "I'm surprised you're still talking to me. My apology was kind of weak and was mostly to get a reaction from Tommy" I said. "That's what friends are for, I guess" said Kwest who gave me a hand off the piece of luggage before sitting on it himself and getting it to close with ease. "How did you do that! I'm been trying to get it closed for like an hour" I said gratefully. "It helps that I weigh more than a toothpick although you definitely eat more than I do" he said with a grin. "So, not sticking around for the holiday? Christmas is only a few days away, you know" he said. "Not really feeling the holiday cheer" I said. "Will you at least tell me where you're going?" he said with concern. "I'll do one better; I'll let you drive me to the bus station and if you're real good I'll tell you what my ticket says" I said.

**Part 2**

Kwest was sitting with Jude at the bus terminal. "I can't believe you wouldn't let me walk up with you to the teller" Kwest said indignantly. "And ruin the surprise" I said with a devilish smile. "So where are you going?" he asked. "Well, I bought about 5 tickets" I said. "Why'd you do that for?" he said. "I told you I'd tell you what my ticket says I never told you I'd tell you where I was going" I said. Kwest's face fell. "You will call me whenever you arrive wherever you're going, right?" he said. "That look you're giving me isn't very promising" Kwest said. "I'll send you a post card, okay?" I said. "I just need to get out of here before I go crazy, okay? I'll return as soon as my head's straight" I said. "What do you want me to tell Tommy?" he said. Just then the PA system sounded listing the gates and departure times. "My bus' boarding" I said lamely as I hugged him. "Take care of yourself" he said as he squeezed back. "I will" I said.

**Part 3**

Kwest had just returned home from the bus terminal and had just opened the door to his refrigerator when he heard loud banging on his door. Kwest took a peak in the peep hole, but he already knew whose face he'd see. "Hey Tommy, I'm seriously considering issuing a restraining order on you" Kwest said from the other side of the door. "Can we do this later Kwest I'm not in the mood" said Tommy. "Neither was my face, but that didn't stop you from punching it did it, man!" said Kwest with annoyance. "I'm sorry okay now will you let me in" said Tommy.

**Part 4**

"I'll let you in on two conditions" said Kwest. "Whatever they are I agree" said Tommy. "You haven't even heard them yet" said Kwest. "I promise scout's honor, alright" said Tommy. "You were never a scout Tommy" said Kwest. "I promise okay I won't freak out" said Tommy. "Swear on your viper" said Kwest. "Promise me that whatever I tell you condition one: you won't get mad and condition two: you won't hit me. Tommy hesitated for a few seconds and then solemnly swore on his beloved viper. "Where's Jude?" said Tommy. "Jude's gone Tommy and I drove her to the bus station" said Kwest. Kwest saw Tommy's fist coming towards his face. "You promised on your viper man" Kwest said before he found himself staring up at the ceiling and an irate Tommy running out the door.

**Part 5**

Kwest sat by his phone hoping Jude would call, but she didn't. He started to go home for lunch to check if she did sent the post card she swore she would, but she hadn't. A few days had passed and he was getting a bit concerned. Tommy had been grilling Kwest endlessly on whether or not Jude had given any hints as to which city she would be heading to. "Personally, I think she went to NYC" said Kwest. Tommy's brows were furrowed in concentration. "That's too obvious; she probably know that's where we thought she was going so she probably wouldn't go there" said Tommy. "You said it yourself it's the obvious choice; she's probably there, right now" said Kwest who was rubbing his temples. "Why would she pick NYC, man" said Tommy. "Okay, let's review. One she lived there the first time she went packing. Two she was there the second time during her Eli phase" said Kwest. Tommy looked up sharply at the mention of Eli's name, but Kwest didn't care he'd had to endure this questioning for days now. "Tommy do any of those other cities I told you about even hold any significance with Jude?" Kwest said exasperated. "Well, she stopped on her tour there?" said Tommy. "And…" said Kwest. "And I can't think of anything else. Why are you giving me the third degree anyway?" said Tommy. "Why am I giving you…Why am I giving you the third degree! Are you crazy!" said Kwest. "Get out man! You're driving me nuts!" said Kwest who was shoving Tommy out the door. "So is NYC your final answer?" said Tommy as Kwest with a disgusted look slammed the door in his face.

**Part 6**

She didn't know why she had decided to go ice skating. She wasn't particularly good at it; I mean she was horrible at it actually since forever. "Everyone looks like they're having so much fun; they just all look happy. I couldn't definitely use some happiness right now" she thought to herself after she heard someone yell out "watch out" and speed right by her. "Yeah this is so much fun" she said to herself as she continued on her snail pace. "I've only fallen about 10 times already and that last fall wasn't nearly as embarrassing as the earlier one" she said to herself as she leaned back a little too much and tried to regain her balancing using some windmill technique. She fell right on her ass. "I'll just lay here" she said to herself and closed her eyes.

**Part 7**

Jude was happily relaxed albeit a little cold when she felt a tapping on her shoulder. "You look like you could use a little help" he said perfectly serious. Jude peaked one eye open to see a small little boy about the age of 4 hovering over her. "Let me help you up" he said chivalrously offering a small mitten. Jude couldn't help but start laughing as the tiny figure pulled with all his might. He was heaving, breathing very hard, and turning a little red. He stopped puffing and looked at Jude who had an amused expression on her face. "You're a little heavy let me get my dad" he said and sped off before Jude could stop him.

**Part 8**

"I'm not that heavy" said Jude indignantly who was deciding whether or not she should wait until the little boy brought over his dad or get up to save herself the embarrassment. The little boy's father however had been watching the whole exchange and dutifully came with his son over the figure on the ice. "This is my daddy he's a ranger" said the little boy proudly. "As in forest? said Jude. "As in NY" he said with a twinkle in his eye. "Up you go" he said as he brought Jude to her feet. "Hey, I said you could help!" said the little boy indignantly. Jude started laughing and lost her balance and fell over again. "Okay, daddy this time I wanna do it, but you can help a little" said the little boy. "You stand behind her and I'll stand in front of her and then on three we'll both pull her up" he said with concentration. "One, two, three…Go!" he said with childlike enthusiasm. "Thanks" said Jude with equal parts embarrassment and amusement.

**Part 9**

"I think I'm going to get off the ice; I think that's enough embarrassment for one day" said Jude ruefully rubbing her back. "We'll help you" said the little boy grabbing her hand. "Daddy you hold her other hand" said the little boy expectantly. He shrugged and looked at Jude expectantly as he offered her his hand.

**Part 10**

"Let me buy you both some hot chocolate? It's the least I can do after all your help" I said as I gave the little boy's hand a little squeeze. The three of us took a cab to Serendipity. I groaned allowed as I took in the line. He told me to wait with his son as he strode inside. A few minutes later he came back out and we followed him to a table. "The owner's a hockey fan" he said quietly as we took our seats. We had just sat down when the waiter brought to the table next to us a giant cup overflowing with whipped cream. "I want that!" said the little boy as he got up on his chair and started jumping up and down. "Aiden what did we talk about earlier?" said his dad. "Please, please can I have that daddy, pretty please!" he said. "How can I resist" he said as he gave his son a hug. I was so caught up as I watched them wishing fervently that someday Tommy and I would start a family, but that dream had died. "Are you okay?" said Aiden as he got up in my lap. "Is it your boo boo? I bet you have plenty of boo boo's after falling over and over and over" said Aiden. "Aiden that's enough" said his dad with amusement. "No he's right, actually. I did fall over and over and over" Jude said with a laugh. "Are you happy again?" said Aiden who gave me a kiss on the cheek. "I am now" said Jude. "My daddy says I'll be heartbreaker" said Aiden triumphantly. I couldn't help but think of Tommy. "Oh no you're sad again" said Aiden who was pouting. Just then the waiter came by with the frozen white hot chocolate. "This'll make you feel better I promise" he said confidently as he put a spoon in the concoction and lifted it carefully towards my mouth.

**Part 11**

I closed my eyes in ecstasy as I took in the spoonful. It was really to die for. When he saw that I liked it he was more than happy to share as his dad watched the two of us. We were both stuffed and little Aiden had falled asleep on me. His sugary hands were tightly clasped around my neck. "He's really taken with you" said his dad as he took a sip of his coffee. "I've never seen him like this with anyone since his mother passed away" he said. "I'm sorry" I said. "Don't be" he said. "She had cancer; there's nothing anyone could have done. I'm afraid sometimes that he'll forget about her." he said. "Sorry to be such a downer" he said. "So tell me about yourself. Are you a tourist? Resident?" he said. "My name is Jude and I'm not sure yet" I said.

**Part 12**

"My name's Jason" he said. "I think Aiden is about ready to go home" he said. As soon as he heard the word home Aiden's eyes flew open. "Nooooooooo, you promised" he howled as large tears started to roll down his cheeks. "It's sort of a tradition that he gets to pick out a toy before Christmas to tide him over" Jason said. "You can't break tradition" I said with an amused laugh. "You told me that it's important to never break promises" Aiden said solemnly. "Two against one" said Jason. "I guess I've been overruled" he said. "Yay! Aiden said. I was outside ready to hail a cab when Aiden grabbed my hand. "Aren't you coming" he said with a hopeful smile. "Yup, no doubt about it he's gonna be a heartbreaker" I thought to myself. "Pretty please" he begged as he latched on to my leg. "I don't want to intrude" I said as I tried to pry his little fingers off, but man did he have a grip. "Saying yes is the only way you'll get your leg back" said Jason. "I still haven't come up with a strategy break that grip of his" said Jason fondly. Aiden partially let go when he saw a horse drawn carriage making its way down the street. "Oooooh" he said as he looked up at his dad. Shortly thereafter we found ourselves making our way to the ToysRUs as cars, cabs, and buses made their displeasure obvious with the constant honking and cursing. For my part I kept my hands protectively over Aiden's little ears.

**Part 13**

As soon as we entered the store Aiden's eyes widened as he took in his surroundings. He grabbed my hand and insisted him on showing me all his favorite sections. We made our first stop over by the Jurassic Park dinosaur and Empire State building with King Kong. I felt a tapping on my leg. "Don't be scared the dinosaur won't get you. Plus I'll keep you safe" he said as the dinosaur roared and he hid behind my legs. "Or I could keep you safe" I said as I picked him up and I felt his hands instantly wrap around my neck. After we left the dinosaur Aiden insisted that we go on the Ferris wheel. My eyes were tightly shut when Jason whispered in my ear. "Are you okay? You look a little tense" he said with a laugh. "I might have forgotten to mention that I was a tad bit afraid of heights" she said. "You can hold my hand if you're scared" he said as I took the offered hand.

**Part 14**

Jason was still teasing me on the death grip I had on his hand. "Hey, man, you offered" I said. Little Aiden was a constant blur as he ran manically around the store. "Is he always…" I said. "All the time" said Jason. We had been in there for a good two hours and Aiden still hadn't picked anything out. "What's wrong buddy?" I said. "You can't possibly tell me you don't like anything in here" I said as I gestured at the toys. He shook his head. "What did you write to Santa?" I asked as I got down to his height. "I asked him for something for me, but mostly for my dad" he said. "Oh really." said Jason who crossed his arms over his chest. "What'd you ask Santa to get me" he said. "Promise you won't get mad and stop loving me" he said nervously. "I'll always love you Aiden even if you make me want to rip my hair out sometimes" he said as he picked up his son. "Wouldn't that hurt?" Aiden said touching his hair. "Okay what did you ask Santa for this year?" he said as he put his son back down on the ground. "I asked him to bring us a new mommy so you wouldn't be so sad, daddy. I think Santa got my letter, though because he brought us one" he said as he ran over to me and gave me a hug.

**Part 15**

I don't either of us were prepared for that; no I know neither of us were prepared for that little bombshell, so we just stood there without saying a word as Aiden obliviously ran to the nearest toy that grabbed his attention. "I'm sorry about Aiden I think he might have had too much sugar" Jason said awkwardly. "Don't worry about it; I hope I have 10 just like him" I said as I watched Aiden make his way from toy to toy. "I think I better be going" I said as I looked towards the exit. "Wait" he said he grabbed my hand and quickly released it. "Can we see you tomorrow?" he said. "Before you tell me your answer I promise I'm going to talk to Aiden right when we get home, so he doesn't get the wrong idea" Jason said as he absently put his fingers through his hair. "I'll have a ticket for you waiting at the box office?" Jason said. "Maybe the three of us can grab dinner afterwards" he said with a smile identical to that of his son's. Just then Aiden decided to interrupt us. "Jude, do you want to go to my dad's game with me as my date" Aiden said proudly and emphasizing the my part. "I don't know Aiden there's this rule that sons are definitely not allowed to go out with their mommy's unless the little boy's name is Oedipus" I said giving him a wink. "Okay, then" he said as he scrunched up his face. "Daddy Jude can't be our new mommy because she's going to be my date for your game tomorrow, okay" said Aiden with a determined smile. "I haven't said yes yet" I said with a smile. "Pretty please with a cherry on top!" he said. "Well if you're gonna throw in a cherry how can a girl resist" I said as I picked him up.

**Part 16**

When I entered my apartment I wasn't tired in fact all that sugar from that frozen white hot chocolate was still coursing through my veins. I stared down at the picture of me, Jason, and Aiden from the Ferris wheel; my eyes were closed and indeed I was holding on to Jason's hand with a death grip as Aiden's eyes looked up merrily at his dad and me. I couldn't help, but picture Tommy in Jason's place, and Aiden as our own. "Never gonna happen" I said as a single tear fell onto the photo. I put the photo propped up next to my bed and put my hand under the bed and pulled out my guitar.

Cigarette (Yellowcard – One for the Kids)

Watching the days burning out like a cigarette,  
Just a few drags to go.  
You built me up  
And you broke me down,  
Somehow.

Everything just seemed so clear to me  
Nothing left to know.  
I'll love you right and I'll love you pure,  
Right now.

How can you say,  
That it's too late  
To save us now

And I would wait for you, ooh  
If you would wait for me, yeah.  
I will wait for you, ooh  
if you will wait for me, yeah.

Intoxicated the edge is serrated,  
So easily torn from the core.  
I blushed the first time,  
But you blushed the last time  
My eyes hit your mind  
Regenerated these feelings of hatred,  
I long for your love evermore  
You built me up and you broke me down  
This time.

And I would wait for you, ooh  
If you would wait for me, yeah.  
I will wait for you, ooh  
if you will wait for me, yeah.

How can you say,  
That its too late  
To save us now?  
(How can you say)

I took one more glance at the photo before putting away the guitar and slipping into bed utterly exhausted.

**Part 17**

When I arrived to the box for my "date" with Aiden he walked up to me with presents behind is back and said "up" when I got to him followed by a please. He gave me a kiss on the cheeks. Then proceeded to shower me with presents. He had brought me candy, flowers, and a jersey of his dad's. "I got this from daddy's closet" he said proudly. "Did you ask daddy, first?" I said with a twinkle in my eye. "No" he said as he stared at his shoes. "Next time you should ask daddy before you take his things. Pinky swear?" I said. "What's that?" he said intrigued. "You don't know what a pinky swear is?" I said playing it up. "Tell me I'll be good" he said. "Okay well first you have to hold out your pinky like this" I said demonstrating. "And then you have to interlock your pinky with the person you are making a promise to like this" I said as I looped my pinky with his. "Now say I pinky swear that if I borrow something that I will ask the person that it belongs to permission" I said. "That too hard to remember" he said as his forehead creased in concentration. "I pinky swear" he said as he vigorously shook his head and interlocked his pinky with mine. "ask first" he said proudly. "So you're Jude" said the voice by the door.

**Part 18**

"Uncle Travis" said Aiden who jumped on the unsuspecting victim. "Ooomph" he said as Aiden clambered up him like a monkey on a tree. "What'd we talk about last time" said Travis. "To pretend you're my dad when you see a pretty girl you want to ask out!" said Aiden. "Jude taught me to pinky swear I'll show you" he exclaimed as he reached out for his free hand and spent the next few minutes explaining the intricacies of the pinky swear. "And then you do this and say pinky swear" said Aiden. "Fascinating" said Travis. "Aiden, I'll give you some candy if you let me talk to Jude for a few minutes" Travis said with a wink. "She's my date" said Aiden as he stamped his foot. "Okay she's your date" said Travis as Aiden fished the chocolate bar from his pocket.

**Part 19**

"You have a real way with kids" I said sardonically in Travis' direction. "It's a gift, really" he said with equal sarcasm. "So how'd you meet Jason" he said as he took a seat by me. "I was ice skating, very badly, by the way at Rockefeller Center and Aiden and Jason helped me up" I said remembering yesterday. "Aiden really likes you" he said as he looked over at Aiden whose face was covered in chocolate. "Listen let's cut the chase I don't want to see either of them get hurt" Travis said. "Jason and I were roommates in college; he had the hockey scholarship and I was on scholarship. We became best friends and when graduation came he paid for my law degree while he went off to the pros. Then when I finished law school he hired me as his attorney and here we are" he said as he looked at me trying to gage the type of person I am. "Are we clear" he said with a smile although it seemed more like he was baring his teeth. "Crystal" I said with a tight smile.

**Part 20**

It was near the end of the first period when Travis and Aiden came back. "So any takers?" I said with disgust. "Jude we got five numbers" said Aiden who was waving around a napkin above his head as if it were the Stanely Cup. "About average" said Travis. I gave him a disapproving look. "Don't hate the playa hate the game" said Aiden with a giggle. "What are you teaching this boy" I said. "Very valuable life lessons" said Travis. Aiden walked over to where I was sitting and made himself comfortable on my lap with his head resting under my chin.

**Part 21  
**  
It was a tied game and there was electricity in the air. The crowd was going nuts as the plays came fast and furious. The puck had slid into the corner and Aiden's dad was racing to the puck with 3 defensemen on the other team in hot pursuit. He was hunched over trying to get the puck while battling with a defenseman when he was blindsided by a hit followed by two more hits in succession. The roar of the crowd died down as the players made room for the medical team. His helmet had slid across the ice after the first hit and there was a trail of blood on the boards. "Oh my God" said Jude as she tightened her grip on Aiden who was desperately trying to look at the scene on the ice.

**Part 22**

The EMS crew put a neck brace on him and carefully lifted his body on a stretcher. Travis, Aiden, and I had just gotten out of the stadium when the ambulance pealed out. Travis quickly pulled out his cell phone and called the team doctor. "They're bringing him to NYUMC. Let's go to the hospital" he said. The valet quickly pulled up his car, a Porsche Boxter; I kept my comments to myself as I wound the seatbelt around Aiden and myself.

**Part 23**

When we got to the waiting room a doctor was waiting for us. Travis walked over to him while I stayed with Aiden. "I wanna see my daddy" he cried looking up at me. "Me too sweetie me too" I murmured in his ear. I looked up at Travis who shook his head. "Can we see daddy, now" Aiden said as a tear trickled to the floor. "Why don't you go ask Uncle Travis" I said knowing what was to come. He pushed himself off my lap and ran over to Uncle Travis who picked him up and embraced him before he broke down into tears. "Uncle Travis don't be sad daddy will be alright" he said with youthful abandon. "That's just the thing, kiddo he's not alright" said Travis. He quickly put Aiden on the floor who was confused by his Uncle Travis' words. "I can't deal with this" said Travis as he walked out the door leaving me with a crumpled heap of an inconsolable 4-year old lying on the floor.

**Part 24**

"I wanna see my daddy" he said between hiccups. "Take me to my daddy" he said with his pain-filled eyes. "Please" he said. He reached his arms out to me and I immediately picked him up as his little arms wound their way around my neck. I quietly talked to the nurses before we headed in.

**Part 25**

They had cleaned all the blood from his head. He wasn't connected to any machines; he was layed out with a sheet covering his body. "Daddy's just sleeping" said Aiden as he got closer to the bed. He jumped out of my arms and clambered onto the bed while I looked on with my heart breaking. "Dad, get up!" said Aiden. "Come on dad, get up!" he said as he shook his shoulder. "Dad, come on get up! No sleeping allowed!" he said. When his dad didn't respond he looked up at me expectantly. How do you explain to a 4-year old child that his father wasn't sleeping that he in fact was dead? "Can you wake up daddy?" Aiden said in a squeak. "No, I can't Aiden" I said. "Please, I promise I'll be good!" he said. "I'll even pinky swear!" he said. "I'm sorry Aiden, but daddy's with mommy now" I said. "Can I go where daddy and mommy are?" he said as he looked up at me with those big green eyes. "You will someday" I said gently as I took him in my arms. "Do you pinky swear" he said. "I pinky swear" I said. "I'll see you soon daddy. You and mommy, both" he said. I didn't think my heart could break anymore than it had, but it did. "Don't cry Jude, when I visit mommy and daddy you can come too" he said.

**Part 26**

When Aiden and I exited the hospital Travis nor the Porsche were nowhere in sight. I didn't know what to do with Aiden so I brought him home with me. He was still asleep when we entered my apartment. I dressed him in one of my t-shirts and put him on the bed. When I went in the bathroom to change and brush my teeth I could hear his cries through the door. I opened the door and he ran towards me with his arms out. "It's okay, Aiden I'm here" I said as pulled him tightly to me. I turned off the lights and got into bed. His sobbing had subsided and his breathing started to go back to normal. He was asleep within minutes as I continued to rub his back and hum softly into his ear. I watched him sleep for hours before I succumbed to sleep.

**Part 27**

I was awoken early the next morning by some knocking on the door. Aiden was still asleep, so I pulled the covers up to his chin and tip toed my way to the door. When I opened the door Travis barged in without bothering to wait for me to invite him in. He looked terrible. He was still wearing last night's clothes, he had a 5 o'clock shadow, and smelled like a bar. He was clutching an envelope and started pulling papers out. "Nice to see you too, Travis" I said with a yawn. "Look can we cut the early morning banter" he said. "Nice Travis" I said as I walked to the kitchen. "And where do you think you're going?" he said with annoyance. "I think both of us could use a cup of coffee" I said from the kitchen.

**Part 28**

We had a total of 3 cups of coffee each before either of us said another word. "What happened to you last night?" I said to Travis. Travis ignored my query. He started taking the papers out of the envelope. "Jason left Travis to me" said Travis. "I can't take him" he said. "What do you mean you can't take him" I said. "I'm not the paternal type" he said. When he saw that I was clearly not to keen on his response he continued. "Jude I can barely take care of myself let alone a kid. And with my living habits…" Travis said. "He'd cramp your style" I said. "It sounds so much worse the way you say it" Travis said. "He's be much better off with you than with me" Travis said nervously. "Aye there's the rub" I said allowed. "Legally it's easy to do. I'll explain to the judge how unfit I am to be his guardian; they'll do a background check on you, you'd get visited by social workers to check on him, so what do you think" Travis said nervously tapping the kitchen table. I thought about the little boy sleeping in my bed. "Just so you know; I'm not doing this for you. To be honest you disgust me and I can't imagine what his life would be like with you" I said. "Glad you saw it my way" he said. "Get out of here" I said icily. "Jude come on can't we be friends?" he said. "I'm his Uncle Travis after all" Travis said. "Not anymore" I said. "You gave up any rights you had to him when you sold him over to me like he was a think, an inconvenience you couldn't possibly deal with. So thanks, but no thanks. You do what you have to do to get this done as quickly as possible and don't come by, again" I said with emphasis.

**Part 29**

It seemed like all of NYC had come out for Jason's funeral. Aiden was stoic the whole time. He held my hand as we each dropped a rose on top of the casket. It was a long and trying day for the both of us and when we both returned to my apartment we both got under the covers of the bed, me in my dress and Aiden in his suit and tie, and fell asleep.

**Part 30**

Christmas had finally arrived and neither of us wanted to celebrate. Aiden didn't want to do anything not surprisingly. "Aiden did you and your daddy have anything special planned to do for Christmas?" I asked gently. "He said I was big enough to go to the top of the Empire State building" he said. "We could still do that" I said tentatively. "Won't daddy be mad that we're going without him" he said unsure. "I'm sure he wouldn't mind" I said. "Okay" he said. Travis had stopped by once since I told him never to come back. He brought over Travis' clothes and to finalize everything. He told me that Steve had set up a trust for Travis that he could access once he turned 18 and their apartment would be maintained. Aiden stood in front of the drawers I had put his stuff in trying to pick out an outfit. He had put on his jeans and gap kids sweat shirt, but was having some issues putting on his socks and shoes. "Can you help me!" he said from off the floor. I gave him a look. "Please, mommy" he said tentatively. I took a sharp intake of breath at those words before I let out another breath. "Of course I will come here" I said as he settled against me. We put the socks on together and then I taught him how to tie his shoes making the bunny ear loops. "Like this" he said. "Almost" I said lying. His technique was gonna need work. "I can do it next time by myself" he said. "Of course you will sweetie" I said as I kissed the top of his head. When we arrived the line was relatively short. Aiden was really excited as the elevator zoomed up at an alarming speed. "Mommy you're squeezing me too tight" Aiden said as he squirmed in her grasp. "Sorry" I said. "It's okay I like it when you hug me tight" he said. "Good because I like to hug you as tight as I can" I said giving him another squeeze that made us both burst out laughing. As soon as the elevator doors opened he ran straight towards the nearest window and had his little face smooshed up against the glass. "Pick me up!" he exclaimed. When I gave him a look he remembered to say 'please with a cherry on top.' We stood there together for about an hour taking in the skyline when Aiden got bored and insisted I put him down so he could do some exploring on his own. I continued to stare out at the skyline thinking about everything that happened since I arrived and I just felt utterly lost. I shivered, but I wasn't cold. I turned around and scanned the room until I saw a pair of familiar blue eyes. "Jude…" said Tommy. I felt a sense of relief and calm as I buried my head in his chest. He kissed my forehead and it seemed as if everything was going to be okay again. I felt a slight tugging on my pants and looked down to see a pair of angry looking green eyes looking up at Tommy.


	28. Give Em Hell Kid

**A/N**: I don't own _Instant Star_. Reviews are always welcome.

**Episode 28 – Give 'Em Hell, Kid**

**Part 1**

Jude automatically picked up Aiden and swung him effortlessly on to her hip. She grew nervous as Tommy looked from Aiden to herself and self consciously chewed on her lower lip. Aiden meanwhile continued to glare at Tommy and stuck out his tongue. "Aiden that's not nice!" I said. Aiden ignoring me decided to greet Tommy with a loud raspberry. Tommy looked confused as to how to handle the situation in every breath of his body language. "Is he…" Tommy said tentatively as he reached out his hand towards Aiden who tried to swat it away and nearly slipped from my grasp. "He's mine…" I said as I kissed the top of his head. "Mine!" mimicked Aiden who planted a noisy kiss on my cheek. "…but not in the way that you think" I said.

**Part 2**

We were sitting in my living room, me and Tommy, while Aiden was playing on the floor. I knew Tommy had a million questions, but seemed content to stare at his surroundings. Aiden who had been quiet since we came home tip toed behind Tommy and with perfect aim hit Tommy squarely at the back of the head. "Why you little…" Tommy said getting up. "You better finish that sentence 'angel' little Tommy Q!" I said as the words slipped out. Aiden thought my scolding of Tommy was hilarious and started yelling at the top of his lungs 'little Tommy Q' and pointing at Tommy and doubling over in a fit of giggles. We were in for a long night.

**Part 3  
**  
With Aiden causing a constant distraction the two of us decided to leave everything until the morning. Tommy went into the bathroom to take a shower. "Aiden try being nicer to Tommy" I said as I sat him on my lap. "Little Tommy Q" he said triumphantly. "Why" he asked with his head slightly tilted. "Oh man I was hoping you'd skip this phase altogether" I groaned. "Why" he said again. "Try for mommy?" I said. He shook his head and ran off. I figured he'd run into the bedroom to hide from me, so I closed my eyes and started rubbing my temples. I was just enjoying the silence when a few minutes later I saw Aiden dart into the bathroom and flush the toilet before running out. I couldn't help, but smile. I'd been victim to that little trick a time or two.

**Part 4**

I half expected Tommy to rush out of the bathroom with a towel and shampoo still in his hair, but all I heard was the click of the lock. Aiden meanwhile became disappointed and began to pout. "Aiden what did I say about being nice to Tommy?" I said. "Mommy laugh!" he said as his little hands went to my mouth and lifted them up in a smile. "That's not the point honey" I said as I tried to stifle my laughter.

**Part 5**

What was more surprising was when Tommy offered to cook the three of us dinner. I can't remember the last time I hadn't had take out. The smell of garlic bread wafted seductively from the kitchen as I played on the floor with Aiden. "Dinner's ready" Tommy called from the kitchen. I picked up Aiden and walked towards the kitchen sink so the two of us could wash our hands. Soon the three of us were seated. Tommy put a small portion of spaghetti and meatballs on Aiden's plate then started putting some on mine. The second he turned around to put some on his plate he was hit in the face with a meatball, which fell directly into his wine glass spilling wine on the table. Aiden then picked up his plate and poured the rest of his dinner onto the floor.

**Part 6**

Aiden refused to try it, so I ended up giving him a bowl of cereal for dinner. "Try not to take it personally, Tommy" I said as I washed the dishes and Tommy dried. Tommy wasn't listening as he was carefully watching all of Aiden's movements preparing for a sudden attack. Aiden thought it was a fun game at first, but then he grew bored and walked to the living room to play with his toys. "Remember he's just a little boy…" I said as I turned Tommy's head towards me, but he was still engrossed in watching Aiden. "who just lost his family" I said whose attention I finally regained. "What?" Tommy said taken aback. So I told him about it.

**Part 7**

Tommy undertook the rest of Aiden's little torturous schemes with grace and patience. Aiden had one of Tommy's shoes in his little hands and was just imagining the incoming mayhem he would have caused when I announced that it was his bed time. I slipped on his pajamas and carried him into the bathroom to brush his teeth. He loved showing me his pearly white when he was done. When I tucked him into bed he asked me to sing him 'Pick up the pieces,' so I pulled out the guitar from under the bed and began to sing:

(Instant Star Soundtrack – Pick Up The Pieces)

I was adrift  
On an ocean all alone  
You came and rescued me  
When I was far from home  
A rush of love around my heart  
Just as I fell apart  
Nobody ever cared as much for me  
Nobody's touched my heart and healed my pain  
You've picked up the pieces  
And put me back together again  
Careful, we're fragile  
And easily we break  
In your arms I'm certain  
Is all the love we'll make  
A rush of love around my heart  
Just as you take my hand  
Nobody ever cared as much for me  
Nobody's touched my heart and healed my pain  
You've picked up the pieces  
And put me back together  
I'll write your name in stars across the sky  
We'll drift away into each other's eyes  
Yeah  
Nobody ever cared as much for me  
Nobody's touched my heart and healed my pain  
You've picked up the pieces  
And put me back together again

Aiden got up from under the covers and did a little dance as I sang. When I finished I heard clapping and looked up to see Tommy standing slightly in the doorframe with an amused expression on his face. Aiden saw him standing there, jumped off the bed and slammed the door in Tommy's face who luckily took a backwards step before the little devil could inflict any more damage.

**Part 8**

As soon as Aiden was asleep I tiptoed out of the bedroom with a pillow and blanket in hand. "Sorry about earlier" I said to Tommy who was channel surfing. He shut off the TV as I dumped the pillow and blanket onto his lap. As I turned to leave Tommy grabbed my wrist and pulled me onto his lap. "Jude we haven't been alone for like 2 seconds…" Tommy said as we were interrupted by a cry from the other room. I immediately jumped off his lap and walked over to the bed to make sure Aiden was okay. He saw me and leapt into my arms with his head buried in my chest and his little arms tight around my neck. "Nightmare?" I asked. He slowly shook his head up and down. "Don't leave me" he said as his green eyes looked up into mine. "I won't" I said. "Pinky swear?" he said. "Pinky swear" I said as I took his little pinky in mine. As we got into bed Aiden settled himself on me with his ear resting on my heart. I stroked his hair and back until his eyes fluttered closed. It felt strange having someone depend on you for everything where their needs came first, but you were okay with it; where every laugh, every tear, every smile caused you to smile, cry, and feel an overwhelming sense of contentedness. "So this is what it feels like to be a grown up." Jude thought to herself before she herself fell asleep.

**Part 9**

I was in the middle of a really good dream when I felt fingers prying open both my eyelids. After I didn't budge I felt little pinches on my cheeks. When that failed to work I felt a weight land on my stomach before the bouncing started. "Okay, okay, I surrender" I said as I opened both eyes to see a pair of green eyes and a triumphant little smile. We both got out of bed and made our way into bathroom to wash our faces and toothbrush our teeth. When we were finished I stared aghast when I saw the time on the alarm clock; it read 6 am. I opened up the blinds and sure enough it was still dark out. When we walked into the living room Tommy was still fast asleep. Aiden saw it as a perfect opportunity to pounce on another unsuspecting victim. First he ran up to the couch and then he pulled off the blanket. To make matters worse he clambered on top of Tommy and I swear to God I'm not making this part up when he bit him on the shoulder. I really should stop letting him watch those animal shows on Discovery Channel or Animal Planet or whatever. I'm about ready to yank Aiden off Tommy and hope he wouldn't have noticed, hell who wouldn't have noticed getting bitten, when Tommy opens his eyes, sees Aiden who has his jaws still attached to his shoulder, looks over at me, directs a smile towards me, and then carefully peels Aiden off of him. As I continue to stand frozen there I still see Tommy smiling at me and I'm kind of nervous because I expect him to be I don't know freaking out when he surprises me. He carefully rolls up one of the legs of Aiden's sweat pants and bites his upper thigh like it were a drumstick on Thanksgiving. I see tears well up in Aiden's eyes as he looks up at me, his protector, and points at Tommy, but suddenly I see where Tommy's going with this. I mean I've spent hours watching Discovery Channel and Animal Planet enough to know that when it comes to males there can only be one alpha male and if Tommy was going to gain Aiden's tolerance let alone his respect Tommy was going to have to establish dominance over this arrogant young cub. I look over at Aiden and say "Sorry, honey, but you bit him first." I see the waves of shock go through his little body as he quickly determines his next course of action. With the body language of a defeated warrior, Aiden sullenly retrieves the blanket he pulled off of Tommy earlier and tries to put it back on the couch the way he found it, but there's so much of it that he trips and lands on his bum in the process. With a determined expression on his face he gets right back up on his feet and pulls the rest of it until it's completely back on the couch. Then he hops up and sits on the couch with his feet dangling, elbows on his knees with his hands resting on his chin, staring at the floor. He tentatively looks up at Tommy who still has an angry expression on his face. Aiden takes a deep breath and lets out a loud sigh before he says 'Sorry.'

**Part 10**

Aiden then walks over to me and puts his arms out. I pick him up and I can feel fat tear drops soak into my shirt. I begin to rub his back making little circles as hi sobs turn into hiccups. He looks at me with his green eyes with a look of betrayal. I feel a little catch in my heart. "It's not nice to go around biting people, Aiden, right?" I say in my mommy voice when you've done something wrong. He shakes his head up and down and uses his sleeve as a tissue. "Feel better?" I say. He shakes his little head left to right. I plant a handful of kisses on his cheeks and lean my forehead against his so our eyes are only inches apart. "How about now, honey?" I ask. He moves his thumb and index finger a little ways apart. "Only that much?" I say. "Mommy's gotta do a lot better than that, right?" I say. "Wanna go to the zoo today?" I say. He shakes his head vigorously.

**Part 11**

When we reached the Children's Zoo at Central Park around 7:30 we were disappointed to see that it wasn't going to open until 10 am. "I thought this was the city that never sleeps! It doesn't open until 10 am!" exclaimed Tommy who was still cranky from his morning wake up. "Let's just take a walk to kill the time, okay?" I suggested to Tommy as I gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Fine, whatever" he grumbled. We walked all of Central Park and when I say all I mean ALL. First we made a stop at the statue of Alice in Wonderland which showed Alice, the Hare, the Mad Hatter, the Cheshire Cat, and a mouse. Then I showed Aiden the statue of Balto since he had liked the movie. Aiden and I looked longingly at the Carousel since it also wouldn't be open until 10 am and promised him that we would go after the zoo. Aiden really really liked what I dubbed the 'boat pond', but what was actually called "Conservatory Water" where members of the Model Yacht Club raced their regattas or miniature racing sail boats. We also stopped by the statue of Hans Christian Anderson who hello created 'The Little Mermaid' which inspired the Disney version whose protagonist also happens to have red hair and blue eyes and hey now that I think about it her prince Eric also has dark hair and blue eyes, coincidence much! We also checked out the statue of Mother Goose, the Pond, and finally we returned to the Children's Zoo.

**Part 12**

Aiden wandered around the enchanted forest taking in the oak trees, acorns, and giant spider with wide eyes. He made pit stops at all the small bronze animal sculptures placing his hands on each one and clapping in delight as each statue emitted the appropriate animal noise, which he happily mimicked. One or twice on his walk a duck or a frog would wander onto the path and he of course would give chase causing the animal to panic, which probably wasn't particularly funny to the animal being chased, but I laughed so hard when Aiden was able to chase one down and picked up a turtle. He showed it to me triumphantly, but I'll have to admit I made him quickly put it down and tried to play it off like nothing at all had happened when I spotted a zoo worker. "Look Aiden" I said pointing to the animals behind the fences. "Wanna feed them?" I said as I scrounged in my purse for some quarters. He shook his head up and down vigorously. "Here, Tommy" I said as I placed the quarters in his hand. Aiden looked up from me to Tommy. I wandered over to the bench where I took a much needed seat. Aiden and Tommy continued to stare at each other while I sat there amused. Aiden broke the staring contest and made his way over to the food dispenser. Tommy looked over at me. "Go ahead Tommy they don't bite!" I said. "Funny, I was under the impression that he does" Tommy said rubbing the part of his shoulder, which was still sore. "I meant the animals behind the fence tough guy!" I said. "Ha ha that was so funny I forgot to laugh!" he said. Tommy walked over to the dispenser and was just about to put the quarter in when he felt a tugging on his pants. "Up?" said Aiden. "With cherry?" he said with a half smile. Tommy hoisted him up on the ground and gave him one of the quarters. Tommy had to help him turn the knob. Aiden put as much as he could carry in his cupped hands. He slowly put him on the ground as Aiden took tentative steps over by the fence careful not to drop any of the precious food. Tommy scraped the rest of the food out of the dispenser. Aiden gleefully hand fed the goats, sheep, and the pot-bellied pig. When he ran out of food Tommy let him feed another quarter into the machine. Jude sat down on the bench watching the two of them with a small smile on her lips.

**Part 13**

"This is so embarrassing" said Tommy as Jude unceremoniously dumped a bucketful of warm water on his head; Aiden meanwhile was making boat noises as he navigated his tug boat around the rubber ducky. "What! Both of you seriously smelled after the zoo. You two needed a bath. Trust me!" I said as I wrinkled my nose in disgust. "Besides both of you have nothing I haven't seen before!" I said. "That's not the point!" Tommy said as he gathered some of the bubble bath lather to "hide" himself. Aiden saw Tommy's discomfort and waded over to Tommy. "Want?" said Aiden offering up his favorite play toy at bath time. Tommy reached for the little boat. His large hand enveloped both the boat and Aiden's little hand. Tommy took the offered boat and smiled down at Aiden. Then the two of them began playing together. I felt like my heart was going to burst from so much happiness.

**Part 14**

Tommy had gotten us tickets to see the Lion King on Broadway and I've got to admit I was just as excited as little Aiden. "Jude, are you ready yet? We're going to be late." Tommy said as he looked as his watch. Tommy and Aiden were both sitting on the couch together. "Aiden, go check on Mommy" Tommy said. Aiden ran from the couch straight into the door, which I had locked. I opened the door to see a disoriented Aiden on his rump rubbing his forehead. I glared at Tommy. "Honey are you okay" I said as I picked him up. "Ouchie!" he said. I planted some kisses on his forehead accidentally leaving a few lipstick kisses on his forehead. "Wanna sit on the bed while Mommy gets ready?" I said. He shook his head and I sat him on the bed. Ten minutes later, I swear, we emerged from the room. "Finally!" Tommy said with dramatic flare.

**Part 15**

We made it; on time I might add and had just been shown to our seats by the usher. We were seated in the front row smack dab in the middle. The sets were beautiful, the singing and the dancing was spectacular; everything was going great. And then came the scene of the stampede at the gorge where Mufasa had just been betrayed by his brother Scar and was thrown off the cliff. Simba had just discovered his limp body and was prodding it. I hadn't realized I had been gripping my arm rest, so hard that my knuckles and turned white. Nor had I noticed that sometime during the show that Aiden had made his way onto my lap. I could feel tightness in my chest as the scene played out. When Simba realized that Mufasa had died Aiden and I just completely lost it and we had to get out of there. "Jude is everything okay?" Tommy asked as he saw me getting up. "Shhhh!" said the man behind him. "Sorry" Tommy said apologetically. "Jude?" Tommy said, but Jude didn't hear him; all she knew was that she had to get Aiden out of there. Jude had found a couch and was trying to console Aiden as she had a flashback of the hospital and Aiden and his dad. "I want Daddy!" Aiden wailed as big teardrops poured down his cheeks. "I know honey!" I said as I rubbed his back. Aiden continued to cry as Tommy looked over at them unsure what to do. He wanted to console the both of them, but he didn't know if it was his place to. Tommy made up his mind and sat down on the couch with Jude. He put his arm around her shoulders as she leaned into him for support. Aiden looked up at Tommy. "You're not my daddy!" Aiden screamed as he beat his fists into Tommy's chest and repeated it over and over. Tommy put his arms around him offering what comfort he could. "No, you're not my daddy!" Aiden whined as his crying mixed with hic cups and more tears. Aiden fought and fought, but eventually he exhausted himself and buried his small face in Tommy's neck. "I want…I want….my daaaaad!" Aiden said. "I know Aiden" said Tommy as he held him in his arms. "I know" said Tommy as Aiden's eyes fluttered shut.

**Part 16**

Tommy carried Aiden into the bedroom and sat on the bed. When he tried to put him on the bed Aiden's arms stayed where they were on his neck. He took off his socks and shoes and got under the covers with Aiden still attached. I had just finished putting on my pajamas and was making my way out the door with the mindset of sleeping in the spare bedroom or the couch when Tommy called out from the bed. "Jude, don't go" he said as he made room for her on the bed. Tommy could still see the tear stains on Jude's face and the sorrow in her eyes. She still hadn't discussed anything with him, which made him worried. He didn't want to see her in pain if he could prevent it. Jude turned off the light and crawled into bed. He moved his position so he was on his side, so he could put his arm around Jude. He pulled her in close and kissed her forehead. She looked just as exhausted as Aiden. "Tommy…" Jude said. "It's okay Jude. Tell me when you're ready. Take as long as you need." he said as he gave her shoulder a comforting squeeze. Jude snuggled closer to Aiden, so his back was touching her chest. They spent the night like that with a protective cocoon around Aiden and with Tommy's arm draped over Aiden and Jude.

**Part 17**

Tommy, Jude, and Aiden had been home for about a week, but they hadn't told anyone of their return. They were still trying to figure things out. To the average stranger they looked like a typical family made up of a husband, wife, and child, white picket fence, minus the dog; of course figuring things out meant not talking about it and going back to "normal". Jude and Tommy and Aiden all slept in one bed. Jude was never alone with Tommy; Aiden saw to that; he still had the 'mommy is mine' mindset, at least he had stopped torturing Tommy, a bit. This morning while sitting around the table at breakfast, he had snuck some mustard into Tommy's coffee mug and laughed hysterically when Tommy sprayed it all over the table. Jude instinctively sniffed her coffee and then made Aiden try it. He made a face and she couldn't tell if it was because he had managed to get some mustard in it as well or because of the taste. Aiden gave her a sweet smile. "Aiden did you put something in Mommy's drink?" I said. "No" he said. "Pinky swear?" I said as I reached out my pinky. Aiden met my eyes guiltily. I walked over to the sink and poured the rest of it down the drain. "I guess we can't give you the present we got you then" Tommy said. "Present?" said Aiden curiously. "Yup" Tommy said as he wiped up the table. "Definitely no present" he said looking up from the floor to Aiden. "Unless…" Tommy said. "Unless?" I said. "Unless he promises never to mess with the coffee again; coffee is sacred" Tommy said solemnly. "Why am I the bad cop this morning" Jude thought to herself. "At least I didn't drink the vile stuff" she thought to herself. Aiden looked up at Jude for the final say, but Jude was still talking to herself in her head. "Earth to Jude" Tommy said as he waved his hand in front of her face. She grabbed the offending hand in the air and smacked it hard against Tommy's forehead, which caused him to rock backward on his heels. "Quit hitting yourself Tommy!" Jude said amused. "You better sleep with one eye open tonight, Harrison" Tommy said as he rubbed his forehead. "Present?" Aiden interjected as he looked up at Tommy and Jude.

**Part 18**

Aiden ripped open the present with glee to reveal a pair of hockey skates. Both Jude and Tommy were worried about his reaction because the last time he had gone skating had been with his dad. We heard a small sniffle and I immediately held him in my arms and stroked his hair. It was Tommy who broke the silence. "You should remember your dad. The way Jude described him; he loved it on the ice; both of you do. You should always cherish the good times you had together. When you skate, think of him and it'll be like he's right beside you on the ice in here and in here" Tommy said as he gestured to his head and to his heart. Aiden noisily wiped his nose on his sleeve. "Will you skate with me?" Aiden said tentatively. "Mommy's terrible" he said with a grin.

**Part 19**

The good think about having such a large property was having your own private ice rink. Well, it was nothing fancy, just a fairly large pond that was now frozen. Jude watched them for a little bit before she wandered over to the barn to get reacquainted with her horse and to go for a nice relaxing ride.

**Part 20  
**  
Jude loved the feeling of the wind in her hair and the freedom she felt as the horse galloped acre after acre of property. Her horse enjoyed it just as much as she had and they had both worked up a sweat after a good gallop involving jumping over fallen trees and what not. Meanwhile back at the pond. Tommy was amazed at how good a skater Aiden was; although not entirely surprised since his father had been a professional hockey player. Tommy continued to admire Aiden's footwork never realized that the ice beneath him wasn't as thick as he had thought until he heard a large crack and found himself falling through the ice.

**Part 21**

Aiden immediately skated over to the spot of the break and tried to reach his hand out to grab Tommy and try to put him back onto the ice. His arms were too short and he couldn't reach Tommy's bobbing form; meanwhile the ice around the hole was starting to crack as well. Aiden took off his ice skates for fear of injuring Tommy and jumped into the water. Tommy's body was still heavy, but not as heavy in the water as he doggy paddled him towards the ice. He did his best to keep Tommy's head above the water as he climbed out of the water and lay down on the ice with a firm grip on Tommy's collar.

**Part 22 **

Jude was just riding back towards the barn and decided to stop by the pond to check on Tommy and Aiden. She started to get worried when no one answered her calls. She had just left her horse by the tree and was telling her not to wander off with promises of a good rub down and some fresh carrots. After an agreement had been reached which involved a light nip on her jacket Jude started walking quickly towards the pond. She was at a dead run when she saw two bodies, one bobbing lifelessly in the water and the smaller one on the ice clutching the other body.

**Part 23**

They were both freezing, unconscious, and looked to a tinge of blue. Jude tried to keep herself calm, but was in near hysterics when she tried pulling Tommy's body out of the water unsuccessfully and she didn't know how safe the rest of the ice was. She took off her sweater and jacket and wrapped it around Aiden after peeling off his wet clothes. Jude's teeth were still chattering when she had an idea. First the horse was totally against the notion of setting foot on that ice; obviously she was smart, but the look of sorrow and panic in her owner's eyes gave her the courage to do so. Jude put a shaking hand on the horse to calm the horse, but it was really to calm herself. She quietly gave her directions and on three the horse carefully grabbed a hold of the collar of Tommy's jacket and pulled him out of the water and dragged him over to some solid ground. Jude picked up Aiden and walked over to where her horse and dragged Tommy. Jude had the horse kneel down as she heaved Tommy's body over the saddle. She picked up the reins in one hand and held the still unconscious Aiden on the other and quickly found her way to the main road. She flagged down the first car she saw. The owner quickly got out of the driver's seat and helped Jude put Tommy in the backseat. Jude whispered in her horse's ear and watched it make its way back towards the direction of the barn. They made their way to the hospital as fast as they could and everything was all a blur after that. Jude didn't even get the name of the Samaritan who had picked them up. She didn't even remember making the phone call to Kwest until she felt a blanket being huddled around her shoulders and saw concern in his brown eyes.

**Part 24**

"Jude?" Kwest said. "What happened? I could barely understand you when you called me. Jude?" said Kwest getting more scared by Jude's lack of response. Jude kept replaying the nightmare over and over in her mind of finding the two of them on the ice and shuddered. How long had she and Kwest been sitting in the waiting room she had no idea, but then the doctor finally came out. His face was drawn and his eyes were bloodshot red. "I'm sorry Miss Harrison we did everything we could, but he didn't make it" said the doctor with sympathy. The world seemed to crash around Jude. "Who didn't make it" said Kwest as he helped Jude to the couch.

**Part 25**

Jude found herself in an all too familiar scene. The body was lying on the table. All the machines that saved countless lives couldn't save this one. She took tentative steps towards the bed and with a trembling hand ran her fingers through his hair. It was too much for her. Everything seemed too much. She fell to her knees. She couldn't even make a sound as hot tears fell furiously down her face and onto the floor. "Why is this happening" she thought to herself. "I was supposed to protect you, to watch over you" she berated herself inwardly. She took his small hand in hers and kissed it. "I'm sorry, Aiden. I'm so sorry I failed you" she said as she kissed her forehead.

**Part 26**

The doctor and Kwest stared into the room. "He was so young. His immune system wasn't that strong to begin with. We did everything we could, but we couldn't raise his temperature. He was in the water too long" said the doctor. All Kwest could do was nod. "The other one she brought in. He's in stable condition. If you come with me I'll bring you over to his room" said the doctor to Kwest.

**Part 27**

Kwest looked in on Tommy. His lips were no longer blue, which was a good sign. He watched his friend's chest rise and fall. He pulled a chair over by the bed and took a seat. He didn't know how long he had been asleep when Jude gently shook his shoulder. When he looked up at her he couldn't help but see the haunted look in her eyes. Even the smile she gave him seemed forced. "Thanks for coming Kwest, but I can take it from here" I said. "Why don't you go home and get some real sleep in your own bed" I said. Kwest was about to ask if she wanted to talk about it, but he knew better. "Call me if you need anything" Kwest said as he gave her hand a squeeze. "I will" I said. She sat on the vacated chair and watched Tommy sleep and trying to battle the turmoil churning inside her.

**Part 29**

It was late or early morning when Kwest dragged himself out of bed and opened his door. "Can I stay with you?" I said. Kwest hesitated as he took in Jude with a suitcase standing outside his door. "Please, Kwest" I said. "Of course" he said trying to rub the sleep from his eyes. He picked up my suitcase and brought it to the spare bedroom. He was about to say something else when Jude closed the door in his face. He trudged back to his bed and fell asleep once more.

**Part 30**

Jude's skin felt clammy. She continued to gaze at the ceiling afraid that if she closed her eyes she would relive the nightmare once more. She got out of bed and went to the bathroom. She splashed some cold water on her face. She felt numb inside as if winter had taken residence inside her. She padded back to her room and picked up the sheets that had fallen off the bed. She sighed audibly. She walked over to the closet where she knew Kwest kept a guitar, even that didn't help. She put the guitar back into the case and returned it. She sat on the couch and picked up the remote control and started channel surfing.


	29. Perfect Lie

**A/N**: I don't own _Instant Star_. I don't own _Tears And Rain, Goodbye My Lover, _and _Cry_ by James Blunt. Reviews are always welcome.

**Episode 29 - The Perfect Lie**

**Part 1**

When she woke up she saw Kwest standing in front of the sink dumping bottle after bottle of alcohol. He had also amassed every single bottle of pills he had in his apartment sitting on the table. "Oh, you're up. I'm just doing some spring cleaning" he said cheerily. "You do know it's still winter right" I said with a yawn as I worked the kinks out in my neck. "It's never too early to start you know" he said. He sighed as he emptied the last bottle. "I'm worried about you is all. I don't want to see anything bad happen to you okay" Kwest said as he gave me a hug. How could I possibly tell him or anyone that I felt empty, felt nothing, as if the tears I had cried for Aiden were the last? "I'll be fine Kwest, really. I promise" I said as I returned his hug. And just like that the lies began.

**Part 2**

Jude added another tally to the wall; another day, another mask to cover the nothingness that had seeped into her skin. No one seemed to notice; she wouldn't let them. Only her and Tommy knew what had happened and no one wanted to open that Pandora's box. To the casual viewer both were fine; to those who knew them both seemed to have a shadow behind their eyes, tiny glimpses of something too painful to share even to them. Both dealt with their grief differently. Tommy buried himself in work while Jude on the other hand had delved into something different. She was had walked into her private bathroom in her office at the studio. She made sure to turn the lock before she put the cover of the toilet down and sat atop. She slid her hand under the sink and groped around until she found what she had been searching for. She carefully folded back her right sleeve and admired the white scars and pink scars she had given herself just to get through the morning. She picked an unblemished spot and gasped allowed as the blood began to form tiny rivers on her arm. She quickly thrust her arm over the sink careful not to get any blood on herself. This had been her only refuge from the nothingness. Pain filled her head; it was better than not feeling anything at all wasn't it she though to herself. She sat slumped against the wall watching the blood slowly trickle to the floor. Some time had passed before she cleaned up and emerged out of her office as if nothing had transpired. No one had bothered her. The headache she claimed she had had was enough to keep away the questions and whispers or were those all in her head and did it even matter. Nothing seemed to matter anymore.

**Part 3**

She took a seat next to Kwest in the booth. He took his head set off to look at her. "You're looking a little pale, Jude." Kwest said. "Kwest I'm always pale" I said teasingly. "Well you're looking more pale than usual. Why don't you cut out of here early, huh? I'll see you at home." Kwest said as he put the earphones back over his head.

**Part 4**

Jude noisily dropped herself onto the couch and turned on the TV. After about an hour of perusing she turned off the TV with disgust. "How can there be over 500 channels with nothing on?" I said to myself in frustration. I rubbed the spot between my eyes hoping to stop the throbbing. "Pain withdrawal?" I said aloud. I got up and went into my room. I walked over to the bed and put my hand behind the headboard. It only took a few seconds to come away with what I was looking for. I went back out and into the kitchen. I poured myself a glass of juice knowing that the last time I had nearly passed out from the blood loss that and I had to run somewhere and running somewhere after losing blood was not a good combination. I finally realized why those people at the blood donation places gave you that cookie afterwards. I peeled the sleeve of my left arm. "Have I really cut myself that much?" I said in dismay as I could not find an unblemished piece of skin. I rolled the sleeve back down and did the same inspection with the right. The only area left on that arm was the area by the veins in my wrist. "Risky" I thought to myself. The headache seemed to worsen just for spite. "What the hell?" I thought to myself as I started to make the incision. I was concentrating extremely hard when the phone rang and distracted me. "Shit!" I said as I accidentally nicked the vein. "Shit, shit, shit!" I cried aloud. Blood was coming out fast. I quickly tried applying pressure to it, but it wasn't helping. Minutes have passed and I'm starting to feel a little light headed. I try to get up off the floor to walk over to the phone. I swipe at the air. Once. Twice. Third luck's the charm it seems. I try to dial the numbers, but I collapse. I'm really light headed and the numbers are just too damn blurry. My body makes contact with the kitchen floor. "That's gonna leave mark" I said with a chuckle. I try to visualize the numbers on the phone and clumsily dial the numbers. I've stopped applying pressure and watch mesmerized as the blood continues to pour out. My vision is masked by a red haze. I hear a voice on the other end of the line and black out.

**Part 5**

When Kwest came home he wasn't prepared for what awaited him. He saw Jude's body lying on the kitchen floor. He quickly ran towards it. He sat stood there in shock from the sight of all the blood. His trance was shattered when he heard a voice. "Hello. Is anyone there?" said a voice. Kwest quickly seized the phone. "Is this an emergency?" said the voice. "Hi, yes I need an ambulance…"

**Part 6**

When Kwest rode with the EMT he numbly answered their questions. "I found her like this when I got home from work" "No I don't know how long she had been like unconscious." When they were applying the IV to Jude's arm he gasped aloud as he took in the pattern of scars snaking down her arm. "I didn't know" he said meekly. "I had no idea" Kwest answered when the EMT asked about the scars on Jude's arm. He deftly pulled up the sleeve of Jude's other arm to reveal similar markings on the other hand. "How could I have been so blind!" Kwest thought to himself angrily. "She seemed perfectly fine. Obviously she wasn't peachy or even hunkey dorey, but this! This can't be happening. I'm going to pinch myself and I'm gonna wake up at the studio. I mean I've been burning the candle at both ends for a while now" Kwest thought to himself. Kwest pinched his arm as hard as he could. "Ow" Kwest said rubbing his arm gingerly. The EMT's give him a quizzical look as the vehicle comes to a stop. They had reached the hospital.

**Part 7**

"What have we got here?" "Caucasian female, early twenties, wound to the left wrist, blood loss" "Sir?" "Sir you can't go in here" Kwest looked around him for the first time. "Oh, right" he said. "Take a seat over there" said the attendant.

**Part 8**

"This isn't happening. This is really happening" Kwest said as he held his head in his hands. He heard a snatch of conversation and sat up quickly in his seat when he heard the words "pile up earlier" and "low supply." Kwest got up off his chair and interrupted the conversation. "I'm the one who brought her in" Kwest said irritably when he saw their questioning looks. "Sir, there was a huge pile up earlier that we're still dealing with and our blood supplies are extremely low. Now we have some in reserves in case something like this happens, but your friend has a rare blood type, RH-negative. We need to find her some blood" said the doctor. Kwest churned the words around in his head before he started dialing. In less than an hour he had called everyone he knew. Soon the waiting room was littered with Jude's family, friends, and most of Harrison-Quincy Records employees, and a few others. Soon everyone who came was being attended to by a nurse and getting blood drawn. The samples were taken and tested for a possible match. People struck up conversation amongst themselves as they continued to wait. "We have a match. Sir, if you'll please come with me" said the nurse. All present in the room gave him a smile of relief and watched as he disappeared through the double doors with a nurse.

**Part 9**

Jude stared up at her ceiling and peered at the walls, which were all padded for her protection. She sighed audibly and trailed her fingers along her arms to the spot on her wrist. Flashback: "Hey shorty" he said with a grin on his face that tried to mask the fear she read in his eyes. "Why are you doing this?" I croaked. "I told you. I have a lot of making up to do." He said as he remembered that other conversation. End of flashback. At first she had fought the doctors every time it was time to take her meds. After a while she just gave up. Not only did it make her feel numb, but it made her head feel fuzzy as if there was a constant drone of bees flying around in her mind. She turned all visitors away. She didn't want them to see her like this. She just wanted to be left alone in her misery. She no longer had any means of escape. Her room was bare. It contained no sharp objects; they were sure to check every day. Nothing to do. No one to talk to. Maybe this is what she deserved. She heard a knock on her door. "Jude you have a visitor" said the voice behind the door. She heard the click of her lock slide as the door opened. She followed without complaint and found herself in the visitor's room sitting at a table where someone was waiting for her.

**Part 10**

"What's up shorty?" Shay said nervously. Jude sat silent. "How're you doing?" Shay said. When she didn't respond Shay frowned. "I'm trying here, Jude" he said. "Maybe I don't want you to try, Shay. Maybe I don't want anyone to try. Maybe I just want to be left alone" I said as my eyes flashed at his. "I brought you something that might cheer you up" Shay said. "I talked to your doc and he gave me the green light. They're setting it up in your room right now. Why don't we go check it out" Shay said as the orderly shook his head and pointed for them to follow.

**Part 11**

When they reached the room Jude took tentative steps to the area of her room where it laid waiting. She pulled out the bench and lovingly laid her fingers over the keys. Jude laid her head on the piano and breathed it in. To Shay, Jude's reaction was like that of a flower finally getting some much deserved water. Jude seemed wilted and pale compared to the girl that he had known in the past. It had been a long time since Jude felt anything. For the first time in a long time she felt a surge of joy and to her surprise she saw a pool of tears on the piano. When she turned around her door was closed and Shay was gone.

**Part 12**

Music filled my ears and I knew I was home. For so long I hadn't felt comfort. Each note in the air seemed to dispel the fuzzy haze I had been stumbling blindly in. I could feel my spirits lift, feel something again. It had been a while since I had heard my voice. It sounded like a stranger to me; a stranger I wanted to know again.

Tears and Rain (James Blunt 'Back to Bedlam')

How I wish I could surrender my soul;

Shed the clothes that become my skin;

See the liar that burns within my needing.

How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.

How I wish I had screamed out loud,

Instead I've found no meaning.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,

All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.

Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.

I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.

It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;

Hold memory close at hand,

Help me understand the years.

How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.

How I wish I would save my soul.

I'm so cold from fear.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,

All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.

Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.

I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.

Far, far away; find comfort in pain.

All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.

It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

I sighed contentedly as the last note echoed. Shay had given me a greater gift than he would know. He had given me hope. And for that I would be forever grateful.

**Part 13**

It almost became a ritual to my endless days. Waking. Taking the Meds. Playing the piano to desperately fight through the fogginess. I was trapped in a place of my own making whether both in my mind and my cell that I called home. My hope was small, but like a tiny spark that births a fire I needed to coax it to grow rather than to extinguish.

Goodbye My Lover Lyrics (James Blunt 'Back to Bedlam')

Did I disappoint you or let you down?

Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?

'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,

Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.

So I took what's mine by eternal right.

Took your soul out into the night.

It may be over but it won't stop there,

I am here for you if you'd only care.

You touched my heart you touched my soul.

You changed my life and all my goals.

And love is blind and that I knew when,

My heart was blinded by you.

I've kissed your lips and held your head.

Shared your dreams and shared your bed.

I know you well, I know your smell.

I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.

Goodbye my friend.

You have been the one.

You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,

You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.

And as you move on, remember me,

Remember us and all we used to be

I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.

I've watched you sleeping for a while.

I'd be the mother of your child.

I'd spend a lifetime with you.

I know your fears and you know mine.

We've had our doubts but now we're fine,

And I love you, I swear that's true.

I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.

Goodbye my friend.

You have been the one.

You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.

In mine when I'm asleep.

And I will bear my soul in time,

When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Goodbye my lover.

Goodbye my friend.

You have been the one.

You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.

I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

Changed the line. Used to say

'I'd be the father of your child'

**Part 14**

Tommy stood frozen outside Jude's door hit with a timult of emotions. "Those words…" Tommy said dejectedly. "Mr. Quincy? Are you alright? Will you be visiting Ms. Harrison today?" said the orderly with concern on his face. "What!" said Tommy. "Um…" said Tommy. "Just tell her how you feel?" said the orderly. "What!" Tommy said even more confused. "I don't mean to pry, but you should go in there" said the orderly. Tommy looked at him even more confused. "You're him, aren't you. The one she's always singing about?" said the orderly. Tommy looked at him. "She's never mentioned your name, per se, but my wife reads those gossip magazines and just to let you know she's pulling for the two of you" said the orderly with small smile. Before Tommy could say anything the orderly unlocked the door and gently gave him a shove into the room. Then he gave Tommy a smile through the small window as he slid the bolt home leaving Tommy to face Jude.

**Part 15**

Jude looked up from the piano and froze. She slowly got up and walked over to the bed and sat down. She could feel his gaze on her. Even their time apart hadn't distilled their connection. He gazed at her arms at the white scars. She self consciously folded her arms. "What are you doing here Quincy" I said not able to meet his gaze. "I…I" Tommy stuttered. "I don't remember you being so articulate" I said with a wry smile. "No more talking" he said and looked at me with so much love and sadness and compassion that it hurt. "Just listen…" he said as he sat down at the piano.

Cry (James Blunt 'Back to Bedlam)

I have seen peace. I have seen pain,

Resting on the shoulders of your name.

Do you see the truth through all their lies?

Do you see the world through troubled eyes?

And if you want to talk about it anymore,

Lie here on the floor and cry on my shoulder,

I'm a friend.

I have seen birth. I have seen death.

Lived to see a lover's final breath.

Do you see my guilt? Should I feel fright?

Is the fire of hesitation burning bright?

And if you want to talk about it once again,

On you I depend. I'll cry on your shoulder.

You're a friend.

You and I have been through many things.

I'll hold on to your heart.

I wouldn't cry for anything,

But don't go tearing your life apart.

I have seen fear. I have seen faith.

Seen the look of anger on your face.

And if you want to talk about what will be,

Come and sit with me, and cry on my shoulder,

I'm a friend.

And if you want to talk about it anymore,

Lie here on the floor and cry on my shoulder,

I'm a friend.

**Part 16 **

Whatever Tommy's expectations were of Jude's reactions didn't even come close to what transpired. "What am I supposed to do with that, huh Quincy" I said. "Jude I meant every word" Tommy said. "That might have worked once upon a time Tommy, but I'm not that girl. She's gone. She died" I said. "Jude you're not alone! Let me be here for you!" Tommy said as he placed his hands on my shoulders. I shook them off irritated. "You're not the only one grieving Jude. You're not the only one that lost someone, so stop acting like it. You're not the only one that lost Aiden" Tommy said. Jude looked at Tommy with the coldest look he had ever seen. She looked almost feral. "What did you say?" I said. "You heard me Jude. You think you're the only one that's dealing with what happened. I was there too. I'm the reason he's not here. I'm the reason Aiden's gone" Tommy said forlornly. "Don't say his name in front of me, ever!" I yelled. "You think just because you played house with us for a couple of days, a week the most that what we were a big happy family! He was mine Tommy. He was my responsibility. He was my…I failed him Tommy. I've lost him. He's not coming back. I'll never get to see him grow up. I'll never see him in school plays, graduation, college, getting married…" Jude started rocking back and forth. "My beautiful boy, my little Aiden" I whispered. "Jude I loved him, too. Doesn't matter it I spent just a day an hour a minute a few seconds with him. I loved him. I love you. We were a family, Jude. We were happy." Tommy said. It was at that point that Jude started destroying her room. She overturned the bed, picked up the piano bench, and hurled it at the door. Tommy cringed as he heard the crunch of wood against the door. The orderly who had waited outside the door quickly came in with reinforcements. They grabbed Jude and restrained her arms. The third quickly thrust the needle in Jude's arm and after a few seconds she stopped struggling and fell unconscious. Tommy just stood there. "Mr. Quincy, you better go" said the orderly he had spoken to before. Tommy stumbled out the door. His hands were still shaking when he tried to put the keys into the car. He fell to his knees and cried out.

**Part 17**

After the incident with Tommy's visit Jude's doctors decided it would be best if she was kept restrained and be heavily drugged to keep her from hurting herself and others. They had also taken the piano from her room. Jude stared at the ceiling with vacant eyes; she had retreated into the depths of her mind, the only safe place she had left to turn to.

**Part 18**

Jude sat in the room with her eyes transfixed on Aiden. "Present?" Aiden said as his eyes grew bigger. Aiden ripped open the present with glee to reveal a pair of hockey skates. He lugged over the skates to show them to Jude. "Mommy look!" Aiden exclaimed. "Mommy?" Aiden said. "Why does this seem so familiar?" Jude thought to herself. "Mommy!" Aiden yelled into Jude's ear. "Huh? Oh." I said. "I said wanna go skating, please?" Aiden said with puppy dog eyes. "Why don't you ask Tommy really nice? You know Mommy's coordination challenged." I said to Aiden. "Okay" Aiden said disappointed. "Tommy will you take me skating" Aiden mumbled. "Wow, don't try to hold your enthusiasm" Tommy said. "Please." Aiden said. "Sure" said Tommy. I gave him a grateful look.

**Part 19**

I made sure both of my boys were bundled up. They book looked comical in their hats, scarves, gloves, jackets, snow boots, and layers lots of layers of clothes. "Jude, I think were good" Tommy said as I stuffed hand warmers in his pockets. "Really" he said with one of his cute looks. Aiden was growing impatient. "C'mon Mommy" Aiden said. He looked like a can of soda that had been shook waiting to explode. I took my time to the door and held it open. Aiden was a blur as he whizzed by me. "Tommy!" Aiden yelled in the distance. "I'm coming! Hold your horses" Tommy said. "Horses. Good idea Tommy. I knew you were good for something" I said teasingly as I stood on my tippy toes and kissed him on the nose. "I'll be here all week" Tommy dead panned before he dragged himself out the door.

**Part 20**

Jude loved the feeling of the wind in her hair and the freedom she felt as the horse galloped acre after acre of property. Her horse enjoyed it just as much as she had and they had both worked up a sweat after a good gallop involving jumping over fallen trees and what not. Meanwhile back at the pond. Tommy was amazed at how good a skater Aiden was; although not entirely surprised since his father had been a professional hockey player. Tommy continued to admire Aiden's footwork never realized that the ice beneath him wasn't as thick as he had thought until he heard a large crack and found himself falling through the ice.

Aiden immediately skated over to the spot of the break and tried to reach his hand out to grab Tommy and try to put him back onto the ice. His arms were too short and he couldn't reach Tommy's bobbing form; meanwhile the ice around the hole was starting to crack as well. Aiden took off his ice skates for fear of injuring Tommy and jumped into the water. Tommy's body was still heavy, but not as heavy in the water as he doggy paddled him towards the ice. He did his best to keep Tommy's head above the water as he climbed out of the water and layed down on the ice with a firm grip on Tommy's collar.

Jude was just riding back towards the barn and decided to stop by the pond to check on Tommy and Aiden. She started to get worried when no one answered her calls. She had just left her horse by the tree and was telling her not to wander off with promises of a good rub down and some fresh carrots. After an agreement had been reached which involved a light nip on her jacket Jude started walking quickly towards the pond. She was at a dead run when she saw two bodies, one bobbing lifelessly in the water and the smaller one on the ice clutching the other body.

**Part 21**

"This isn't happening" I cried out and began sobbing into her hands. It took a while for Jude's sobs to subside, but they did. "Again. This is happening again" Jude said as her head jerked back.

**Part 22**

"Mommy are you okay?" said Aiden who was tugging on her sleeve. "What?" I said as I looked at my surroundings. We were sitting in the living room with Aiden holding the present in his hands unopened. When Aiden saw he head my attention he ripped open the present to reveal a pair of ice skates. "Look!" he said as he hugged the skates to his chest. I quickly grabbed the skates from him. "Hey! They're mine!" Aiden wailed as he tried to snatch them back. "I have to return them. They're the wrong size!" I said. Tommy gave me a weird look. I gave him one of those 'just go with it looks.' "Yeah sorry Aiden I got you the wrong size, but tomorrow we'll get you another pair I promise" Tommy said to Aiden. "Pinky swear?" Aiden said whose bottom lip was quivering. "Pinky swear" Tommy said as he leaned his forehead to Aiden's. Tommy got Aiden settled in front of the television watching Spongebob. He steered me into the kitchen. "Jude, what was that?" Tommy said concerned. "Tommy what if I were to tell you that this already happened. That I know what's going to happen?" I said as I paced the kitchen. "Jude, you're freaking me out. Just stop. And tell me what's going on" he said as he looked into my eyes. So I told him. "Don't look at me like that!" I glared at him. "Like what!" he said. "Like I'm a crazy person!" I said defensively. "Jude give me a break. What you told me. I'm still trying to grasp everything. Give me a second or two to take it all in" Tommy said. And he laughed. "That was a good one, Jude. Did Kwest put you up to this?" Tommy said wiping his eyes. "Tommy I'm dead serious" I said. "Jude do you even hear yourself. Now, I want you to lie down and rest. You look beat" Tommy said. "I'll lie down as long as you promise not to take him skating at the pond. Promise me, Tommy" I said. "Jude, I promise. Cross my heart. Hope to…" he was saying as I covered his lips with my hands. "Don't say it." I said. "I promise okay. I promise I won't take him ice skating at the pond. Happy." Tommy said. "Yes" I yawned. I walked over to the living room, kissed Aiden atop his head, and fell on the bed in a heap. "I am tired. I'm just going to close my eyes for a few seconds" I said as my eyelids fluttered closed.

**Part 23**

Tommy bit his lip as he watched Aiden skate on the ice. How could you say no to Aiden. "I'm a sucker" Tommy said aloud. "You're a sucker!" Aiden said with glee as he skated by Tommy. "You better not repeat those words in front of Jude or you're gonna be in big trouble mister" Tommy scolded Aiden when all of a sudden he felt the ice beneath him give way.

**Part 24**

"Oh no" Jude said as she sat straight up in the bed. The covers were off in a second and she was running to the pond. She was too late, again. "Why is this happening!" she cried aloud to the sky expecting an answer.

**Part 25**

"You alright there Jude" Tommy said. "What!" I said. Aiden and Tommy both looked at Jude. "Nothing, sorry" I said. "Now about that…" Tommy was saying but I cut him off. "Don't give him the P-R-E-S-E-N-T!" I said to Tommy. "Present?" cried Aiden. "He's a kid, Jude. Of course he knows the word present" Tommy said as he ruffled Aiden's hair. When Aiden tried to do the same to Tommy Tommy gave him a stern look. "Don't even think about it!" Tommy said to Aiden who took a step backwards. Jude watched helpless as Aiden ripped open the package. "Ice skates!" Aiden cried out. "Let's go skating right now!" Aiden said as he grabbed my hand.

**Part 26**

I found myself on the ice trying my best not to fall. Next thing I knew Aiden and Tommy had grabbed me and were navigating me around the ice. "You guys stop! Seriously! Or I'm going to kill you both!" I said. "Okay" both of them said suspiciously. "You'll have to catch the two of us first anyways" Tommy said mischievously as he pushed me out in the middle of the ice. "Just wait Quincy until I get my hands on you!" I said threateningly. The air was filled with Aiden's laughter, which turned into a scream as he fell through the ice. Tommy skated over in a heartbeat and found himself submerged in water as he tried to make his way towards Aiden. "Oh God!" I said as I made my way over and felt the rush of water.

**Part 27**

"Jude wake up" Tommy said as he gently shook my shoulder. Aiden dragged the present over to Jude. "Can I open this now?" Aiden asked Jude. "How many times is this going to happen?" Jude said aloud. "Mommy what's wrong?" Aiden said as he took my hand. "Everything" I said as I drew him into a hug. "Mommy just needs a nap. Don't you Jude. Why don't you go take a nap and we can open the present later, okay Aiden?" Tommy said. "Okay but I'm taking a nap with Mommy" Aiden said. "Let's go Mommy" Aiden said as he dragged me to the bedroom. When we were both under the covers I held Aiden close to me. I breathed in the scent of his hair. Fear gripped me. I didn't want to fall asleep for fear of it happening again. I stayed awake for a good hour when Tommy came into the room and hopped in the bed. "Everything will be better once you get some rest" Tommy said as he kissed my forehead. "I promise" he said as he wrapped me in his embrace. I closed my eyes and let the darkness take me.

**Part 28**

When I woke up again I was freezing. "What the" I said as I got pushed myself off the ice. I stared horrified at the two bodies. "How many times is this going to happen?" I cried aloud. "Until you let it go" a voice said. I looked up startled as Aiden picked himself up off the ice and walked over towards me. "Aiden?" I asked as I put my hand out towards him.

**Part 29**

The doctors had called in Jude's family and friends. They didn't know what to make of her. She lay on the bed with her eyes wide open. She hadn't responded to anything. Not for water, food, sleep. They had each of them come into the room and talk to her to try to bring her out of it, but all attempts had failed. Tommy growled his frustration. "I thought you said this was supposed to work" Tommy said as he paced. "We're trying everything we can. We're trying our best" said one of Jude's doctors. "You're best isn't cutting it. Not even close" Tommy said in a dangerous voice. Kwest put his hand on his best friend's shoulder. Tommy yanked it off as if he had been burned. "Tommy they're trying. And you harassing them isn't going to help Jude get better" Kwest said to Tommy. Tommy sighed. "You're right. I'm sorry" Tommy said as he dragged his fingers through his hair in frustration. "Why don't you tell everyone they can go. We'll call you if her condition changes" said the doctor. Tommy and Kwest both looked up in protest. "You guys haven't slept in days. You could all use a rest" said the doctor. "He's right" said a few voices in unison. Tommy and Kwest turned around towards the voices. Georgia, E.J., Jude's parents, Sadie, Jamie, Kat all looked weary. "We've come up with a phone chain. If there's a change we'll all know. And we'll all be here" Sadie said. "Together" Paolo said as he squeezed her hand. "Fine" Tommy said as he surrendered. "Kwest man can you" Tommy said. "I'll take you" Kwest said.

**Part 30**

"I'm not the one you think I am" said Aiden. "Aiden's gone Jude" he said. "Who are you?" I said as I stared at him. "I'm a figment that your consciousness made up" he said matter of factly. "You're my what now?" I said in confusion. "I'm your guilty conscience. You seemed to have gotten it in your head that Aiden's death was your fault." he said. "It was my fault" I said bitterly. "What. It's your fault that the ice broke? Is that it? You being mother nature caused the ice to melt causing Tommy and Aiden's demise?" he said. I was getting angry. "I could have saved him!" I yelled. "No Jude you couldn't. Don't you get it? Don't you get the point of this whole messed up Ground Hog Day exercise? Nothing you could have done or changed or whatever could have saved Aiden. Nothing." he said. "Nothing" I said in a small voice. His voice grew gentle. "There's nothing you could have done. So, stop doing this to yourself" he said as he put his hand on my shoulder. "Stop hurting yourself Mommy" he said as he held my hand in his face and wiped away the tears. I looked up startled as I looked up to see two Aiden's standing in front of me.

**Part 31**

My mouth started working, but no sounds came out. The air shimmered and the other Aiden was gone. "You told me once that if I kept my face like that it would freeze that way!" he said with a mischievous wink. I took him in my arms. "We'll take good care of him Jude. We promise" said a chorus of voices.

**Part 32**

I tried to shield my eyes from the bright light. It started to fade. When I could open my eyes again I saw Eli, Alice, and Aiden's mom and dad. "Thank you Jude" they said. "Thank you for watching our son" they said. "Aiden it's time to go. Say goodbye to Jude" they said. I felt my heart constrict. "Jude, thank you for taking care of me, but it's time for me to be with my mom and dad. I love you" he said as he wiped away one of my stray tears. "I'll always be with you. Here. And here." He said as he touched my forehead and my heart. "I'll miss you, too!" I said as I pulled him into a tight embrace. "Don't cry. Everything's going to be okay now" he said confidently. "Please take care of yourself. And take care of Tommy" he said with an impish grin. "Take care of each other Jude" he said seriously. "I will. We will." I said. There was a flash of bright light and I my vision was washed in darkness once more.

**Part 33**

"Hello" Tommy said groggily. "Tommy I'm on my over now. It's Jude…" Kwest said. Tommy stumbled out of bed. "Jude…"

**Part 34**

Jude's doctors were less than thrilled when she demanded that they allow her to check herself out considering she was in a catatonic state up until recently. Those that knew her best knew to stay out of her way when she had the look of fire and lightning in her eyes. Everyone wanted to know what had happened, what was happening to her, but kept their questions at arms length. They saw the pain that she outwardly displayed in her body language and through her eyes and wanted nothing more than to comfort the young woman. "Thanks you guys for being understanding" I said as I gave each of them a hug. "I've been going through, I am going through a lot, and I just need some time to…" her words trailed as a disheveled Tommy stumbled through the door. His shirt was inside out, he had bed hair desperately trying to escape a baseball cap, and his eyes were hidden beneath a pair of sunglasses. When he took them off his face and their eyes locked all the sound and movement in the room seemed to melt away until it was just the two of them. Neither wanted to break the moment; it wasn't until they both heard the sound of the door being closed that the peace was momentarily broken. Both were wary to make a move. They were both content to stare at each other assessing wounds internal and on the surface. Jude made her way towards Tommy, but instead of stopping in front of him she continued on her way out the door and into the night.

**Part 35**

He wasn't sure how long he had been standing there, but Tommy was confused to say the least. "What just happened…did she just?" he stammered as he quickly made his way outside the building turning this way and that in search of the familiar red locks he had so often times twirled in his fingers. He sat down on the curb as he remembered that Kwest had driven and he was stranded. He was about to give him a call on his cell when Kwest pulled the car up to the curb. "Hey T" Kwest said as he rolled down the window. "Get in" said Kwest.

**Part 36**

Tommy closed the front door of the house. He trudged up the stairs and opened the door to the bedroom. The lights were still off and he shrugged off his shoes and socks before removing his jeans and t-shirt. He gingerly made his way into bed. About to close his eyes and succumb to sleep he felt a warm current of air on the side of his neck. "What took you so long?" I murmured gently into his ear. His eyes shot open and he was about to say something when she silenced his lips with a kiss. His eyes pleaded with a hundred questions, which she wasn't ready to face. "Can't it just be you kissing me?" I said. Our time spent apart only increased the passion and desire we felt for each other. He kissed each scar on my arms with such tenderness and love that I felt unshed tears finally break forth like a dam. I had been so numb to everything that it seemed like they would never stop. All he said through my tears were 3 simple words over and over: I. love. you. For feeling numb for so long it hurt to feel so much all at once. "You can't forgive me" I sobbed into his chest as he stroked my hair. "You can't" I said disconsolately as I beat my fists into his chest. He gently took my hands in his. I forgot how perfect they felt in his. "Too bad because I just did" he said. He wiped the tears from my face and kissed my forehead before placing kisses on each eyelid, nose, until he reached my mouth. I drowned myself in his kisses. Each kiss sent tingles all over my body. He made his way slowly down my body, attentive to every single nook until I was gasping with pleasure. I found my fingers tangled in his hair as he continued to explore. My hands found their way to his shoulders and back before he gently took my hands in his and placed them above my head with our fingers entwined. My body hadn't forgotten how much it ached for him. He was the waves and I was the moon; forces always pulling towards each other. Pleasure came in small waves, growing larger as time elapsed. My legs entwined his waist as my hips accommodated to the motion of our bodies. We soared to new heights until we both lay there sated with knowing smiles that only we shared. We both knew that come morning complications and questions lay before us; life awaited us. But as beams of sunlight peaked through the blinds we both knew that in that exact moment we both knew exactly where we were meant to be.


	30. I'm Not Okay

**A/N**: I don't own _Instant Star_. I don't own _My Sundown _by Jimmy Eat World and _I'm Not Okay_ by My Chemical Romance.Reviews are always welcome.

**Episode 30 - I'm Not Okay**

**Part 1**

"Jude…" Tommy drawled as his hand traveled the length of my back. "Hmmm" I groaned as I snuggled closer to him. "We can't keep doing this?" Tommy said. "Doing what" I said innocently. "Fall into bed every time I want to talk about things" he said in a serious tone. "Besides your avoidance tactic is unfair" he said as he kissed the top of my head. "I didn't hear any complaints last night" I said teasingly. "Besides aren't you the one who I don't know tried to high five me when you were talking about make up sex" I said with my lids half closed. "Come on Jude I'm trying to be serious here" Tommy said as he sat up in bed. "I know that Tommy, hence the avoiding" I said as I kissed his back. "Jude stop" Tommy said as he placed his hands on my shoulders. "You're not getting any from me until you talk" he said. I sat there with my mouth agape. "Tommy" I said as I batted my eyelashes seductively at him and slowly inched closer until I was about half an inch from his face. "You really think you won't cave" I said as I went in for a kiss. He backed up and fell off the bed landing awkwardly on the ground. I pretended to yawn to cover up my laughter. "Okay then tough guy. It's your choice." I said as I sashayed naked to the bathroom. I walked slowly as his eyes followed me to the bathroom door, which I left open. "I'm gonna take a shower. You can join me if you want" I said with a wink. "Must be strong" Tommy muttered under his breath. "What was that Quincy?" I called from the bathroom. "I said I'm going to go for a run" Tommy said as he picked himself off the ground and walked over to his dresser and pulled out a pair of running shorts and a wife beater.

**Part 2**

Jude was blow drying her hair when Tommy returned. His scent was a mix of sweat, deodorant, and Tommy. It was intoxicating. I watched as he stripped down. He ignored my stare as he turned and filled up the bathtub, added some bubble bath mix, and eased himself in. He put his head back and closed his eyes. He stirred when he felt ripples in the water. "I don't remember inviting you" he said lazily. "Besides you're violating my rule of no contact" he said. "So you're really serious?" I said. "Yup" he said as his gaze bore into me. With that I got up and put my robe back on and left him alone in the bathtub

**Part 3**

A few days turned into a few weeks and Tommy was taking it like a man. Jude found his celibacy applaudable. Jude didn't know if she herself was ready to talk to anybody let alone Tommy. Was she really prepared to open Pandora's box? Tommy had been staying late at the studio these past weeks. Part of it was because Jude refused to talk to him and it hurt and the second part was because he wasn't one of those people who could sit still. Tommy was tapping his pencil on the sound board and it was driving Kwest crazy. "Tommy, man can you quit it you're driving me up the walls" Kwest said as he shot Tommy an annoyed look. "What's up with you anyway" Kwest said. "Nothing" Tommy said. "Nothing?" Kwest said unbelieving. "Okay, if I tell you will you promise not to laugh" Tommy said in a serious tone. "Sure, man" said Kwest. So Tommy told him. Kwest shook his head in disbelief. "You're a stronger man than me Tommy" Kwest said. Tommy gave him a half grin. "Either that or the dumbest person I know" Kwest said. Tommy glared at him. "Okay you're definitely more the first than the second" Kwest said. "What should I do man?" Tommy said. "Maybe you should just let her come to you, give her time, that sort of thing?" Kwest said.

**Part 4**

Jude's family stuck around. Sadie and Paolo moved to Toronto ready to start a family. Mom and dad had families of their own with their significant others. Kat and Jaimie were thinking about starting one of their own. Everyone had babies on the brain. "Man and I'm the one that was in a psych ward" Jude thought to herself as she finished packing all of Aiden's things in cardboard boxes. She had just put the last one in the attic and was sitting on the floor of his room. She had been sitting there for a while and didn't even hear Tommy come in. "Jude I've been looking for you…" Tommy said as he looked around the room. His face looked crestfallen. "I was hoping we could have done this together" Tommy said. "I took care of it" I said emotionless. "I can see that:" he said as he made his way upstairs. It was late when I made my way to the bedroom. Tommy was already asleep. I tiptoed my way to the bed. I pulled the sheets back and slid into bed. I tried to snuggle closer to Tommy but he moved his sleeping position so his back was facing mine. "I guess I deserved that" I said to the darkness. Tommy didn't answer. I stared at the ceiling for a long time; sleep was impossible. So I got out of bed, put on a robe, and my slippers, and made my way to the stables.

**Part 5**

Jude opened the stall door. "Hey, girl" Jude said as she put her arms around her horse's neck. Jude replaced the water and food bucket before giving her horse a thorough rub down. Afterwards, she grabbed two blankets. She bunched up some hay to make a make shift bed and lay down. Her horse lay down and offered Jude her side as a pillow. "Thanks, girl" Jude said as she closed her eyes. Meanwhile back at the house Tommy opened his eyes. He couldn't sleep. He didn't want to sleep being mad at Jude. "Jude I…" Tommy said as he turned around, but Jude's side of the bed was empty. Tommy put on some clothes and checked each room looking for Jude. He finally found her in the stables fast asleep. He debated whether to wake her as he stared at her sleeping form. Jude's horse opened one eye staring warily at Tommy. Tommy held up his hands in surrender. Jude's horse closed her eye. Tommy positioned a stool in front of the stall door and grabbed a blanket before settling in a comfortable position. He pulled the blanket up to his chin and closed his eyes.

**Part 6**

Jude stretched and yawned before she began folding up the blankets. She put on her slippers and pushed the door open. Something was obstructing the door. She pushed with her shoulder until the door opened and she heard a loud noise. She swung the door open tentatively and saw Tommy sprawled on the ground, tangled up in blankets, and one fallen over stool. "Tommy what are you doing here?" I said curiously. "How about a 'are you okay', 'can I help you up', 'I'm sorry I knocked you over' would have been nice instead of the interrogation" Tommy said indignantly. "Not if you're gonna be cranky" I said as I walked out of the barn.

**Part 7**

I walked around not really looking where I was going because I was so annoyed with my encounter with Tommy and found myself beside the pond. I sighed audibly and sat on the ground. What a difference time made. The pond was no longer frozen. Squirrels and birds were running around. There were some wildflowers sprouting on the ground. All traces of that tragic winter day were gone. I lay back down on the ground and closed my eyes. A few minutes had passed when a shadow hovered over me. "What are you a masochist?" I said squinting. He didn't say a word as a he took a seat a safe distance away from me needless to say he was a few feet away from me. He stared long and hard at the pond. After a few minutes a weight seemed to lift from his shoulders. "Goodbye Aiden" Tommy said as he got up and walked back towards the house. Even though it wasn't that cold out I shivered; although he had said goodbye to Aiden for some reason it felt like he was saying goodbye to me.

**Part 8**

I walked quickly back to the house. "Tommy I'm gonna be in the studio" I yelled aloud as I made my way to the studio. I picked up my notebook furiously wrote some lyrics before picking up the guitar.

My Sundown (Jimmy Eat World – Bleed American)

I see it around me, I see it in everything.

I could be so much more than this.

I said my goodbye's this is my sundown.

I'm gonna be so much more than this.

With one hand high, you'll show them your progress.

You'll take your time, but no one cares.

No one cares.

I need you to show me the way from crazy.

I wanna be so much more than this.

With one hand high, you'll show them your progress.

You'll take your time, but no one cares.

With one hand high, you'll show them your progress.

You'll take your time, but no one cares.

No one cares.

I could be so much more than this.

No one cares.

I wanna be so much more than this.

No one cares.

I could be so much more than this.

No one cares.

I wanna be so much more than this.

No one cares.

I wanna be so much more than this.

No one cares.

I wanna be so much more than this.

Good Goodbye, lovely time

Good Goodbye, tinsel shine

Good Goodbye, I'll be fine

Good Goodbye, good goodnight.

"God why am I crying" I said to myself as I furiously swiped the tears away; just then Tommy walked in with a tissue in hand. "Wanna talk about it?" he said tentatively. "Not really" I said as I blew my nose. "Jude…" Tommy said. "Have you ever thought that you constantly badgering me about talking about stuff is gonna magically make me want to talk to you about anything! I'll talk when I'm good and ready. It's your choice whether or not you're gonna stick around long enough for that!" I retorted angrily. "Jude why is it easier for you to be honest in your music than be honest with me!" Tommy said hurt. "You know what, forget I asked. Not like you'd answer anyway!" Tommy said angrily back. "And you know what; you're wrong. People do care about you. I care about you. But for some reason you won't let us in. And you're not fine. Not even close" he said before he headed out the door. I let my frustrations go in one long and angry scream.

**Part 9**

Tommy's words continued to eat at me, so I did what I do best. I picked up the guitar and took my frustrations out.

"I'm Not Okay (I Promise)" (My Chemical Romance – Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge)

Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say.  
I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.  
For all the dirty looks, the photographs your boyfriend took,  
Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?

I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
You wear me out

What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?  
(I'm not okay)  
I told you time and time again you sing the words but don't know what it means  
(I'm not okay)  
To be a joke and look, another line without a hook  
I held you close as we both shook for the last time take a good hard look!

I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
You wear me out

Forget about the dirty looks  
The photographs your boyfriend took  
You said you read me like a book, but the pages all are torn and frayed

I'm okay  
I'm okay!  
I'm okay, now  
(I'm okay, now)

But you really need to listen to me  
Because I'm telling you the truth  
I mean this, I'm okay!  
(Trust Me)

I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
Well, I'm not okay  
I'm not o-fucking-kay  
I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
(Okay)

**Part 10**

We sipped our coffees in silence. Safe conversation topics or should I say topic, was the weather. Even music had crossed over to 'unsafe' ever since Tommy pointed out that it was easier for me to communicate through my songs rather than face to face banter with him. The no physical contact was bad enough, but the self imposed ban on all forms of communications, except weather was unbearable. I waived my napkin in mock surrender. "I'll make an appointment to see a shrink and you drop your contact ban" I said as I stared at him from across the table. "I don't negotiate with terrorists" he said coolly. "Come on Tommy be reasonable" I said. He smiled triumphantly, okay, more like his cute but really annoying smirk. "Never figured you'd be the first to cave" he said as he ascended from his chair to do a victory lap around the table. I accidentally stuck my foot out and he came crashing to the ground. "Forget it then" I said as I drained the remnants in my coffee mug and got up. "Oh, don't worry Jude. I'm just fine where I am on the floor, thanks" he called out as I was leaving the kitchen.

**Part 11**

My hand picked up the receiver and I found myself halfway through dialing the shrink's office. "I need to go" I said to myself as I gazed at my scars. I hadn't cut again, but the temptation to was always in the back of my mind. Was I frustrated? Definitely and in more ways than one. Even the bubble bath I had taken hadn't done much to ease the tension I felt before I found myself sitting in the waiting room at the shrink's office. I leafed through the pile of magazines. I sat down and tapped my foot against the table. I bit my nails. I stared at the clock. Finally it was my turn. I took a seat and looked at the plaques adorning the walls never once glancing at the person sitting behind the desk. "So how can I help you?" said a silky smooth voice causing me to literally jump out of my chair. "You're Dr. Kelly Smith?" I said. "Unless I'm in the wrong office?" he said and began to frantically look around the room. A deep chuckle erupted and his eyes lit up mischievously. "You could always take it up with my mom on why she named her son with a girlie name like Kelly?" he deadpanned. I stared at him mouth open like a fish. "I wasn't…I wasn't expecting you to be, well..." I stuttered. "Incredibly good looking and extremely charming?" he said with a wink and behind laughter. "Well, now that you know that clearly, I'm male, is this going to be a problem?" he said revealing a set of dimples. In my head the voice was screaming yes, but my mouth said 'no.' "Oh my God do I have a crush on my therapist? I mean those dimples. Those lips." I said luckily in my head as I continued to stare at his amused face. "Are you alright?" he said with concern after a few minutes of my staring. My hand felt warm and when I looked down I noticed that his hand was covering mine. I snatched them back and placed them on my lap. I felt so embarrassed after everything that transpired since sitting down that I got up and left the office. The secretary looked at me funny before going back to whoever she was talking with on the phone.

**Part 12**

I was impatiently waiting by the elevator doors when the door to his office opened and I saw him running down the hall towards me. "Geez now I know how those cats must feel being chased my Pepe Le Peu" I thought to myself as I frantically pushed the down button and prayed to the powers that be for the elevator doors to magically open. Clearly someone was listening. I hit the button for lobby and the door close button. It was nearly closed when half an arm entered the elevator. The elevator door slowly opened and I stared everywhere else but at him. "I'm sorry" he panted. He fumbled for something in his pocket and took two deep breaths from his inhaler. "Aha" I said to myself in triumph. "The man does have flaws. Just not on the outside" I said to myself. Meanwhile he had been talking the whole time. "Elephants were sitting in my kitchen drinking coffee this morning" he said in a serious tone. "Elephants?" I said with a single brow raise. "Ahhh so you were listening" he said with his devastating smile. "Honestly, I only picked up elephants" I said sheepishly. "Let's start over. I'm Dr. Kelly Smith if you'll still have me?" he said as he gazed down at me. "Why doctor are you propositioning a patient in the elevator in clear view of the security cameras?" I said innocently as I waved to the camera. His smile vanished and changed into one of horror and embarrassment. I let a few seconds of silence pass before I started laughing hysterically. "What you can dish 'em out, but you can't take them?" I said. His mouth opened then closed. "It was a joke" I said. "I was joking" I said to the camera. "There was no propositioning taking place." I directed towards the camera. "So about starting over. Hi, I'm Jude" I said offering my hand. He grasped my hand and gave it a good shake. His hand was firm and enveloped mine. "Kelly, nice to meet you" he said and once again revealed those dimples. "Do you want to get some coffee?" he asked. "I don't know. Shouldn't doctors not be fraternizing with their patients outside the office?" I said. "Actually since you ditched your appointment before it actually started, technically you're not my patient." He said. "Hey at least I saved myself a couple hundred dollars of therapy" I said. "The way I see it the least you could do is buy me a cup of coffee seeing as how I'll be forced to live in the streets" he said dramatically. I did a once over of his designer outfit complete with accessories. "It looks like you can afford it" I said dryly. "One cup of coffee" I said. When I went to press the down button I saw that he had pressed it earlier and we were now in fact at the lobby. The crowd impatiently let us through. He quickly wiped the smirk from his face when he caught me looking his way.

**Part 13**

As soon as Jude sat down she lifted the lid off her cup and downed the contents in several gulps. "Okay, all done. Gotta go." I said as I got up out of my seat. Kelly quickly grabbed my arm. His reflexes were quite impressive. "You know I haven't even had a sip of mine and I plan on making it last until the last drop" he said. "You're evil" I said and stuck my tongue out at him. "What's the rush? You seem to have a lot on your mind?" he said as he took a ridiculously small sip of his coffee. I bit my bottom lip trying to gage the type of person he was. "Jude, this is what I do for a living; I listen to people. You can trust me, scout's honor" he said. "Boy scout, huh?" I said. "Eagle scout" he said. "Do you have any cracks in your armor?" I said. "I thought we were going to talk about you, Jude?" he said. "Not much to tell really?" I said in as upbeat a tone as I could. "Did anyone ever tell you you've mastered the art of avoidance?" he said with a smile on his lips. I grimaced and he could tell he'd struck a nerve. "It's not good to keep all these feelings buried inside, Jude" he said. "If you want you can tell me something about yourself and then I'll tell you a little about myself. We'll take turns until you feel comfortable enough to just continue talking or until you realize what a perfectionist freak I am in all aspects of my life. Deal?" he said with a deprecating smile as he offered me his hand. I took his hand in mine and sat back down. We had spent a good 3 hours and drank more than enough coffee and I had learned more about him than he had about me. "Jude I don't think my body can take another cup of coffee" he said. "I know me neither. Check this out" I said as I showed him my hand which was starting to shake uncontrollably. "Do you want to continue this at my office? For real this time? No pressure." he said.

**Part 14**

Tommy was waiting in the parking lot when Jude got out of Kelly's car. He watched them as Jude and the mystery guy approached her car. Tommy saw him scribble his number and give it to her. "If you just feel like talking this is my personal number. Call me. It doesn't matter how late it is. And I really hope to see you next week" Kelly said as he opened the driver's side door to let her in. Jude nodded and started the engine. He shut the door. When she was about to pull out he knocked on her window. "Seatbelt" Kelly said as he leaned in through the window and buckled her in. "Boyscout!" I said teasingly. He gave me a mocking salute before he started walking back towards the office.

**Part 15**

Tommy sat frozen wondering what he should do. "Who was that guy? And where in God's name has she been?" he said aloud. "If I confront her she'll accuse me of spying on her and we'll get into another fight and…" Tommy groaned. "I could act like nothing happened and give her the opportunity to tell me what's going on…There's nothing going on I'm just being paranoid. God, I hate talking to myself maybe I should see a shrink" Tommy said as he not so gently slammed his head into the steering wheel. He pulled out of the parking lot and headed home.

**Part 16**

A block away Tommy decided to make a u-turn and head back to the parking lot, parked his car, and ran into the building. Luckily the guy he had seen Jude with was still waiting for the elevator. Tommy stepped into the elevator with him. It was pretty ironic that one of Jude's songs was playing in the elevator. The elevator door opened and Tommy followed him out, but kept some distance from him. He saw him enter the office. Tommy walked into the office a few seconds later and went straight towards the office door. "Excuse me you can't go in there. Sir!" said the secretary in an annoyed/panicked tone.

**Part 17**

Kelly calmed down his secretary before shutting the door to his office and facing Tommy. "Where were you and Jude?" Tommy said in a calm voice belying the anger that seethed under the surface. "She seemed very uncomfortable just being in the office. She ran out of the appointment before the appointment actually happened. I tried to convince her to make another appointment and actually show up by plying her with coffee. I ended up telling her more about myself than finding out anything about her" Kelly said candidly. "Jude tends to run and is an expert at avoidance" Tommy said. "You sound like you know by experience" Kelly said and offering Tommy a seat. A few hours past and Tommy was lying comfortably on the shrink's couch telling Kelly the epic that was Tommy and Jude. "Jude and I haven't been talking. I thought it was a good idea for her to get out of her system whatever has been eating at her by talking to someone even if it wasn't with me. I don't want her to fall back onto old habits especially when those involve her getting hurt. I want to help her any way that I can" Tommy said. "It sounds like you already have been" Kelly said. "If Jude does come back…" Tommy said. Kelly didn't like where this was headed and said "I can't divulge another patient's information with another patient. I, legally, can't tell you what went on during Jude's session and I can't tell her what went on during your session" said Kelly. "Whoa. Wait just a minute. I'm not your patient" Tommy said. "Tommy what do you think we've been doing for the last couple of hours. You're even lying on the couch. I'm billing one of you today" Kelly said. Tommy raised an eyebrow and got up off the couch. He sighed and dug his wallet out of his pocket. Kelly handed him his bill and Tommy's eyes bugged out. "This is highway robbery you know!" Tommy said indignantly. "Just think of it as a small investment towards rebuilding and strengthening your relationship with each other" Kelly said. "Maybe after the two of you undergo several individual sessions with me we can talk about having the two of you come in for couple's sessions. And I'll see you next week." Kelly said to Tommy with an annoying amount of certainty as Tommy headed out the door. "And Tommy..." Kelly said. "Yeah?" Tommy said. "Is she worth it?" Kelly said. "She is." Tommy said with determination before finally making his way out of the office.

**Part 18**

When Tommy got home he found Jude asleep at the table with her face sitting on top of a bowl of EasyMac. The table was set for two, bread, salad, macaroni and cheese, and a bottle of wine lay on the table. Tommy tapped her shoulder gently" Jude…" She still took his breath away every time he saw her regardless of the yellow goo plastered to her face. "Hey, where have you been" I said as she wiped the cheese sauce from her face. "I know where you've been…" Tommy said.

**Part 19**

"In fact I had a little chat with Kelly" Tommy said. "Wait. Did you follow me?" I said with anger rising in my voice. "First, where do you get off being the angry one?" Tommy said. Jude was about to retort when Tommy cut her off, "Your appointment was only supposed to be for an hour. I was concerned when you didn't come home after the appointment, so I drove to the office, saw your car in the parking lot, but you never came out of the building. So I waited. And then a few hours later I see you getting out of some guy's car. So I took the liberty of following said guy when he walked into the building…" "God, Tommy, you didn't attack him or anything did you?" I said. "Jude why would you think that I would…" Tommy said. "You seem to have a history of violence with the other guys who don't happen to be _you_ in my life if memory serves" I said smugly. "We had a chat. A very expensive one at that" Tommy. "Wait so now you're seeing _my_ therapist?" I said with surprise. "Isn't that conflict of interest? Some sort of spy tactic on your part Quincy to get into my head?" I said with annoyance. "First of all there's a little thing called Doctor/Patient confidentiality. Second I wouldn't spy on you. Third I wouldn't have to climb inside your head if you just told me what you were thinking, feeling, anything; confide in me the way you used to. And I'm not the one with trust issues!" Tommy said. "You're kidding right?" I said with disgust. "Fine see him then. Hell, I don't care if you guys become bffs. But just so you know just think how much it's going to kill you when I tell him about how I'm feeling, what I'm going through, instead of with you. And as for the no sex clause. I hope you've gotten used to it because as of right now I don't see that in our foreseeable future. In fact, having a vision of the future right now and you being there not so clear!" I said angrily as I threw the dinner I had made in the garbage and exited the kitchen. Tommy sighed and started washing the dishes. When he finished he took a seat at the table and poured himself a glass of wine. He had a bitter taste in his mouth that wasn't all from the wine. "At least she's going to go her appointment; although pissing her off probably wasn't the best angle of attack. She may hate me right now, but if she does than that means she still cares about me. She was wrong on one thing though. I am going to most definitely be in her future. And I sure as hell am going to be in her present."

**Part 20**

Tommy and Jude found themselves sitting on opposite sides of the couch. After undergoing several weeks of individual sessions with Kelly it was time for them to begin couples' therapy. "So after taking extensive notes on our individual session together I thought it might be helpful to create a timeline of events of your relationship" said Kelly as he handed each of them a piece of paper. Tommy and Jude stared at the piece of paper they each held in their hands. "So let's get started then. Tommy how did you feel about Jude getting her own apartment and car? Her emancipation? Did you feel threatened?" Kelly inquired. "Why would I feel threatened?" Tommy answered and crossed his arms across his chest. "Okay, then. Jude, your thoughts?" Kelly said as he stared at me. "Having my own place and transportation gave me a sense of security; I realized that I could depend on myself and take care of myself for the first time in my life. I was so used to others taking care of me and telling me what to do; although, I fought like hell when I didn't agree. Getting emancipated gave me a sense of freedom I never knew I craved. It helped me learn to stand on my own two feet. I felt like all of a sudden I was an adult. I think when this happened it shifted the balance in my relationship with Tommy. I depended on Tommy the way a child depended on a parent. And then everything happened and it put us more on equal footing. I wasn't just some kid anymore. I was an adult. It took some time for people to get used to that" I said. "Jude, I never thought of you as just some kid" Tommy said quietly. "Care to elaborate Tommy" asked Kelly. "Not really" Tommy said.

"Next question then how has secrets, lies, and infidelity affected your relationship?" Kelly said. Tommy and I both looked up and surprise. "It's my job to ask the tough questions, remember? Help me, help you" Kelly said. "You complete me…" I said before breaking out in laughter. Tommy looked confused. "Come on Tommy, Tom Cruise says that to Renee Zellweger in Jerry Maguire? Ringing any bells?" I said. "Jude can we get back down to business and talk about that movie later" Kelly said with an amused expression on his face. "Since Tommy doesn't feel like sharing why don't I rephrase the question to you: how has infidelity affected your relationship with others? Do you think it's caused you to have an abandonment complex that makes it hard for you to trust" Kelly said. "If you're saying I'm guarded don't you think I have reason to be? And as for trust, I give it until that trust is broken" I said defensively. "What about Eli?" Tommy said. "So he does have a voice" Kelly said. "Tommy, what do you want me to say that I haven't already? Yes, okay, I was in love with him, but I was a different person back then, literally, you remember I had amnesia" I said irritated. "So you admit it then. You were in love with him" Tommy said in a betrayed tone. "Loving him was easy. I never questioned it. With you I'm always questioning whether I should be with you or questioning whether you think you should be with me. It shouldn't be this hard. We're constantly fighting. Maybe we're too much alike?" I said. "Maybe that's why we really get each other because we know each other so well. And as for the fights Jude it's like you're the gasoline and I'm the match. We burn. We're both such passionate people and completely bullheaded. But that's what I love about you. You challenge me to be better in everything: to be a better person, to make better music, to make better choices, the right choices. I'm sorry about mentioning Eli. I guess it drove me crazy that he took care of you when I couldn't. And if you were in love with him then you were in love with him. It's just something I'll have to learn to accept" Tommy said.

"Good we're making progress. Okay, Jude why are you always running?" Kelly said. "Tommy tends to cloud my vision. Sometimes I need to get away to gain some perspective; although he has this annoying habit of always managing to find me" I say. "Hey, what can I say I've got pretty good JPS or Jude-dar. I'll always find you Jude, minus the whole creepy stalker way that sounded" Tommy says with a laugh.

"On a more serious note I want to talk about the cutting and the stint at the mental ward" Kelly said frowning. "Let me ask you a question Doctor. Have you ever lost a child?" Jude says. "No" Kelly says. "A parent should never have to bury a child. I wanted to show him the world. I wanted him to know that he was loved and would always be safe. But I couldn't do that. I know it wasn't my fault considering the circumstances, but after his death I was numb. I couldn't feel anything anymore and so I started cutting because feeling pain is better than feeling nothing. Tommy threw himself into his work, but I understand that people deal with grief differently. I just wish we could have dealt with it together" I said as a tear threatened to spill. "If you really wanted to deal with his death together than you should have let me pack his room with you. You didn't let me get to say goodbye to him, Jude" Tommy said his voice full of grief. "I'm sorry I took that from you, Tommy, I know you loved him. The happiest I've been is when it was just the three of us" I said. "Me too" Tommy said as he moved from the other side of the couch to sit next to me and took hold of my hand. Kelly cleared his throat and the two of us looked up at him.

"Well, my job is done. You guys seem to have a handle on things. I want you guys to keep talking with each other. Communication and trust are two out of the three most important things in a relationship" Kelly said. "What's the..." Tommy said. "third thing" I interrupted. Kelly laughed. "It's love and you guys seem to have an abundance of that" Kelly said. "I hope to never see you guys again." Kelly said. Tommy and I looked at him questioningly. "Because I know you guys will be fine" Kelly said with assurance. Tommy and I just smiled and walked out of his office hand in hand.


	31. Tongue Tied

**A/N**: I don't own _Instant Star_. Reviews are always welcome.

**Episode 31 - Tongue Tied**

**Part 1**

Tommy and Jude have slowly been getting their relationship back on track. They started talking again about music, what else. They stopped hiding their feelings from each other, so of course they argued a lot, but it was infinitely better than the silences they used to sit through. The physicality of their relationship consisted of handholding and stolen kisses. It was like they were back at the beginning.

Tommy made his way over to Studio C where Jude was working with Kwest. "Hey, Kwest man you mind if I talk to Jude for a second?" Tommy said nervously. "T, man you alright you're sweating?" Kwest said trying to hide the amused grin on his face. "What! Oh yeah, I'm fine. I must be coming down with something. (cough cough) And I'm contagious" Tommy said to Kwest. "Alright man I get it, you, Jude alone time" said Kwest as he got up out of his chair. "Jude, Tommy's here to see you. I'm getting some coffee, you want?" Kwest said. "Naw, I'm good thanks!" Jude said.

"Hey, Jude, you got a minute?" Tommy said. "For you, I might even have five" I said teasingly. "Ha ha very funny Harrison" Tommy said as he dug his hands into his pockets.

I put down my guitar and looked up at Tommy. "Okay, you've got my undivided attention. What's up?" I said. "So the weather's been pretty nice lately, huh?" Tommy said. "Tommy, come on, you seriously didn't come in here to talk about the weather, have you? Because if you have it means that we're gonna have to take a trip out to see Kelly and frankly I'd rather not. Whatever it is just tell me" I said with concern. "Jude, do you have any plans tonight?" Tommy said quickly. "Well, I was planning on finishing this song and then I dunno grabbing dinner and spending some quality time with the TV. Why?" I said curiously. "Well, if you're busy then…" Tommy said as he tried to make an escape. I got up off my stool and ran over to him and put a hand on his shoulder. "Tommy, you're acting insane and one of us is plenty; two is definitely in the category of not good" I said as I looked into his eyes, which at the moment was shifting blues. "Okay just breathe. You've done this a million times" Tommy said in his head and muttered something. "What, was that even coherent?" Jude said. Tommy shook his head to shake the cobwebs. "I said do you want to go on a date with me?" Tommy said. "Wow, now that I think about it. We've never actually gone on any dates. I mean before we got married and afterwards we were always just together. This is a big deal" I said with careful thought. "Thanks a lot Jude like I'm not already under a lot of pressure" Tommy said. "Come on Tommy the hard part is over" I said with a grin. Tommy stood there confused. "I said yes didn't I" I said. "Oh" Tommy said. "Oh" I said mocking him.

**Part 2**

Jude got home excited like a schoolgirl for her first date with Tommy. She had changed her outfit a ton of time and had finally settled on one she liked. She was just putting the finishing touches to her hair and make-up when she heard the doorbell. She bounded down the steps and opened the door a little breathless. Tommy stood there with flowers and chocolate. "These are for you" he said as he kissed my cheek. He offered me the crook of his arm, which I gladly took. We walked a few steps when I gasped aloud. "I hope this is okay" Tommy said hopefully in my direction. In front of us was my horse hitched up to a carriage. It was like my Cinderella fantasy had come to life. He helped me up into the carriage before getting in. "Tommy where are we going?" I said. "If I tell you then I'd have to kill you" he said with a grin. I couldn't help but laugh at his lame joke and countered "Would you like some wine with that cheese?" Tommy clutched his heart pretending to be wounded. I playfully punched him on the shoulder.

**Part 3**

Let me tell you those first 20 minutes in the carriage was everything I imagined. It was the next 20 minutes that I hadn't planned on. My but was getting numb and slightly bruised from all the jostling due to the potholes. Brownie was getting a little too enthusiastic and when we drove over a particularly bad pot hole that was when the axle on the wheel broke and we were stranded. Tommy and I got out of the carriage. Tommy looked forlornly at the break. "What you didn't bring a spare wheel?" I said to lighten to the mood. "You could always call triple A" I said. Tommy ran his hands through his hair in frustration. "Why don't we call a cab? We can still make whatever it is you planned out for us" I said as I whipped out my cell phone. "Don't" Tommy said. "Do you have a back up plan" I inquired. "Not really?" Tommy said. "Wait, I have an idea" I said as I unhooked the carriage from Brownie. "Well are you coming" I said to Tommy as I sat atop the horse and offered him my hand.

**Part 4**

When we got to the restaurant we left the reins with a very confused looking valet guy. We were both still laughing when we reached the maitre d. "Hi we have reservations for two under Jude" Tommy said as he intertwined his hand with mine and brought them to his lips for a kiss. "One moment sir" said the maitre d. I'm sorry Mr. Quincy, but your reservations are for the 23rd" said the maitre d. "And" Tommy said annoyed. "Tommy today's the 22nd" I said. "Today's the…" Tommy said as the words died in his mouth. "Tommy it's no big deal, really" I said as I looked up into his eyes. "Let's just go okay" I said as I tugged on his hand.

**Part 5**

We ended up riding Brownie over to the lake. We were strolling around the boardwalk after "parking" our horse when we saw a hot dog stand. We ordered two hotdogs and something to drink. Tommy dug into his pocket for his wallet when his hand came up empty. I saw his distress and quickly pulled a $10 from my purse. "I got this, okay" I said. Tommy clearly embarrassed by how incredibly bad this night was going walked with his head down. I gently took his hand and we sat on the picnic bench where we had worked on our first song together. "Do you remember this spot, Jude?" he said as Jude leaned her back against Tommy's chest. "How could I forget? My parents gave me the 3rd degree after seeing those pictures of the two of us in that gossip rag" I said. Tommy looked disappointed by my answer. I turned around and really looked at him. "What I meant to say is it was right here when I first fell in love with you" I said as I touched my hand to his cheek. The moment was soon broken however when Tommy stood up on the picnic table and announced to the world that he "Loves Jude Harrison." Everyone on the boardwalk kind of gave him a funny look before going back to what they were doing. "I think you would have had the crowd with you if you held a stereo above your head?" I said teasingly. "What?" Tommy said. "You know John Cusack in _Say Anything_" I said. "You have so much to learn" I said with a shake of my head. "So teach me" he said with an impish grin. "You wanna get out of here?" Tommy said. "Sure" I said as we made our way back to our horse.

**Part 6**

We were at the front door of the house. Tommy leaned in and gave me a kiss. It had to have been at least on our top ten list. We broke apart with smiles on our faces. He looked at me expectantly. "What, do I have something in my teeth or something?" I said. "No" he said as he pulled a few strands of hair behind my ear. "Aren't you going to invite me in" Tommy said. I put my hands on my hips, "Why did someone tell you I was easy?" I said teasingly. "What! Um…no! What!" he stuttered as a look of horror was plastered on his face. "I'm just teasing, Quincy" I said as I grabbed his hand and led him upstairs.

**Part 7**

A trail of clothes led from the hallway to the partly open bedroom door. His lips hungrily devoured mine as the last remaining clothes were shed and we were stumbling our way to the bed. The sheets were ripped off the perfectly made bed. Things were a little more than heated when Tommy's hand blindly grabbed for the condom in the drawer. "Jude…" Tommy moaned as I playfully nipped his ear. "Tommy no interruptions" I said as I trailed kisses down his chest. "We don't have any condoms. God this is just perfect!" Tommy sighed in frustration. I stopped kissing him and sat on his chest as I stared at his eyes, which had turned a dark shade of blue-gray. "Tommy it's okay" I said trying to reassure him. "I don't know about you, but this date has been a complete disaster. This is been the worst date that I have ever been on!" Tommy said with disgust. "I didn't think it was that bad" I said. "Jude I love you, but you're the worst liar. You know that right!" Tommy said. "Believe me Tommy. It wasn't that bad. We're together. That's all that matters, okay" I said as I kissed his forehead. "You're right, I'm sorry. I just wanted everything to go perfectly you know instead of…You know what it's fine, just let me put some clothes on and I'll go buy some…" Tommy said as he picked me up by the waist and set me on the bed gently. I grabbed his wrist and really looked at him. "What is it?" he said as took my hand. "In couples' therapy, do you remember when we both said that we were happiest when it was just the three of us?" I said. Tommy shook his head. "We could have that again Tommy. Just, stay with me tonight" I said as I pulled him back into bed.

**Part 8**

Tommy sat there shock still for a good minute. "Tommy? Say something. You're freaking me out here?" I said as I gently put my hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry I'm just…I need to get out of here" he said as he made his way to the door. "Wait!" I said. "Not now Jude!" he said harshly over his shoulder. I was trying to decide whether or not to remind him that he was stark naked, but my generous heart won out. "You might want to put some clothes on" I yelled. I heard him stop mid-way down the stairs. He ran back to the room and pulled on a pair of jeans. "Why don't these stupid things fit?" Tommy yelled out in frustration. "Um, probably because those are mine?" I said with a cough to stifle the giggle threatening to rise from my throat. "Oh" Tommy said. He quickly swiped his clothes from the ground and left in a hurry. I heard the door slam and the screech of tires fade into the night.

**Part 9**

I sat there with a knot in my stomach. "Is there something wrong with me? Does he not want to have a baby? He was so good with Aiden. Okay it was a work in progress. No, it's definitely not me. It's him. God, Quincy!" I yelled out in frustration. My cell phone rang and I picked it up on the second ring. "What?" I said angrily. "Um, hey, Jude, so Tommy just barged in while I was with someone" Kwest said. "So?" I said. "No, Jude I was with with someone?" Kwest said. "Oh, God, I'm sooo sorry" I said horrified. "So any information you might want to share because he's raiding my wet bar and she just locked herself in my bathroom" Kwest said with a sigh. "Okay well Tommy and I had just gotten home from our date, and we were in our bedroom and…" I said when Kwest interrupted. "Jude you sly dog you" Kwest said with a laugh. "Kwest, so not helping" I said. "Sorry (cough)" Kwest said. "So long story short we had no condoms on hand, so I told Tommy to forget about it and possibly mentioned the word baby?" I said quickly. The line went silent. "Kwest? Are you still there" I said biting my lip. "Jude I'm gonna have to call you back" Kwest said in a serious tone. "Can you hold on a sec" Kwest said. I heard him knocking and a muffled conversation. "I guess no one's getting any tonight" I said. "I heard that Jude" Kwest said. "Oh hee hee" I said. "Jude I can't tell you anything, but I'll take care of Tommy, okay" Kwest said. "Kwest, come on we've known each other for how long?" I said. "I'll take good care of him I promise" Kwest said. "What am I supposed to do in the mean time?" I said. "Don't worry" Kwest said. "Yeah fat chance" I said as I hung up the phone in disgust. Jude was a worrier; she couldn't help it; it was embedded in her DNA. She started going through her contacts list on her cell and made some calls. "I'm sorry I know it's really late, but can you please come over" I said.

**Part 10**

It took less than an hour for everyone to get to Jude and Tommy's house. "Hey" I said as I opened the door and was instantly enveloped in a hug. "I'm glad you all could make it" I said as I gazed at Georgia, my mom, E.J., Sadie, and Kat. They didn't arrive empty handed I can tell you that. They each brought an odd assortment of food.

**Part 11**

Tommy was throwing them back like he was in a Gatorade commercial. "I'm gonna need back up" Kwest thought to himself. He called up Stuart, Jamie, Jake, and Jackson on the ruse of a poker game at his apartment. They walked in carrying chips, Chinese food, and a couple six packs of beer. "I guess Tommy's already started the party without us" Jamie piped in. Kwest just gave him a knock it off look. "You know what guys I just remembered that I don't have a deck of cards" Kwest said. "You don't have a deck of cards" said Jake. "In here, I don't have a deck of cards in here" Kwest said. "I think it's in the kitchen. Can you guys help me look for it? Tommy you just stay here and continue what you're doing?" Kwest said. Tommy didn't even bother looking up. Kwest grabbed Jamie roughly by the arm and the rest of the guys followed Kwest into the kitchen. "Alright, Kwest what's really going on?" said Jackson.

**Part 12**

"What's wrong honey" Victoria Harrison said. "Nothing's wrong, can't a girl just invite her friends and family whom she hasn't seen in a while without the third degree?" I said. "A girl can, but you can't" said E.J. mercilessly. Everyone turned and stared at E.J. "What! I'm just saying what everybody else is thinking!" said E.J. in her defense. Sadie rolled her eyes at E.J. and began munching on the snacks she had brought. We stared as she began dipping a pickle into a jar of peanut butter and chasing it with some salsa. "Don't mock it until you try it" Sadie said as she dangled a pickle covered in peanut butter near Kat's face. Kat reluctantly took the offered pickle, made the sign of the cross, closed her eyes, and took a bite as E.J. made her way to the nearest bathroom and cried out "I think I'm going to be sick." "Hey, that's not half bad" Kat said who picked up the pickle jar. "See told ya" Sadie said as she stuck out her tongue at E.J. who had returned looking a little green. Georgia put a supportive arm around E.J. "You should see a doctor, E.J., you've been throwing up for weeks now." said Georgia with concern. Victoria Harrison looked at the girls in front of her appraisingly. "Oh my God, you're pregnant!" Victoria Harrison cried out getting a slew of different reactions. "Mom, I was going to tell you!" Sadie said excitedly before being enveloped in a hug by Victoria. "I must be pregnant if I thought pickles with peanut butter and salsa was amazing. I mean I've eaten my fair share of odd food pairings because of well Jamie, but pickles with peanut butter has never been on my radar" Kat exclaimed. "You mean Jake's the reason I've been throwing up every morning! I'm going to kill him!" E.J. fumed. That brought a round of laughter to everyone's lips except for one. I sat there feeling angry and frustrated with Tommy and utterly lonely. I felt like a stranger peaking in through a window witnessing something I had no right being part of. I sat there with my lip trembling desperately trying not to let the tears flow as everyone gave each other hugs. They were all so happy. I had to get out of there. I quietly made my way to the kitchen and made my way to the sink.

**Part 13**

"What's really going on is that Jude mentioned the words baby and Tommy in the same sentence" Kwest said. "No wonder he's freaking out" said Jake. Jackson smacked him hard in the back of the head. "Ow what was that for!" Jake said rubbing his head. "I'm going to be a grandfather!" said Stuart Harrison. "Okay guys focus! Tommy lost both his mother and sister in child birth" said Kwest. The group of men fell silent. Jaime grabbed a glass from the cabinet. "Andrews where are you going?" said Kwest. "If we're going to consider the possibility of losing Jude, my best friend, I'm going to need a drink" said Jaime. "Take a deep breath Andrews. Jude's not going anywhere because she's not pregnant" said Kwest. Everyone looked up at Kwest expectantly. "She's not" said Stuart. "Mr. Harrison this is going to be completely awkward, but I called Jude earlier and she said Tommy and her were in bed, they ran out of condoms, and Jude told Tommy not to bother, the word baby was thrown in there, and now here we are" Kwest said quickly and glanced at Jude's dad. "No this isn't awkward at all!" piped in Jake who ducked from Jackson's attempted back of the head hit, but didn't see the one coming from Jamie. Kwest grabbed the glass in Jamie's hand. "Hey" said Jamie that's mine. Meanwhile Jackson grabbed some more glasses from the cabinet and steered the group out of the kitchen. "I think we're all gonna need a drink" said Jackson.

**Part 14**

It was a good couple of minutes when Sadie came into the kitchen. She watched as her little sister washed the dishes in the sink. She grabbed the dish towel hanging from the oven door, took a deep breath, and made her way over. They continued working in silence until Sadie put the last dish back in the cabinet. She steered her little sister into a chair. "Jude why were you crying" said Sadie. "I wasn't" I said stubbornly. "Look me in the eyes and tell me you weren't" said Sadie. She gently turned my face towards her. "What has Quincy done to her this time" Sadie said as she examined Jude's puffy red rimmed eyes. "What happened Jude" said Sadie in her most comforting voice. Jude wrapped her arms around her sister and began to cry. Victoria, Georgia, E.J., and Kat quietly made their way into the kitchen and put a comforting hand on Jude. "What's wrong with me!" I cried out. "Nothing's wrong with you" said Kat. "Why doesn't he want to have a baby with me?" I said as I pulled out of Sadie's grasp and into my mom's arms. "It's not you honey" said Georgia. "Then what is it!" I said angrily. "Jude I've known Tommy for a long time. Maybe he should be the one to tell you" said Georgia. "Georgia we've known each other for a long time and I deserve to know. If you know something I'm begging you just tell me. I can handle it" I said as I steeled myself for the worst.

**Part 15**

Stuart Harrison walked up to Tommy and poured himself a drink. Kwest took a seat next to him and poured himself a drink and quickly drained it. "Where are the cards" Tommy slurred. "Couldn't find them" said Kwest apologetically. "That's too bad" said Tommy who hiccupped. Jackson whispered something into Jamie and Jake's ear. Before Kwest could stop them, the three of them picked up Tommy and threw him into Kwest's shower and turned on the cold water. Kwest poured himself another drink, drained it, and headed into the bathroom where he heard some colorful language coming out of his best friend's mouth.

**Part 16**

"He lost both his mother and sister in child birth" I said in small voice. "If I know Tommy he's probably terrified about the slightest chance of losing you" said Georgia. "I'm not going to die in child birth" I said. "It's a very real possibility…" said E.J. "You're not helping E.J." Kat said. "…for all of us" said E.J. Sadie, E.J., and Kat all looked at one another. There were a few minutes of pensive silence before it was broken by the least likely member of the group. "I almost died during labor" she said. "I had lost a lot of blood and the baby…the baby didn't make it" she struggled to say. "My husband and I were a wreck afterwards and then one day he left me. We eventually got divorced and I found myself alone" said Georgia. I walked over to Georgia and gave her a heart felt squeeze. "I was alone for a while until this angry boy walked into my life" said Georgia. "Tommy" I stated. Georgia nodded. "And then you came along a few years later" she said fondly looking down at me. "You know I always envied what you had Victoria. You raised these two amazing daughters" Georgia said wistfully. "And I always envied your relationship with Jude. You and Stuart both have this bond with Jude through music that I'll never have" replied Victoria. A look of understanding passed between the two women. "I love both of you so much" I said as I hugged both women at the same time as E.J., Kat, and Sadie all burst into tears. Victoria, Georgia, and I burst into laughter as we released each other from the hug and went over to envelope the pregnant women in a group hug and a series of "I love you's" were shared amongst the group.

**Part 17**

Stuart Harrison walked into the bathroom with a towel in hand. Jackson, Jaime, Jake headed out the door. Stuart gave Kwest a reassuring look, so Kwest got up and left after leaving Tommy some dry clothes. Tommy took the offered towel and dry clothes. After a few minutes Tommy looked back to normal except for the lack of hair product in his hair. "So, I hear I'm not going to be a grandfather" Stuart Harrison said in a serious tone causing Tommy to pale. "See the thing is Mr. Harrison…" Tommy said. "It's okay son, Kwest told me" Stuart Harrison said enveloping Tommy into a hug. "I don't want to lose Jude" said Tommy. "Am I being selfish?" said Tommy. "I don't have an answer for you. All I can tell you that being a father has been the most rewarding thing I have ever done in my entire existence" said Stuart. "What I was going to say before is that I loved being a dad with Aiden" said Tommy. "Who is Aiden?" Stuart said. "It's something all of you should hear" Tommy said as he and Stuart left the confines of the bathroom.

**Part 18**

Meanwhile at Jude and Tommy's house, "Since we're revealing truths tonight maybe it's time I told you guys everything like I said I would back at the psyche ward" I said. "Are you sure?" said Kat who gave my hand a squeeze. "I want to tell you what it was like being a mom…" I said which certainly got everyone's attention in the room.

**Part 19**

"And that's the whole story" Jude and Tommy said in two different parts of Toronto. Their audience sat there stunned, which seemed to happen quite a few times that evening.

**Part 20**

"I miss my girlfriend" whined Jamie. "Me too" said Jake. Jamie gave him a look. "I miss my girlfriend, E.J., not yours" Jake said. "I think we're all missing our somebody's" said Jackson. "Kwest, man will you give me a ride back to my place?" said Tommy. "Sure, man" said Kwest.

**Part 21**

"Just follow your heart, Jude and everything will fall into place" said E.J. Everyone looked at her surprised. "Will you all stop giving me those looks!" said E.J. "Awww, E.J., I never knew you to be a romantic!" I said as I gave her a hug. "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas!" said E.J who returned my hug. "We won't tell a soul" said Sadie and Kat who had their fingers crossed behind their backs. Victoria and Georgia saw this and burst into laughter. Just then the doorbell rang. The guys all filed in and hugged their girlfriends. Sadie, Kat, and E.J. whispered something into their boyfriends' ears. "They're telling them aren't they" said Victoria to Georgia. The guys burst into grins and began congratulating each other. Then Tommy strolled in. "Jude…" he said. "Tommy…" Jude said. "Jake…" Jake said. E.J. smacked him in the back of the head. "Oh I'm sorry I thought we were taking turns" said Jake with a grin on his face. "Okay everyone let's all go home and leave Tommy and Jude to work out whatever they need to work out" Georgia said as she literally had to shove people out the door. "Good luck you two" she said before shutting the front door.

**Part 22**

"I'm sorry" they both said at the same time causing each other to laugh. I buried my head in his chest. He breathed in the scent of her hair and sighed. "I'm the one who should be saying sorry for walking out without an explanation" said Tommy. "I want to start a family with you Jude, but I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I might lose you during child birth the way I lost my mom and my sister" he said as a tear made its way down his face. "Tommy you'll never lose me" I said. "Good because I'm never letting you go" he said as he pulled me closer to him. He loosened his hold on me and I brushed his hair away from his forehead, stood on my tippy toes, and kissed his forehead. I grabbed his hand and we slowly made our way back to the bedroom where it had all began.

**Part 23**

A week or two later. Tommy stayed awake long afterwards. He had a worried expression on his face and was absently stroking Jude's hair. "Go to sleep Tommy" I said. Tommy sighed. "And stop worrying" I said as I brushed my hair out of my eyes. I gave him a quick kiss on the lips and pulled him into a longer one. Quick as a cat he had me pinned. I grinned up at him mischievously. "Any regrets?" he said with a worried look in his eyes. "Never" I said as I pulled him into a kiss. "You?" I said with an equally worried look on my face. In answer he rested his hand tenderly on my stomach before sliding down and trailing kisses down my stomach. Then, he laid his head down on my stomach, wrapped his arms around me, closed his eyes, and finally gave in to sleep.


	32. What Did I Get Myself Into

**A/N**: I don't own _Instant Star_. Reviews are always welcome.

**Episode 32 - What Did I Get Myself Into**

**Part 1**

What's the point of having a big house for two people? Okay, scratch that, two and change now that Tommy and I are going to have an addition. We have all these spare rooms, so I had the brilliant idea of having Sadie, E.J., and Kat move into the house, temporarily, until our buns in the oven entered the world. What us girls got out of it was obvious; three other people to bitch with about our current state, basically a support system. What did the guys get out of our little arrangement you may ask? Saving gas money is one. Trust me, when a pregnant woman has a craving and she asks her guy to go get said craving it pretty much causes a reaction chain and the other three preggers must have their own said craving as well. And this system is pretty brilliant considering the guys worked it in shifts allowing the others to get more sleep and stay relatively stress free; okay that's a flat out lie. Four pregnant women and four clueless guys; you do the math.

**Part 2**

"I am going to castrate who ever took the last poptart and didn't bother throwing away the empty poptart box! I mean honestly who does that!" Jude yelled from the kitchen. Jamie, who was said offender and had begun to sweat profusely, quickly walked out of the living room and to another safer part of the house. He spotted Jake leaving his room. Jake slowly made the long walk down the hallway and began to stretch and yawn. "Here Jake have a poptart" Jaime said as he shoved the pastry in Jake's half open mouth. "Thanks Jamers! Ummm, strawberry" said Jake. "Safe now" Jamie said. Jake walked into the kitchen unsuspecting and was greeted by a very irate Jude. "Good morning Jude" Jake said while munching on the poptart. Jude took one look at him finishing the last poptart and started stampeding towards him.

**Part 3**

Before the impending beat down Tommy grabbed Jude by waist using one arm while opening the wrapper of some poptarts. "We're you looking for these?" said Tommy innocently. Jude impatiently took them out of Tommy's hands, nuked them in the microwave, and began to munch on them. "Nice cover up Tommy, but the ones that were in the finished box were s'mores. I love you though for trying!" said Jude who gave Tommy a kiss on the cheek. When Jude looked around the kitchen she saw that Jake had made his escape.

**Part 4**

"Hey Jake" said Jamie. "Don't hey Jake me Andrews!" said Jake. "You knew perfectly well what you were doing when you gave me Jude's poptarts" said Jake with annoyance. "You seem to be in one piece" said Jamie who eyed him over. "I'm only in one piece because Tommy gave her the emergency poptarts he keeps hidden" said Jake accusingly. "Next time, find someone else to take the fall" said Jake. "Hey guys" said Jackson. Jake continued to glare at Jamie. "Poptarts" said Jackson. "I can't help myself" said Jamie who shrugged apologetically. The three guys slowly made their way over to the kitchen.

When they reached it, Sadie, E.J., Kat, and Jude were sitting around the table and Tommy was looking into the fridge. He shook his head and slowly began opening the cabinets one by one. "We're out of food" Tommy stated. "Have you checked the pantries? The bomb shelter?" said Jamie. "Yup, we're completely out" said Tommy. "Whose turn is it to go grocery shopping?" Tommy asked. Everyone immediately said that they had gone the last time. "Will one of you just be a man and volunteer" said E.J. No one made a move. "Okay, how about rocks, paper, scissor" said Jake. "Fine" they all said. Jamie ended up losing much to Jake's delight. "It's karma man" said Jake. "Just shut up and give me the list" said Jamie.

**Part 5**

The four pregnant women were still sitting around the table. "So don't be mad, but I signed the four of us up for a class at the gym?" said Sadie. "We're not fat Sades just pregnant! And besides you're supposed to gain about 25 to 35 pounds and I plan on enjoying every single one!" said Jude. "You know male seahorses are the ones who give birth; I should have been a female seahorse" said E.J. who had been feeling "moody" lately. "Endorphins are supposed to make you happy! You could use it." said Kat with empathy. Everyone separated to their rooms to get ready.

"I'm gonna have to talk to Tommy about getting a bigger water heater!" I said with my teeth chattering. I got out of the shower, draped on my towel, and went rummaging in my drawers. Finding nothing suitable to wear, I went over to Tommy's drawer and pulled out one of his t-shirts and oversized sweatpants. I held his clothes close to my face and breathed in. I don't know how long I had been standing there when my trance was broken by someone calling my name. "Jude hurry up we're already late for class!" Sadie yelled. I quickly threw it on and hastily put my hair in a pony tail and raced down the stairs. E.J. looked hardcore in her tank top and body hugging yoga pants. Kat was wearing some gym clothes she had designed. And Sadie had a similar outfit as mine. "I'll drive" I chimed. All of them shook their heads. "I've so gotten better!" I said defensively. E.J. grabbed her keys and shoved all of us out the door.

**Part 6**

When we arrived at the gym there seemed to be herds and herds of people. We got turned this way and that. "Sadie do you know, which room our class is in?" Kat asked. "Sure, it's um this one" she said as she pulled open the nearest door. Twenty pairs of eyes locked with ours. "Thank you so much for gracing us with your presence. You're only a half an hour late in a 90 minutes class. Now the class can finally begin" he said with slightly veiled venom. He was wearing a tank top, capri pants, and sweat was glistening on his sculpted arms, chest, and legs. He was definitely nice to look at. "What are you waiting for?" he said. I looked around to see that Sadie, Kat, and E.J. had found bikes to sit on in different areas of the room. The only one remaining was in the very front. I quickly got to the bike and tried to adjust the seat, but I was having a little trouble. He came over, so I started fidgeting with it. "Stop" he said. "There" he said. I sat there shamed face staring at the floor. As I looked around the room I noticed that everyone in here looked extremely fit and definitely not pregnant. I started to feel self conscious in my sweats. "Okay class, now we're gonna start doing the San Francisco hills setting if you can handle it" he said eyeing me in particular. "Geez do I have a bulls eye on my forehead or something" I mumbled under my breath. "What was that? You in the front. What's your name?" he said pointing a finger at me. "It's a…" I mumbled embarrassed. "Speak up" he said. "Her name is Jude" said Sadie. "That's great, but was I talking to you?" he said. Sadie glared at him. "That's what I thought" he said. I looked over at Kat who was scratching her nose, a.k.a. totally giving the instructor the middle finger. I couldn't help, but laugh aloud. He glared at me even more and I felt like I had shrunk to half my size. "Let's begin" he said.

**Part 7**

It wasn't so bad in the beginning and then it got progressively worse. "So I'm a little out of shape; no big deal" I thought to myself. I looked over at my compatriots and saw that Kat and Sadie looked just as red and sweaty as me. Only E.J. looked like she was enjoying herself; she had an evil grin on her face; I'd have to ask her about it later. "God I need a water break" I thought to myself. I looked over at E.J. who was the only smart one to bring a water bottle and started pantomiming. I caught her eye and she literally hurled the Poland spring bottle at me without warning. Before the bottle could hit me square in the face I closed my eyes and mentally braced myself for the hit. Nothing happened. I peaked and saw a hand holding the bottle. I reached out for it, but to no avail. "Say please" he said as he waved it around my face. I folded my arms across my chest. I just had about my fill of humiliation for one day. The room only seemed to contain me and him as we stared at one another neither refusing to break it. To my annoyance he slowly opened the bottle and started drinking the water as if he were in a Gatorade commercial. "God was I getting even thirstier by the minute" I thought, but I wouldn't give in. And then the bastard finished the water and tossed it in the garbage.

**Part 8**

I was so mad that my anger kept me fueled to cycle just as fast as he did perhaps even faster. I could barely see from the sweat pouring down my forehead. If I had looked around I would have noticed that Sadie and Kat had given up and were to the side resting and drinking water. E.J. eventually tired out as well. I wouldn't let up. Suddenly the techno stopped playing and the screen that showed San Francisco blacked out. "Good class everyone see you next week" he said. I got off my bike feeling stiff and really thirsty. Sadie thrust a water bottle into my hand and ordered me to drink. I drank until I could feel the water sloshing around in my belly. The four of us were walking out of the room when I blacked out, so maybe there was a point to drinking those sports drinks since they return electrolytes and salts into your body. Before I hit the ground I felt a pair of strong arms around me.

**Part 9**

When I woke up I saw four pairs of eyes on me; I tried sitting up, but the dizziness made me lie back down. "Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant!" he hissed through his teeth. "Actually the four of us are pregnant. That class seemed way advanced for pregnant women" Kat said. "That's because it was an advanced spinning course. The exercise class for pregnant women is in studio f" he said. "Sadie" E.J. and Kat both yelled. "Sadie if I ever get off the floor I'm going to kill you!" I said. "Then I guess you won't be an aunt" said Sadie. "Here drink this" he said as he slowly helped me sit up. I tasted a burst of sweetness on my tongue. "Hmmm strawberry and banana" I said. "I'm sorry if I gave you a hard time in there" he said. "Are you really sorry or is it cause I'm pregnant that you pull the sympathy card" I said. "I um…" he said. "What cat got your tongue!" I said. "I guess I deserved that" he said shamefaced. "You deserve a lot of things" said E.J. "So I see the endorphins haven't kicked in yet" said Kat to E.J. "You better sleep with one eye open tonight Bennett" said E.J. "Jude, I repeat hide all sharp objects from that one!" said Kat. "So I'll see you four next week?" he said. We all gave him a look. "Or not" he said as he got up and brushed himself off and walked away. "I'll give you one thing he does have a cute ass" I said as I tilted my head. The three of them did the same and we all started to giggle.

**Part 10**

Tommy's cell phone started playing "Time to be your 21." He glanced down and saw he had a new text message. "We're on our way back from the gym. Run a bath for Jude. She needs it; I'll explain later" – Sadie. Tommy furrowed his brow. Tommy took the stairs two at a time until he entered their bathroom in the master bedroom. He turned on the water and let it run. He was looking through the cabinets and drawers until he found what he was looking for; it was what he wasn't looking for that sent him reeling. Tommy held it in his hands reverently. He marveled at it; it took him to a time and place that caused him to mist up. A shudder went through his body as a tear fell. He straightened up; put some bubble bath solution in the tub and placed it lovingly in the water.

**Part 11**

"You guys I'm fine! Sadie, stop acting like a mother hen!" I said as I swatted away her hands. Tommy watched in fascination until Kat came in between the two women before they came to blows. Tommy took in her stark appearance. Jude's hair was lank, her cheeks were flushed, and she was looking pale. Tommy felt a knot of apprehension in his stomach. Without thinking he scooped her up and carried her up the stairs. "Tommy, I'm perfectly capable of walking" I said although truthfully I relished every second seeing as how I totally over did it at the gym. He put me down once we reached the bathroom. He methodically began undressing me. "Okay dad I think I can take it from here!" I said through gritted teeth. "Jude you have to take better care of yourself, especially with our baby on the way" he said with his hands on my shoulders as his ocean eyes bore into mine. "Our baby" I said as the annoyance melted away and I subconsciously put my hand on my stomach. Tommy gently placed his over the hand on my stomach. "Now get in the tub you stink" he said with a playful shove. "Way to ruin the moment Quincy I ought to…" the words died in my mouth as I turned facing the tub and saw what was floating atop the water. "I thought it was lost. When I was packing his room I couldn't find it anywhere…" I stammered as I held it to my chest. "I found it while I was preparing your bath" Tommy said choked up. "This means so much to me" I said as I held the boat in my hands; the boat Aiden had so generously offered Tommy while I had made the two of them take a bath after the day at the zoo. "Have I told you how much I love you, how in love with you I am" I said as I hugged him not caring that I was half naked. "At least 3 times a day, but I like to hear you say it" he said as he drank me with his eyes. "I love you" I said. "I love you" he said as he gave me a hug. "Awww now I have Jude sweat all over me" Tommy feigned disgust. "Oh well, I guess you'll have to join me" I said mischievously as I pulled his shirt over his head. "If you insist" Tommy said. "I so insist. Come here" I said as I pulled him by his belt loops towards the bathtub.

**Part 12**

Their clothes were scattered along the bathroom floor. I sighed with contentment as Tommy began to massage my feet. After a good ten minutes on each foot he began to gently massage my legs, which had gotten pretty stiff due to the cycling. I was in absolute ecstacy. And then I was in absolute pain when he shifted his position in the bathtub and began to work on the knots on my shoulders and back; although, at least I had a comfortable pillow to lean back against; that would be Tommy of course. "Jude, just close your eyes and try to relax" he said gently in my ear, so I did what I was told with little protest and closed my eyes. After a few minutes Tommy began to hear snores. He smiled to himself. He gently got out from under Jude and toweled himself dry. He picked up his sleeping beauty, put her in her pajamas, and tucked her into bed. He was glad Jude was such a heavy sleeper. Feeling too restless to join her in bed he watched her sleep for a while. Then he quietly tiptoed around the room, picked up a pad and paper, and took the acoustic guitar out from under the bed.

**Part 13**

When Jude finally woke up she saw Tommy sitting on the edge of the bed. "Tommy, what are you doing way over there" I said as I reached toward him. I looked down at myself. "I don't remember putting on my pajamas" I said confused. Tommy had an amused grin on his face. I smacked myself in the forehead, "Oh God please don't tell me I fell asleep on you" I groaned. Tommy began to laugh earnestly and I covered my head under my pillow. "Don't be embarrassed" he said teasingly as he gently uncovered my face from beneath my hiding spot. "Besides, if you hadn't fallen asleep I wouldn't have written this" Tommy said. "Will you play it for me?" I said. He nodded his head and began strumming on the guitar.

**"Faces" (Josh Kelley – For the Ride Home)**

I like the faces you make at me  
When we're lying in bed  
They are always so beautiful  
I like the way you tuck your body close to me  
When we're sleeping it's all right  
_CHORUS_  
Dream your fears away  
And I'll be here all day  
Dry your eyes  
'Cause I'm here to spend  
This moment in your arms again  
The forecast calls for rain to take away the day  
I guess we'll just have to stay  
Inside the room  
I'll bring your breakfast warm to wake you  
From your dream  
As I lift your head upright  
_CHORUS_  
And so good love  
The day between us comes and goes  
So soon and so magical  
You bring the lock  
I'll bring the key to set you free  
As I lay your body down  
_CHORUS_  
This moment now  
This moment now...  
This moment in your arms...  
This moment in your arms again

He placed the guitar on the floor and sat next to me in bed. "What did you think?" he said. "I think I can safely say that I won't be falling asleep, again" I said as placed a kiss on his lips. "Are you sure, Jude, because you still look a little tired" he said with concern. "First of all never tell a girl she looks tired. Second of all, just shut up and kiss me Quincy!" I said as I looked at him challengingly only to feel his lips on mine. And then there was no need for words.

**Part 14**

Tommy and Jude sauntered downstairs with secret smiles and took their seats at the dinner table. There was an array of take out boxes sprawled on the table. "Sorry we ordered without you guys, but you were occupied" said Sadie discreetly. "Yeah, I mean I knocked and knocked and no answer" said Jake, who being Jake, was completely oblivious. "What were you two doing that you couldn't bother answering the door?" he said. EJ smacked him soundly in the back of the head. "Ow" he said. "You know brain cells don't regenerate" said Jamie who in turn got smacked by Kat. Kat made some hand gestures towards Jake. "Okay, my pint sized muffin of love I think we all got the message" said Jamie who covered Kat's hands with his own. "Okay, well I for one still don't get it. And besides I don't speak sign language" said Jake. "Oh for the love of God, Jake, they were having sex!" EJ cried out in frustration. "Why aren't we having sex?" said Jake. EJ looked just about ready to strangle him. Justifiable homicide, anyone? Everyone else around the table tried their best to keep neutral expressions on their faces. Paolo and Sadie started passing out the food. It was about half-way through dinner when Jake cried out, "Oh that's what that sign language you keep referring to as "hand gestures" meant?" And that was when EJ's patience ran out and she nailed him in the face with some meatballs and commenced the food fight.

A good half an hour passes. "Who knew dumplings could bruise" Tommy said in dismay. "Aw honey just think of it as a badge of honor" I teased punching him in the arm. He picked up a noodle that had gotten stuck in my hair. "My hero" I said. Clean up was slow, but the prospect of facing it in the morning was not an option. "Oh you've got a little something…" Tommy said as he leaned down and kissed me soundly. "Hmm, tiramisu" he said licking his lips. "Tommy, there was no tiramisu" I said. "Oh really" he said innocently. "Yeah, so admit it?" I said. "Admit what?" he said. "That you wanted to kiss me under false pretenses?" I said. In a flash he had grabbed the cheesecake out of Jamie's hands and smeared some all over my face. "Oh, so is that how you want to play" I said as I grabbed the macaroni and cheese and smothered it all over Tommy's hair. Tommy grabbed more food and aimed it at me, but I ducked in time and it got Paolo instead. Needless to say food fight number two was inevitable.

When the leftovers adorned the floor, walls, and ceiling there was an unspoken truce. This time EJ took over the post of clean up manager and no one was stupid enough to cross the feisty Asian. Everyone was sleeping on their feet by the time the place was spic and span. E.J. inspected the room up and down before she dismissed everyone. Tommy and I made our way to our room. I began to strip out of my food stained clothes and so did Tommy. With the last of my strength I pulled the covers off and got into bed. He pulled me in close, so my back was touching his chest and his arm was draped across my waist. With his hand lightly resting on my stomach I closed my eyes.

**Part 15**

I'd be lying if I told you the rest of the pregnancy and everything that went along with it went smoothly. Let's just say I hope my unborn soon to be born bundle of joy appreciates wearing mommy's favorite clothes because someone hasn't mastered the concept of laundry. I could have sworn we were all impregnated around the same time, but Sadie being the competitive nut that she is must have passed that gene along to her daughter because Sophia decided to come early. I've got to give it to Paolo though he was absolutely there for her and stoic and perfect. I know the three of them are going to be really happy. Kat's baby boy; he's going to be a handful I can tell. Jamie seems to be terrified of accidentally dropping him; it's cute. He's got this I love you, so much, but please try not to squirm so much. He's a baby Jamie! He's going to be the best dressed baby let me tell you. E.J. and Jake. It's funny because once the labor started E.J. magically transformed into this helpless crying female and all of the sudden Jake was the one taking charge. I'm so glad I had the foresight to bring the video camera for future viewings of hilarity. It's funny to watch those two together because they're such opposites, but they exude such warmth and love towards each other; I guess opposites do attract minus how cliché that sounds. I on the other hand am desperately trying to remember what it felt like to be about fifty pounds lighter; I know! Fifty pounds is a lot. I blame Tommy, out loud even; he takes it like a good sport. I can sense his unease as the days go by. I keep telling him that everything is going to be fine and squeeze his hand in reassurance, but I don't know that. I don't know that everything is going to be fine. I just hope and pray that it will be.

**Part 16**

I dip the paint brush into the paint can and let the excess drip off before I climb onto the stepladder. I hum as I begin my work. After a half an hour I start to feel lightheaded and remembered that I had forgotten to open the window. I take deep gulps of the fresh air and my headaches slowly starts to dissipate. Two coats later and I'm admiring my work. I see some trouble spots and begin to work on those. I'm working on the last spot; it's too high I sighed as I stand on my tippy toes and start to lean dangerously to the side. I stick my tongue out in concentration. I'm really straining now to reach the spot when the ladder starts to sway. I drop the paint brush and desperately try to grab anything I can; I hear an oomph. I look up to see my rescuer who does not look in the least bit happy. He carries me towards the couch and gently deposits me there before chewing me out. I let him get all the anger out. I hear the words "crazy" and "better care" and start to imagine what it would be like to actually hold the baby in my arms for the first time and to feel that unshakeable bond that so few of us have with those in our lives. "Are you even listening?" he says. "I'm sorry okay; I didn't like that shade after all and no one was around to help, so I thought…" I mumbled. "that'd you'd go ahead and do it and everyone else be damned" said Tommy. "It sounded much better in my head" I said. "Yeah I bet" he muttered. I look at him with puppy dog eyes. "Not working" he said as he closes his eyes. I get up off the couch and kiss him. "I'm sorry, okay, I promise to be more careful" I said. Tommy gave me a look. "And not to do things I shouldn't be doing without supervision" I said. I could see I was breaking down his resolve. "Thanks for catching me by the way" I said. "I'll always catch you" he said as his fingers intertwined with my own. He was about to kiss me when I grabbed my stomach in pain and felt a rush of water.

**Part 17**

Did I mention that Tommy made us meticulously practice the "what to do when a pregnant woman's water breaks." Well preparation meant squat because everything that could go wrong did. I'm talking the emergency bag wasn't packed. Tommy was haphazardly throwing things inside my gym bag. Tommy I don't think I'm going to need my hairdryer in the delivery room. "What? Oh, right" he said as he frantically thrust it out of the bag. "Aaarrgh" I cried out as I gritted my teeth. Oh and did I mention that Tommy has refused to get a "family" car. The closest thing we have to a family car is the hummer since it has more than two seats. Tommy throws the bag into the back seat and helps me into my seat. We've made it out of the driveway and halfway to the hospital we managed to run out of gas and get a flat tire. Luckily as we hitchhiked our way there someone was kind enough to stop and give us a lift. Did I mention that that someone happened to be a huge Boyz Attack fanatic? I'm pretty sure she had a shrine dedicated to Tommy. Yes there was screaming and tears and not from me. Also, dagger looks headed in my direction; so I'm having Little Tommy Q's lovechild. Get over it. All in all it was not the happiest fifteen minutes of my life. "Jude, loosen the death grip there" Tommy practically squeaked in a falsetto, which I found hilarious. "Sorry" I said innocently as I squeezed his hand even harder on the next contraction. A nurse helped me into the wheelchair and all I can remember thinking was how long until the stupid epidural started to kick in. Tommy was in and out of the delivery room; he was a nervous wreck. He called E.J. who of course called everyone. So, the delivery room was more than a little full and at one point people were kicked out. I think at one point I yelled out for morphine; oh good times, not. "Jude, I know you're tired, but you have to keep pushing" Tommy coaxed as he wiped the sweat from my forehead. "I'm just so tired" I said. Tommy started making the Lamaze noises and I started laughing hysterically through my tears of pain. I shut my eyes as I thrust my whole being into the push. Stars start to dance in my eyes as I hear the wail of a baby. "You did great, Jude" Tommy said as he kissed her cheek. "Okay Jude we're going to need to ask you for a few more pushes for the other baby, okay?" said the man hidden behind the mask. "The other baby" Tommy said dumbly. I pushed like my life depended on it; scratch that I pushed like both our lives depended on it. I dimly remember seeing the doctor hand the other baby to the nurse to clean off before I closed my eyes to oblivion.

**Part 18**

Tommy looked down at Jude. "Why is there so much blood" Tommy asked the doctors. "Jude can you hear me? Squeeze my hand if you can, please" Tommy said desperately. The machines that were monitoring Jude's vitals started to beep frantically before the wavy lines started to plateau. Tommy lost it right then and there. "Can somebody please get him out of here" said the doctor. Tommy grabbed the doctor. "Sir, let me go. Let me do my job" the doctor said. Tommy felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to see Kwest. "C'mon Tommy" Kwest said as he hauled Tommy out of the delivery room. When Tommy exited through the double doors he was met by a huge group of people all clamoring to know what was going on. Kwest put his hand up and they gave Kwest and Tommy space; Jude's family and friends walked towards the baby ward and left Tommy in Kwest's hands.

**Part 19**

"Tommy you need to calm down" Kwest said who was always the voice of reason in Tommy's life. "It's happening all over again" Tommy said as he dragged his fingers through his hair in frustration. "It's not, Tom. Jude's a fighter. You'll see" Kwest said to reassure his best friend. Tommy literally jumped out of his seat every time someone came out of the delivery room, but there was still no news. Tommy's body language was not good. "Tommy you keep pacing like that and you're gonna reach the foundation" Kwest joked. Tommy glared at him. "Too soon for jokes, huh?" said Kwest. "Look waiting around is driving you crazy, obviously. Why don't we go say hi to your kids" Kwest said, which stopped Tommy in his tracks. "If there is any news I'm sure someone will come and find you" said Kwest. Tommy reluctantly agreed. Tommy pressed his forehead against the glass and closed his eyes until he heard tapping against the glass. He opened an eyelid. The neonatal nurse beckoned for him to come inside the room. He dug his hands in his pockets and entered cautiously. She asked him who he was and then led him to his babies, a boy and a girl. He marveled at how small their little hands were and awed at the strength in their grips when he offered his pinky. His felt an ache in his heart when he thought about Jude, how she must be doing, how she must be feeling. He saw the nurse leave the room for a few seconds and strained to hear the whispered conversation in the hall. She came back into the room and walked with him silently to the waiting room. It was deathly silent. "Jude's in stable condition" said the doctor. Everyone sighed audibly with relief. "The twins' birth was hard on Jude's body; she lost a lot of blood and there were complications. I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but Jude won't be able to have anymore kids. She's lucky that she was able to survive the delivery" said the doctor solemnly. Tommy sat down hard feeling the pain in his chest magnified. "Jude's awake. I've told her the news" said the doctor. "Can we see her" Tommy said boring holes in the ground with his gaze. "She's weak and in a very vulnerable state" said the doctor. Tommy nodded. "You can see her" he said his words aimed at Tommy. "She'll be needing all of you" said the doctor.

**Part 20**

"Hey, girl" Tommy said tentatively as he sat on Jude's bed. "Shhh don't cry, Jude" Tommy said as she burrowed her head into his chest. "I know" he said into her hair. "I know" he said as his tears mixed with hers. Jude made room for Tommy on the bed and the two of them slept.

**Part 21**

Jude hadn't been asleep for that long when two nurses came in with the babies. She hadn't seen them since the delivery and hadn't gotten a chance to hold either one of them yet for the first time. Tommy sat up and rubbed his eyes. The nurse gave each of them a baby to hold. As she held her son in her arms Jude felt utter happiness, a sense of wonder washed over her as she looked at what she and Tommy had made together. It was better than any song they had every written especially when for a split second her son looked up at her face and smiled; her heart melted right then and there. Tommy looked at how small his daughter was in his arms and he knew he was hooked right there. After a few minutes of cooing and coddling they switched babies. There was an instant connection between the parents and the twins, an unshakeable bond was forged in that room that day. "Now I have another little Tommy Q; boy am I in big trouble" I teased. "Although for confusion sake we can call him by his middle name and use his first name only when he's in trouble, which since he's your son will probably be a lot!" I said. "Thomas Kristopher and Kara Elizabeth" I said with a smile. "Tommy about what the doctor said about not being able to have any more children…" I said. "It doesn't matter Jude. All that matters is that you're safe, we have two beautiful children, and we're a family now" Tommy said as tears rolled down his cheeks. "Tommy are you crying" I said in astonishment. "I'm just so happy" he said. "So these are good tears?" I said. "Jude there'll only be good tears from now on" he said as he placed kisses on Kara, Kris, and me.


	33. Happy Kid

**A/N**: I don't own _Instant Star_. Reviews are always welcome.

**Episode 33 - Happy Kid**

**Part 1**

Jude hadn't been this exhausted since her first tour. "You sleep yet, girl?" Tommy said cocking his head. "I'll sleep when I'm dead Quincy" I said as I picked up a screaming baby while Tommy picked up the other. Tommy smiled remembering that conversation he had had with Jude who had fallen asleep when he declared how much he missed her when she went on tour. I cautiously sniffed the diaper. "Nothing, you?" I said. "Nada" Tommy said. "Maybe they're hungry?" Tommy said. He grabbed two bottles and filled them with formula. He put a pot of water on the stove and stuck the two bottles in the water bath. "The set of lungs on these two" I said. "Considering they're yours I'm not surprised" Tommy said with a smirk. "Says the Ex-boyz attacker" I said with a glare. "Ooh you got me" he said clutching his heart dramatically. "Come here" I said grabbing him roughly and pulling his lips towards mine. It lasted only for a split second before an ear piercing wail filled the air. Tommy carefully placed a drop of milk from each bottle on his arm. We each picked up a bottle and a baby. They started feeding the twins to no avail. "Please stop crying, pretty please. You don't wanna see Daddy cry do you?" Tommy said whimpering. "Tommy we can't go on like this" I said staring at him with bloodshot eyes. "I have an idea follow me" Tommy said. I followed Tommy to our home studio. We put the babies in the crib we had set up in there and Tommy motioned for me to sit on the stool. "Now what genius" I said sarcastically. He handed me the acoustic guitar and I began strumming. "And what are you gonna do?" I said. "Just start singing" he said as he made himself comfortable on the couch.

Always Love (Nada Surf – The Weight is a Gift)

To make a mountain of your life  
Is just a choice  
But I never learned enough  
To listen to the voice that told me  
Always love? Hate will get you every time  
Always love? Don't wait 'til the finish line

Slow demands come 'round  
Squeeze the air and keep the rest out  
It helps to write it down  
Even when you then cross it out

But Always Love? Hate will get you every time  
Always Love. Even when you wanna fight

Self-directed lives  
I want to know what it'd be like to  
Aim so high above  
Any card that you've been dealt, you...

Always Love? Hate will get you every time  
Always Love? Hate will get you?

I've been held back by something  
Yeah. You said to me quietly on the stairs,  
I've been held back by something  
Yeah. You said to me quietly on the stairs.  
You said?  
Hey, you good ones.  
Hey, you good ones.

To make a mountain of your life  
Is just a choice  
But I never learned enough  
To listen to the voice that told me...  
Always love. Hate will get you every time  
Always love. Hate will get you?

I've been held back by something  
Yeah, You said to me quietly on the stairs,  
I've been held back by something  
Yeah, You said to me quietly on the stairs  
You said..  
Hey, you good ones  
Hey, you good ones  
Hey, you good ones

Tommy smiled as he watched Jude lose herself in the music. It was one of the things he loved about her. He wasn't the only one that was mesmerized. He hadn't noticed but the wailing had stopped. "It worked I'm a genius!" Tommy said congratulating himself and walked over to Jude for a high five. When Jude stopped singing the wailing started up again. She got up and forcibly shoved the guitar into Tommy's chest. "It's your turn. I'm taking a nap" I said and gave him a challenging look. Whatever retort he was planning on using died on his lips. He watched Jude as she collapsed in a heap on the couch. She was out cold, so he grabbed a blanket and put it over her shoulders and gave her a light kiss on the forehead. He pulled his chair close to the crib and began strumming. After a solid few hours Tommy's fingers began to cramp up and lucky for him when he peeked down at the twins they were asleep. He stumbled his way over to the couch. Jude made room for him on the couch. She snuggled against him for warmth as he rearranged the blanket over the two of them. She was basking in the warmth of his embrace when Tommy whispered in her ear. "Jude, you snore" Tommy said nipping her neck. "I do not Quincy" I said indignantly as I jabbed him in the ribs. "You do" he said apologetically. "But I still love you" he said with a grin and swooped in for another kiss. "I love you" I mumbled as my eyelids involuntarily began to close. A minute or two passed when a light snoring filled the air. Tommy quietly laughed to himself before he let himself give in to sleep.

**Part 2**

Jude and Tommy walked into Harrison-Quincy studios each with a bouncing baby strapped to their chests. They were stopped a million times on their way to their office by co-workers who wanted to coo and play with the twins. "Hey why does she get to bring the kids? Do you even know how much I'm shelling out for my nanny!" E.J. exclaimed. "First of all, Jude's the boss. And secondly, um, well that's all I got" Jake said as E.J. glared daggers at him. "Hi E.J. Hi Jake. We'll be in our office if anyone needs us" Jude said with a tired smile on her lips. Before reaching the office she was stopped by Georgia. "Oh look Kara and Kris it's your fairy godmother" Jude said with a true smile. "Hi, you two. I can take them off your hands if you want to resettle in. I'm supposed to meet your mom for lunch" Georgia offered. Jude was glad that Georgia and her mom had become such good friends. "Thank you" Jude said as she embraced her warmly. Tommy and Jude saw the mountainous piles of papers on their desk and groaned. Jude fell on the couch heavily and covered her head with a pillow. "Come on, girl, it's not that bad" Tommy said as he gently took the pillow off my head. I of course began to pout like a little girl. "Tell you what I'll give you a massage" Tommy said. "You're evil, you know that? But alright, I'll take your offer" I said as I kicked off my shoes. "Okay work your magic" I said and I stretched out like a cat. "Did I mention that our office is sound proofed?" Tommy said as he locked the door and arched his eyebrows suggestively while he sauntered over to the couch. "Let's just start with the massage and take it from there okay Romeo" I said. Tommy groaned in frustration. Truth be told Jude hadn't been feeling too sexy since the pregnancy. In fact she, Sadie, Kat, and E.J. had made a pact to go along with E.J.'s crazy post -baby exercise program. I swear that girl would've made a fantastic drill sergeant. "Tommy, I'm not in the mood" I said. "You're never in the mood" he said in a huff as he raked his fingers through his hair. I didn't answer for fear of making the situation worse, but instead gave him a kiss that left him both surprised and breathless. He kissed me back with such feral need. His hand slid slowly down my side and rested on my hip bone and began to rub it before they wandered down my thigh. My body instantly responded by wrapping my legs around his waist. His mouth made his way slowly and deliberately down my neck towards my collarbone. A moan escaped from the back of my throat, which seemed to urge him on. I put both hands on his chest firmly and pushed him back. I propped myself on my elbows and took off my top as his piercing blue eyes gazed at me. As I flung it behind me he began to follow suit and took off his shirt. I forgot how breathtaking he looked without a shirt on, so I stared openly, which only made him smirk. Two, can play this game I thought as I pulled him down towards me and began to kiss the area on his neck below his ear and thrust my hips directly on his hips, which made him groan in frustration and brought a smile to my lips. His hands made their way to my belt, which quickly dropped onto the floor. My hands quickly made their way to his pants and did the same. Soon we were skin to skin. His hands felt cool against my hot skin as his fingers deftly traced my spine. He was kissing my stomach as he unwrapped the condom and put it on. I flipped him onto his back and sat on his stomach. His hands caressed my back and rested to cup my butte. His eyes were an ever changing ocean of blue and green and I just got lost in them. He pulled my mouth towards his and again we flipped over with him on top. Our bodies were sleek with sweat and we were still just kissing. "Jude?" he moaned asking permission. I arched my back in response as he entered. Our bodies melded into one as we soared to new heights. He explored every inch of my exposed skin and I obliged in return. Our hips moved in a steady rhythm. He buried his face in my hair as his thrusts came faster and his breathing became more ragged. But as we both came closer to orgasm he would deliberately slow his rhythm, which was driving me crazy. So I decided to take control of the situation and brought him onto his back only to do the same to him until I finally snapped. I arched my back as a cry escaped my lips. The two of us were breathing hard and we were both drenched with sweat. Sweat was dripping down Jude's neck, which Tommy lapped up with his tongue. I moaned his name as he quickly covered my mouth with his own. I rested my head on his chest and slipped my hand into his. "So, did you enjoy your full body massage?" he said as he kissed the top of my head. "Tommy how can you want me?" I said as I bit my lip. "How can you say that after…" he said as he gestured with his hands. "It's just I know I gained some weight when I had the twins and…" but I never finished my sentence because he kissed me long and deep. "You are always beautiful to me no matter what. You could be wearing no make up, be in the most hideous clothes, and weigh five hundred pounds and I would still find you beautiful. I would still love you because you have a beautiful soul, Jude" Tommy said earnestly. "I love you; I am so in love with you it scares me sometimes that someone like you would somehow love me back. Everyday I wake up next to you and I count my lucky stars" he said with emotion. "So it's agreed then. We're both a pair of insecure idiots" I said. "Don't you know by now Jude I'm stupid when it comes to you, girl" he said with a lopsided grin. "Me too Quincy, me too" I said.

**Part 3**

Jude grabbed the blanket that had been covering the two of them much to Tommy's dismay. "I'm going to take a shower" I said nonchalantly over my shoulder. Tommy got up off the couch and put on his broxers before walking over to the desk and began leafing through the papers. They were mostly reports of how the studio was doing, the progress of their artists, profiles of new artists that had been signed, day to day operational issues. An hour later Jude emerged from the bathroom. "Did you leave me any hot water, Jude" Tommy said not looking up from the papers. I grinned sheepishly at him as he got up and walked to the bathroom while I sat down at the desk. Two hours passed as I finally closed the final folder and Tommy finally emerged from the bathroom. "Tommy what took you so long?" I said. "Oh I was done over an hour ago, I just didn't want to come out of the bathroom until I knew you were finished with all the paper work" he said as he grinned evilly. "You suck Quincy" I said as I stuck my finger into his chest. "I prefer evil genius" he said triumphantly. "Oh while you were in the bathroom Georgia left a message to say that mom would be taking the twins for the night" I said. "Oh really" he said as he played with my star ring. "What shall we do?" he said. "Anything as long as it's better than our first date" I said teasingly, which caused him to grimace in remembrance. "First dates are meant to be memorable" he said indignantly. "Just keep telling yourself that Quincy if it helps you sleep at night" I said laughing and clutching my stomach, which decided at that moment to growl obnoxiously, which set Tommy off laughing. "Why don't we get something to eat" he said. "What are you in the mood for?" I asked. "There are a lot of inappropriate answers to that question" Tommy said to which I hit him in the arm. "There's this little French restaurant I know you're gonna love" he said. "Tommy it's late do you think it'll still be open?" I said. "I know a guy" Tommy said with a grin. "Where are my…." He said. "Looking for these" I said as I dangled the keys in my hand. Tommy groaned. "Well?" I said as I noticed that he stood there frozen. "I'm mentally preparing myself" he said. "Okay, I've made peace with God" he said as he made the sign of the cross. "Come on I have so gotten better" I said as I stomped out the door.

**Part 4**

When we got to the restaurant all the lights were off and the parking lot was empty. "Um, Tommy, I think it's closed" I said as I killed the engine and he opened his door. "Do you trust me?" he said. "I guess" I said. "Wow, that was reassuring!" he said. "Of course I trust you Quincy, just not so sure about breaking and entering" I said. I reluctantly got out as he opened my door for me and we began walking towards the restaurant. My suspicions rose as we headed not towards the front door, but to the back. I was about to say something when I saw him put a key in the lock and turned the doorknob. He turned on the lights and maneuvered his way through the kitchen. He grabbed plates and glasses and utensils and prepared the table. He then pulled out an apron, tied it around his waist, and right before my eyes made a culinary masterpiece in about a half an hour that would've made food guru Rachel Ray proud. He speared a piece of duck with plum sauce and brought it to my lips. "Hmmm" I groaned happily as I munched on the savory duck. I quickly opened my mouth and was rewarded by herb potatoes. After three more courses with sorbet in between each course we reached desert, tiramisu. "That was like the best meal I've ever had" I exclaimed. "I'm glad" he said. "So I noticed Mr. Quincy what a pro you were in the kitchen" I said. "You never told me you had a friend in the restaurant business" I said. "What's this place called anyways we should come here more often" I said. "It's called 'Rouge' and I kind of own it." Tommy said. "I named it for you, girl" he said affectionately. "Why didn't you tell me?" I said. "I wanted to bring you here when it was finished. Tomorrow's opening night. Would you be my date?" he asked shyly. "Do you even have to ask?" I said as I embraced him.

**Part 5**

The restaurant opening went smoothly without a hitch and the only ones left were Tommy and Jude. "I'm so proud of you Tommy" I said. "You've become the man I always knew you could be" I said. "What can I say? You make me better, girl" he said as he took my hands in his. "I have something for you" he said. "Tommy, if anything I should be the one getting you something" I said sheepishly. "I hope you like it" he said nervously as he handed me the box. I opened it and gasped. It was an eternity ring. "Jude will you do me the honor and marry me, again?" he said down on one knee. "Yes!" I cried and quickly pulled him off the ground and planted a kiss on him. We were in the middle of a furious make out session when I heard cat calls. I pulled away from Tommy and noticed the small crowd that had appeared out of nowhere; we were surrounded by our family and friends. Kwest clapped Tommy on the back as my mom, Georgia, Sadie, E.J., Kat, and Portia came over to me. "You were all in on it?" I said with a hand on my hip and a glare on my face. "You don't want that pout on film now do you Jude?" Jake said playfully as he pointed the camera on my face and zoomed in. "Newlyweds: the Jude and Tommy show" he said teasingly. "Don't give E.J. any ideas, Jake" I said. Kwest came out of the kitchen with bottle of champagne. "A toast to the happy couple" he said as glasses were passed to all. "Jude and Tommy, you two have gone through more than your share of tests as all of us know and to still be together and to grow even more in love is a testament of your commitment and love for each other; you two are a shining example of true love and give the rest of us who aren't married, which is pretty much just me, hope. Hope to find that special someone, my soul mate, to spend the rest of my life with. I know you two will be happy together. It's been a long journey and I'm honored as I'm sure all of us are to have been a part of it. To Jude and Tommy" Kwest said with tears in his eyes. And with those words we raised our glasses high, took a drink, and ended a chapter in our life, but only to begin a new one.

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Hi all,

For those of you who have been reading since the beginning I want to give my heartfelt thanks and hope you guys have enjoyed the story as much as I enjoyed writing it. This will be my final post for this fan fic. So thanks to everyone and anyone who ever wrote a review or took the time out to read my story.

ISFAN


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